Chapter L

It didn't take long for the juice to catch up with me. Mommies all around were getting their Littles ready for a nap. Which I thought was sort of stupid! But I'd woken up quite early today and a nap didn't sound all that bad. The only problem... I tugged on Cora's sleeve. "Um… where's the bathroom?"

Cora looked at her little one like she was the silliest little thing in the world, and then remembered the psychological need she still had to go into the bathroom. And then? Brilliance! "There's a potty chair in the corner, darling, you can sit on that to do your tinkles in your padding."

I looked at Cora with confusion. But when I followed her gaze, sure enough, in the corner of the playroom was a potty chair. Like, a child's potty chair. Not even sized up to adult sizes, but just an actual toddler's chair. My cheeks burned and I looked up at Cora with indignation. "No way! That isn't gonna work! And there are people around!" Immy and her Mommy, in particular, were working together to put some toys away.

Cora wanted to tell her 'too bad, do it anyway', but that wasn't the proper path to resolve this. Instead, she leaned in close enough to be heard from a whisper and asked. "How about I sit you on my lap and read you a book, and you can try your very best to do it there? And if you can't, I'll take you to a bathroom to use your padding. Mommy would like it a lot if you tried for me?"

I blushed deeply and shook my head. "I can't do that! Not..." On her? Ew! Super ew. But Cora's eyes were sparkling. I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes. "...I'll try. But it won't work." And anyway, all the Littles would demand a story for nap time. This was a good opportunity.

"There's a good girl, you're such a good girl." Cora cooed, and pulled up one of the padded blue arm chairs from the wall of the room to sink into. "You pick out a book you'd like me to read to you, darling, and hurry back here."

The girls cluttered around and laid down on a pile of blankets in the corner of the room. Mommy pulled an armchair over to that area and sat herself down. The lights were dimmed and a rotating star projector was spinning softly along the ceiling. I handed Mommy a book and she pulled me onto her lap. It wasn't the same as sitting on Mr. Gladstone's lap - a little less room... but it wasn't uncomfortable either. She used her arm to support me and wrapped herself around me, so that she could read from the book.

The girls would all be focused on her, it was true, but they weren't paying attention so much to Nattie as they were to Cora. And if there was any doubt about the woman’s passion for this, it all disappeared all so quickly as she began to read the little golden book. She did voices! She kept it dramatic! She got into character and she made this tiny little story come to life.

Immy was out like a light. Etta and Frannie watched in awe. And then there was me. At first, I was pretty invested in the story. But after five or so minutes, in Mommy's arms, I was a little... drowsy. Just a little. And I had to pee, still. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine the bathroom. A toilet. Sitting down. But Mommy's words were so close in my ear. It was hard to focus on going potty. It was another five minutes of relaxation techniques - things I had learned in an office training last year - before I felt it. Just a drop. And then a stream. I let out a light sigh as the heat pooled beneath my bottom, on Mommy's lap.

It might not have been the most important moment in Nattie's life, nor the most humiliating, not by far, but it was a groundbreaking event in that she'd done it completely voluntarily with almost no convincing. Wetting herself was a part of life. It didn't matter when, or where, or why, or in front of who. Nattie wore diapers. She used diapers. And that meant the decision to pee or poop or not to do so? It wasn't hers to make anymore. Cora was so proud.

"Hey..?"

I looked up sleepily at Cora and she kissed me on the forehead.

"Come on, let's lay you down."

I looked at the pile of girls on the pile of blankets. All of them had their eyes closed. I rubbed my sleepy eyes and curled up on another blanket, off to the side. Then Cora left me alone. I thought I'd fall asleep. But the soggy diaper between my thighs was a strange feeling when I was lying down. I did my best to do a few more relaxation techniques - to drift off - but only a few minutes later something moved. A girl rolling over, maybe? I opened my eyes and caught the sight of Etta crawling off the blanket. She wasn't wearing a dress like the other girls: she had overalls. I wondered if I would be cute in overalls... but then she got to her feet and hurried out of the room. I blinked in confusion and sat up. What was that all about...?

* * * * *

"She reminds me a lot of Frannie, actually," Hana said with a wistful smile. "I thought the same thing when I met her the first time, at the restaurant."

"Wasn't that a little risky? Bringing her somewhere like that, so early?" Santory was the least impressed with Natalie.

"It all worked out," Tori smiled. Ever the optimist.

Cora knew there would be resistance - she hadn't been honest with her friends about Sophie and consent violations were a pretty big deal. But then again, nobody here really saw Natalie the way that she did, they didn't see the help she needed even if she didn't know it.

"It was risky, yes, but if I didn't take those risks, I'd never have made it this far. She messed on Friday, you know? Voluntarily, in my arms."

"Oh there's a hypno tape for that now?" Santory countered.

Hana looked sourly at Santory. She had used tapes with Frannie, though she did have Frannie's permission first.

"Do you have a problem with how I'm doing things?" Cora asked sharply.

"You didn't have her consent. You basically weaponize her Little Space."

"Woah, hey now!" Tori stepped in with her calm voice, but it didn't do any good.

"Watch it, Sannie - the only reason I don't drop you into Little Space right now is because I don’t weaponize it! Because I bet you're reeling in jealousy that Etta--"

"Santory's right and you know it!" Etta walked into the kitchen with annoyance, dressed all together like a little girl. "You messed with Natalie's life before you knew what she wanted. Just like you did with Sophie. You didn't learn anything!"

"And when she asked, I told her the truth - I didn't hide it, I didn't deny it, I didn't play with her feelings, I told her the truth. That's what I did differently, that's what I learned."

