Chapter Eleven

Dani's chopstick technique was as elegant as her outfit. She had poise and control, despite the fact that she was eating the most ridiculous mayonnaise and cream cheese rolls known to man. I was a purist - I wanted good rice soaked in good wine, with good fish on top. She wanted deep fried madness - mango and peanuts, avocado and eel, sriracha and roe... she didn't order anything remotely traditional, but watching her enjoy it was delightful. She did this little dance when she bit into a new roll. I sat across from her at the cramped little table and the smile that spread across my lips at her unfettered joy was genuine.

She was adorable.

"Wait," I gaped, genuinely surprised as they served her another roll. "Does that actually have beef on the top of it?" It certainly smelled like beef.

"Yep!" she wiggled in her seat, a side-to-side motion with a grin as big as the world on her face, snatching up a piece with her chopsticks. "They cook it with a blowtorch right on top of the roll. It's actually really, really good." Her taste in sushi was bizarre, but I was glad she was letting go. She seemed bouncier at this meal than Jess had been at hers, and Jess was certainly a Little.

"So," I decided to roll the dice. "What's your purse's name?"

"What?" she sputtered, choking a bit on her bite before she took a long sip of water. "What do you mean?"

"Your purse," I nodded to the squirrel slung over the back of her chair. "Did you name it?"

"Well," she blushed... and then mumbled something I couldn't make out.

"What?" I asked, leaning forward a bit. "I couldn't hear you."

"His name is Forrest," she whispered, blushing and looking away. I couldn't help it, I reached over and tucked a lock of her hair back behind her ear, pushing it away from her face.

"Hey there," I said gently, revealing the barest part of my caring self. "You don't need to be embarrassed. I was pretty sure that you had already named him. I was going to guess Nutsy."

"No," she laughed softly, looking up - her eyes were vulnerable but she was on the defensive - she was waiting for me to make some crack, to hurt her. I stroked her cheek gently with the back of my hand, caressing her with the lightest of touches.

"I like that you named him," I spoke in a low, soothing tone. "And it's a great name. He seems like he's been a really good friend to you." Whoops. I pushed a little too far there. Tears welled up in her eyes. "Hey, Dani.. it's okay, everything's okay. I can see you're really embarrassed and I'm sorry. I think it's wonderful, and I really appreciate you being vulnerable with me."

She nodded and looked down, hiding her face behind her hair. She sniffled and wiped her face before looking up, a fake smile etched on her lips.

"I'm fine," she lied. I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my lap and cuddle her, to hold her tight and promise her that I would never judge her, certainly not for wanting to indulge in cute things. But we weren't there yet.

"It's okay to like cute things," I assured her. "It doesn't make you less of a professional, it doesn't make me respect you less, and it doesn't make you less attractive. In all honesty, you carrying that purse in the club is what made me want to talk to you initially."

"Really?" her eyes were shining as she looked up at me. "You don't think it's dumb?"

"Of course not," I promised, silently wishing I could throttle the "friends" who had drilled this insecurity into her. "I'm really glad you told me, I'm really glad you opened yourself up to me, and I'm really glad to meet Forrest. I'm going to make sure I have a small bag of peanuts next time we get together, just for him."

That got a small laugh, which finally broke her tension.

"You're silly," she laughed, "I didn't think you'd be silly - you look so important."

"Appearances can be deceiving," I smiled - with no motive, no message. Just a genuine, relaxed smile before I popped a nigiri in my mouth. "But there are always little hints to the truth. Right, Forrest?"

It took her a moment to recover, but she went back to enjoying her ridiculous roll with a more relaxed air. When the rolls were gone and she seemed satisfied, I ordered a small bottle of sparkling sake.

"Oh, I've never tried that," she smiled.

"It's for you," I informed her. "I'll have a taste, but I've got a pretty firm rule about drinking and driving - I won't drive if I've had even one drink. It's too dangerous, too easy to hurt yourself or someone else."

"Yeah," she blushed - I already knew she wasn't as responsible with that as she should be, especially in the ride-sharing-app world we lived in now. "Oh, this is good." Her smile was wide and genuine as she sipped the sweet drink - so much like a Little to enjoy the sweeter things. "Why haven't I tried this before?"

"That I can't say," I smirked, "but I hope to show you many things that you never knew you liked."

"I'd like that, Vanessa," she laid her hand on mine and smiled a serious smile.

* * *

After dinner, we had gone to a stand-up comedy show. Clean jokes, puns, a little bit of topical humor - no heavy political humor, nothing terribly charged... a great night out. It had gone just as I had hoped - the seats were good, the performer was good, the company was amazing. We had cuddled close at our table as we watched, her head on my shoulder. I would say I would cherish the moment forever, but I hoped to make lots of little moments like that - moments of tenderness, of kindness.

