119.)

"You sure you're okay?" I asked. Ever since we started getting ready for this party, Blossom was oddly bubbly. I thought she would be anxious since her spheres were finally going to collide, but it felt like I was the nervous one between us. "I mean, you're pretty jubilant for someone about to commit their cardinal sin."

Blossom laughed, but it was pretty clear to anyone who spent as much time with her as Amy that her laugh was forced. So was the smile that followed. Only the sigh that completed the trifecta of emotional response was genuine.

"I… am terrified. If I'm logical about it in my head, I know it'll probably be fine. But for every other part of me that’s not my engineer-brain, this feels like getting back on the plane after having that Final Destination vision. I am so filled with dread. And now I'm filled with extra dread because I'm worried that my expressing that to you is going to have you internalize it and try to make it your fault."

"No, I don't think your hangups are my fault," I said. Was it really so easy to believe that I'd just blame myself for everything? That actually did cause a bit of self-loathing, but not at all for the reason Blossom expected. I sat back in my seat and played with my fingers in my lap. "I'm sure it'll be fine. The only thing you have to worry about is me, and I'm not going to say anything. On the other hand, I have to worry about meeting new people. I hate meeting new people."

"Want me to give you some tips on my friends?" The notion made Blossom's voice perk up some, like maybe the ability to focus on solving one of Amy's problems would distract from her own.

"Uhhh... I guess so?" I wasn't sure how much help any of that would be; my social awkwardness was bound to overcome any useful information. But it was best to go into combat with a tactical plan.

"Kailiee and Hailey - spelled differently, by the way - are gossips. They'll wanna know all sorts of things about you, and you should expect that anything you tell them will be something the whole sorority knows. Becky is going to be your biggest hurdle; she's pretty protective over me as her friend - for better or for worse - and as far as she's concerned, I've been neglecting her to spend time with you. She's going to be critical and analytical, but she's not trying to be mean. Remember that she's exceedingly honest and speaks her mind and doesn't double-speak. If she asks you a question, she's not trying to trick you or trip you up: she just genuinely wants to know."

"Okay..." I nodded along with Blossom's descriptions. The tidbit about Kailiee and Hailey was helpful, but Becky made me nervous. She was the one who was throwing this party, right? I could cope with direct questions, but in my experience people used honesty as an excuse to be mean.

"People will probably hit on you; boys, gals, and nonbinary pals. Nerd chic is in, and you're really cute, and you're going to be new to the group. So if people flirt with you, don't make the assumption that it's like a setup or something; this isn't high school, and nobody there is going to be High School Me and be a bitch for the sake of being a bitch."

"I don't think I'll have to worry about anyone flirting with me," I said, rolling my eyes. I was sure of that, and I was equally wrong.

I'd never actually seen Blossom's sorority house before. I knew from movies what sorority houses generally looked like, and I wasn't led astray. It was big, with a wrap-around porch and nowhere to park. It made me wonder if someone built these places to be for a handful of college kids, or if they were co-opted after the fact.

It was dark out, but the house was massive and bright. Christmas lights still hung from the gutters and the front door was wide open despite the temperature. I could see people moving around inside as we drove by to find somewhere to park. This was going to suck.

"I thought sororities couldn’t throw parties," I said, mostly to distract myself.

"Most can’t, because of some really sexist regulations," Blossom said. "Ours can."

I didn’t know enough about sororities to question her, so the conversation came to a close. We wound up having to park a ways away, but it wouldn’t be more than a five minute walk. Blossom got out of the car and left the jacket on the driver’s seat. I glared at her.

"Your Mom is super sweet, but I wanna have my dress be the thing that gets attention when we walk in. So I can't have a coat to take off. Our little secret, okay?"

"I'm not lying to my mom," I said plainly. That was a no-no. As long as I didn't lie to her, she could always trust me; her words. Growing up, I never got in trouble for being honest.

"Cupcaaaaake!"

"Wear it to the front of the house at least," I said. "Or, button it up and have a big surprise reveal when you walk in. Like unwrapping a present or something." The third option was to suffer my mom's wrath. I elected not to offer that one.

"I'll wear it up until we get to the edge of the property, which is technically being at the house, and that's the truth by technicality which is the best kind of truth." Honestly, Blossom didn't even care that much; the gesture was sweet as punch and she was actually pretty grateful. She was just very used to getting her own way!

"Sounds good."

