170.)

When we got to the restaurant, Becky was waiting in the lobby. She still had little flakes of snow in her hair, so she couldn't have been waiting long.

"Hey guys. Nice to see you again, Amanda."

"Likewise," I said nervously. Becky looked nice, with tight black pants and an expensive-looking blouse. The only thing that set her apart from an adult woman with a nine-to-five job was her size. Becky would have made a great Little. A thought rapidly jumped in front of me: if Blossom would have told Becky about Little stuff before we met, would Becky be the one in a relationship with Blossom right now?

Ugh...

"How did things go with your parents, Becks?"

"Oh, you know how The Duchess is."

That was a very specific term that Becky only used for her mom when her mom was acting a particular way. A not-so-nice way. When Becky mentioned in her text that she was dealing with her mom, Blossom was a little worried about Becky’s mood at dinner.

"Becky's Mom is like one of those moms on TV who doesn't know the name of 'the help' and drinks wine all day and thinks a banana costs $10."

"Hey!" Becky crossed her arms, "she doesn't drink wine all day, she drinks brandy."

Blossom and Becky both laughed.

"Come on," Becky started, "let's get our table."

I felt a little underdressed for the restaurant, but I had expected that. I wore a nice shirt with my jeans, trying to offset the obvious differences between the sorority girls and myself. At the very least, nobody gave me any weird looks.

The restaurant was a fancy Italian place, with tablecloths and waiters in slacks. I took off my coat and a waiter took it for me, hanging it on a nearby hook. He did the same with Blossom's and Becky's coats.

Becky ordered wine. She had to show her ID, and I wasn't sure if Becky was actually twenty one or if she just had a fake card.

"Just water, thanks," I said, even though there were already water glasses on the table.

"So, what have you guys been up to?" Becky asked, looking over the menu.

"Well, I got to meet Amy's best friend today," Blossom said.

"Oh? How'd that go? Did you scare her off?"

"Nah, she was chill. I think she liked me, and it's always a plus when your girlfriend's best friend likes you. And hey, I’m not that scary!"

"You sure can be," Becky teased. It was a pretty standard conversation between Blossom and Becky.

"How do you think it went?" Becky asked Amanda, trying to engage with her.

"I, uh... I think it went well." Talking to Becky felt a little awkward. I felt like she was interviewing me for a job that I was wholly unqualified for. I knew it was all in my head, but I couldn't shake the feeling that I was going to screw something up.

"Why do you think it went well?" Becky asked.

"Because they talked about anime for like, twenty minutes. And, I don't know. They found something they had in common."

I really hoped Becky and I would find something in common too, but I didn't really have any hobbies other than writing. And we'd talked about that once before. And she knew I wrote erotica, so writing was the last thing I wanted to talk about.

"Anime, huh? I didn't know Blossom liked anime." Becky grinned mischievously, eyes shifting to her best friend, but she continued engaging Amanda. "Well, you and I should find something we have in common too. We both like to see Blossom in her Selkie Dress, so that's a start, right?"

"True," I said, forcing a smile. Of course, that was something Becky had bought her. All I did was make her a friendship bracelet. I looked over at Blossom, then at her wrist. She was wearing it. She was always wearing it, even if it didn't go with her outfit. I took a breath and tried to remember that Blossom still liked me. For whatever reason.

Becky and I talked about school. Then we talked about the weather. Then we talked about writing, much to my displeasure. Thankfully, the conversation was quickly interrupted by food, and I was able to stuff my face with something. It was rude to talk with your mouth full.

"Italian Food is just the best food,” Blossom swooned. “Like, who doesn't like carbs, cheese, and tomatoes? It's the holy trinity."

"I don't think that's the holy trinity, Blossom," Becky rolled her eyes. "Parmesan has to be a part of it."

"That’s cheese. And then it wouldn't be a trinity anymore."

"The Holy Quadrilogy?"

"That's not a word, Becks."

"It totally is."

"It sure isn't."

"Okay, so let's ask your girlfriend the writer, then?"

