Chapter XIV

"You asked me for some more trainers, darling, so here we are. You can pick out the ones you want, and if there's anything else you'd like while we're here, just point, okay?" Notably, to the left of the wall of trainers, were stacks and stacks of adult diapers, with one each out on a mannequin for display.

I didn't know what to do. Be angry? Be upset? Be confused? I was paralyzed. I stood there, looking around the store, looking up at Cora, completely lost. Like I'd stepped into Lord of the Rings, or Narnia. It was... I... I couldn't... "I, um..." "Shh," Cora reminded me, with a finger to her lips. Then I knew what I wanted. I wanted to leave. I tugged Cora's sleeve and pointed twice to the door.

"Not yet, darling, you asked me to buy you some more trainers and here we are. This is where I got you the pair you wore yesterday, and I know how much you like them." And then, thoughtfully, “You're not in any trouble, nobody is going to see you here. They have a strict admissions list. So relax, and pick out what you'd like."

"I..." "I said no talking." That same tone. That one that reminded me of Mr. Gladstone, of work, of all the anxiety and fear. I felt a shiver climb up my spine and all the courage drain out of me. I dropped my gaze to my feet and my cheeks blushed red. I didn't want trainers anymore, I didn't want to be here. I wanted to go home...

"That's better, darling. Do you want me to pick some out for you?" Cora took Natalie by the hand and led her from one end of the wall to the other, looking for sizes. "These are the thickest ones. It looks like it starts thin at the other end and comes down to these ones, which are just before the throwaway undies here.” She pointed to the diapers. Clearly diapers. In-fact, Natalie was standing next to a mannequin wearing a pink diaper with skulls on it, thick enough that no spanking would ever be felt through it.

I looked back at the two women - one at the counter, one on the other side of the store - and then back at my feet. I didn't need training pants! I just wore them because those spankings hurt, and... and... I rocked uncomfortably from foot to foot. I had to pee...

"Wait here, darling." Cora left Natalie to mull over her thoughts while she approached the Matron of the store to discuss some details - although at no time did she take her eyes of her little project. The whole store smelled faintly of powder, a heady and overwhelming scent of childishness.

I didn't move. I didn't speak. I stood awkwardly at the edge of the store, looking around with my peripheral vision. I didn't want to be here! I didn't want training pants! But those spankings... I remembered yesterday morning, how I could barely get out of bed. I needed them. I just... I didn't want people to think I needed them for other reasons. Ugh, why couldn't she just buy these things on her own?!

"Oh yes, she's very new to this. It's a complicated thing, because she so badly longs for this, but her mouth doesn't always follow her mind. I found it better to disallow her from talking in these instances," Cora explained quietly to the woman, too quiet for Natalie to hear, and the Matron smiled. "It sounds like you're an excellent Mommy for her. Does she have any favorite characters? Disney movies?" Cora thought for a second and then snapped her fingers. "She's infatuated with that Strawberrry Shortcake show, on Netflix?" "Cubby 65-68, depending on thickness." "Brilliant." Cora was so pleased! "Darling!" she called, approaching her princess. “See the numbers on the cubbies? Check out number 68."

I looked at Cora with a mixture of embarrassment and anxiety, then I turned back to the cubbies. 44. To the right, 49. I willed my feet to move. I took one small step forward, then another, until I found the cubby in question: 68. I bent down and fished out one of the packages.

Strawberry Shortcake training pants. Thick, too; two sizes thicker than the pair that Natalie had now, and impossibly cute, to boot. Cora waited excitedly for Natalie to react, to respond, although she imagined with how shy her little girl was right now that her responses might be somewhat... muted.

I looked down at the training pants in my hands with burning red cheeks. They felt different to the ones I wore yesterday - thicker, maybe? Thicker meant the spankings would hurt even less, right? But the Strawberry Shortcake motif... I'd been watching that show a lot recently. Clearly Cora had noticed. I looked back at Cora with blushing cheeks and anxious eyes, but I didn't say anything. My body swayed automatically from foot to foot.

"How many pairs do you think? Do you want two or three? In this style, or in another?" Then Cora made a very important point, too. "If you don't pick, I will, and I bet you won't like what I pick out nearly as much. So point at these ones so I know you want them and then we'll pick out some others, okay?" Then a special word. "Together."

I didn't have a choice. I knew I'd wear them, I just didn't expect an entire store of adult-sized baby things! I didn't expect an entire wall of giant baby-print diapers! But the shock was wearing off. I was left with two truths: one, I needed these training panties if I wanted to survive Mr. Gladstone's spankings, and two, I really, really had to pee. So with reluctance, I pointed down at the Strawberry Shortcake training pants in my hands and went back to the shelves to pick out a few more pairs.

