Saturday, March 11th

211.)

I made English muffins.

But this time, I started at eight in the morning, and I only made one tray. I woke up a little earlier than Blossom and I was feeling creative. I knew writing would suck me into an attention vortex, so I needed another outlet. Unfortunately, before I could finish plating up breakfast, Blossom came downstairs in her pajamas.

"I was gonna surprise you," I pouted, hiding behind the kitchen counter. I was still wearing last night's diaper, and I suddenly wished I'd changed. I thought I could be back upstairs before she woke up.

"Oh! Well, you know that my eyes need some time to adjust in the mornings, probably not until after my shower would I be able to see anything…"

It was a lie. A cute lie, like the kind you tell children. But it was also thoughtful too, in that Blossom way of being thoughtful.

"Can you shower in ten minutes?" I asked, my voice filled with disbelief. I'd seen Blossom get ready; a ten minute shower didn't seem like a fair or reasonable expectation of her. And if she took much longer than that, the food would go cold.

"I can go clean my face up and moisturize, and that'll take about ten minutes?" Now that she had a time frame, it was easy for Blossom to action something. "So I'll be back down in ten, okay?"

"Okay, sounds good."

Blossom left and I finished getting the meal together. I made eggs and sausages to go on the English muffins. Then I took a moment to wonder about changing into panties. Walking around in a wet diaper wasn't that big a deal anymore, but Blossom seeing me in one I'd been wearing since last night still filled me with dread. A shiver ran up my spine at just the thought of it.

But Blossom was still in her diaper, right? It was obvious, no matter what outfit she wore. Her pajamas had a -4 to Stealth. Against my better judgment, I decided to wait. I would change when she did.

When Blossom was done washing her face and Amy gave her the all good, she emerged on the stairs in her pajamas and diaper for the second time as though it were the first.

"Something smells good!"

"What convenient timing," I teased. I passed the plate along the counter with the breakfast sandwich and a spare English muffin with some butter on the side. Blossom took a seat across from me, crinkling loudly with every step. It was like listening to morning songbirds, and it brought a smile to my face.

"I'm nothing if not convenient. Easy, you might even say." Blossom winked and looked down at her place with a big smile. "God couldn't make a more perfect experience than your diapered girlfriend making you breakfast.."

"That should be embroidered on a throw pillow," I laughed.

The English muffins turned out perfectly. I wasn't as experienced with eggs or sausage, but eggs and sausage are hard to screw up. Just don't overcook them; no ingredients necessary.

"I think I want to write today," I mused, holding my last bite of an English muffin. "I have some really good ideas... but that means leaving you all alone." I was starting to prefer her company to writing. Blossom was really jumping up rungs on the Chutes and Ladders game that governed my attention.

"That's okay," Blossom reassured her. "I have a lot of sorority stuff to sort out in the chat, and I can clean and tidy and maybe buy some groceries for dinner tonight. Don't you worry about me, babygirl; I'll be around whenever you look up."

Blossom, of course, always preferred Amy's company. But just getting to be around her while she wrote was also pretty wonderful in itself.

"Alright, I guess..." I knew I had to buckle down and focus on Academy Works. I knew Blossom was a distraction, and one that was starting to get the better of me. But I just wanted to spend another day cuddling on the couch. I wanted to sip my bottle and have her play with my hair and maybe finish The Good Place. We were so close to the end.

But I also knew that I wouldn't have another chance to write until next weekend. And this scene was going to be good.

"I should change first," I said, because I didn't know how long writing would take and I would hate to interrupt it with a diaper change halfway through.

"I could change you, if you'd like?" Blossom offered. "I kind of like the idea of being a handmaiden sometimes. Like, oh princess, I'm ever so sorry, but your diaper appears quite soggy. Shall I handle it?"

Blossom's princess's handmaiden voice was admittedly on point.

"Not too different from Diaper Maid Blossom and Rich Girl Amanda, right?" I smiled.

The way Blossom worded it - like she was my handmaiden or something, taking care of me as part of her job - it sounded kind of nice. But then my brain reminded me that she was going to be stripping me out of a pee-soaked diaper I'd been wearing all morning, and I felt a little queasy. Blossom had never changed me out of a wet diaper before. I'd never let her, though she had asked a few times. It just felt kind of gross.

"I dunno," I finally said, when I couldn't make up my mind.

A previous incarnation of Blossom Brixley might have taken the "well I dunno is better than no" as an excuse to push further and get her own way, but today's Blossom was a lot more aware. She was a better girlfriend. She was a better Blossom.

"Well, an 'I dunno' is a lot more positive than the 'no way' you usually have for me, so that's a step in the right direction! I change my own wet diapers all the time when I'm here, if that helps to know? It probably doesn't."