Oh great… I tried to think about root words and stuff I learned in my intro Linguistics class last semester.

"I think four of something is a tetralogy," I said thoughtfully. I wasn't a hundred percent sure on that. "But I think the word you're looking for is quaternity."

"Okay, now that sounds made up," Blossom argued.

"Carl Jung thought there were four functions of human ego, like a compass or the points on a cross. Sensing, thinking... feeling... and another that I can't remember. But he called it a quaternity. So I expect it also applies to theology?"

Xenogears to the rescue, yet again.

"You're pretty smart, Amy." Becky said, and then took a long sip from the wine in front of her.

"She's super clever,” Blossom said cheerily. “Like she doesn't realize it half the time, but I struggle to keep up with her a lot of the time."

Becky rolled her eyes, but in like… a polite way.

"I've never seen you all sappy like this, Bloss. It's kind of endearing."

"Well, she's easy to fawn over," Blossom teased, which made Amy blush.

In the end, Becky and I didn't find anything in common. We didn't talk for twenty minutes about anything. I couldn't even lie about being interested in certain things, because Becky's interests were too out-of-my-element. Fashion. Community projects. Television shows set in Victorian times. But as time went on, things felt a little less awkward. And the food was good.

Near the end of dinner, Becky asked an uncomfortable question: "You know what's up with Blossom and me, right?"

"Uh... yes? I think so?"

"Of course I told her," Blossom said defensively.

"I'm just checking," Becky snapped back. "It's the right thing to do."

Blossom grumbled and sat back in her chair. I guess she agreed that it was the right thing to do? I trusted her expertise when it came to social relationships.

"I know you guys are like... uh..." Wow, I super did not have a word for what Becky and Blossom were!

"We kiss, we fool around," Becky clarified. "But Blossom has made it clear that it's just a physical thing and a friend thing. Not a romance thing."

"Yeah, that's what she told me," I said.

"But I do like her," Becky continued. "Is that an issue?"

"Becky," Blossom said sharply.

"No, it's okay," I said, sitting up in my chair. "I'm new to the whole open relationship thing, but Blossom and I have talked about it. She's really good at communicating, even if I'm not. And I think she will tell me if there's anything I should know. And uh. Blossom is pretty likable, so I don't blame you."

"Okay." Becky said with finality. Then: "Do you mind if I ask a personal question?"

Was that other question not personal? Against my better judgment, I shook my head. She could ask.

"Is it a self-esteem thing? Like, you think if you want to be exclusive with Blossom, she won't want to be with you?"

"Becky, seriously?" Blossom was getting annoyed. She didn't want this to be an interrogation, and it was starting to feel like it.

"It's fine," I said, and smiled at Blossom. She gave me a look, a "you don't have to put up with this" look. But I didn't mind. Becky's question was a fair one.

"I do worry about that," I said honestly. "I mean, Blossom's really great, and sometimes I don't think I'm good enough for her. But I promised when we started dating that I wouldn't do anything thinking I was doing Blossom a favor. So I just have to trust her when she says I'm good enough."

"You are good enough," Blossom said, still a little annoyed.

"Then why are you okay with Blossom and me?" Becky asked.

"Honestly..." I trailed off for a second. I was trying to come up with an answer that wasn't "I'm bad at sex". I needed a better reason, because what would happen if I was good at sex one day? What if I could be everything Blossom needed? Would I want her to stop fooling around with Becky?

Maybe that was what her question was really about. Maybe Becky was insecure, and she needed some reassurance.

"I don't think being good enough is enough sometimes," I said, working through my thoughts as I was saying them. "I know there are some things I'm just not good at, or I can't give Blossom what she wants. Not because something is wrong with me, or I need to be fixed, but because we are different people. And I want Blossom to be happy more than I want her to be the one making her happy. Does that make sense?"

"Still sounds like martyrdom," Becky sighed.

