Chapter Twenty-Seven
I froze for a long moment, a small eternity as I felt my bladder empty into my diaper while Dani just stared at me.
"Oh shit!" I screamed, dropping both remotes diving for the couch and pulling a blanket over me. My heart crashed into my feet as I realized what I had done. The remote was on the floor and I had begun crying, I couldn't help it.
I ruin everything!
The world went white around the edges as I felt my heart break in my chest.
"Jessica?" Dani asked, her eyes wide. "Are you... wearing a diaper?"
"Oh no," I cried, sobbing hard. "I ruined it all! I ruin everything! Nessa's gonna hate me now!"
"What?" Dani asked, concerned. "Why would Vanessa hate you?"
"Because you think I'm a freak and she really likes you and now you're going to break up with her and... "
"Wait wait wait," Dani held up her hands, "Jess, I don't think you're a freak. And why would I break up with Vanessa over... "
I have no idea why the next words came out of my mouth.
"Because she wants you in diapers too!" I blurted, completely out of control. Dani's face took on a look of confused shock... I couldn't take it any more. I almost fell off the couch as I grabbed for the remote on the floor and hung up on her.
* * *
I was deeply confused by the sounds I was hearing from the living room and I let out a deep sigh as I rose from the bath prematurely - I was clean, but I liked to soak and relax for a bit on a Sunday, just to unwind. I had chased Jess from the room a little harshly, she was a sensitive creature and I felt I might have been too hard on her... but I was confused. Yes, she had gotten scolded but I had heard ELO on the sound system, and she only listened to Mr. Blue Sky when she was happy... if she was trying to get happy, she'd start with something else and play Mr. Blue Sky when she was ready.
So why was she crying now?
When I got to the living room, wrapped only in a towel, I realized that it was worse than I thought. She was sobbing uncontrollably on the floor and my heart broke for her.
"Oh Cupcake," I said softly, sitting on the couch and pulling her into my lap. "Sweetie, I'm not mad. What's wrong?"
"I'm stupid and I ruin everything," she wailed, barely intelligible. "Nessa's gonna be so mad at me... "
"Why would Vanessa be- " I was interrupted by the chime of the incoming video call. I wasn't used to the sound, we had only turned off the auto-answer recently but my hand still reached for the remote to confirm it automatically, just as I'd had a million times with Vanessa before.
"I told Dani," she sobbed as the TV rang. "She called and I answered and she saw me and I told her Nessa wanted her diapered too and I'm so stupid. Why am I so stupid!?" She began wailing again as the call timed out... and began ringing again.
My heart pounded in my chest as I tried to decide what to do - this was a damage control situation. Systems were going haywire and I had to resolve the problem quickly. That call was probably Vanessa wanting answers... Jess would be okay, she needed a moment to herself. I needed to do damage control with my best friend. I lifted Jess easily in my arms and carried her to the nursery, laying her in the crib and raising the bars.
"Wait here, sweetie. Daddy will fix it," I said softly as I left her there, pulling the door closed behind me and stepping quickly to my room for a robe before settling back on the couch and answering the call.
It was Dani. Alone.
"Seth!" she looked visibly upset, on the verge of tears herself. Shit. "Is Jessica okay? I think I messed up... "
"Jess is laying down - she'll be fine. She's really worried that she upset you. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Dani nodded. "I don't fully understand what's going on... "
"Well," I began - it was important to determine exactly what she had seen and what information she was working on first before volunteering anything. This had gone from a friendly relationship to a very cautious one, very quickly. "What is it that you don't understand?"
"Why is Jess wearing a diaper?" she asked bluntly. She still looked anxious, unsure. Shit.
"Because she wants to," I answered simply. My eyes wandered down... and I spied soft pink cuffs around her wrists. Vanessa had at least started the game.
"But why?" she insisted. "She's not a baby. Does she need them?"
"We both like them," I replied calmly. I could see the wheels in her head turning, trying to decide how to react to this. "They make her feel - as she says - 'Little'."
"But isn't it weird?" she pressed.
"No weirder than the pink wrist cuffs she is wearing," I said gently. She blushed - that had been a risky play, if I scared her off... Vanessa might never forgive me. "A diaper is just clothing, just a kind of underwear - nothing more."
"I suppose that's true," she mused. "Jessica said that Vanessa wanted me to wear them, is that true?"
Shit.
"I'm afraid that's between you and Vanessa," I answered a little too quickly. "It's not my place to talk about her private desires one way or the other, I cannot in good conscience confirm or deny it. I wouldn't be a very good friend if I did."
"If I did... would it make her happy?"
Shit. That was equally as bad.