Blossom and I started walking toward the house. I wasn't sure how she would have made the trek without a coat, because it was dark and cold and snowing. The flurry was light, but the winds were not kind.

We rounded the corner and I looked at the sorority house like it was an abandoned property on Halloween night. It was like walking up to the home of the Sanderson sisters. A shiver ran up my spine and I wasn't sure it had anything to do with the weather. I was really anxious, but I had to keep my hands in my pockets to keep warm.

We got to the edge of the property and Blossom stripped my mom's coat off her shoulders. I took it in my arms like a golf caddy. She looked like a magazine model in an artificial wonderland. Artificial, because no sane person would actually wear that outfit outside in the snow.

"I'm so excited~"

And nervous. Galaxies colliding and all of that stuff. But she was about to be back in her own element and that helped bolster her confidence. As she approached the door - which was open - she took one last deep breath and showed a smile to Amy.

"You got this. Just be you. And trust people to be honest. You're gonna have a great time. Also feel free to drink; we're staying the night here. But if anyone offers you pot or anything and you wanna say yes, come get me ‘cause I wanna be there with you~"

"Uh..." I didn't think I was going to do that. I didn't even want to drink, but standing with a cup in my hand seemed less awkward than standing without one. Maybe if I found one of those red Solo cups, I could fill it with water and pretend.

But before I could say anything, we went inside. There were two distinct differences: it was warmer and it was louder. Music played over the commotion of voices, just loud enough to be heard and not loud enough to get in the way of conversation. It seemed like Hollywood really nailed the whole "college party" thing.

Once the two of them walked inside, Blossom was in her element. And while she went from rigid and nervous to comfortable and fluid - she even took both coats from Amy without asking and hung them inside the large closet off the entry hall - she was also hyper cognizant of her friend’s presence. In her head, this was just the same as showing up with a date, and that's how she was going to treat it.

"Come on, let's go find Becks~"

"Okay..." Blossom took my hand before I could say anything and led me through the crowd.

The house was big, but not as big as you think a group house should be. It had two main living rooms, a sizable kitchen, and a back patio. There was a staircase by the door, but we didn't go up there. We went toward the kitchen instead. Walking through the scattered array of college kids without masks caused me a disproportionate amount of anxiety. Conditioning, no doubt. I still wore a mask to the grocery store most of the time.

"Becks!"

"Bloss! Holy fuck you look hot, I knew you would!"

Becky had a cup in her hand - the red Solo cup of legend and myth - and she was wearing a sparkly green dress and a sash that said "Your New Year's Resolution" on it in glittery letters. She even had a tiara. It was cute. She turned her attention to me - still holding Blossom's hand - and looked me up and down.

"Beach House Girl! I'm Becky. What are you drinking?"

"Becky," Blossom gestured to her best friend, and then to Amy. "Amy. And Amy, this is Becky, my best friend."

"Uh, Amanda," I corrected. "Not Amy." I really didn't need Blossom starting this trend, but it was still better than Beach House Girl. Regardless, I raised my free hand and gave a little wave.

"Nice to meet you," she said with an expression I couldn't quite read. It was something between amused and interested. Then she said: "I reiterate: what are you drinking?"

"I'm... not? I mean, I don't have anything?"

"Lolly water?" Becky asked, but she was asking Blossom. Blossom shrugged with a half smile and Becky disappeared into the crowd.

"Lolly water?" I asked.

"That’s what she calls mixers. Wine coolers. You'll like it."

"Okay..." Was that a good interaction with Becky? I wasn't sure. It was then that I realized I was still holding Blossom's hand, so I let go.

"If you stick with lolly water, you'll have a nice buzz throughout the night but you won't be shitfaced, which is probably good. If you wanna get shitfaced that's fine too, just let me know. Or Becky."

A few people waved to Blossom as they walked past from the kitchen into one of the adjacent rooms, and she flashed that practiced Blossom Brixley smile and waved back. Before too long, Becky came back with a glass bottle of a bright blue drink in one hand and a dark colored liquor with ice cubes in a cup in the other. She handed the latter to Blossom and the former to Amy.

"I'm so glad you could make it," Becky said over the music. "Blossom's been spending so much time with you and I was worried for a while she might have been leading a double life and maybe you didn't exist? To be clear, I'm glad you exist, because it just means Blossom isn’t a secret government spy."

"Um... thank you..." I wasn't sure what to say. She said she was glad I existed, and I thought thank you was a good response to that. But she gave me another weird look and I took a long sip of the bottle. It wasn't good, but it wasn't bad either. Like a flavor of soda I didn't like.

