Chapter Twenty-Three

I woke up early the next morning with an idea. I had found the bag Seth had stashed under my bed in the furor of Dani's initial arrival to my apartment, and now I was glad for it. I pulled out a pair of blue denim shortalls - the normal, non-locking kind - and a Tinkerbell t-shirt and put them on a hanger from my closet. Very carefully, I opened the door to the nursery and spied on Dani, looking adorable in the bed as she hugged her stuffed squirrel, Nutsy. I carefully hung the shortalls outfit on the hook on the back of the door and pulled the door closed, moving to the kitchen to prepare the next part of my idea.

My heart was beating a mile a minute when I heard the nursery door open. This was a baby step, but it was an important one. I needed her to understand that I was genuinely interested in nurturing that playful part of her, that inner child - to use the cliché. I plated her breakfast, drizzling syrup gently over it as I came around the corner of the counter, almost afraid to look.

There was raven-haired Dani, her green eyes looking nervous and uncomfortable... in a Tinkerbell t-shirt and shortalls. All she needed was a pacifier and she was like something out of my dreams. My breath caught in my throat as I set the plate down on the table and guided her gently to her seat, pushing in her chair for her.

"You made me chocolate chip pancakes?" she asked with a small gasp. Her eyes were watering, her lip quivering... oh no, did I overdo it? "Vanessa... are you making fun of me?" She blushed a deep red and my heart cracked. "I'm not a kid."

"I don't think you're a kid," I said quickly. My mind was racing, trying to think of ways to fix this - I wasn't as good in this sort of situation, which is why I planned so meticulously. If I already had a plan, it was easy to execute, but repairing a failed plan on the fly... I could feel despair grip my heart. "I just thought... I thought you wanted to be cute, I'm sorry." How? How could I turn this around? Why didn't I have a contingency plan for this scenario?

"You're really not making fun of me?" Dani sniffled.

"I swear to you that I'm not," I sat in the chair next to her, feeling out of control. I hated being out of control of a situation, it was uncomfortable. Dani was supposed to cheer at the pancake, to dig in and get messy, chocolate on her face and fingers. She was supposed to feel loved and valued, I hadn't anticipated her feeling mocked. "I just wanted to make you feel... accepted."

"How did you know that I secretly loved shortalls?" she asked sniffling. "Have you been spying on me?"

"Of course not," I lied - it was a half-truth, I had been spying on her but all Littles seemed to like shortalls, they were adorable. "I thought they would look cute on you."

"It doesn't look stupid?" she asked, tugging at a strap.

"I don't think it does," I assured her, nudging her plate closer. I stood, a little more shakily than I would have preferred, and fetched the bacon and eggs, serving her some and the rest to me. "I really like this look on you. Don't get me wrong, I love the stylish boho girl, but there's something really wonderful and carefree about this cute style."

"You... you really made me a chocolate chip pancake," she smiled, a smile of understanding, of caring. "Thank you."

"I hope you enjoy it," I said as I added salt and pepper to my eggs, before digging in myself.

When she was done, she was a chocolatey mess - she had gotten it all over her fingers and face. She laughed at the ridiculousness of the scene as I used a damp washcloth to clean her face and hands, smiling all the while.

"You really are a mom," Dani laughed. "Did you ever think about having kids? Adopting?"

"I like taking care of people special to me," I conceded. "But I don't want a life actually dependent upon me. I just don't think I'd ever be ready to give up my lifestyle," I left that intentionally vague.

"Seems a shame," she shrugged. "You're good at it - taking care of people, I mean. It's stupid, but you make me feel kinda like a kid when you did that."

"Does that make you feel unhappy?" I asked gently. My anxiety was on high alert, which was a surprise to me - I didn't realize how badly I wanted her. How badly I wanted her to fall into the role that I knew she so desperately wanted and needed but didn't know it.

She sat for a moment, pondering the question.

"No," she answered. "I don't think so - I mean, I feel a little silly wearing the shortalls in front of you, and I felt a little silly letting you clean my hands but... I dunno, it's nice? I mean, now that I know you're not mocking me. You're not mocking me, right?"

"I'm not mocking you," I promised. "I would like very much if we could cuddle on the couch and watch something together and just... be. Would that be okay, or would that be stepping too close to the romantic for you? I don't want you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and I won't be upset if you say no. There is no wrong answer."

"I.. " she looked conflicted and I began to wonder if I had overstepped again, if I had undone all the progress we had made. "I think I'd like that."

* * *

Our cuddle session was beyond gratifying, just holding her in my lap. We watched Bob Ross on Netflix, Dani relaxing in my arms. I tried very hard to avoid making her feel pressured, I just wanted her to relax, to understand that I wasn't going to make any sort of move on her that she wasn't ready for. Our progression - or lack thereof - was entirely in her hands. I didn't want her to feel like she was betraying Julian, regardless of how badly I wanted to steal her away from him.

