Chapter XXV

It wasn't such a bad day, I guess. Rubbing her feet. Painting her toes. Getting her coffee. An hour into the day, Mr. Gladstone gave me my ritualistic spanking. He didn't say anything about the diaper, and I wasn't sure I said anything at all. By lunchtime, I knew Mabel had seen up my skirt. I'd been all over the floor, and the skirt was so short. But what could I do about it? Nothing. I couldn't do anything anymore...

I stood in my en suite, shifting from foot to foot, staring at the toilet. It had been weeks and I'd never seen a single spider, but I still checked the lid every time I used the bathroom. Now, I wasn't even sure if I was supposed to undress until Sam took me out of these clothes. I had to pee, but the fear of making the wrong decision was insurmountable. More mistakes, more horrible mistakes... I rubbed the water from my eyes and sat on the edge of my bed and tried not to think about running water.

Sam usually came up to Natalie’s room right when she got home from work. Today, though, she was later than usual; it was a full forty-five minutes before she knocked on the door to her best friend’s bedroom and saw her sitting here on the edge of her bed. And at first she had to double check what she was seeing, because the timid and demure girl sitting there with puffy eyes didn't look at all like her Natalie. "Nat?"

I looked up at my best friend through watery eyes and rubbed my cheek with the back of my hand. "Hey... I... um..." I didn't know what to say. I'd say the wrong thing. I'd hurt her, or I'd get her in trouble, or... I shook my head. Mabel’s words echoed in my ears. Can’t do anything right…

"Did you wanna watch some TV? We can watch that Strawberry Shortcake show you really like before dinner?" Sam hadn't gotten her dressed this morning. And she certainly hadn't seen her ever so... timid. Her legs were spread, her skirt was barely hiding anything, and Sam was sure she was wearing something under what appeared to be a... onesie.

"I... um..." I didn't know what to do. I wanted to watch TV. I wanted to forget about today! But was that the wrong thing to do? I felt tears fill my eyes. I couldn't do this. I couldn't keep making decisions. Why would Sam give me a decision like that? "I... I need Cora... can... could you get Cora please...?"

"She's not home yet, I don't think? But I can check? Come on, let me put your TV show on and park your butt on the sofa and I'll see if she's home, does that sound okay?" More decisions that a girl who wanted to give up choices altogether no longer had any capacity to make.

"I... I dunno... I dunno..." Fresh tears dripped down my cheeks, and within a moment, Sam was at my side, wrapping me up in her arms. I pulled my skirt down as far as I could and tried to push my thighs together to hide my underwear. She didn't know, right? I didn't want anyone else to know...

"Bad day at work, huh?" There were two sounds: crying Natalie, and crinkling plastic. Sam didn't know what to do with either of them, so she hugged her best friend tight in her arms. "What do you want me to do, Nat? I can call Cora? I have her number for emergencies, is this an emergency? Do you really need her for something?"

I nodded my head in a panic. I didn't want to decide if this was an emergency or not. Was it? Wasn't it? Would Cora be mad that I called? Would she hate me? Was she busy? I didn't know. I couldn't know. But I needed her. I needed someone who understood...

It took only a few minutes for Sam to get Cora on the phone, and to give the phone to Natalie, and to hear her best friend saying words she never thought she'd hear her say. Cora on the other end of the phone, unheard by Sam, was so tender and sweet.

"Darling, what is it, are you okay? What happened?"

"I dunno... I dunno, I'm scared, and I... I dunno what to do..." I couldn't explain it. I didn't know where the fear was coming from. Mabel? The toilet? This outfit? Or my best friend in the room while I was dressed up like a toddler? "Please come home... please... I dunno what to do..."

"I want you to be a good girl for me, no matter what happens, I'm going to make your decisions darling. Tell Samantha to put your favorite TV show on, and to ask the kitchen staff for a cup of milk for you; they'll know what to do. And no matter what happens, don't move from the sofa until I get home." Simple directions. No ambiguity. No matter what happened.

I nodded my head, listening to every word she said. Crystal clear. "Okay..." A few more words from Cora, and we hung up. I looked up at Sam with wet eyes. "She... she said to put on TV and... um... ask for a cup of milk..." Suddenly, I seemed a lot more certain. I just needed some support, that's all.

