Chapter Sixteen

I had imagined many different scenarios regarding how I would bring Dani to my apartment... but this was not even close to any of them. I felt off-guard, off-center. I had been waiting for this moment, but it was so far from what I had imagined. I was supposed to bring her in after a long, romantic dinner and make love to her. To show her a tender side of me, to coax out that vulnerable part of her. To get her to admit that she enjoyed being cared for. To hold her and caress her and reassure her that what I wanted from her more than anything else was her trust and her vulnerability. To show her the joys of gentle domination.

Now she was standing here in my living room, and I had no plan, no play, and she was bothered by Jess.

"Sorry, she's excitable," I explained. "She's a really sweet person though."

"It's no big deal," Dani smiled reassuringly, dropping her laptop bag just inside the door as I closed it. "They seem like nice people."

"Seth is the best," I agreed. "We've been friends for quite a few years now. I value him. Come on, I'll show you to the spare bedroom. I've cleaned it up a bit - I use it for work sometimes, but I've emptied it out for you."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Dani apologized, sounding pained. "I didn't mean to inconvenience you."

"It's not a big deal, I swear." I led her back to the guest room, hoping that we hadn't missed anything odd, a pacifier on the floor or something. The bed didn't look exactly normal - the headboard and footboard had been lowered to half-height, the back crib railing was all the way up, but the front railing was folded beneath the bed and beneath the skirt, invisible. It just looked like a slightly odd daybed. "This is it, you're welcome to stay here as long as you need. I'm really sorry about the fire. Hopefully renter's insurance will have you back on your feet in no time."

"Yeah," Dani sighed, setting her backpack down just inside the door. "I started the claim, but they've got quite a few from that building. I hope they can process them quickly." She looked to be on the verge of tears.

I simply opened my arms and welcomed her into a hug. She stepped into my embrace and I wrapped my arms around her tightly, breathing in her peach scent. It took a good twenty seconds before she relaxed in my arms, and her body began shaking with sobs. I made soft, soothing noises as I held her, just listening to her cry. My heart broke for her, this kind, gentle girl who didn't deserve this pain.

"All my stuff is gone, Vanessa. All I have is the clothes I'm wearing and my computer. I don't know what I'm going to do. Everything's falling apart... Jenni isn't talking to me right now and yesterday Julian and I got in a fight," she said after her sobs began to subside. Her face was buried in my shoulder, my hand stroking her hair softly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked gently, guiding us over to the bed and sitting with her on the mattress. I wanted nothing more than to hold her in my lap, to hold her tight. The calculating part of me noted how vulnerable she was right now, how easy it would be to cut her off from the people who hurt her and guide her to the life I wanted for her... but that wouldn't be healthy for Dani in the long run. It was hard to weigh that against my own desires.

"I guess I do," she laughed a halting laugh as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I hadn't even planned on saying anything... you give really good hugs." I gave her a comforting smile and waited. Dani lowered her eyes and folded her hands in her lap, obviously struggling with where to begin. "I don't want to burden you." She said dejectedly.

"Your pain is not a burden to me," I promised her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "I am offering to listen. You don't have to tell me about it, but if you want to, I'm here."

"I got really mad at his best friend at dinner the other night," she began, a deep, shuddering sigh exiting her lips. "I said something about his silly tie - it had tabasco sauce bottles on it - and he made fun of my purse. I told him that it wasn't okay to mock that, that I really like my purse and he just... he kept piling it on. Why is it so wrong for me to like a stuffed animal purse? Do you know how many different people have hassled me about Forrest? At work, on dates... ugh! Why should I have to conform to what they want?" She was almost shouting by the end, I simply leaned over and kissed her on the temple.

"You shouldn't," I said softly.

"Julian didn't defend me. When we got back to his place after dinner, he told me... " she choked up. I gave her space to breathe, just holding her with one arm. I wanted so badly to hug her, to grab her phone and dial Julian and bawl him out. "He told me I was being immature over the whole thing. He said I was acting like a child, that it was just a stupid purse, that Andrew didn't mean anything by it. I tried to get Jenni to see my side of it later, but she agreed with him! She said I should just throw my purse away and get a 'real' one!" She broke down again, burying her face. "Maybe they're right, maybe I'm being stupid."

"Hey," I squeezed her, reaching behind us with my free arm and picking up the plush squirrel that I had almost sat on. "I don't agree. In fact, I got you this." I held the toy out to her, a great big grey squirrel with a soft, bushy tail. It didn't matter that I had probably had it for years, as far as she knew, I bought it yesterday. "I figured Forrest needed a squirrel friend, even though he already has you for a bestie."

