Chapter XXX

I looked up blearily at Cora's face, rubbing my eyes with the backs of my hands. I felt like I'd woke up from a nice dream, but I couldn't remember it now. I looked past her, at the silhouette of our house in the evening light. Wait... when did we get here...?

"Hey there, sleepyhead, you must have had a big day at work, huh? Let's get you inside, darling, and I'll make you some dinner and we can spend some time, just the two of us." Cora didn't ask these things. She told. Because she was the decision maker to Natalie, now.

"Uh huh..." Cora helped me out of the car and I followed her up the path to the house, with my hand in hers. Honestly, I didn't even notice she was leading me until we'd gotten inside. I wanted to tell her about my day. I wanted to thank her for everything! But I was still getting used to the lights in the foyer.

"I was thinking, you and I could decorate cookies after dinner, and then we'll maybe put a color in your hair." There were certain things that went into someone's identify, and Cora was excited to see how much change she could enact.

"Color...?" My hair was a very plain brown, the kind that was blonde when I was a kid. It wasn't that special, really. I used to dye it a rich brown - something closer to Cora's - when I worked for my old office. But sometime last year, I dyed it back to my original color so I didn't have to think about it so much.

"I think so, something... peppy, vibrant, something to represent the new you - to go better with your new taste in office fashion." Cora had something very specific in mind, something very bold, and something very pink. But she wasn't about to spill that part yet.

"I guess so," I muttered, holding out the tips of my hair so I could see them. It had been a while since I had a good haircut. Longer still since it had been dyed. Maybe this was a good idea. A way to start fresh. Right? I followed Cora up the stairs, crinkling with each step. Oh, right! "Um, Cora? Could we talk about something?"

"Anything at all, darling, anything you like." Cora had gotten her some new pajamas, today, too - frilly with puffy sleeves and ribbons - and she was on her way to get her changed into those, all the while Natalie followed along docilely.

"Well, today... uh. I don't know if Mr. Gladstone told you yet--"

"You don't have to call him that when you aren't at work," she reminded me. Right...

"Uh... well, this woman... the one we were talking about at dinner? Mabel? She said some awful things to me..." Cora walked past the hallway to her room. Wait, where were we going? But as she rounded the corner and started up the next set of stairs, I knew we were haded to my room instead.

"Oh no, darling, what happened? What did she say? Are you alright?" Cora frowned and made sure that her concern seemed genuine and that her surprise was authentic. It wouldn't do for her to be revealed to have know about all of this in advance, after all.

"Oh. Yeah! No, I'm okay. I just..." I didn't know how to word it... "She... uh. Well, she made fun of how I dressed. But I told her that I didn't pick it out. And she was going to tell Mr. Gladstone--"

"Ando."

"R-right. Ando. But I told him first. And..." Ugh, this was so complicated! "Anyway, everything turned out okay. Because you decided what I wore today..."

"Oh? That's splendid! I did tell you, didn't I? You cannot get into any trouble whatsoever if you're a good girl and let me make your decisions for you. Today, it sounds like that got tested, didn't it?" How thrilling!

"Yeah..." We hit the landing of the third floor and Cora headed toward my room. I followed on instinct. "I guess I don't really understand. If I never wore any of this, Mabel wouldn't have teased me. But if she never teased me, she wouldn't get fired. And if she wasn't fired, maybe she'd do a better job than me, and..." In a weird way, Cora's decision had saved my job. But the two weren't connected at all!

"It sounds like you've got a lot of words there, and they're going around and around in circles, darling. I'm glad that you figured it all out, though, I'm very proud of you for being so well behaved. And I got you a present today, too, are you ready to see what it is?" Cora was a little frustrated that her charge was still dry, though…

I did figure it all out, didn't I? The conclusion: Cora was right. I needed to trust her. Even if I didn't understand, even if I didn't see why, she had saved me countless times so far. So I was ready and willing. From this point on, I trusted Cora. With that one absolution, all the worry subsided and I was back in the present. Present... oh! "You got me a present? You didn't have to do that."

"But I wanted to, darling, and what I want is what's best. Close your eyes now." She stood, poised, waiting to open Natalie’s bedroom and lead her inside so she could see her new pajamas, her new ensemble for the first night of her truly new life.

I closed my eyes. I heard my bedroom door open and felt Cora lead me inside, by the tips of my fingers. Six steps or so? So I was near the center of the room. Then I heard my closet door open, to my left. I wanted to peek, but Cora must have worked hard on this.

"Tada! Open your eyes!" The pajamas were the next step in the direction of childish, they were toddler-esque at best, and the skirt would in no way cover the girls diaper - if anything, it would draw attention to it. Further, the ruffles and motif on the chest would be very effective at hiding her bust-line, too, further diminishing her. Cora held it up expectantly, smiling.