"Right." Which was almost the same damn thing Sam had suggested anyway! She stood up and went to help Natalie to her feet, but to her surprise her best friend reached for her hand and held it tight - like a lost child. "Your outfit is uh... cute." Forced smile. A cup of milk? That was weird. But it wouldn't be until Sam got to the kitchen after settling Natalie in that she'd realize just how weird.

I walked carefully down the stairs, making sure to follow Sam step by step. I didn't want her to look back, to see up my skirt. I didn't want her to figure it out. When Cora got home, I'd ask if I could change out of this silly thing. Of course, she'd let me. She'd make it all better. But for now, I just had to sit down and watch TV. So that's what I did. Sam put Strawberry Shortcake on and went into the kitchen to get my milk.

Sam was gone a little while, maybe because that simple request stymied her, or maybe because she couldn't figure out why the kitchen staff insisted that the milk had to be strawberry and had to be served in a child’s sippy cup with strawberry shortcake designs. What was happening to her best friend? What was going on here? Begrudgingly, Sam returned eventually and offered up the childish cup. "Sorry, the kitchen staff said that Cora bought this for you and it's meant to be a surprise? I guess it's some kind of joke...?"

I looked at the sippy cup in Sam's hand and my cheeks burned pink. "I... um. I don't need that..." But Cora's instructions were clear. Ask for milk. I asked. And this is what I got? I bit hard on my lip and looked away, ashamed. "I dunno why she would do that..."

"I don't know, either, she's a bit of a weirdo." Sam griped, but there was this faraway look on her best friends face - contemplation? Thought? She couldn't tell. She watched as Natalie ran her fingers over the sippy cup, looked at the teat on top, and gingerly put it to her lips. So fucking weird...

Cora said ask for milk. I got milk. I had to drink it, right? She never said, but it was implied. I sipped at the strawberry milk with embarrassment, but... actually, it was really sweet. And after such a hard day, it felt kind of nice to have a sweet drink and watch TV.

The childish clothes, the television show, the fucking sippy cup, and what sounded like a god damn shopping bag every time Natalie moved... Sam couldn't bare it. She was going to talk to Cora as soon as she got home about all of this! If Natalie noticed her leave, she didn't really seem to show it.

I watched three episodes of Strawberry Shortcake before I realized exactly how long it had been. The sippy cup was long empty and I felt uncomfortable on the sofa. I went to stand up, but my feet froze on the carpet. Cora said not to get up. But I had to pee really bad...

"What is going on?" Sam asked, once Cora had walked in the door. She'd actually been waiting for her, too. "What do you mean, Samantha? I told you that I would be late home, was I unclear?" "You know that isn't what I mean - what's going on with Natalie? Why is she dressed that way?"

"Because she wants to be." Technically true; she wanted Cora to make her decisions, and Cora decided upon that. "You're not judging her, are you? She's free to make her own decisions." Free to, yes, but able to, no. She'd surrendered that.

"It's just fucking weird." That got silence from Cora. Silence and a glare. Sam knew she'd screwed up. She pulled on the edge of her maid’s uniform. "I'll have the Head of Help bring you your write-up forms shortly, please go to your room until then. Clearly you need some more... training." Cora was icy. Sam was meek. This whole house was fucked up.

"Cora!" I practically lit up when I saw her! I jumped up from the sofa and ran into her arms, cuddling tight against her chest. Immediately, the tears started up again. I couldn't help it. "I was so scared... I'm so sorry... I didn't know what to do... I didn't know if I should call you... I'm so sorry..."

Cora sat down right where Natalie had stood up from, and she pulled the girl into her lap so she could hold her close and tight; it would have been intimate if it wasn't so maternal. Cora smiled warmly and booped the girl on the nose. "You did the right thing, darling. And you proved that you learned your one simple truth in your life now: I make your decisions. You were such a good girl to call me, you needed me to decide for you, and I'm so very proud." And a pause. "Did you like your gift?"

"Gift...?" I gave Cora a strange look, but she made clear what she was talking about by nodding toward the sippy cup. My cheeks went a little pink as I squirmed on her lap. "I... well, um... it's really pretty! But I don't... uh... need something like that..."

"You need me to make your decisions, darling, and I've decided you need something like this. We own a lot of pretty furniture, and now you can have your drinks anywhere in the house." Solid logic. "And who's on the side, darling, who is it right here?" She pointed teasingly at the designs on the sippy.