But there was a reluctance to her kiss tonight, as we stood at the door to her apartment. Something was holding her back, something was keeping her from allowing herself to fall, to lose herself. Something was bothering her.

And it was almost certainly Julian. I wished I already had the dirt on him - everyone had a story, and most of them had a great big patch of darkness in it.

"I had a great time tonight," she said softly as she held on to my upper arms. I enjoyed the way she looked in this shadow, her raven hair sucking the very light from the area. Her skin didn't look so tan in this light, next to that darkness, her lips so deeply red. I wanted to take her back to my place right then. To pull her into my bed and to hold her close, to find out what was weighing on her so heavily, to chase all of her problems away. To make her feel safe and secure... to make her mine.

"I did too," I agreed. "I really enjoy your company, Dani. You're a sweet and kind person and I look forward to getting to know you better."

"I'd invite you in," Dani said softly, looking down - she was embarrassed. "But my place is a mess."

"I'm sure it's not that bad," I reassured her. Most people said that - oh, my place is so messy... but it wasn't usually true.

"I don't... I spend all of my time at work cleaning up other peoples' messes, so I tend to be a little lazy at home." She was trembling a bit, she was really afraid of being judged. There was some trauma there, someone had hurt her.

"If you don't feel comfortable," I kept my voice low and soft, gentle, "it's okay. You don't have to rush with me, I'm patient. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

"Well," she took a deep breath, "just... promise me you won't judge?"

"I won't judge," I promised.

Dani's apartment was a disaster. I had expected clutter, a mess of papers, a stack of books, a pile of mail... I hadn't expected what awaited me behind her door. She had empty food containers strewn about her living room, a pile of laundry by the front door, empty glasses and cans everywhere. There were stacks of empty Amazon boxes littered around, a clear path leading to the couch and another to the hallway that undoubtedly led to her bedroom.

"Sorry," she whispered, her face a deep red. She needed someone to take care of her. She hung Forrest on a hook by the door and led me to the couch, tossing a pile of laundry on the floor. "It's clean," she assured me. "I just haven't put it away yet."

"It's no big deal," I lied. I wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close. "Hey, it's okay. Everything's fine."

"I should've cleaned," she whispered. "I... I didn't know the date was going to go so well."

"Well thanks," I teased, feigning hurt. She panicked. "I'm teasing, I'm teasing. Everything is okay. Hey, I have an idea - how about I get my laptop from my trunk and we just play a game? No pressure, no judgement. We'll just play some casual matches. You can show me your Support chops."

"That sounds nice," she smiled weakly. "And next time... let's go to your place."

* * *

I reflected on the evening as I drove home - Dani was attractive, fun, and had so many Little tendencies that I was feeling hopeful. Julian hadn't come up once, not that I expected him to - it wasn't exactly couth to discuss one person you were dating with the other. I reasoned that her reluctance in our kiss had been embarrassment about the mess she lived in. And it was a mess. She definitely needed someone to help her handle that particular Little tendency - Seth would have flipped at that sty. Jess wouldn't be able to sit for a week if he had come home to that apartment, but Dani wasn't mine... yet.

But I would have her. My resolve was stronger than ever.

Playing with her had been fun - all Littles were good at playing. She had been nervous at first, but she was skilled. She was right, her micro - specifically her precision - needed work, but it wasn't hard to mitigate her mistakes. We played too late into the night, I still had to get up and face the day tomorrow, but I had been loath to leave. The sound of her laughter as we enjoyed our shared hobby was music to my ears. We won more than we lost and we quit on high spirits.

But I felt like I might be lying to myself about her kiss... that same reluctance had been in our final kiss, long after I had convinced her that I wasn't bothered by her cleanliness. Which I wasn't bothered, in a way - her tidiness wouldn't be a problem once she was my Little. I'd clean up for her, she'd only have to make sure the toys in the nursery were tidy and I'd take care of everything else.

I'd take care of her.

I dreamt of her that night - that same candlelit room, flickering flames everywhere, but instead of Lauren waiting for me on that bed, it was Dani. Naked and vulnerable, her runner's figure lithe and toned as she lay spread-eagled on the bed. When I pulled the diaper out from under the bed and smiled at her, she smiled back. The diaper was covered with frolicking squirrels, thick and fluffy. I lifted her hips gently and slid it beneath her. I traced my finger gently around her exposed lips before I powdered her, caressing the sensitive spot where her thigh met her hip and twisting a finger delicately in her pubic hair. When I pulled that diaper closed between her legs, it was joyous - the look on her face as I fastened those tapes, sealing her in. It was an expression of contentment, of peace. I patted her padded crotch gently, rubbing my hand over the plastic backing.

I was sad when I woke. I wanted that dream to be real, for her to be that vulnerable with me, to throw shame and adulthood both out the window and surrender.

To be mine.