Chapter Six

"Hewwo mommy," Kailee's voice, squeaky and irritating came through the phone. At some point during our playtime, she had realized that she could do a squeaky baby-voice that she found darling but I found unbearable. Jess' lisp got irritating, Kailee's was cringeworthy. I was two words into this conversation and I was already tired of it. "Aubrey told me you'd call."

"Hello, Kailee," I said softly. The first day in Redwood was done and I was exhausted, and unhappy with myself for giving in. I knew logically that the correct course of action when being blackmailed was to beat the blackmailer to the punch - come clean and own the embarrassing deed and control the narrative.

I could have just gone to Jeffery and said: One of the employees here has compromising pictures from a segment of my life that is over and done with, she is going to attempt to show them to you. What I do in my private time is irrelevant to this job, but she thinks that this will spare her. It would take Aubrey's power away... but knowing a thing was easy, doing the thing was often harder. She could turn around and spread them everywhere, damaging my reputation. If all she wanted was a call with Kailee, then the cost was low enough just to roll with it. I'd figure out how to handle the Benjamin situation later. I could recommend he be moved to a different team... one that would recognize his faults rather than enable him.

But I also knew that the chances of this ending with one call were nil.

"I missed you, mommy," Kailee continued. "Did you miss me?"

"Kailee, we had a lot of fun together, but we agreed that we weren't right for each other, that we needed to move on."

"No," her squeaky tone dropped, her voice suddenly sharp, "you agreed that I wasn't right for you, and you dumped me. But you ruined me, mommy. You spoiled me. No one else wants to play with me the way you did. I miss you... "

"Either party in a relationship has the right to dissolve it," I stifled a sigh, laying down on the couch of my apartment, glad to be home. "It has to be right for both people for it to work."

"Where do you live now, mommy?" she ignored my point, of course. "You moved and I don't know where you are now."

"Where I moved doesn't matter," I responded. I wasn't letting her back in my life, she wasn't good for me. She wasn't good enough for me.

"But I love you."

My lips drew tight at her cutesy voice saying those words. The sad thing was, she believed it.

"Kailee," I began, "I appreciate the time we spent together. I appreciate the growth and learning that we gained, I appreciate the fun-"

"You appreciate the sex," she interrupted. "We can do it again, mommy. Let me remind you how much you loved me once." I did love her once, before I realized that there was no truth to her. Kailee would do anything I wanted, be anything I wanted, any time I wanted. Even now, it was impossible to tell if she truly wanted any of this, or if she just wanted a place to sleep and free food and no responsibilities. Getting her out of my life had been painful, and I didn't want her back in it.

"I can't," I was trying to let her down gently. If I didn't, Aubrey would simply try to blackmail me further. "I've moved on, I'm sorry you haven't. You could make someone very happy, I know it, and you deserve to be happy."

"You've got another girlfriend, don't you?" Her tone was curt, accusing. "You've already got another girl."

"I don't," I did sigh this time, "I was just broken up with about a week ago."

"I know how much that hurts," she said, unable to hold back her passive aggressive nature. "I want to see you. I'm wearing your favorite diapers right now." Guilt was like a second language to Kailee - she knew how to twist words, how to make someone feel bad despite the best of intentions. She wasn't stupid - far from it, she was clever and sharp. But she was damaged and despite all my urgings for her to find someone to talk to, find someone to help her heal from the wounds of her past, she wouldn't. And you can't make someone help themselves, so I had no choice but to walk away.

"I can't," I had to be firm, had to hold that boundary. "I'm willing to try and be friends again, but I'm not ready to open my heart."

"I didn't break your heart," she accused, "You broke mine."

"I never wanted to hurt you, that was never my goal. I hope you understand that."

"You're a liar, Vanessa," she hissed. "You always lie, you've told countless lies in the time I've known you. How can you even look in the mirror?"

It was true, I was a liar. A social manipulator. Telling a falsehood brought me no remorse in and of itself, people told lies all the time - often to themselves. What was one more drop of water in an endless ocean? Those who were closest to me knew my truths - and what Kailee was calling a lie... wasn't. I hadn't wanted to hurt her, but I wasn't going to let her drag my life down with her damage.

"You're hurting, Kailee," I said softly, "I understand. I'd be mad at me too if I were in your situation. Do you still want to be friends?" There was no point in arguing with her, Aubrey had the cards - if I shut Kailee down, she'd just make another demand. But if Kailee walked away on her own then Aubrey lost her leverage - too many demands and I'd show the photos myself first, and then she'd lose out on what she wanted. While Aubrey and Kailee were "besties" as they said, I knew for a fact that Aubrey would turn on her in a hot minute.

"I do," she whispered, "I miss you."

"Then we'll talk again," I assured her. "But you're sleepy and I'm tired. Say goodnight, Kailee."

"Night mommy."

* * *

Wednesday morning came too soon and not soon enough at the same time. Aubrey had left me alone on Tuesday and I had been able to focus on the job - it would take me well into next week before I could make my recommendation to the COO and I was sure I would be exhausted by the end of the job... but it was also likely going to be the only job I needed to do that month. Companies with weak management hired me specifically because I was willing to pull the trigger on jobs for them, I was given the authority to fire people because they were too scared to do it. Firing someone was hard, you had to look them in the eye and tell them that they were on their own, that they'd have to find another way to feed their families, and too often the managers got caught up in their own feelings surrounding that, how they would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

But to me, it was just another job. I'd done it dozens of times before, I would do it countless more times. I had fired hundreds of people. It held no thrill for me, but I felt no guilt either. It wasn't the fault of the people getting the axe that they were selected, not often - it was management choices, market changes, poor allocation of resources. But that was just the way it was, I wasn't going to lose sleep over it. It was either them or the company... and the company was paying.