Seth's face taking over the TV surprised me - I had forgotten to turn off the auto-answer. My heart caught in my throat as I looked for Jess... she wasn't in view, thankfully. Dani jerked upright in my lap and stared wide-eyed at the TV.

"What happened?" she asked, reaching over and grabbing a blanket from beside me to cover herself.

"Hi Seth," I said, turning to Dani and adding. "I meant to change our video call software to not auto-answer his calls, but I forgot."

"Hey Vanessa, hey Dani - super sorry, I just wanted to ask if you wanted to go to dinner tonight. It was cu... Jessica's idea. I suppose I should've texted."

"Did she say yes?" Jess' voice came from off screen, but it was getting closer. I scrambled for the remote, intending to turn it off before she showed off whatever delightfully adorable but wholly inappropriate outfit she had on, if any... when she flopped down on the couch next to Seth. She was wearing a white shirt under her pair of locking pink shortalls, thankfully her diaper wasn't visible. "Oh Dani!" she waved, "You're there too! Hiii! You're wearing shortalls too! Are you we- "

"Jessica," Seth cut her off before she could ask about diapers, "Where did you want to go again?"

"Oh, I don't know, Daddy," she shrugged. "What's Dani's favorite?"

"Sushi," I answered, "but I don't know if she wants it again so soon." I turned to look at Dani. "Would you like to have dinner with my best friend and his girlfriend? We'll go wherever you like, my treat."

Dani looked beyond uncomfortable - uncomfortable at having been seen in the shortalls, uncomfortable at being put on the spot in front of strangers, and uncomfortable making this decision. Our chill afternoon was going completely off the rails.

"How about we discuss it," I said to Seth, "And then I'll text you to let you know."

"Sounds great," Seth responded instantly. "I'll talk to you later, Vanessa!" And a split-second later, Bob Ross was back to his painting.

"Sorry," I began, hoping that she wasn't too upset by the unexpected interruption.

"Did she just call him 'Daddy'?" Dani asked. Shit.

I had a choice - I could come clean and possibly ruin everything, sending Dani out the door screaming and rushing for Julian's "normalcy", or I could dissemble and potentially lose her later when the truth inevitably came out. Jess was incapable of being adult around Seth for extended periods of time except under very specific circumstances. She was just so totally into her role that it was her. Jessica didn't exist anymore, there was only Little Jess.

"And he calls her Cupcake," I answered. "They live an alternative lifestyle - it's been good for both of them. He was far too high strung and she was burned out, they're much happier now."

"You don't think it's a little creepy?" she asked, then eyed me warily. "That's not what you want, is it?"

"I want whatever makes both of us feel happy and comfortable," I answered smoothly - I had gone through every permutation of this conversation I could imagine. I expected Jess to blurt out something or other that tipped my hand prematurely. I had contingency plans for this scenario, I was still well within my comfort zone. "I don't judge them for their lifestyle, I hope you won't either. Seth has been is a very, very good to me and I'm quite fond of Jess."

"You're... really kind and loyal, Vanessa," she laid a hand on mine. I could see she was conflicted, my only hope was that it was about her own desires. "Also, you video chat with your best friend randomly? That's awesome."

"I apologize for embarrassing you," I squeezed her hand. "I promise you that neither of them thinks a thing of it." I decided to turn off the auto-answer right there, just in case. "I'll understand if you don't want to have dinner with them."

"Jess seems a little... intense," Dani said delicately. "But if he's your best friend, you probably haven't been seeing much of him since you've been putting up with me... I'm sorry, I didn't realize how badly I'm disrupting your life."

"You're not," I soothed her. "You're not a burden, Dani. I am beyond thankful that you turned to me in your time of need, I feel like we've grown closer this past week and I wouldn't trade it for anything." I was pushing it here, pushing her boundary and it wasn't kind. It was difficult, but I was putting her in a bad position, making her choose to defend her boundary or not. "I'm sorry," I frowned. "I'm being too forward. You've been clear that you're with Julian and it's wrong for me to keep pressing, it's not fair to you. I'm sorry - I'm conten-"

My words were cut off by her lips being pressed against mine in a tender kiss. My arms found their way around her quickly, pulling her back to me, pulling her into my lap with each of her legs on either side of me. I held her lower back, kissing her deeply.

This was what I had been dreaming of this entire time - Dani, in cute clothing, kissing me. Showing me that vulnerable part of her, sharing her heart with me. I would never tell her she was wrong for her desires, I would never make her feel bad about herself.

Her lips were all I dreamed of.