Chapter XXIII

The onesie was pink and blue with stars, a childish pastel color scheme. But it had a huge pocket on the front, like a hoodie or something. It was... weird. Almost normal, and completely not. If it wasn't for the snap-together buttons between the legs - like a baby onesie - it wouldn't even be that bad. I fished around my dresser for the skirt Cora bought at the same store.

"Hello darling.” Cora seemed to have gotten quite good at sneaking up on her little project because Natalie almost leapt from her skin when the older woman spoke. "I thought I'd stop by to help you get dressed for the day, to make your best impression."

"Sam usually helps," I said quietly. Nervously. All my anxieties were obvious on my face, and my complete lack of sleep showed in heavy bags under my eyes. For some reason, I couldn't fall asleep. Probably nerves. Always nerves these days... "I can't find the skirt. I thought it was in here?" She bought a skirt, right? She said she would, but my time in that store was a blur. After my accident, I just wanted to get out of there...

"Oh darling, what would you do without me?" Cora kissed her on the cheek and began to help her looking for the skirt. "Did you have any trouble getting your diaper on?" she asked, like it was the most simple question in the world and not one she already knew the answer to. Natalie would push back on this, but Cora was prepared.

"...what?" Diaper? Did she mean my trainers? I'd thought long and hard about it, but I couldn't wear them today. The onesie was tight on my ass, and if I remembered correctly, the skirt wasn't that long. If someone caught a glimpse of me bending over... "Um, I'm just going to stick with panties today."

"Oh darling, no no. Your onesie is far too immodest if you're not wearing proper underwear with it. And with your accident you had yesterday we shouldn't take any risks - could you imagine how this might backfire with wee running down your thighs in the middle of the office?" The way Cora spoke was like this was an absolute certainty. "Up on the bed you get, I'll take care of it."

I looked up at her incredulously. Was this a joke? But mentioning the threat of an accident brought color to my cheeks. I wanted to argue, but I didn't have room for it. I'd already wet myself in my office once. I shook my head all the same. "I'm not wearing my trainers today. I really can't. If someone sees--"

"No, not your trainers darling, that's not what I decided. Now if you want me to help cover up those bags under your eyes, you're going to need to hurry. Up you get, on the bed. And I don't want to hear any more arguing." Cora did something then, something new, something bold. She took Natalie by the chin with her hand and looked right into her eyes. "Who's in charge, darling? Who makes your decisions?"

I looked at Cora with my mouth agape. I didn't know what she was talking about, and she kept piling it on. Not my trainers? The bags under my eyes? But I was sleepy and anxious, and the way she held my chin felt immovable. Like a boulder. I couldn't turn away. Who is in charge. Who makes my decisions. "You," I said quietly, shyly, and followed her motions to the bed.

"There's a good girl." Of course, this first gesture was small. When Cora went to the closet and lifted the lid on the little plastic tote, she was sure there'd be more pushback. Though Natalie, for her part, didn't seem to stir from the place on the bed. Maybe she'd simply accept this.

For a while, I didn't understand. Call it sleep deprivation, or whatever. But when she came back with one of those pink plastic diapers - the real kind, the kind from the store - everything fell into place. I sat up with vigor, with passion. "No!"

She needed to get her 'no' out of her system before Cora could work on her, so the older woman smiled and waited for it to happen before replying just as simply: "My decision." There was a lot she had to say here, a lot to argue, a lot to prove, but maybe Cora would hit a home run out the gate.

"You said I can say no! I'm saying no! I'm not wearing that to work! I didn't even want to wear it yesterday, and I didn't want to wear it at the stupid store! I didn't even want to go to the store! I don't have accidents - just those two times, and I had reasons! And you weren't listening, and... and..." I was getting way off topic. I shook my head and focused. "No!"

"Nobody is going to see it, nobody is going to know, and I'm certain you don't want to risk an accident especially with Mabel being as challenging as she is, do you?" That was the first practical angle, and Cora drove the nail home with another tap on the head. "And this way you don't even need to leave your office, which would certainly make Ando happy."