"It's just weird, right? I mean... I don't even like cleaning up after myself. And it feels like my responsibility? And I know some people on Twitter love the whole used diaper thing, but I sure don't. And... I dunno. It doesn't make me feel cute; it makes me feel gross."

I crossed my arms and looked down at my feet. I was anxious, and I could feel it in my chest. A voice in my head kept telling me that if I ever let Blossom too close, if she saw too much of me, then she'd figure out what I figured out a long time ago: I wasn't not really worth all the trouble.

"Well, I don't think it's gross. And I'm your handmaiden, so it's my job, right?" Blossom's words were less of a steamrolling and more of a nudging.

"You can't possibly want to do this," I said, a little meaner than I wanted to. Anxiety had sharpened my tone.

"Hey, I'm the one that asked," Blossom reminded Amy. "What if the roles were reversed? Would you want to change me?"

"Not really..." I muttered. Honestly, I didn't really enjoy changing Blossom at all. It felt like a lot of responsibility, and she always had to fix the tapes afterward. But I didn't hate it either. It made her cheeks a little pink and I could see the wonder in her eyes. Like a little kid. I thought it was charming. So what if she were wet? Would that matter? It would probably be a little more unpleasant, but not enough to tip me away from indifference.

"I don't really care one way or the other," I admitted. "But that's not exactly the same as wanting to."

"It's like trying a new food," Blossom said. "You've never had it before, so you can't really have true enthusiasm, but once you try it you know if you like it or not."

"Except with food, if you don't like something, you can just never eat it again..." In that moment, it dawned on me that there was more to this than just Blossom finding me gross. What if she didn't like it? What if she stopped asking to change me? Even though I kept saying no, her asking meant a lot. It was so full of possibility, and I was afraid of losing that.

"Hey, no no no!" Blossom huffed. "I see you strapping yourself onto that spiral in your head, and it's not going to happen. Whatever outcome you're afraid of, it's not going to happen, babes. It's all good. We'll either do this and decide it's something we like, or we'll decide we don't."

"You say that now," I pouted, looking down at my fingers. I started picking at the edges of my nails. I knew I was being stupid. I knew it didn't matter. But it was the first time, and it felt so... big. Why did everything about ageplay have to feel so damn big all the time?

"Amy. I have a lot of experience with trying new things. Everything we choose, we choose together. Trust me on this, okay?"

Trust her... but this wasn't about intent. It was about feelings. She couldn't predict the outcome based on intention. But didn't Stephanie say something about that? That feelings were influenced by thoughts and actions? If she went into this experience wanting to like it, then she was more likely to like it. Right? Or was I generalizing...

"I trust you..." I finally said. "I'm just... scared..."

"I know, and I'm going to do my absolute best to keep you safe and sound, alright? And I'll owe you a 'please try it, Blossom? for me?' for you to use any time in the future."

"I will absolutely never use that," I sulked. But it sounded like things were going in the direction of Blossom changing my diaper. My stomach sank. This felt like such a bad idea...

"So?" Blossom asked.

"If I safe word, you gotta leave the room," I muttered. "I mean it..."

"Babes, if you safe word, I'll give you all the space you need, baby girl. It's gonna be okay." And Blossom was very excited for the chance to prove herself!

It felt like walking to an executioner's block. The sinking feeling in my stomach had sunk so low that it touched the ground. My feet felt like lead as Blossom led me up the stairs. I kept reminding myself that Blossom wanted to do this. But that irritating nagging voice in the back of my head kept countering all my good arguments.

I sat on the edge of our bed, sheets still a mess, and picked at my fingernails. I felt like a big tub of old potato salad. Like Blossom was going to untape my diaper like lifting off a lid and notice how gross I was. Like she would throw me in the trash. And once she did, would I ever be able to look at diapers the same way? Would it remind me of this moment? Would I lose my little space?

Amy looked ashen, like she'd seen a ghost. So Blossom decided to keep it short and sweet, without much ceremony. Normalize it. Blossom quickly fetched the wipes from the bedside table.

"Alright babes, lay down on the bed."

The tearing off the tapes was louder than usual. It echoed in my ears like the tolling of bells. My chest hurt, and I had to close my eyes like I used to do. But the worst part of it was the cold. Cold air, and a cold wipe. Cleaning me up, I guess? Cleaning me, because I was covered in pee.

"Amy."

I couldn't open my eyes, but Blossom's voice was close. I felt her fingertip on my lips.

"Open, okay?"

Open. What? My legs? I already...

