Chapter XLVI

Sure enough, sometime around noon, Sam came in with a tray of crackers and cheese. My stomach growled eagerly and I bit nervously on my bottom lip. "I"m not that hungry," I lied. The idea of filling my diaper again was more than I could handle...

"Well, you know the rules on food - you gotta eat it all, that's what your Mommy" she emphasized the word, "told you, isn't it?" Almost mocking, but not quite. Just a light tease, a little bit to wind up her best friend.

I puffed out my cheeks and Sam stuck out her tongue. Like a child! Maybe she should be the one in diapers. But the idea of someone else getting this treatment, of Mommy replacing me, was more than I wanted to think about. I looked at the crackers again with a sigh. Mommy knows best. Right? So I put one in my mouth.

"I've got some training thing with Mrs. Gladstone tonight. She said it's unscheduled but she'll let me know, I don't know what it's going to be though - usually the maids give me my training, and I know pretty much everything there is to know about this damn place. Like, why are there seventeen different types of fork, Nat? You know what? I know why there are now and I'm almost sure that's taking up space in my brain for actual useful things." Sam was, at least, in good spirits. "She could fill your head with that crap though, I bet, cause you just made a whole bunch of space. You know, forgetting how to not pee your pants."

"You are going to get a lot of mileage out of those jokes, aren't you?" Imagine how bad they would get when she finds out I shit myself too. Ugh. "I still go to the bathroom to do it, you know. So I'm not forgetting how. I'm just... not pulling down my underwear." Yeah, that made it better. I ate another cracker with cheese. It was so tasty...

"Yeah? Cause your diaper was wet when I came into your room at 5 this morning,” Sam remarked, shrugging her shoulders. "I mean, if you're gonna be a baby you might as well own it, right? No need for excuses, just do it, huh?" Nobody would ever have taken that seriously, but Natalie seemed to pause over the idea. Maybe she was just gonna yell at Sam, who even knew.

I blushed and looked away from Sam at the tray of food. Yeah, so I had been having accidents at night. And I'd technically used the diaper in the car, too. Not just on the toilet. So why was I lying to her? Because I was embarrassed? Maybe she was right... maybe I should just own it. "Anyway... do you wanna watch TV with me? I almost finished the season..." I had a lot of free time today, it seemed. I hadn't seen Mommy even once.

"It's my lunch break, so I guess I can spare the time. Mrs. Gladstone is going to be home in like an hour, though, and if she sees my slacking off she's gonna kick my ass. Speaking of, I should change you outta your wet diaper, huh? I was gonna offer earlier, but you didn't seem to notice." And who else would have changed her in the meantime?

"Oh. Uh. Well, I'm not wet..."

"You were wet," Sam said flatly. "I'm not stupid. This is my job now, so if you could stop being a brat about it--"

"No, I mean. I... got changed." Sam raised an eyebrow and I bit my lip. "Can we talk about something else...?"

"You're not supposed to change yourself; Mrs. Gladstone said that if you did I was supposed to tell her." Although, Sam was kinda under Natalie's thumb now as her 'chambermaid' or whatever she was, so it was dubious as to whether or not she would.

I let out a sigh of annoyance and closed my eyes. No point hiding it... "I didn't change myself. Mr. Gladstone did..." Awkward, awkward, awkward... but Sam didn't seem to find it so.

"Oh. Alright then."

I looked up at her with confusion. Alright then?

"What're we watching on TV?" Some kids show, obviously; that's all that Natalie wanted to watch nowadays anyway. "You know all these kids shows are probably why you wet the bed now, they're turning your brain into mush. You'll be on baby food soon at this rate. Drink your juice."

"At least I don't have to change diapers every day," I snapped back. Which wasn't the best insult, actually, since those were my diapers she was changing. She looked at me with a smile and I pouted. "Shut up..." I put the sippy cup between my lips and sunk into the sofa.

* * * * *

An hour later, Cora was home. I wasn't sure where she went or when she even left. She came in and kissed me once on the forehead before reaching between my legs and sticking a finger in my diaper. I turned red, but I didn't protest.

"Dry," she said with a twinge of... disappointment? I looked nervously at her and explained myself.

"Mr. Glad--" ...deep breath. "Daddy changed me."

"Daddy did, did he?" She tried not to sound surprised, but with how worried her husband had been only yesterday, to see him taking such initiative? It was actually quite exciting. "And have you been a good girl for Mommy today, no fretting, no fussing?"

"No Mommy..." I looked shyly at the empty tray of crackers and then around the room for Sam. But she wasn't here. I blushed a little and admitted: "I was... scared to eat. Because of yesterday. But... I ate anyway..."

Cora's chest welled up with pride and she clasped her hands together in glee. "You were scared, but you did it anyway because you knew that was what Mommy expected of you? Oh darling, oh my sweet baby angel, I'm so proud of you! You're finally working to normalize this, to make this your true and proper self." She simply couldn't resist: she leaned in and kissed her little girl right on the forehead.

I smiled shyly and nodded my head. I loved when she gave me approval like that. I loved when she was close to me, and when she kissed my head. I didn't even mind anymore how she talked down to me. It was almost kind of cute. But there was still the reality: "I don't have to do that again, do I...? Um... what happened yesterday...? Please...?"

"It's an ordinary part of your life for a girl your age, and it's going to happen again and again. You can fight me on it if you like, but you've given over your decision making to me and that's special, isn't it?" But maybe some honesty, amongst the fluff.

"I feel your devotion to us when you do that, darling. I feel how truly you see me as your Mommy, and that's how this relationship is balanced - I take care of you, I make your decisions, and you reward me by doing things like that. Giving me smiles, making me proud. You're a baby girl, my little princess, and this is important to me. Which means it's important to you. Doesn't that make sense? Mommy knows best?"

I let out a sigh of resignation. I knew the answer before I asked. But hearing it out loud was still difficult. I looked down at my feet and nodded my head. Mommy knows best... "I really hate it... I really don't wanna do it..." But if Mommy wanted me to, then I would.

"I know you don't like it, darling. You didn't used to like wetting yourself, either, and now that happens without much incident and you don't even rush for a change. Normal is a goalpost you define, and once you realize that the things that disgust you, or that you don't like, that's someone else's definition of normal... and you could have Mommy's version instead, well… what's going to make you happier?”

I didn't like wetting myself either! And that may have been something I used to say out loud. Argue. Fight. But not anymore. Now, Mommy knew best. And I knew that was true. I nodded my head and forced a smile.

"I guess I just have to get used to it..." And then as a follow up: "I'm sorry you had to clean me up, though. That must have been awful..."

"Actually, it's not quite so bad - I knew that you were taking a big step, and that sense of happiness is far more important. Besides, that's what I have maids for." She laughed, brightly, and put her hand on Natalie's cheek. "You're my favorite, Nattie, and you make me so very happy."

I made her happy. She made me happy. Wasn't that the part that mattered? And this was important to her. Knowing I gave her everything. And it was sort of important to me, too. Knowing, no matter what, she made my decisions. I sighed and nodded my head. "You make me happy too."

The rest of the day was trivial at best. I followed Mommy around for most of the day, and that night we all ate dinner together. Sam changed my diaper once and Mommy another time. And then I was tucked into bed late in the evening. But not once did I think about work. I didn't once think about bills or money. In retrospect, as I drifted off to sleep, it might have been one of the best day I'd ever had. Funny, that...