"No! I don't care about any of that! I don't need them, and I won't! And Mabel is just waiting for me to screw up, and... and I said no! That's what matters!" Thankfully, that's what mattered. Because Cora made two really great points. Arguing with her felt like struggling out of quicksand.

Cora was calm and concise, and Natalie looked out of breath and exhausted. The two kept eyes locked for a moment and Cora made her final strike. "Do you remember dinner last night? Do you remember how well things went for you with your work problems? It was because you promised to let me make your decisions, darling.”

"You SAID! You told me I could say no!" "You can." "Then I say no!" "Okay." With that, Cora set the diaper aside, resting on the corner of my bed. But her monologue continued a while longer. "Yesterday, you were safe because of me. At work. With Sam. At dinner. I am just trying to keep you safe today too." Maybe it was her delivery - like she actually cared - but I made the mistake of responding to her. "Why would a diaper keep me safe?"

"It shows dedication, darling. It shows chastity, it shows devotion, it shows trust. How can you not feel safe wrapped up in feelings like that?" Let's be real here, this was a diaper. This was a baby’s garment, this was a big step, but Cora seemed absolutely and one hundred percent certain about this meaning so much. "It's a reminder, too; that you don't decide anymore and that nothing bad can happen to you. Nothing."

"Wearing a diaper to work is something bad!" Finally, I'd hit Cora's limit. I didn't even know she had a limit. But her hands landed squarely on her hips and she spoke to me with the sharpest tongue I'd ever heard.

"You have wet your underwear twice in the past month, once at work! You decided to wear training panties on your own because you know the risks! Do not start acting like you're in control of your actions, Natalie! You aren't in control of anything!"

I looked up at her with wide eyes, trapped somewhere between guilt and disbelief. Then, I felt sick to my stomach. "I..."

"Don't make your own decisions, anymore." Cora stated for her, like a mother talking to a disobedient child. "And if you want to stay safe, Natalie, I hope I don't need to keep reminding you of that!"

"This is literally the stupidest conversation I've ever had in my life," I said sharply, but... without the word no. Cora could sense it. She knew she was winning. Suddenly, her tone softened. She let out along, deep sigh. "I know it seems silly... but why won't you trust me? Every decision I've made for you has made your life better." ...she wasn't wrong.

"I'm not out to hurt you, to humiliate you, to upset you , or to lead you astray. I've earned your trust by now, haven't I?" Trust was a big word, especially to someone who'd lost the trust of an entire city population once already, and Cora knew this.

"I just... I don't see it. I don't see why this matters!" "Sometimes you don't see things, Nattie. You didn't see it coming when Adam stayed with his wife, did you?" I felt a sharp pain in my chest at the memory. "You're a brilliant, optimistic, trusting girl," Cora went on. "Let me keep you safe. Let me decide." I crossed my arms over my chest and looked at my feet. "I'm scared..."

"What is there to be scared of, darling? I'm going to take care of everything, you just need to let me. Is that so scary?" This step was scary, yes, but not for the reasons Natalie maybe thought. This was going to be one of the biggest steps in the changing landscape of her life, and a watershed moment of precedent for things that would follow. ‘Well, you're already in diapers, right? So this other thing is nothing,’ and so forth.

I didn't like this. I didn't like it at all. Every ounce of my body, every centimeter of skin, every neuron, every nerve told me this was a mistake. Something would go wrong. Someone would find out. My stomach was full of horrible butterflies, destructive with their wings. "Isn't there another way...?" But we both knew there wasn't. There aren't a lot of solutions to pissing yourself at work...

A diaper. A onesie. A childish skirt. After this long back and forth, those would be the core of what Natalie was going to wear today - she'd only wasted time by arguing. Cora smiled sweetly, supportively, and held the diaper up. "This is my decision."