"Oh my... " she breathed, taking the squirrel toy in her arms and holding it tight. "Oh Vanessa, thank you." She sniffled and the tears began anew. "This is the nicest thing anyone has done for me in a long time. But I can't... I have to stop doing this to myself. I'm an adult, it's time I grew up." She sniffled. "Jenni and Julian are right and I know it." Tears streamed down her face as she told the lie, it hurt me so much to watch her do it to herself.

"So what if you like stuffed animals? So what if you have a cute purse? Why is that such a bad thing?" I voiced her own thoughts back to her. She needed to hear that I was on her side. "You're not hurting anyone."

"Aren't I though?" she sighed. "It makes it hard to take me seriously. Maybe it's been hurting my career advancement all along? I mean, I've followed Jenni's advice and updated my wardrobe... " she trailed off as her face fell. "Which I don't have any more. Crap, what am I going to do for clothes?"

"We're going to go shopping," I smiled a smile that said 'Everything is going to be fine' and squeezed her again. "Your renter's insurance should cut you a check to cover the damages, including replacing your clothing."

"But what am I going to do in the meantime? I got the claim started, but what about right now? I still have to go to work tomorrow." She frowned down at her outfit. "And I don't get paid for another week.. I don't have the cash to buy new clothes right now!"

"I'll buy you some clothes tonight," I stroked her arm and pulled her head gently back to my shoulder.

"I can't let you do that," she protested. "You're already doing so much for me!"

"Tomorrow is my last day with A-Tech," I assured her. "They're cutting me a check for the second half of the contract, so don't worry about that. We can spend a little bit to buy you a few outfits. Are you sure you don't want to call in sick tomorrow? I think 'my house burned down' qualifies as a legitimate reason to take some time off."

"I can't," she groaned. "My project deadline is next week and if I miss any time and we miss that deadline... well, I'll be looking for an apartment and a job."

"Well let's go buy you some clothes then. And don't worry about looking for another place right away. I've always thought it was kind of dumb that I had a two bedroom, but I've always liked the space and I'll be honest... I think it's going to be nice sharing it with you. I mean," I pitched my voice in a gently teasing way, "voice comms are great and all, but now when I need my healer you'll be in the same room."

"You're right," she laughed. "We won't even need headsets! Thanks, Vanessa. Thanks for everything. I just... I didn't think I could face Julian and ask for his help right now... I think things are going to be okay between us, but moving in with a boyfriend after dating them for only a couple of weeks smacks of desperation, right?" She laughed nervously and I hid the hurt that I felt from that comment. She really didn't think of me as a romantic contender at the moment, and I wasn't sure how to correct that.. "Moving in with the girl you dated three times is much more secure, I guess. Thanks for being your amazing self, Vanessa. You.. "

"You don't have to say anything," I took advantage of her pause, trying to give her an out. She was overwrought and overwhelmed - if she were my Little, she'd be going down for a nap.

"I want to," she said confidently. "I don't deserve you. We went on three dates and I ditched you, but you've been my friend this whole time. You haven't pushed, you haven't prodded. You haven't asked me anything about Julian... all you've done is be my friend and I don't... I don't deserve your friendship."

"Shh," I couldn't resist it any longer, I did pull her into my lap as I scooted back on the bed, turning her body so her face was buried in my shoulder. "It's okay. You do deserve my friendship, you deserve that and so much more. You're a beautiful, kind person. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to express your happiness in a way that makes you feel good without anyone's opinions bringing you down. You are a wonderful woman, Dani - and I'm deeply glad I've gotten to know you."

She cried in my arms for a while, wracking sobs as the pain and fear of the past few days overwhelmed her. I held her while she cried, stroking her hair and rocking her gently. My poor princess. My sweet girl, so hurt that she lost her things, so hurt that her boyfriend had been mean to her. She was a fragile flower and I wanted nothing more than to protect her.

Eventually, her tears slowed... and she drifted off to sleep. I laid her down on the bed, wishing with everything I had that I could raise the bars on the crib, that I could keep her safe and sound. I slipped the stuffed squirrel into her arms and tucked a pillow beneath her head before I walked out of the room to make her something to eat... she had likely just come from work and hadn't eaten anything.

I stood in the doorway for a long moment, watching her slumber. This was so close to what I wanted, so close to perfect... and I had more hope in that moment than I had in weeks.