Chapter Twenty-One:

"I'm sorry about yesterday..."

Jackie tapped my hip and I lifted my bottom up off the changing table so she could slide a fresh diaper under me. I never fought for my right to use the bathroom anymore, even though I knew Jackie would let me. I mean, I was already wearing a diaper, so...

"It's fine," I told her, avoiding eye contact. We hadn't talked at all about the kiss... "I mean, it was nice, so..."

"It was nice." I agreed with her, nodding while I looked away so she couldn't see the color of my cheeks. "I haven't kissed anybody in a while." I finished the taping with my free hand and bit my lip, smiling a little bit. "And I've never kissed a girl. I'm glad my first girl-kiss was with someone so pretty." It was a weird cross pollination, a strange juxtaposition of maternal tones and flirtatious words. Weird.

"You’ve never kissed a girl? Huh... I sort of thought..." Jackie always had this out of college comfortable look going on, with plaid shirts and loose ponytails. Not that she looked gay, per se. But probably not straight either. Plus, she took pornographic pictures of girls! Or, girl. Me. It was my turn to blush.

"Well I'm bi, so this isn't really new to me." Though the last time I kissed a girl, we were both fifteen.

"You sound surprised that I haven't." She looked at me with a little smirk and I stuck my tongue out, almost childishly. "I've only even had one boyfriend. I put my heart into my work and that doesn't leave so much time for relationships. But I guess if the person I was dating was the object of my work, well... who knows." Of course, I was implying we should be dating... that was embarrassing. Before it got to be too much, I rubbed the front of her diaper to distract her.

Oh, was she done? I looked down at the diaper taped around my waist - Jackie was getting better and better at doing that. With a bit of help, I climbed down off the table and my nightgown covered the fresh pink diaper. I shuffled from foot to foot, crinkling with every movement.

"Betsy will be here soon," I sighed, checking the wall clock. "I wonder what horrible plans she has for me today."

"I really don't like that woman. She doesn't see you as a person, she sees you as a product, she sees you as like... a toy. I get that it's for money, I get that Abe has this big hard-on for the almighty dollar and all that. But you're not just a very pretty face, Leona, you're special. And I wish those bumbling idiots would see that." And like clockwork, there was a knock on the hotel door.

"Oh my little girl is up and at 'em!"

The cameraman followed her into the room and Jackie stepped out of the shot.

"You look so cute in your nightie, but I have another outfit in mind."

She reached into the bag and pulled out a dress. A rather... unexpected dress. It was short and pink with overall straps, covering a polka dot undershirt. But no frills. No words or babyish motifs. All in all, it was more tame than a onesie. What was she getting at?

"On days like today," Betsy monologued to the camera, in a display that was well and truly something she'd mastered by now, "little Baby Luvs prefers to dress down, because the excitement of what we'll be doing is more than enough for her. She's a simple little girl, after all."

What we’ll be doing? What were we doing? I looked over at Jackie for answers, but she shrugged her shoulders. I wasn't surprised that they kept her out of the loop. After all, she was just the photographer. Betsy made a show of changing me for the camera into the pink overall dress. Then she sat me on her hip and led me downstairs to the car. I put on my best baby voice in the elevator.

"Wha' are we doin' today, Mommy?"

"A very special treat for a very special girl, that's what."

Surprisingly, I was allowed to sit in the car with them - up until now, for the most part, I had to drive myself from destination to destination. This time, I was seated in the front passenger seat. The main cameraman sat on one side of Leona, with Betsy on the other, fastening her into the car seat.

"Open up for Mommy. You have a big day ahead of you and you've gotta eat your breakfast."

She put the spoon to my mouth again and I wiggled in the car seat, kicking and pouting. I hated baby food! I hated mashed peas especially. But that was the jar she opened after tying the bib around my neck.

"Not hungry! Not--" The spoon was shoved in my mouth and I gagged. Ew...

"Just like most girls her age, Baby Luvs would rather just eat candy and be done with it. But we all know that for a growing girl, sometimes she has to eat some things she might not want to." And that included special homemade baby food from her would-be Mommy.

I seethed from the front seat, equal parts outraged and jealous that it wasn't me doing the feeding.