"...a dress?"

"A nightie."

"It's... uhh... kind of short?" Cora tilted her head to he side and gave me a stern look. Immediately, I felt my back straighten. "I mean... I like it? I just... it's really... ruffly? Um. I just don't know how I'll sleep in that..." I had never seen a dress like that in all my life. Or rather, I had, but I didn't recognize it in adult sizes. It was entirely impractical.

"You'll sleep just wonderfully. It's very soft and comfortable, I promise darling." Her surrender to Cora's whim had happened so quickly in that moment, nary a flash of resistance and then it was all over with. It made the older woman feel warm and proud.

I pouted and crossed my arms over my chest. Whatever. It was just a nightgown, right? But the more Cora bought me, the less I felt like myself. "Um... maybe we could go shopping this weekend?" I offered. "I could show you my style of clothes, so you know what I like?"

"I know what you like," Cora said with a smile. Ugh.

"Right... but..."

"Tastes change over time, darling, and you're just updating yours. This is what you like, I know that it is because I decided that it is. Let's get you changed and see how cute you look, okay?" And maybe show her off to Samantha before dying her hair..

I puffed out my cheeks in annoyance. She can't just decide what I like! Right? But I agreed to this... I told her I didn't want to make my own decisions. Buying clothes was a decision. With a sigh of resignation, I nodded my head. "Okay. I wanna get out of these clothes anyway." And by clothes, I meant diaper.

Cora led her girl to the bed and gently draped the nightgown down on the covers, then took her by the hand and began to undress her - pulling her current dress up over her head. The diaper, though, Cora left on the girl, and with one hand she deftly checked the leg-band with pursed lips. "Still dry, little darling?"

Cora lifted the dress up over my head, fully exposing my diaper and bra, both in an ominously similar shade of pink. Then, before I could do anything, she stuck her finger between my legs and slid it into the diaper. I slapped her hands away and looked up with frustration. "What do you think you're doing?! Of course I'm dry!"

"Natalie, don't you dare take that tone with me." Her response was firm, direct, maternal, and filled with a very simple message beyond the words: you're in trouble. "I make your decisions, I make your choices, and you've had multiple accidents over the past few days and I'm checking to see if you need to be changed into fresh undies or not - and you don't. Would you rather I have let you sit in a wet diaper? And get a rash? Oh, that's right, you wouldn't rather anything, because you entrusted those choices to me, didn't you?"

She never raised her voice, not once. She spoke clearly and firmly. But by the end of it, I felt... small. I... I mean, she was right. I'd been having accidents. Did I want to sit around in a wet diaper? No. But I... "I... I wanted my underwear--"

"These," Cora gently put her hand on the front of the crinkling plastic, "are your underwear. Until I say otherwise. This way you don't need to worry about accidents, or being in trouble, and it would be better to be in a diaper if you have an accident, and not have an accident, then the other way around."

I looked up at her in disbelief. Yeah, I'd had a few accidents. Two or three. But this... this wasn't necessary! I pushed her hand away again and puffed out my cheeks. "I don't wanna wear these all the time!"

Cora didn't even reply. She stayed in place and gave Natalie the kind of look that would make a disobedient child freeze in place. A look of 'I'm so disappointed in you' mixed with 'your window to fix what you just did is closing quickly'.

She looked down at me with annoyance. With disapproval? No, more like disappointment. I bit my lip and looked down at the diaper around my hips. "This isn't fair...! I know you just wanna protect me, but I don't need them! It was a few accidents... and... and it won't happen again, okay? Please, give me a chance?"

"Darling. I have every intention of changing you back to knickers in due time, this is a precaution to take away the stress and hopefully help your accidents on their own." Which made a lot of sense. "Consistency is important. And I've thought about all of this, I've come to this realization, I've made the choice. Which is what you asked me to do for you. But now you're letting your impulses take away something wonderful. Do you want me to let you do that?"

"But... but I don't need them..." I felt so stupid. So small. Helpless. She didn't even trust me to keep my pants dry! I felt tears filling my eyes, but I held them back. "This isn't fair... it's not fair..."

"Trust me, darling. I know what's best for you, and I'm not here to humiliate you, or make you upset, or be unfair. I'm here to make the decisions for your own benefit that you won't make, because you're not ready to make your own choices." Cora held out her arms, offering two very simple things: surrender and forgiveness.

I looked up at Cora and then down at my feet. I was so close to crying. But she was right. She was always right. She wasn't trying to hurt me... I was resisting, because I was embarrassed. Because I was twenty-three years old, and I shouldn't be in diapers! But Cora was putting my needs above my wants. I nodded my head and wrapped my arms around her, crying into her blouse. "I trust you," I muttered.