"Strawberry Shortcake," I muttered under my breath. I guess Cora was right. If I spilled a drink all over her nice furniture, I'd feel horrible. I'd beat myself up for weeks! Maybe the rest of my life. A sippy cup wasn't the worst idea... and it was sort of cute. "Well, thank you then. I really like it."

"I know you do, because I know you, darling." Cora kissed her on the forehead. It was a touching, tender, sweet little moment. And it was by far the most maternal thing she'd ever done. "How's your diaper, darling? Did you have an accident? I hope you didn't make any naughty decisions on your own, like taking it off, did you?"

Naughty decisions. Suddenly, I was very glad I hadn't used the bathroom. The whole day at work wasn't so bad - Mabel didn't let me drink coffee. But since the strawberry milk... "I didn't have any accidents, but... can I get changed now? I really... um..." Wow, this felt so stupid. Why was I asking permission? Because I'd make the wrong choice? How could I make the wrong choice about using the bathroom?

"Darling, there would be no point in changing unless you were wet. Once you're wet, I'll be more than happy to change you." Now, this should have caused a big commotion, it should have caused a big push back. Cora was ready for that, too.

I stared at Cora incredulously. Like... like she was crazy or something! Was she really expecting me to piss my pants? Though I'd done it twice before... my memory floated back to today. Rubbing Mabel's feet. No trouble. No fear. Just do what she says, and... "...okay, I guess..."

Oh. Huh. That seemed... easy. Too easy, maybe? Had something happened, or was she just progressing ahead of expectations? "Good girl." Cora managed, keeping her composure. Simple praise. It was important not to make a big deal out of it, because Cora needed to at least give the impression that her decisions were beyond arguing with.

Cora sat beside me on the sofa and together we watched Strawberry Shortcake. Wet myself, and I can get changed. That simple. But it wasn't that simple at all. My body really didn't want me to! But if I disobeyed Cora, then... fear started trickling in again. Cora, on the other hand, kept looking over at me with concern. Like I was doing something wrong. Had I done something wrong? Then, unexpectedly, in the middle of the episode, she took my hand. "Let's get you to the bathroom." I looked at her with confusion. "But you said--" "I just needed to know that you would let me make the decision. Now that I know that, I can put you first.” I looked at her with wide eyes and a rush of relief washed over me. I really really didn't want to pee in a diaper. I smiled brightly and hugged Cora with all my might.

* * * * *

"What the hell are you doing?!" Ando was livid. This moment was as important to him as it was his wife, if not more so. "You are compromising everything we have worked toward, Cora!"

"Something is wrong, dear." She was calm and clear in her wording, though her eyes looked thoughtful as she stood in front of the large glass window of her bedroom. That Ando was furious? Expected. But there was an unknown variable at work here.

"What do you mean? You've done everything perfectly! Yes, we're ahead of schedule, but--" "She's afraid..." "She's supposed to be afraid!" "No, there's more to it." Ando pressed his fingers to his eyes and took a deep breath to calm down. He hated to admit it, but his wife was never wrong... "We missed something, then?" Ando asked. If this variable couldn't be dealt with, everything would fall apart. They were too late in execution now. Sam was figuring it out. They were running out of time...

"Something is happening that we don't know about. At first, I felt that this was something deeper inside of her; that she wanted this, that we didn't anticipate it. But that's not true." Cora sipped her wine. "Next I considered past trauma, but Sam would have known about that and I played back and listened to her entire bedroom conversation. Nothing there either." Another sip. "There's an uncontrolled factor, something at work, perhaps? Is it Prin?"

"Prin has been playing her part," Ando said quietly. "But maybe she's gone overboard. Or Mabel is taking her own initiative. She was always a risky move..." But Mabel was Ando's idea. He wanted that to work. "Everything was fine until today... so it must have been at work. I'll check the tapes."

“Focus on the office recordings and tell me what you find. This needs to be nipped in the bud, and if Mabel has to go then so be it." Things were so formative right now, so delicate.

"I understand," Ando sighed. Now that he'd had a moment to think, he knew this was the only option. There was more to this plan than fear alone - no, Cora needed to win Natalie's trust. Until then, they couldn't move forward. Everything was out of order now, and it was Ando’s job to fix it. Luckily, fixing things was what he was good at.