Cora wasn't in the mood for being attacked, but she was also very aware of her own failings, her questionable morals, her... her jealousy that this hadn't dropped into her lap naturally.

"I gave her an ally, I let her best friend live with us, I..." What? Cora frowned. "I didn't realize until part way through that I was going about it all wrong. She forgave me, she wants this. Can't you see how happy she is?"

"You told her the truth?" Etta came up to the table and crossed her arms over her chest. "You told her that you played tapes while she was asleep? That gave her bad dreams, and made her scared of everything? I read those files, Cora. Did you tell her that she only wets the bed because of those tapes? Or that her safe feelings come from those tapes? What about her job? Did you tell her it was all just a sham, so you could scare her into needing you? Or that your husband hired that girl to steal her job, or that he faked the purchase order mishap?" Admittedly, all of this was pretty private information. Etta only knew because she got a hold of some of the emails between Cora and Frannie. "Or did you just gloss over all that? Huh?"

But as Etta finished her tirade, Cora didn't have an answer. No one at the table did. Because they weren't looking at Etta anymore, but the girl behind her, in the doorway. Natalie.

Fuck. What could Cora even say? Did she say 'it's all a lie', cut Natalie off from her new friends, make this day a day she scrubbed from the girls memory? Did she try to explain it, to take a defensible position on this? Natalie was already scared of everything; the tapes didn't do that much, did they? What about that awful fucking woman who sexually assaulted her at work, that Cora and her husband knew about but saw as a necessary evil?

Cora was furious, because all of this had been going right. She finally had what she wanted, what she needed, this was all so right. And the only thing more right than the ending she'd wanted... was Etta.

It's all a lie? No.

“It’s true. All of it. I just wanted you to need me…”

To Cora, the world disappeared, these other women? Gone. Just her and Natalie, that's all she could see. And she didn't take a tone begging for pity; she took responsibility, she was honest. And remorseful. But she couldn't, in any way, defend what she'd done. Nobody spoke. Everybody watched.

I stared at the table of women... talking about me. Sharing secrets about me. And I felt tears in my eyes. I... I thought things were better, and... I shook my head and turned, running out of the room.

"Natalie!" Cora called after me. But I didn't stop. I went through the foyer, out the front door, and reached for my phone. But I didn't bring it with me anywhere. Why would I need a phone if I had Cora? She was supposed to take care of me. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck...

"I'm so sorry, Cora," Etta said in a panic. "I.. I didn't know she was there. I.. I was upset, I, I didn't..." Tears started to fill her eyes as Cora ran from the room to follow her Little.

They were in the middle of nowhere, the little middle of a huge field surrounded by miles of woods. Cora was in heels; they weren't for running, they weren't for chasing, they weren't for traipsing through the dewy grass after her runaway child. Child. She wasn't even a child!

Cora didn't deserve her, she knew she didn't, and her chest ached over it. But she pursued anyway, she persevered, she followed through the grass toward the tree line until she caught up with Natalie and she only did because Natalie had realized there was nowhere to go.

"Nattie baby...talk to me? Please?"

"Talk to you? Why?! So you can lie some more?!" I didn't know what to think. What to believe. My job? It was just a way to get me into her house? The fuck ups at work? That was orchestrated? She made me afraid... she made me need her. Tears dripped down my cheeks and I shook my head over and over.

"You said you would keep me safe! You promised!"

"I know! I know I promised, Nattie, and I'm going to keep that promise, okay." Cora, even when she'd told Natalie her intentions for her, had never been so unraveled, so raw.

"I thought that's what I had to do, I thought it was! I didn't realize how afraid you already were. I thought only a vulnerable girl would want me, Nattie, I thought only a vulnerable, scared girl... would need me. I didn't realize until it was far too deep... that you didn't need to be... that I shouldn't have been...." Deep breath, Cora.

"I didn't realize that I could have just asked... and you'd probably have said yes..."

"Fuck that... fuck you... fuck all of this and all your friends and... and everything!" I'd shit myself for her. I'd wet myself on her lap. Even now, I was wearing a wet diaper. My wardrobe. My relationship with Sam. Everything. Everything was for her. And it was crumbling down around me. What was I supposed to do now? What was I supposed to believe in? I felt like... like I couldn't live without Cora. And I couldn't live with her, either. I couldn't stop crying...

"I hate you... I hate you, I hate you, I hate you..."

"And I don't know what to do about that, Natalie! I don't... I don't have an answer for that, it's not a situation I can control, I can't control you, I should never have tried. But you're... you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and that includes my goddamn husband, and now… I wanted you to need me, but I didn't realize until it was far too late... how much I needed you." Cora couldn't fix this. It was over. It was done. No amount of impassioned speech, no hypnosis, no grand gestures could fix it.

"I love you." Soft. Quiet.

"...I want to go home," I told her through my tears. Not even my home. It was her home. I didn't have a home. I didn't have a best friend. I didn't have a job. I didn't have anything. She wanted me to need her. She made herself everything in my life. And now I had nothing... I walked past her back toward the car.

It was going to be a long ride home with just the two of them, with the car seat in the car, with everything that had happened? Cora didn't want to put Natalie through that, but at the same time she didn't want to deny her the request, either.

"I'll take you home. I'll get my keys from inside, alright? Wait for me at the car?"

Cora didn't cry. She made it a habit not to, it's how she became a strong and renowned socialite. But her eyes felt like they were boiling in acid. Just go inside. Talk to nobody. Get the keys... maybe get Cookie? Jesus, she didn't even know what was right anymore.