I squirmed away from the spoon until she smacked my bare thigh with the palm of her hand. Immediately, I was silent and still. She put the spoon to my lips and I opened my mouth, looking up at Jackie with a blush on my cheeks. This was so stupid... and it tasted awful! After I'd finished three jars of disgusting baby food flavors and one that I didn't totally hate, the car stopped. I looked out the windows, but we were definitely not at the studio. It looked like... a parking lot?

"Where are we...?"

"We're at the mall sweetheart, we're going to look for some new sheets for your crib because your accidents keep staining the old ones, and some new dresses. And if you're a very good girl, we're going to look at some toys." Betsy slipped out of the car and went around to the trunk. Oddly enough, the camera man followed her, like what she was doing was worth filming. My shameful little crush looked horrified.

"The mall? Seriously?" I leaned forward to talk to Jackie, but the car seat held me back. "I swear, if she thinks I'm going to walk around in public like this, she's crazy! But she wouldn't do that. Right?" But Jackie looked about as uncertain as I did.

"And here we go." The answer was not that she was going to be expected to walk around like this, oh no no. The reality was so much worse, about as much worse as it could be. She'd unfolded a stroller outside the open door of the car, big enough for the diminutive girl, and she strapped her down into her newest mode of transportation in short order.

"Hey! No! Absolutely not!" Betsy unhooked my car seat and dragged me into the stroller, pulling the seatbelt over my lap and between my legs. No matter how much I pulled and twisted, the belt stayed latched together. I kicked her in the shoulder as hard as I could with my glossy Mary Jane shoes. "Not in public! I did not agree to this! Lemme up!"

"A gentle reminder, for any little drama princesses, that you are getting paid for this. And we are oh so close to the end of the week - you might want to change your behavior." Obviously the cameraman did not film that exchange.

"I don't care! Let me out of this stupid stroller!" I was getting a lot of money for this. I mean, a lot of money. But I'd talked to Abe ahead of time! I told him I would push my limits, but that didn't mean he could ignore them.

"I want to talk to Abe! I want--" Her hand smacked the side of my cheek, rough enough to hurt, rough enough to shut me up. Water filled my eyes and I looked up at Betsy in frustration. She... she had no right to do that...

I got to my feet, ready to get myself involved, but Betsy glared at me hard enough that it felt like I was the one that got slapped. I froze.

"We're not doing these games anymore. We are going to the mall and we are going to have a magical time. No more fuss, or this is going to be a lot more humiliating for you. And you're going to do it anyway. That goes for both of you."

Wow. Fuck her...

I sunk into the stroller and looked down at my shiny black shoes. I couldn't believe this... this couldn't possibly be happening to me! But as the camera turned back on and Betsy started pushing me into the mall, I knew I had no choice. I couldn't say no. I couldn't fight. I did my best to hide behind the canopy of the stroller and shrink as small as I could. As small as I felt...

This wasn't sane at all, this was displaying a kink to the world, we had camera crew and... oh. I didn't even notice that the cameramen had switched to discrete cameras; one on a set of glasses and another as a little GoPro camera on a belt buckle. This was super guerrilla, huh? I felt self conscious about my large DSLR all of a sudden.

The doors opened and Betsy pushed me inside. It was only ten or eleven in the morning, so the place was pretty dead. Thank god. But then again, that made a large stroller and three adults stand out a lot more. I shied deeper and deeper into the stroller, shifting away from passersby. I shoved my dress down tight between my legs to hide the thick diaper. My chest was aching with anxiety...

I felt awful, and I couldn't imagine how much worse Leona must have been feeling. I ruffled her hair in the stroller, feeling braver than I was, and spoke loud enough for her to hear. "I can't wait to show you the new Lego Elves sets. Maybe we can get one and build it together, tonight? When it's just me and you?" And now, if it wasn't already the case, it was done beyond done: I was a part of this.

I looked up at Jackie, obscured by the canopy of the stroller, and smiled a little bit. Just her and me... "Y-yeah... that sounds nice," I muttered. But before I could take a moment to revel in the company of someone who actually seemed to care about me, Betsy interjected.

"We're here," she said in that chipper voice, pushing the stroller into a clothing store.