Blossom tapped my lips again and I understood. I opened my mouth and I felt the familiar bulb of my pacifier. The one Blossom had clipped to her shirt from the night before. I sucked on it instinctively and a gentle tingling filled up my heart.

"You're a baby girl, and you're a baby girl with your binkie, and you're a baby girl in your girlfriend's bed while she changes your diaper. You're a baby girl, and this is the most normal thing in the entire world for a baby girl like you."

Amy suckled. Blossom continued her process with impressive speed. Untape. Clean. Ball up. Hide. Fetch new diaper - that was next. Diaper and powder.

Blossom's words were kind and gentle. The feeling of the pacifier in my lips was kind and gentle. I managed to open my eyes and look up at the ceiling, which wasn't covered in spiders or ghosts or monsters. It was just the ceiling.

Babies get their diapers changed all the time. Babies are wet all the time. They aren't gross…

Was I a baby, like Blossom was saying? No, obviously not. This wasn't even a roleplay. This didn't even have a degree of separation. It was just Amanda on that bed. A twenty-one year old woman getting her wet diaper changed by her girlfriend.

But if there was some alternate timeline or other dimension where I could be slutty, then maybe there was one where I could be a baby too. Maybe there was an Amanda that wasn't gross. I could be that Amanda, right? If I let myself…

Blossom unfolded the fresh diaper in her hands and positioned it roughly where she wanted it between Amy's legs. She prompted her girlfriend to lift her butt, then lowered her into position on the thick, soft diaper.

"You are doing so great," Blossom cooed.

The smell of baby powder came next. The sound of tapes, but these ones were quieter. And the comfortable hug of a dry diaper around my hips. I stared at the ceiling, trying to steady my heart rate. It was over…

"You okay?" Blossom asked, sitting next to Amy on the bed so she could look down at her, and Amy could look up.

"Tink so," I said around the pacifier. "I got scared halfway in..."

"Yeah, I noticed that," Blossom smiled. "Did the paci help?"

I nodded. It took me a minute to find the energy to pull it out of my mouth and talk normally again.

"I kept thinking about, like... being this big, fat girl, sitting in pee... the kind of person you make fun of on a TV show..." My voice sounded far away. I had to focus on the moment. "But, uh... I guess if I think of it like... a baby getting changed... it's not so gross… and maybe I can be that sometimes…"

"Mhm, and I only saw a baby getting changed. I know you Amy. And I love you. You're my baby that I get to change, and that's pretty great."

"I'm your girlfriend though," I sulked. I was still struggling to stay present. My mind wanted to spin me into something else, some kind of thought loop. I was trying not to listen to it.

"You can be two things at once. My girlfriend. And my baby girl. Both can be true." With a sly wink and a smile, Blossom added: "Not three things though. That would be silly."

"Ha..." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I finally managed to find the energy to sit myself up, which popped me back into the real world like going through a portal. My anxiety was still high, but it was manageable. With all that behind me, a burning question entered my mind.

"Did you hate it?" I asked nervously.

"Not in the slightest. I loved getting to experience your helplessness and vulnerability. And like, pee doesn't put me off. Pee is just pee. So I liked it exactly as much as I liked changing you into any other diaper. Which is to say: a bunch."

Amy nodded her head, processing everything Blossom had said. Maybe now she would believe her.

"Wanna hug?" Blossom asked.

"...yeah, alright..."

Blossom hugged me and she played with my hair for a minute. My anxiety started to dip after that. Part of me didn't want to believe what Blossom was saying about the diaper change, but it was very in-character for her to not care at all. And it was in-character for me to blow it out of proportion. But maybe it didn't have to be; maybe I was more complex than that.

"So, was it so bad?" Blossom asked.

"Yes," I sighed. "But... I don't think next time will be that bad..."

Blossom got up and helped me to my feet. Then, with a swat on the butt, she sent me over toward the door. I waited in the doorframe while she got out her own diaper, something to change herself into. I hesitated for a moment.

"Hey, um... maybe not right now, but... I'd like to try it too. Change you like that, I mean. I don't think it would bother me..."

"As long as you promise…" Blossom stopped herself mid-sentence. It was so easy for her to assert conditions over Amy's actions, to protect her. To keep her safe. But Blossom trusted Amy. And part of that was trusting Amy to take care of herself sometimes. So instead, Blossom said:

"One day, yeah. When you're ready."

I smiled at Blossom, a shy little smile, and waved goodbye. Outside, in the hall, I stopped to catch my breath. My pacifier was still in my hands, affixed to the paci clip that I made Blossom for Christmas. I took one look back at the doorway, where Blossom was changing.

"Love you," I said, loud enough and quiet enough that I couldn't know for sure if she heard me. But then, a second later:

"Love you too," Blossom called back.