Chapter Fifteen

Vanessa looked awful, and she had barely touched her dinner. Granted, this wasn't her favorite restaurant but she was obviously out of it. Her A-Tech job had kept her quite busy for the past two weeks - longer than she expected, and hatchet jobs were always rough on her. Jess couldn't tell, the waitress couldn't tell, but I could tell. Just like I could tell Jess had wet herself about fifteen minutes ago - she had been wiggly, then had gone very still for a long moment, before returning to her wiggling. Everyone had tells, for their feelings, for their thoughts - it was just a matter of seeing them. Vanessa's was the was her left hand kept drumming on the table, twitching. Vanessa wasn't a twitchy person, not one of those restless-leg types... Vanessa was still and calm as a pond on a windless day. Normally. Tomorrow was supposedly her last day, however, and if I knew Vanessa... the pay for that job would keep her going for quite a while. She'd bounce back. She always did.

She smiled the same, those myriad expressive smiles, but they didn't quite reach her eyes. She was off her game. She had been telling us about her gaming sessions with Dani, how they were a gateway into the woman's life.

"I just don't think this Jenni is a good influence on her," she explained, stopping her tapping for a moment to take a long sip of water. "They've been friends since college - they were roommates, apparently - but they've drifted apart a little as Jenni has grown more judgmental of Dani's Little tells. The purse, the earrings, the cute clothes... she's stifling her, and it bothers me deeply."

There was more than what she was saying, of course.

"What was the catalyst?" I asked. It was never good to beat around the bush with Vanessa, she didn't like the dance and preferred when people just got to the point.

"Jenni got married to a religious nut," she shrugged. Aha. There it was. Vanessa came from a very conservative family - I didn't know the whole story, but they had apparently thrown her out of the house when she came out as gay... Vanessa and religion did not get along. She had moved to the Bay Area to get away from it - that and to use her tech skills, though she found more success with her analytical and interpersonal skills than she did actually working on computers. She wasn't a bad systems administrator though. Religion didn't bother me as much, I was agnostic, I was raised agnostic, and Jess was lapsed. It wasn't even a thing I thought about, but I knew it bothered Vanessa.

"And now she's passing her hubby's judgements on her friend?" I prompted.

"That's my guess," she nodded.

"But you've been talking to her every night, right? That's good. Any info on how things are going with Julian?" It was a dangerous question, but Vanessa was no fragile flower.

"We've been playing, but we avoid the Julian subject," her hand twitched again, her nails dragging on the tabletop. "It would be awkward. She hasn't complained, so I assume everything is copacetic there. I can tell when they're out - she shows up later, some nights she doesn't play at all... but we're becoming good friends. She trusts me, and I like her. I really think- "

The sound of her phone ringing, a surprisingly jaunty tune for Vanessa, interrupted her train of thought. She apologized and pulled the singing phone out of her purse - out of the corner of my eye, I could see it said "Dani".

"Hello?" she asked quietly, preparing to take the phone call outside. "Anything. What's up?" She sat back down in her seat, her face ashen - whatever Dani was saying wasn't good news. "Do you need a place to stay?" Another pause, concern. If things seemed to be going well with Julian, surely she wouldn't be wanting to hole up at Vanessa's... unless that's what went wrong, but then... "Do you have renter's insurance?" Ah. Catastrophe. Interesting that in a moment of crisis, she reached for Vanessa and not this Jenni or even Julian. It was promising - it sucked that she was in this spot, but there was a silver lining.

I glanced over at Jess who was watching intently. I reached over and threaded my fingers through hers while we waited. My sweet little cupcake obviously wasn't picking up everything that was going on, but that was okay. Jess was plenty smart, she didn't need to be a brainiac like Vanessa to be a good match for me.

"Seth," Vanessa's face looked a little graven as she put her phone away. "I need help."

"Robbery?" I asked. It was pretty reasonable to not want to sleep in a place that just got robbed.

"Fire," she shook her head. "Lost everything - neighbor left the stove on."

"That sucks. What do you need me to do?"

"I have a guest on the way and I have a crib to break down before she gets there. Can you keep some stuff at your place for me? I don't think she'll understand the things that are in the guest room closet."

* * *

"Dani's going to move in with Nessa?" Jess asked hopefully from the back seat of the car. "That's exciting!"

"Now Cupcake," I said with a smile that she couldn't see as we raced down the 101 toward Cupertino, "If we meet Dani tonight... and we might, you can't - CAN NOT - act happy that she's moving in with Vanessa."

"I know that!" she said defensively, picking up Buttercup Jolly Hooves - her stuffed pink unicorn - and hugging it tightly. I had hurt her feelings. "I'm not dumb."

She always hugged that stuffie when she had hurt feelings, Buttercup Jolly Hooves was her favorite... and I interrupted my own train of thought when I realized that I used the stuffie's ridiculous "full name" in my mind - Jess insisted that I use the full name when referring to her friend.

"I don't think you're dumb, sweetie," I assured her. "But you're excited. I know you really want Dani to fall in love with Vanessa and become her Little so you have someone to play with." I could see my girl blushing a bright red in the rear view. "But they aren't even dating right now, okay? They're just friends and Dani doesn't know anything at all about Littles or Bigs or anything like that, she's a vanilla just like you were."

