Chapter XXXVIII

"How about this one?" The dress was beyond cute, soft and ruffled with little lights stitched into the skirt that lit up as Cora demonstrated. "Maybe electricity and my little wet princess shouldn't mix, though?" Cora teased happily, laughing a little in the nicest most positively spirited way. "What's that you've got?"

I pouted. Just because I had agreed to play dress up didn't mean that I liked wetting myself! In fact, it was one of the weirdest things I had ever done. Weirder still, I was getting used to it... "Uh, this is a skirt, but it has straps like overalls? Is it cute?" I honestly had no idea what was "cute" and what wasn't. It all looked ridiculous to me...

"That is absolutely darling, darling." Cora picked it up, held it against Natalie, and nodded her head. "You have to try this one on, for certain." It was weird how things were turning out, because out of all the traits Cora had expected Natalie to have, this level of maturity was nowhere near the top. At the same time, her maturity had been the thing that made it easier for her to accept losing her adult freedoms and embracing being a little baby. Mr. Gladstone wouldn't approve, Cora knew, but in so many ways this was better.

Snap-crotch onesies. Fluffy dresses. Shirts with blocks and teddy bears. Everything Cora picked out was overwhelmingly childish. But I already wore this stuff to work; might as well wear it all the time, right? Then she picked out a pacifier and held it up to me, showing the starry decorations.

"Perfect for bedtime!"

"Seriously?" I muttered.

"Oh come on, darling, it'll be cute! You can stay up and watch TV with me and Sam, and suck on your binkie until your eyes get too heavy to stay open, won't that be the cutest thing? And then Mr. Gladstone can carry you to bed in his big strong arms." Cora was on cloud nine.

I let out a sigh of exhaustion. It felt like Cora was a kid and this was a candy store. In a way, it was. She wanted so badly to take care of me, and I wanted so badly to let her. But did it have to be with all this stupid baby stuff? I crossed my arms and looked down at my feet.

"One pacifier," I relented.

"Two," she shot back.

"I don't need two," I told her. "I don't even need one."

"But you don't make the decisions."

I opened my mouth to argue, but my words caught in my throat. Her stupid trump card... "Fine..."

"There's a good girl." Cora hoped that one day she wouldn't need to play that move, and with the progression Natalie was undertaking at the moment it seemed more than likely that she'd get her wish. "You pick one, and I'll pick one, and if you're a good girl and take it seriously, I'll promise not to buy you anymore without you being here with me, deal?"

I gave Cora a look of annoyance, and stepped up to the display. There were bins upon bins of pacifiers. Like, hundreds! And though they all had different colors and shapes, they all seemed to have the same oversized nipple. I would have been more surprised if I hadn't been stuck in oversized baby clothes for the better part of a week. I fished through the bin, staring at each pacifier, one at a time. Too blue. Too pink. I didn't even know who that cartoon character was? Within a few minutes, I was shifting intently through the bins, looking for the perfect pacifier.

Her look of annoyance gave way to focus, focus to curiosity, curiosity to fixation and fascination, and soon Cora wasn't even there by her side. She'd probably pick something with Shortcake on it, Cora mused, but then again her little girl had been known to surprise her. Like, for example, Cora had no idea how Natalie was going to approach this topic with Sam.

In the end, I found a pacifier I well and truly loved. The guard was purple and the button had a plaid design. It had the shape of butterfly wings and sparkled under the lights of the store. Plus, it was one of the less childish options! I turned around with excitement to show Cora, but she wasn't there. I blinked in surprise and wandered around the store, only to find her on the far side, along the wall of training pants. I remembered standing here last weekend. How I hated it. How I fought tooth and nail to get out of this stupid place. That was only five days ago...

"Oh my heavens, Natalie, what a perfect choice. Do you have an outfit in mind to go with it?" Coordination was important, after all, and Cora asked that question so seamlessly that Natalie might not even question the fact that a supposedly night time item didn't rightly need matching day outfits unless she was intended to use it more often than that.

"Huh...? Oh... um..." I looked at the wall of training panties, lost in thought. All this was happening so fast. So much had changed in the month since I'd moved in. And now, I was buying a pacifier at some adult baby shop? I felt my heart race. "I... I dunno if I can do this..."

"I know you don't, darling." Cora was calm, serene, and patient. Her words came simply, like nothing scared her at all, like nothing could stop her. Conversely to that, Natalie was frightened of everything, and Cora knew she just needed to remember that. "You don't know too much of anything, because everything is so scary. You remember that, don't you? What it's like without me to make your decisions, what it's like to be a big girl? So much can go wrong at any given moment, and you're just not.... cut out, for that. And for most people that would mean a life of fear and pain, but for you..." She put her hand in her daughter’s, smiled warm, and tilted her head. "You have me to keep you safe."

I looked up at Cora as tears filled my eyes. She was right. I was scared. So much was changing. So much was different. Not just my underwear, or my clothes. Sam and I were different too. But if I tried to make everything better all on my own, I would just make everything worse. So I swallowed my pride and nodded my head. Without Cora, my world would fall apart...