Chapter Thirty-Six

I hated Milpitas, the whole place stank. It was the ass end of the Bay and there was nothing worth seeing out there, nowhere worth going. Well, nothing now that Julian and I were done. I doubt he'd want to be friends after this, either. We were meeting in the parking lot of the shopping center right off of 880 on Calaveras and I just wanted it to be over.

It was weird, but I kind of felt like my "vanilla" life, as Vanessa put it, was over - this was a kind of closure. I'd never look at love quite the same way again, not after what I'd experienced with her, the deep trust that came with the games she played, the world she introduced me to. I'd done a lot of reading over the past week, any time I had a spare moment, I was reading about dominance and submission, about ageplay and the caregiver and little dynamic.

And it all felt so right.

I had been half tempted to just text Julian and tell him to throw the box in the garbage, that I didn't need any of it... that I had everything I wanted.

But I didn't and we were here now.

I climbed out of Vanessa's car, giving her hand a squeeze before I went to greet Julian. There was someone in the passenger seat of his car, but I couldn't make out who it was. I walked forward as he climbed out of the car.

"I'm really sorry," I began. "I didn't mean- "

"Just... don't," Julian croaked. It was obvious he had been crying. I felt terrible.

"Are you okay? I'm glad you have someone with you... "

"That's my cousin," he said as he moved to the trunk, popping it open. "She came in case I needed moral support... I just... what did I do wrong, Dani? I tried to do everything right!"

"I told you, Julian," my heart hurt as I spoke, it hurt to do this to him. I tried to remember Vanessa's words, that it wasn't malicious, that I wasn't trying to hurt him. That I was just trying to find my own way. "It wasn't your fault, you didn't do anything wrong. You're a really great guy, we had a lot of fun together... I just want something else in my life."

"I wish you'd told me you were gay," he said bitterly as he lifted the box out of the trunk, closing the lid and setting the box on the back of his car.

"I'm not gay," I said, a little defensively. "I'm bi - gender doesn't really matter to me in a partner, it was never about that."

"You were with a woman before me, you're with a woman now - that sounds like you're gay to me," he was hurting, he was lashing out, but it didn't make it hurt less.

"You're hurting," I said softly, "I'm- "

"Damn right I'm hurting, Dani. You cheated on me! You- "

"I have to go," I interrupted him, taking the box and carrying it toward Vanessa's car. She climbed out to help me with it, and I was halfway back to her car when I heard the voice behind me.

"Vanessa. Evans," I turned to see the woman climbing from the passenger seat of Julian's car - the same one from the restaurant the night Jess had gotten so mad. "Holy hell you're the girl from the restaurant - you're Dani? The one who was dating Julian? I know you don't know me, but you need to get away from that woman, she's poison."

"What?" I asked, dumbfounded. I heard Vanessa's footfalls coming closer.

"She's a hacker! She knew everything about you before you started dating, didn't she? Your favorite restaurants, your coffee order, your last girlfriend's name, and she never seemed to forget anything - your birthday, your favorite color. It was like she was reading your diary! Julian! Remember that app you found on my phone? The one that was reading my texts and reporting my location?" She pointed over my shoulder, pointed to Vanessa. "That's the bitch who installed it!"

My mind reeled. That did describe Vanessa. I thought back to our first date, to the dumpling house. To the coffee shop. How we just happened to run into each other after the missed connection at the bar.

Vanessa never forgot anything. And those words struck true. It did feel like Vanessa was reading my diary. That was exactly how I had explained it to Jenni, but I had said it like it was a good thing.

"She broke into my accounts- " Lauren continued.

"Lauren," Vanessa cut her off.

"Fuck you Vanessa! I'm not letting you ruin another woman's life! Dani, don't fall for her. Show Julian your phone, if that tracking app is on it, you'll know I'm telling the truth. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe she changed... but I doubt it. Vanessa is a cruel, manipulative bitch and I don't want to see her hurt anyone else."

I looked to Vanessa - she was unreadable. That open, caring woman that I thought I knew so well looked like she was carved out of stone, expressionless.

"Don't listen to her," Vanessa looked me in the eyes, but they weren't the eyes I was used to looking into, gazing into as we made love. They were cold. Calculating.

I felt the box fall from my hands, heard it hit the ground. Julian was by my side, taking my phone from my purse.

"What's your unlock code, Dani?" he prompted, his tears gone. I felt like I was in a daze.

"Three seven five four," I heard myself say. "But- "

"That app was a serious piece of work," Julian growled. "Really evil stuff... "

"I just wanted to know you better," Vanessa said. It didn't make sense. "I just wanted to know how to make you happy, I wanted to know if we were right for each other."

