Chapter XXXV

I had never been held like this in my entire life. Not by my mom, not by my dad. Not by a boyfriend or even when I was drunk at a party. This was... so strange. My head was pressed to Cora's chest, through her nicely appointed pajamas, and my leg was over hers. The discomfort of my needing to use the bathroom was assuaged by the comfort of her arms around me. Then the exhaustion of the day started to catch up with me. The crying. The fighting. Everything felt heavy...

"No moving until morning, sweet baby girl, close your eyes and rest now. Let what happens, happen." This was a big moment for Cora, a turning point for Natalie, too. From now on in the household, she'd be Mommy. And Mommy Knows Best would be her mantra, her safety net, her security blanket. And soon, the difficulty of allowing herself a wet diaper would be a distant memory.

I tried to listen to Cora's words. Rest. Close my eyes. Let what happens happen. I fell asleep. I dreamt of waterfalls and running faucets. And I would wake up in frustration. I rolled over twice, but Cora adapted to hold me in such comfortable ways that I drifted off to sleep once more. Laying with her was more powerful, more comfortable, than any blanket, any nightgown. I woke up for the sixth or seventh time when my alarm went off for work. I was drowning in exhaustion and my insides felt like they were a swirling storm of inevitability. Without thinking, I climbed out of bed and went into the bathroom. I reached for the tapes on the diaper, but my subconscious stopped me. Nuh uh. Cora said no. So I sat on the toilet with the diaper around my hips and finally felt relief. A second of pure bliss, as I started to fill the diaper. Then, a heat against my skin. Warmth spreading around my bottom and between my legs. Heavy tightness as the diaper sagged into the toilet bowl. And when I was done, when the diaper was soaked through, I barely knew what had happened. I looked down between my legs at the pink diaper - tinted an off-orange - and rubbed my sleepy eyes. Huh...?

"Breakfast, dearest,” came the voice from inside of her bedroom, from Cora who had been awake to see her young charge creep half asleep to the bathroom and had not heard the toilet flush; which meant she was quiet confident that she'd not taken off her diaper. Would it be wet? Cora would know in a moment, but either way it was important to maintain normality. "Come now, darling."

I looked at the bathroom door and fumbled to my feet. The diaper between my legs was thicker now than it had ever been. Warm. Heavy. I blushed as I realized what I had done. Oh gosh. I couldn't believe it! But that was the point, wasn't it? I puffed out my cheeks and rubbed my sleepy eyes, making my way out of the bathroom. Cora stood happily in the doorway with a tray of food. Usually Sam brought up my breakfast...

"Sam brought you your breakfast, but I decided to take it from her so as not to overwhelm you," Cora explained with a smile, noticing very much the sagging of her projects diaper between her thighs. "This is all very new to you, and I decided to not throw you in the deep end." Which was, for a woman who held all the cards, and had all the power, a remarkable show of care and compassion.

"...r-right..." I wasn't fully sure what she was talking about, but I remembered our conversation from last night. From now on, I wasn't fighting her. I trusted her. So I smiled sleepily and sat down in my bed. Mistake. The second my wet bottom hit the sheets, all the warm wetness squished into my skin and a shiver ran up my spine. My eyes went wide and a blush overwhelmed my face. Ew, ew, ew....

"It's normal, it's natural,” Cora said to her, tray in her lap, and leaned over to kiss her fretting face right on the forehead. "Everything I decide for you is something you want, and if you don't want it, or like it, yet, it's just a matter of time. Do you know why?" Three simple words were the correct answer.

I shook my head and she answered for me.

"Mommy knows best."

In the light of day, calling Cora Mommy seemed even stupider. But I trusted her. I trusted her... I took a deep breath and nodded, repeating her mantra. "Mommy knows best," I muttered. Then she set the tray of food in my lap. I took a few bites of the eggs, but I kept rubbing my eyes. My night was near-sleepless and I could barely stay conscious.

"I'm going to have you do a half day today, darling - then we'll go for lunch, and I'm going to take you somewhere special." Back to visit the Matron, back to the store when all this had begun on this accelerated descent. And to revisit there in this new light of Mommy Knows Best? This would be a very precious moment. "This morning, I'm going to change your diaper, darling, but you're going to let your handmaiden know that in future it's going to be her responsibility - a duty that will both codify your new roles with each other and bring you much closer together.”

"Sam?" I looked up at Cora with burning cheeks and shook my head. "I can't do that! She's my best friend. I can't let her see--" She looked at me with stern eyes and everything I said repeated back to me in my head. Arguing. Fighting. I bit hard on my lip and looked away. Trust her... trust her...

"What's your mantra, darling?" This time, Cora didn't lecture her as to why she should do it, she didn't give her logic, she didn't try to argue; she simply reminded her that those three words meant that Cora - Mommy - had already given it all the thought that was required and that this was the best course of action.

"Mommy knows best," I said again and settled into my bed. I didn't like this. I didn't want Sam to see me like this! But... but it wasn't my decision. I took a deep breath and nodded my head. In a weird way, allowing her to decide this for me was almost relieving...

"Lay back, Mommy's gonna change you and get you cleaned up, and then I'll send your Handmaiden in to get you dressed." Oh Cora could not wait to tell her husband about this, about this development, this growth! All their dreams were coming true, everything was coming to pass. And life for the Gladstones was starting to finally feel complete.

"I can do it myself," I tried to tell her, but she shook her head and smiled warmly.

"I don't mind. I actually like taking care of you. I never thought this was how our relationship would turn out, but I'm sort of happy it did? I've never felt so important."

I looked up at Cora with surprise and looked shyly at the ceiling. "Me neither," I admitted, and laid down as she instructed.

Cora wasn't new at this, because Natalie was not the first attempt that her and her husband had made, and her experience and tenderness showed very clearly in her technique and mannerisms. She lifted Natalie's ankles, she positioned her easily, and she cleaned her of her cooling wetness with just the right touch of maternal and thorough. Today, she'd get lotion and sweet smelling powder before she got her new diaper, too, because such things were important for a girl who had just given up ever peeing in a toilet again.

Maybe it was because I was sleepy. Or maybe playing baby to Cora wasn't as bad as I thought. But the diaper change went smoothly and without incident. Cora hummed a light song, something that lulled me into a transient dream, and everything smelled like baby powder. Then, when she was done, I felt... better. I realized then that a dry diaper was a blessing, compared to a wet one.

"You look so tired," Cora mused, and I sat up with half-closed eyes. It was Thursday. A work day.

"I'm going to let you get a little more rest before work - I'll have you handmaiden wake you in a few hours to get you dressed, and a car will bring you to work for a few hours after that, and then we'll take our lunch together later before we go to your surprise." And at that assessment, she pulled the covers down and gestures to the sheets. "Come on now darling, back into bed you go."

I hadn't eaten much of the breakfast, but I didn't care. The idea that I could get a few hours sleep was the best thing in the world. Cora tucked me in, wearing my cute silky nightie, and kissed my forehead. This wasn't so bad, I thought, as I closed my eyes. This was... actually kind of great. Then, without ceremony, I was asleep.