I waited in my car of the parking lot of the coffee shop... until I spotted Dani exiting her Prius. I had been twenty minutes early.

"Hey," I said as I slipped up behind her, holding the door open as she stepped inside.

"Oh, what good timing," she smiled. She was in tight black pants today with a white blouse, more of her chunky boho jewelry - two necklaces and three bracelets - with a dark blue blazer.. and she smelled amazing. She was a little taller today - brown suede boots lifted her another inch from last time we met. "I was worried I got here too early."

"I just got here too," I gave her a smile that said, 'I am very happy to see you' as I followed her in.

We sat down at the table, her with a hot chai and me with another mocha - not my favorite, but the narrative was important. She talked about her project, one of the engineers she was managing was having some personal trouble that was pushing out her timeline and she was trying her best to compensate for it and help him with his emotional troubles - a mature route, and I expected no less from her. I offered her tidbits about my own project without mentioning the company, but I focused on the positive - how the company would be in much better shape after the inefficiencies in their system were identified and corrected...

"I got you this," I said after a short, comfortable silence. "I'm hoping this counts as a second date to you, I really enjoy your company." I slid the small box over to her, waiting. The way she lit up at the tiny present was adorable. My timing had been good, she had forgotten that I had mentioned this, and her eyes smiled in a way that most people her age couldn't manage - especially in this town. They were too jaded, too worn... but Littles - and I was sure she was one - held onto some of that childlike innocence. Her lips parted in a wide grin when she opened it.

"Squirrel earrings!" she cheered, holding them up - they were cute, they were happy squirrel faces, but what made them great was the fact that the earring back was the rest of the squirrel - it would look like a squirrel was dangling from each earlobe. "Squirrels are my favorite animal!"

"I guessed from your purse," I smiled.

"I uh," her face fell a bit - here it came. Something had caused her to want to downgrade from a dinner date to coffee, but my hopes were still high. "I have a bit of a confession." She looked at me with a deep concern in her eyes, her posture shifted slightly - she was worried she was going to hurt my feelings. I smiled softly, a 'I can take it' smile, and waited. "I met a guy the day before our dinner date. I know we just started seeing each other - I wasn't sure if you and I are really dating - and I don't know if you're the one-person-at-a-time kind of dater. I usually am. So... I just wanted to tell you."

A guy. I was surprisingly threatened by that, I felt the fingers of my right hand twitch with a tell that I wouldn't usually provide, though I let my smile shift to a 'Everything is fine'. All my research had indicated that she was gay, I hadn't accounted for this possibility at all.

"We never defined our relationship, Dani - we don't have to. I don't own you," Yet. "I'm not upset that you're dating someone else at the same time. I'm a little surprised, I'll be honest - I thought you were gay."

"Well," she blushed, "I haven't dated a guy in a long time, I kinda figured I was done with them. Not because I'm not attracted but... ugh, there's no way to say it without sounding sexist. Women are just easier to relate to, you know? Anyway, his name is Julian and he's really nice and... different. I'm glad you're not hurt, you never know how some people will take this kind of news."

"I'd like to continue seeing you - dating you - if that's okay. I like you," I laid a hand gently on hers, the physical touch was important to show that I wasn't threatened. I wasn't - I was sure I would be a better partner for her... if my feeling about her was correct. This Julian likely had some other damage, some secret, some folly - and I would find it. Nobody was perfect.

I was bothered by the idea of her with a man, however. And that surprised me.

"I'd like that," she smiled... her eyes were smiling too, but there was a glint there, something hidden. She tilted her head just so, turned her body just so... there was something she wasn't saying. She liked him more than me. Damn, and I thought I had been playing this so well. No matter, I didn't mind a little competition.

I would win.

"I'm glad we met up this morning. Seeing you makes my day brighter, it will be easier to face the challenges of work."

"Me too," she closed the box on the earrings and slipped it into her purse. "Thank you for the thoughtful gift, it's really kind of you."

"I'm glad it brought a smile to your face." My tongue burned, I wanted to press - to ask her what she had named her purse, but it wasn't time yet. If she didn't embrace her Little side, if she struggled with it as I suspected, it would only embarrass her. And given that she had friends that teased her for those tendencies, that was more likely than not. It would only cause me to lose ground in this unexpected competition I found myself in.

"I hope you have a great day at work," she leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss, our lips barely brushing together. It was gentle, timid. It told me that she wasn't sure what she wanted... she knew I made her feel good, there was some attraction there, but I didn't sweep her off her feet.

Good. I hadn't been trying to.

But I would, once I knew more about this Julian. The moment I was back in my car, I messaged Seth - I was going to be busy today, but he was likely still taking it easy after his emergency job on Sunday. I asked him to find out the identity of this Julian she mentioned and see what he could learn.

He knew the drill, he wouldn't let me down. I had done the same for him with Jess.