It would backfire. She would ruin all the trust I had in her. My fantasy of being happy, of letting someone else deal with all my responsibilities, would be shattered. And I'd go back to making my own mistakes. But this was Cora's mistake to make. "Okay," I muttered. "If something goes wrong, I'll never forgive you..." I took the diaper out of her hands with annoyance.

“I don't mind helping,” she reassured me. "But if you want to try it yourself, you can. Just remember the importance of doing it correctly."

“I can do it,” I muttered. I let out a long, exhausted sigh. Diapering myself. Not exactly on my to-do list.

"Please be quick, though. I do have plans today, after all." Cora would step out of the room, give her time, and then chastise her for every mistake she made until Natalie became so insecure she wouldn't be able to help but ask for help: an adult who couldn't even put her own diaper on was not a very adult person at all.

I had never diapered anyone before. Not a baby. Certainly not myself. I unfolded the square of plastic, wincing at each crinkle. I stripped my panties off and climbed onto the bed, sliding part of the diaper beneath my bare ass. I pulled it up between my legs, but it felt weird. Too high up, or too low down? I tried to re-position myself, but it wasn't doing any good. Of course it felt weird! I'm twenty-three years old! But when I tried to tape up the sides, they weren’t in the right spot. Then I realized… I’d been putting it on backwards the whole time.

I took me five minutes to tape the diaper in place. It was… uh… a little to the left. But so what? Then, when I stood up, it sagged a few inches down my hips. I pulled the waistband of the diaper and ripped off one of the tapes, trying to tighten it, but the tape wouldn't stay stuck. It kept popping off. With every passing minute, I felt worse and worse...

Cora counted slowly to five hundred and went back into the bedroom, where she found a very distraught looking Natalie. Not frustrated, not angry, not aggressive - but legitimately upset. Were those tear stains on her cheeks? Cora waited to be noticed.

I rubbed my cheeks with the backs of my hand and caught Cora's eye across the room. "Um... I dunno, this one isn't sticking. I... I really don't think this is a good idea..." I didn't want her to see me in a diaper, though she'd seen me in them before. I didn't want her to inspect it, to see what a terrible job I had done. I wanted my panties! I was going to be late to work...

"You need me to do it." Cora said, almost with a question mark, but entirely without at the same time. A statement. You need me to do it. It wouldn't be enough for Natalie to agree, either; it would be a mantra that she'd need to say and accept. Cora needed to hear it.

She was right. I needed her to do it. I didn't know what I was doing, and this was... this was humiliating. Even more humiliating than letting Cora put a diaper on me. I wiped my eyes again and looked away. "I feel like a failure..."

"Needing help isn't failing, Nattie darling - refusing help when you need it, though? That's much closer." She'd closed the distance in the room now, while she talked, and she helped herself to Natalie's body, inspecting her diaper with her hands and shaking her head with clucks of her tongue. "This just won't do."

I felt sharp stabs of insecurity as her finger traced along the tapes of the diaper. I looked away, with burning red cheeks. I hated this! I didn't want this! But... but I wanted to be happy. I didn't want to make this decision anymore. I closed my eyes tight and muttered: "...could you... please... um..."

Her fingers continued to probe, to draw focus to shortcomings, to make clear the many ways in which Natalie had failed to manage to do this herself. And Cora waited for just the right words, reminding Natalie one last time. “Say, ‘I need you to do it for me, I can't do it’.” Then a pause. "Go on, darling."

I remembered, yesterday, asking why Cora would want this. She said, because it made her happy. This was a part of that, I knew. She wanted to be needed. She wanted to be important to someone. If it were anyone else, if it was any other kind of underwear, this moment might even be sexy. But it wasn't. It was... comfortable. Almost loving? And I knew I wanted to make her happy too, like she was trying so hard to do for me. So I nodded my head. "I can't do it... I need you to do it for me."

Cora smiled and kissed Natalie once, on the forehead. "Lay on the bed, darling. I'll do it for you, because you can't. Just like I'll protect you, and I'll take care of you - because you can't. And that's okay." Heavy words, thick and impossible to hide from, just like the diaper between her legs.