Wednesday, January 11th

129.)

"Hey Becks, you got a few?"

Blossom knocked on her best friend's bedroom door when she asked the question; an action which was, in itself, an admission that Blossom knew things were not good between the two of them. Becky was laying on her bed, doomscrolling on her phone.

"Sure," Becky said, though her behavior didn't seem to agree. She didn't even look up from her phone. Since New Year's Day, she had said no more than a handful of sentences to Blossom. Most of them were because of the break-in incident. Becky had been too distracted, either by school starting again or by intention.

"Still mad at me?" Blossom asked tentatively, closing the door behind her.

"No," Becky said sourly, which was a resounding "Yes".

"Do yoooou,~" Blossom began, cautiously strolling into the bedroom, hands behind her back and trying to be coy and disarming, "wanna talk about your feelings? Maybe... your feelings... for me?"

"Like how self-centered you are?" Becky asked sharply.

Blossom half smiled and leaned against the wall. How could Amy possibly think this girl had a crush on her when she said stuff like that?

"I'm sorry," Blossom said quietly. "I've been... not great to you recently."

"Recently?" Becky scoffed. "More like all of last semester." More accurately, since early October.

"Yup, that's fair."

"Is it?" Becky quipped back, without looking up.

"No, I guess not," Blossom conceded, puffing out her cheeks and sighing glumly before she continued. "That's why I'm here. I wanna talk with you, and... apologize? For being a shit?"

"Well... you're off to a good start at least..." Becky's tone was somewhere between sincerity and sarcasm, which was a bad place for any tone to be. She finally put down her phone and sat up all the way.

"What can I do?" Blossom asked.

"Stop revolving your life around your weekend fling."

Blossom sighed. "I know you don't like Amy—"

"I do like Amy," Becky said sharply. "I mean, I don't know her that well, but she's not the problem. It's how you're acting. It's you talking about her all the time, spending all your time with her. That's what I don't like."

"And why don't you like that? You've never... not-liked-it when I'm flirting with other people, what is it about Amy that's different?"

She was careful to use an inquisitive tone, and not a challenging one.

"Ya know, I've been asking myself the same question." Becky was still irritated, but she was speaking thoughtfully. It had a different tone; less aggressive. "You've been obsessed with this girl for months. You never obsess over anyone. So what's so different about her?"

Blossom's first inclination was to shrug nonchalantly, but the truth of the matter was that she probably knew why it was, she just didn't want to have to say it. Instead, she turned the question around.

"So there's something about her, about my feelings regarding her, that really gets to you?"

"Yes," Becky said with a touch more annoyance. "You are so focused on her that you don't seem to care about anyone else. About the sorority. About me. Like, I had to fight to get you to come to my party... and you still haven't gotten me a Christmas gift. I don't need one, you know. But I just feel... forgotten."

Becky looked away from Blossom and it was suddenly very clear that there was a lot more to this than just "Becky has a crush on Blossom".

"Becks… I'm sorry. I…"

Hmm… how to put this?

"Amy isn't the kind of friend I usually have, and I get anxious mixing things from one part of my life with another. So I get like… feast-or-famine with her, and inviting her to your party is part of my attempt to like… not be that way? And I know it's been a problem. I'm working on it, doll, I promise I am."

"I just... don't get it." Becky sulked a little and twirled her phone in her hands from the corners. She wouldn't look up at Blossom. "What's so special about her, anyway..."

"I think…"

I think I love her, Becks.

Blossom didn't say that, though, because she really didn't want to rub salt into the wound that Becky was clearly nursing. Instead, she sat down at the end of her bed.

"Becky, are you… into me? Like, it's okay if you are, I'm just worried I've been so tied up in this stuff that I've become so horrendously oblivious to what you're feeling."

Becky didn't say anything for a minute. She didn't look at Blossom either. Eventually, after a lot of thought, she shrugged her shoulders.

"I dunno. I like you. And... I dunno. Maybe I'm jealous. I mean, I know I'm jealous. But it doesn't have to be, like... if you like her, that's fine. I'm fine with that. Just don't... disappear on me anymore. Or, just... disappear now and get it over with. Okay?"

"I'm not going to disappear, Becks. You're my best friend, and I love you, and I'd be devastated if I lost you. I'd be so sad."

"You really don't act like it," Becky pouted. She finally looked up at Blossom, but she didn't seem that angry anymore. She looked nervous.

"Can I ask you a question? And I need you to be honest, okay, even if it's hard?"

Blossom wasn't sure she wanted to know, because she already did know; or she thought she did. And she was worried, because this was a box that couldn't be closed once it was opened.

"I love you, Becks. And I'm worried, because I'm really into Amy. And… if it hurts you for me to be into her, or to… date her, I need you to tell me. Because I'll put you first, if you need me to. How are you feeling about that? About me? About us?"

"You can date whoever you want," Becky sighed. "And if you like her... like, actually like her? You never seriously like anyone. Not really. So I would be a really shitty friend if I got in the way of that."

But it was obvious that Becky wasn't happy about it. In a perfect world, she would distill whatever it was about Amy that made Blossom so infatuated and drink it herself. But this world wasn't perfect. It sure fucking wasn't.

"I just need a little more, okay? More time, more attention... and maybe not asking for my advice about your relationship unless you really have to. Especially because you never listen anyway."

"Promise to share how you feel about it, as time goes on, and I mean it, not like, 'oh Blossom wouldn't wanna hear about this' because Becks I love the shit out of you, and I'm not gonna let anyone get in the way of that."

"Jeez, you really are self-absorbed," Becky sighed, rolling her eyes. "I just asked you to give me more time and attention - which was hard to do, by the way - and you didn't even say okay. You told me what I needed to do instead. Like. You see how that might piss me off?"

But she didn't sound pissed off. She sounded bored. She sounded exhausted.

"I knoooooow, I know, I know, I'm sorry. I know I have this Blossom Brixley is the Protagonist of the World bullshit self-aggrandizing nonsense going on, and I suck, and… and look, I'm doing it again, see? Fucking hell. I'm sorry, I'll cut the shit, I'll do better."

"Yeah?" Becky said with a tone halfway between skeptical and hopeful, which was not a good place for a tone to be. "How?"

Blossom was very careful not to make this sound like a divorce agreement for custody, but even then she wasn't sure how well she'd do at it.

"I'm gonna have less separation, less absolute. Still spending time with Amy, but like, not always at the beach-house. Sometimes here. And. And. If you want a Friday or Saturday night with me, you let me know and I'll give you priority."

Or, well, she'd try.

"Any Friday or Saturday?" Becky asked, raising an eyebrow.

Blossom nodded.

"So this Friday or Saturday?"

Blossom nodded again, though her mind went through a thousand excuses to get out of it.

"Maybe Sunday instead," Becky gave in. "It's MLK day on Monday, so no school."

Blossom let out a sigh of relief. She wouldn't get a long weekend with Amy, but she wouldn't have to cut the weekend short either. It was a good trade.

"Sounds good," Blossom smiled. "We good?"

"We're good," Becky said. But just as Blossom was about to leave, she called out: "Hey, uh…"

Blossom paused in the doorway, one foot in the hall.

"Are you guys together?" Becky asked. "Like... no more drunk kissing, together? I don't want to like... overstep..."

"I think so. But she also... doesn't want the full responsibility of being my only pursuit, so I'm still good for drunken kisses, Becks~"

Becky nodded and smiled a little.

"Okay."

And that was the end of the conversation. Blossom left and kept the door ajar.