"Maybe a little, but I don't think it is. I mean, sure, I get insecure sometimes. I worry that someone else is going to make her happier than I do, and then she won't need me anymore. But at the same time, if I don't feel responsible for everything Blossom needs, then I can focus on the stuff I'm good at. And I can get better at those things. Like delegating, or something. It's kind of liberating..."

The usual rhetoric in favor of poly relationships is that one person can't be someone's "everything", but that always seemed like a straw man argument to me. Maybe part of what makes love so special is the sacrifice. Maybe failing to bridge the divides, and then to settle on compromises is "everything" to a person. Maybe there's more to what makes a relationship - monogamous or not - than getting "everything" you want out of it.

If I were dating anyone other than Blossom Brixley, I think I would have preferred monogamy. If I wasn't dating someone so beautiful, so experienced, so explorative, then I wouldn't feel so ill-equipped. I wouldn't have to weigh-up someone else's needs to compensate. I wouldn't have to outsource.

But I was dating Blossom Brixley. I was dating someone so beautiful, so experienced, so explorative. And I loved those things about her, more than I loved my schema of what a relationship was supposed to look like.

Of course, I wanted to be Blossom's "everything". With someone else, maybe I could be. But I didn't want to be someone else's "everything". I wanted to be Blossom's "something". And that was everything to me.

"And what if I want to do something with Blossom that you're also good at? Is that going to be an issue?"

"Becks…"

Becky raised her hand to silence her best friend, maybe to let her know that it was okay and would continue to be okay. But Blossom was pretty protective over Amy, especially around Becky, and Blossom wished she didn’t have to be.

Maybe she just needed to trust Becky more than she did.

Maybe she'd try that.

"I guess that's up to Blossom?" I shrugged. "I'm not in charge of her."

Most of the time, I thought.

Becky nodded. She seemed a little introspective, but whatever I said seemed to be the right thing.

***

"Ugh, I can't believe she cornered you like that!" Blossom was in the driver's seat of the car, but we hadn't left the parking lot of the restaurant.

"I didn't mind," I said.

"You're being nice," Blossom huffed.

"No, I'm not." Well, yes, I was. But I wasn't only being nice. "She was just double checking stuff with me, which I think is a nice thing to do if you're fooling around with multiple people."

"Maybe it started like that," Blossom said sharply.

"I think she's just worried," I said, looking out the window at the restaurant. "You mean a lot to her."

"I know, I know, I know I do. And she means a fuckload to me, too; but I wish she wouldn't do shit like that, urghhh. This was supposed to be a time for you to feel comfortable and a part of things."

Blossom didn’t usually curse in front of Amy, and the fact that she was right now was likely due to the recent proximity of a sphere where she used words like that. Or maybe her emotions were just running hot.

"It's okay," I said, faking a smile. "At the very least, I know she's comfortable enough to talk to me about stuff if she needs to. That's something."

In the end, I guess Blossom was the thing Becky and I had in common. It wasn't ideal, but it would do.

"Well, you survived," Blossom said. There was still a twinge of annoyance in her voice.

I nodded. We both survived. But I was exhausted. Having to put up with three different meet-ups - two of which were new combinations of people - had really taken its toll on me. I was people-tired. I was also normal-tired.

"Do you wanna come back to the sorority house with me for a while? Just me and you, in my room? I'm feeling pretty worn out after today. I know we don't have the beach house, or our diapers, or our pretty outfits, but I've got a bed and a cute girlfriend I'd love to cuddle with."

"I don't think I can handle it," I admitted. That was one of the perks with Blossom: I said 'no' so often with her that it wasn't a big deal when I did.

"Your room?" Blossom posited.

"I know this seems silly, but I'm worried my mom is going to do that sitcom Parents Knock On The Door thing." It was even sillier because it seemed way out of character; my mom was a pretty laid back woman.

"So, I'll take you home?" Blossom asked.

"Yeah," I pouted. I didn't like it either, but we had no alone space other than the beach house. And I really needed some alone space after today.

So Blossom drove me home. She got out and walked me to the door, even though it was cold. Then we kissed goodbye, with me standing one step higher on the porch.

All in all, it was a pretty good day.