"It's right there," Julian was holding up the phone to my face, showing me something, but it didn't make sense. It was my GPS coordinates, and a status that said the tracking was active... Lauren was telling the truth. "Dani, she's been spying on you. She broke into all of Lauren's accounts, her credit card statements, her bank accounts, her Facebook. She looked at everything, she's good - it was almost impossible for me to find the traces that she had been there."

"I just wanted to love you," Vanessa said weakly.

"She's a sociopath," Lauren's hand was on my shoulder. "She just wants someone for her sex games, she has no morals - it's why she's so damned good at her job. She ruins peoples' lives for a living, Dani."

It didn't make sense. Everything they were saying made sense, but when it was put all together, it didn't make sense. I took my phone from Julian, staring at the screen.

"Dani, I'm sorry," Vanessa's voice floated across the void to me.

"You're sorry?" Lauren hissed. "You're sorry? You break into peoples' lives to find someone to date, you sick bitch!"

"Our whole relationship is built on a lie," my voice sounded a million miles away as the realization stared me in the face. "You manipulated me. You showed me what I wanted to see until I fell in love with you."

"I just wanted to give you the things you wanted, I wanted you to be happy... "

My feet were moving before I realized what was happening, and I was running down the street, tears streaming down my face.

I didn't have anywhere to go. I had no home, nowhere to run. I had put all my eggs in Vanessa's basket. I ducked down a back street and ran between some buildings, sliding to the ground with my back against the wall.

Everything Lauren had said was true, Vanessa didn't even try to deny it. She had just tried to explain it, like she hadn't done anything wrong, like she hadn't pried into my personal life. Like she hadn't been lying to me from the very first words. Like it was justified.

My heart was breaking. I had destroyed Julian for her, I had thrown away part of my identity for her. I had debased myself and surrendered to her game.

I had loved her.

My heart was breaking and I just sat there and cried.

* * *

"Stay the fuck out of my life, Lauren," I growled, picking up Dani's box and tossing it into the back seat of the car. "You broke her fucking heart."

"I broke her heart?" Lauren echoed. "You are a psycho, Vanessa. I'm trying to save her from you."

"I never hurt you," I countered. "I played a game you didn't like, and I didn't seek retribution when you left."

"You violated me," Lauren roared. "Do you know how many identity protection services I signed up for to guard against your bullshit?" I did, actually. She had hired three - one of them was decent.

"I never harmed you," I objected. "I never used any of that information against you, I never tried to bring you pain or sadness."

"You can't just break into peoples' accounts, Vanessa! It's a crime for a reason!"

"And yet politicians hobble encryption at every turn," I sneered. "I exploit holes in systems that they left. There are ways to protect yourself, Lauren. Just do some fucking research. Safeguard your accounts - then it's harder for evil bogeymen like me."

"You're sick, Vanessa. Get help."

"You've helped me quite enough," I snapped. "I need to find her. I love her."

"You're a sociopath," she sneered. "I don't think you're even capable of love."

I got in the car and fired up the tracking app - but Dani had disabled it. She couldn't have gotten far. I fired up the engine and drove slowly in the direction she had run, watching for her.

I hated Lauren right then, more than I hated anyone before in my life. She had ruined everything - after that long, delicate dance. After that prolonged hunt. After pouring my heart and soul out for Dani. I had done my research to make sure we were a good match, to make sure I could appeal to her, nothing more. I wouldn't hurt her - I hadn't hurt Lauren or Kailee or Jess.

My heart hurt. I reached up and felt a wetness on my face. I was crying. I couldn't remember the last time I had cried real tears. I loved Dani. She was the one I wanted to be with forever, my Little, my princess.

And now I might lose her for good. I ached, I felt ill as I drove around, searching for her. She was headed east, deeper into Milpitas. She couldn't go west, the 880 was right there and it wasn't safe to go anywhere near there on foot.

I was suddenly afraid that she might hurt herself, a thought that hadn't occurred to me before then. My mind spiralled out of control, imagining my poor princess wandering into traffic and getting hurt.

I picked up my phone and dialed... but got her voicemail.

"Dani," I began. "I'm sorry. But right now I'm worried about you, I'm worried about your safety. Please, let me drive you back home. If you want to leave me, fine. I don't want you to, but I won't stop you. I just want to know you're safe. I just want to know you're okay. I can't stop thinking about the possibility of you getting hurt and it's tearing me apart. Please Dani, call me back. Tell me where you are. I'm scared."

I would have given anything to have her safely back in my arms at that moment.

Anything.