"Dani," I said softly, "Vanessa likes to lead. She doesn't like it when people do things just to please her. I don't know her innermost desires," I lied, "but I do know that if you want to make her happy... let her be the conqueror. Don't bend yourself, don't contort your desires to please her - it will only drive her away."
"You're right," she said, seeming to absorb the lesson. "Should I... should I tell her that I know?"
"I wouldn't," I smiled. "But now, if you get to the subject of her deepest fantasies... you are prepared if she does like what Jess and I enjoy. She's had other girls leave her over her wants... "
"That Lauren woman," Dani frowned.
Well hell, I thought to myself, did I overstep?
"Be gentle with my friend, please," I requested with a slight waver to my voice. "She's had a hard go of it... and she really likes you."
"Thanks, Seth," she smiled at me, seemingly calmer. "Will you tell Jessica that I don't hate her? I'm sorry I made her cry."
"She'll forgive you," I smiled in return. "She likes you."
"I like her too - I want to be her friend."
"I'll pass that along," I offered. "I should go console her now though. Dani? Thanks for being open minded."
"Of course," she shrugged. "It's like you said, right? It's just clothes."
* * *
I had just finished the checkout procedure at the store and was about to head back home to Dani when my phone chimed - Seth's chime.
SETH: Cat's out of the bag. Proceed with cautious optimism.
What the hell, Seth? Did you guys call her?
I didn't take the time to hide my irritation. Things were at a very delicate stage, the wrong nudge and she would run... and I would lose my princess.
SETH: She called Jess, apparently. Jess answered without thinking, D saw everything.
Well fuck.
He did say cautious optimism though. I felt sick as I drove home - I could be walking into anything.
I had no idea what I expected, but when I opened the door to the apartment and carried in the groceries, I found Dani simply sitting on the couch and playing a video game. And still wearing the pink cuffs. The dishes were done, and she was happily engrossed. It was... perfect.
"How was the store?" she asked without looking up.
"Just fine," I answered. "Thanks for doing the dishes."
"You asked me to," she smiled... but there was a tension there. She was uneasy. But she hadn't left, she could have - she had very little to pack and all the resources she needed now, she could have gotten a hotel room if she wanted to be away from me immediately. But there was some unpleasant emotion lurking beneath the surface - resentment, fear, anxiety, pain? It was impossible to tell.
My instincts screamed at me to set in on her, to trap her verbally and dissect her responses, to treat her like any target in my professional life. People could be an open book if you knew how to crack the cover. But I knew in my heart that if I went down that road, I would get my answer... but there would be a cost. With my heart in my throat, I sat down on the couch next to her.
"Hi," I said, my pulse pounding - the sound of my own fear, the blood rushing in my ears, was deafening. "I feel really scared because I feel like there's a tension between us that wasn't there when I left this morning." Vulnerability - it was something I could talk about at length, but it was so incredibly hard to do myself. I held my feelings out, my true feelings, in my palms for Dani to see... it wasn't easy. "Did something happen?" And yet I couldn't seem to be fully truthful, even now. I held on to the card that was Seth's text, held it close to my chest even as I showed my hand.
"Is this sexy to you?" Dani asked, shutting down her game and revealing a photo of a woman, bound in rope suspended from a hook in the ceiling and dangling on her toes, barely touching the ground while her domme tilted her head back, holding a handful of the blonde sub's hair tightly, as she kissed her deeply. The domme was dressed in a black halter top, her breasts bulging - the sub wore nothing but the ropes that bound her. It was a sexy image, but it was too hardcore play for me to enjoy in reality - that was more Seth's thing than mine.
"I can appreciate the dominance of it," I admitted. "But that's too much for me, too heavy. I'm willing to play that domme if that's what you want... but it's not what fulfills me."
"What does fulfill you?" she asked bluntly, turning toward me, the bondage photo still on her screen.
"Dani," I sighed a small sigh, "What's wrong?"
Her face was lost in thought for a moment - she was considering angles, making a tactical move. It made me sad. I wanted trust, I wanted vulnerability, not calculations.
"I'm thinking about how to break up with Julian," she said, slumping a bit. The truth? "But I'm really worried about this new kind of relationship with you - I've been with women before, in committed relationships, but it was never... Vanessa, I don't know what the subject of your deepest fantasy is," I heard Seth's words on her lips, plain as day, "I've only seen the very surface, I think. What if I can't make you happy? What if you want something I can't give?" The pain was written plain on her face.
She didn't want to end up like Jess.
I was going to lose her before we'd truly begun.
"I want a princess," I said, leaning forward and stroking her cheek gently. "I want someone who trusts me completely, who will let me care for them."
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, closing her laptop and sliding it off her lap, letting it slip carefully to the floor... and she leaned into me. Dani rested her head on my chest. Without thinking, I pressed my lips to her forehead.
"I trust you," she whispered. "Show me the ropes."