"There's a good girl." Now that the simple was taken care of, it was time to move onto the ambitious - a new pajama solution for Natalie. Cora was going to try and sell her on a pretty onesie. Deep breath Cora, you can do this!

We had six pairs of training pants picked out. I tried to pick the most mature ones I could - like polka dots, blue plaid, and hearts - but childish prints were unavoidable. I squirmed and shifted every second or two, trying not to think about waterfalls, streams, faucets... ugh, I couldn't even focus. I looked around for a bathroom, but there wasn't a sign anywhere.

"Oh my stars in heaven, Natalie, will you look at that." The mannequin that Cora pointed to was wearing a pretty onesie; split in two colors down the center, pastel pink and pretty blue, with faint stars in the opposing color stenciled on the design. Right in front of the tummy was a generously sized pocket, and from the top there were two wires running out connected to earbuds. "Look! You can put your phone in here, and listen to your music to go to sleep? With the headphones? And you've been having such night time issues lately and besides... you would be so cute. It would make me so happy, Nattie, just to lay eyes on someone so precious."

I looked at the outfit with mild irritation. Was she joking? I didn't have time for this! I shook my head and pointed to the checkout counter. "Oh, but Natalie, think about it. You could wear a skirt over it too, I bet." I shook my head again, dancing in place. "The headphones could be good for work, too. You could put your phone--" I tugged on Cora's sleeve and pointed to the counter, letting out a whimper of annoyance. "Shh!" Cora said flatly. "I'm talking, so please listen until I'm done."

The onesie with a skirt idea for work? That was brilliant, Cora was so pleased with herself. "This is cute and practical, Natalie, and you don't own very many nice clothes. You're acting very impatient and a little bit ungrateful, and that isn't very kind of you when I'm buying you gifts, is it?" Pause. "Is it?"

I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath. I wanted to scream at her! But it wouldn't do any good, and I didn't want to make a scene. She wasn't going to let this go, was she? Fine. I pointed at the onesie desperately; the sooner she was done shopping, the sooner we could leave!

"Yes!" Cora cheered happily, and her entire face lit up like an excited child at Christmas. "Okay, okay, I bet you haven't worn a onesie before, so we won't know your size. Wait over by the dressing room please, I'll have the Matron bring us a few for you to try on. Do you like that print? I like that print a lot."

I shook my head in a panic; I didn't have time for this! I pointed desperately to the checkout, pleading wordlessly with the woman in front of me. Why wasn't she getting the hint?! I was basically doing a potty dance in the goddamn store!

"Natalie." Firm voice. And then... then she started to count. “1.” That first number didn't seem very clear and meaningful, but when she got to the next number... “2.” It was very clear what she meant!

I couldn't do it anymore! I was in the middle of a stupid baby store wearing a stupid little girl dress, and my boss's wife was buying me training pants and counting like I was a toddler! And. I. Really. Had. To. Pee! So I broke the rules. "I have to use the bathroom! Right now!"

"Natalie." This time her tone wasn't firm, it wasn't harsh, it was... disappointed. "I gave you one rule today, just one. Is it really so difficult to follow one rule?" Handily, she ignored the fact of the statement itself. "I do so much for you, I take such good care of you, I took you to a fancy lunch and introduced you to all my friends, I'm here buying you pretty things, and you still break the one rule I gave you? How can I trust you to follow all the rules at work, of our business, our livelihood, if you can't follow this one little rule for one day?" Then it came. "I'm so disappointed..."

I opened my mouth in protest. But no protest came to mind. A few of her words stuck out: all the rules at work, of our business, our livelihood. Was... was she going to tell Mr. Gladstone? My stomach sank. I tried to say something, to defend myself. But a part of my brain wouldn't let me. The part that wanted to keep my job, that wanted somewhere to live. She had one rule. I closed my eyes and shook my head. I just had to pee so badly...

Here was the gambit: Cora wanted Natalie to go to the changing room, she wanted to propose that they leave with nothing and have Natalie point twice and fight her on it. But if she played her bluff like this, there was every chance that Natalie would call it and they'd leave. Still... the power dynamic shift here of making buying a onesie Natalie’s idea couldn't be underestimated. "You're so desperate to go? To spurn my gifts? Fine. We'll go.”

If I could just explain myself... if I could just talk... but I knew how much trouble I was in. Another word would get me fired. Kicked out. Homeless, jobless, maybe even friendless. Without words, I had nothing. No argument. No rationale. Cora made my choice black and white: did I want her on my side or did I want to risk losing her support? There was no in-between. And I honestly, sincerely appreciated Cora. Everything she did for me. This couldn't be easy for her either, shopping for training pants. I was acting selfishly. So I pointed to the changing rooms with desperation. I’m twenty-three years old… I can hold it for a while longer.