"So, Bloss. I gotta greet more people, but when I've got some more of these in me–" she held up the red cup "–we'll come back to this conversation."

Becky vanished once more into the groups of people I had never met and I looked up at Blossom like a lost puppy and someone who was trying to have a good time. Keyword: trying.

"That went great, cupcake!" Only Blossom could have known that for sure from that interaction, but she sounded pretty confident. Or maybe she was just hoping so, because she was probably just as nervous as Amy was. Just better at hiding it. "Let me give you the tour of the house, and I'll introduce you to others as we come across them."

"The Others" was not to be understated. Over the next hour - and two "Lolly Waters" - I met over fifty people and forgot about fifty names. The only interaction I remembered vividly was Kailiee's, and that was because of Blossom's earlier warning.

"So are you gay?"

"I'm probably bi?" I said to the total stranger. We were in a quieter part of the house, upstairs by the bathroom.

"Are you and Blossom hooking up?"

"No."

"Do you go to our school?"

"Yes."

"Do you belong to a sorority?"

"No."

"You should join ours! You can be my Little!"

That's why I remembered that conversation. No sentence had ever caused such a flurry of emotions in me. It was Hurricane Ian, localized to my brain, and it did all its damage in five seconds flat.

Kailiee tilted her head to the side, and decided maybe her offer hadn't been understood in all of its ramifications, so she added:

"Yeah! You can be my Little and I can be your Big. Unless you want Blossom to be your Big? I'd understand. She loves to interview the pledges. I think ‘cause people assume she's dumb so they try to get stuff past her, but she's actually pretty clever. She's an engineering major you know? I don't think she's had a Little… hmm…"

For once the fact that my fight or flight response was perpetually set to flight worked in my favor. I saw someone come out of the bathroom door and I pointed to it. Kailiee understood and I quickly ducked into the room and locked the door. I stayed in there just long enough to be sure Blossom would have returned from getting me a new drink, and when I came out Kailiee was gone.

"Do not leave me alone again," I said sharply, taking the bottle from her and drinking half of it in one go. If there was any time I wanted to be drunk, it was that moment.

"Huh?" Blossom tilted her head.

I looked around to make sure no one was listening too intently to the both of us.

"Your friend asked if I wanted to be her Little!" I hissed.

It took Blossom a moment to process: what was said, what was meant, and what Amy had heard. And when her gears clicked into place she almost spit out her drink in laughter! She stopped herself quickly because she knew that Amy would think the worst, so between coughs from the bourbon in her throat, she waved her hand and shook her head and began to explain.

"Babes! Oh babes, Amy; that's a sorority term. When you succeed at your pledge stuff, you're called a Little. And you're assigned a Big. For like the first year. Big. Little. Sorority Sister? Oh shit I am SO sorry I didn't even think that you wouldn't know the terms! I'm so sorry!"

I stared blankly at her. She was still laughing, but I felt like I had ascended to another plane of reality. The cynical part of me thought this whole thing was a joke.

"There's no way that's true..."

"It is! I swear!"

"I'm googling it..." I pulled out my phone.

"Sure, go ahead."

And sure enough... I read through a few different websites, just to make sure Blossom hadn't made a fake one or something. But there it was. Little and Big. Fuck, what were the chances...

"Unbelievable..." I sighed, locking my phone and slipping it into the pocket of my jeans.

"I'm so so sorry, it should have occurred to me, and it didn't, and I'm stupid for not thinking of it. It's just one of those taken for granted bits of lingo. And hold up, hold uuuup-p-p," her eyes narrowed, "who is trying to claim you as their Little? If you're anyone's Little, you're mine~"

"You wish," I said under my breath. Between the panic and the alcohol, I was starting to feel a little tired. Not sleepy, but slow and lethargic. If it wasn't for the reverberation of music from downstairs, I would have probably wanted to take a nap. When I had my phone out, I noticed the time. It was still an hour and a half until midnight.

"Wanna see my room?" Blossom offered.

"That's only fair," I shrugged. She saw mine, after all.

"I will let you know, if people see us going up to my room, they're going to think we're fucking. I'm okay with that, but if you're not, you should at least be aware~"

"That can only be a good thing for my reputation," I said to Blossom. And the fact that she said it was expected from others meant that it probably wasn't expected from her. That was what mattered.