"I know Daddy, I have to use vanilla rules." Vanilla rules was our codeword for when we were going to be in a social situation where she had to be Jessica, and not my cute little Cupcake. Trips to the DMV, visits to the doctor, situations that could be uncomfortable if she called me Daddy. She didn't like it, but she would do the right thing. When we pulled into the parking lot of Vanessa's apartment, she was already inside. I unbuckled Jess and we headed up.

"Best behavior, Jessica. We're starting vanilla rules now, just in case." She nodded her understanding and we slipped into Vanessa's apartment. It was honestly a little weird to be there in person - I saw it all the time via video chat, but generally she came to visit us, not the other way around. I stepped into the guest room where she was breaking down the crib and transforming it into a relatively normal looking day bed and asked, "What can we do to help?"

"Get some garbage bags," she nodded toward the kitchen, "And start packing up diapers and baby clothes."

I stepped quickly to her kitchen and grabbed the bags, giving one to Jess and taking one myself. I pointed to the dresser and started emptying the closet. It was such a shame - I knew we weren't actually throwing any of this away, but she had such a beautiful nursery set up. It was meticulously organized - the clothing in the closet was ordered not only by color, but also by function and warmth. It almost hurt to take the clothes - hangers and all - and stuff them roughly into the garbage back. It felt too much like a purge, which most of us had been through in the days before we learned to love ourselves. I knew I had. Every now and again, that feeling of shame would come back - that feeling that wanting to keep your partner in diapers was wrong. The urge to throw it all away and pretend the feelings weren't real.

I had done it twice before I met Jess. Doing this right now for Vanessa hurt. I just had to remind myself that this wasn't a purge, I'd keep her collection safe and sound... though she might lose a few stuffed animals to a certain Cupcake.

"Jessica," I chided. "Put the squirrel in the bag and keep helping." She had stopped to cuddle a particularly soft looking stuffie and pouted at me.

"Actually," Vanessa perked up. "That one can stay. Let's put him on the bed."

We had four bags in the trunk of my Audi and the room was almost done - the dresser was empty, the closet was mostly empty - all that was really left was a few t-shirts that were vanilla enough. Tinkerbell and the like. I had just bagged a small assortment of diapers and a few outfits, a couple of bottles and bibs, and one of those great oversized pacis. Vanessa had ordered one in blue right after I got Jess her pink one. I was loading them into the last bag when a knock came from the front door.

"Shit," Vanessa hissed, giving me a pleading look. It was beyond strange to see her flustered.

"Jessica," I said softly, reminding her of vanilla rules. "Go to the kitchen and pour some drinks, then go sit on the couch."

"Yes Da... no problem." I sighed a bit as Vanessa stared at the bag in my hands.

"I've got this, go answer your door," I promised. She headed for the front door and I slipped into her bedroom and stuffed the last bag under her bed. It would have to do.

"Dani," I heard her voice come from the entryway. "I'm so sorry this happened, come on in."

Dani was a smaller woman, a lithe build in her black capris, a patterned blouse, and a blue blazer. She looked sharp, and her look suited her raven black hair. She also looked shaken and worn, sad around the eyes. She needed comfort. I could see exactly why Vanessa had homed in on her - that squirrel purse did indeed scream "Little", and her entire demeanor demanded to be swept up and held, cherished, protected. I shot a quick glance to Jess, who had poured four glasses of ice water and set them on the counter. It was taking everything she had not to squee and run over to hug Dani.

"Oh," Dani said nervously. "I didn't know you had company, I'm so sorry... "

"Don't worry," Vanessa assured her, gesturing for her to come in. "This is my best friend Seth and his girlfriend Jessica. They just came over to help me clean up a bit." She turned her head so that Dani could only see half of her face and raised an eyebrow at me, the one Dani couldn't see. I smiled reassuringly. What, does she think I just poured out the bag on her bed? She was being paranoid.

"And we just finished, so Jessica and I will be heading home. It was a pleasure to meet you... " I paused, as though I didn't know her name.

"Dani," she offered, holding out her hand. I shook it gently, she seemed quite delicate. Her skin was soft and she had a complicated perfume - but the base of it smelled like sugar cookies.

"A pleasure, Dani. I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to head back home. I hope I get to see you again." I gestured for Jess to follow and stepped toward the still-open door.

"Oh Dani," Jess gushed - I was really worried she was going to blow it all here. "It's great to meet you. You're really pretty."

"Um, thanks?" Dani stepped aside, obviously feeling a bit awkward. I grabbed Jess around the waist and waved, pulling the door shut behind us.

"Sorry, she's excitable," I heard Vanessa's voice explain softly as I led Jess down the hall.

"Ohmygosh," my Little squeed as soon as we were outside the apartment building. "She's. So. Cute!"

"Should I feel threatened?" I asked her teasingly. "You're not going to try to steal her away from Vanessa, are you? Going to replace me?"

"Silly Daddy," she grinned, standing on her toes and wrapping her arms around my neck. I pulled her closer, my arm around her waist again and I lifted her for a kiss. "Nobody can ever replace you, you're perfect."