Chapter Fifteen:

"Nobody can tell, I promise." Broken promise already - I could tell, but I was the one who'd dressed her. I was the one who put her in front of the mirror, in the pretty white dress that I'd worn to an alumni function a few years back, that had glassy lace around the hems, and looked more like something an angel might wear. I was the one who pulled the lavender and heather bloomers up her thighs, fought to get them over the diaper that was even bigger than I'd estimated, while she had her arms wrapped around my neck for support. It was the bloomers she was looking at right now, holding the hem of the dress up to her mirrored self. She didn't just look cute right now, she looked... ashamedly sexy. In a childish way. And I didn't know how to reconcile that. I pulled her hand away from the hem and let it drop and took control.

"Come on, it's getting late, let's go eat!" No opportunity given for argument - this was firm, confident, disturbingly aroused Jackie talking to waddling, diapered, strangely content Leona.

"Slow down, I can't keep up!" She pulled me by the hand down the hotel hallway toward the elevators. But she was taller than me and didn't waddle. Keeping pace with her was so difficult that, by the time we were in the elevator, I was already out of breath. I didn't understand... why was I doing this? We weren't on camera - if I didn't wear a diaper, no one would even know.

I was peppy, bright, and cheerful, and the warmth of that light shined on Leona even as she stood by me in the elevator. When had she held my hand? Or was I holding hers? I couldn't remember who grabbed for who, but both of us were looking at the union of fingers, and I used my other hand to prop her chin up to look me in the eye.

"If you don't say where you wanna eat, I'm going to pick, and I'm a pretentious photographer. So if you're thinking chicken tendies and fries, you'd better pick the place." Because in my head, a part of her was a toddler, and toddlers ate simple food.

Her finger tilted my head up to her in the quiet loneliness of the elevator. Tendies and fries? I blushed and shook my head, letting go of her hand and crossing my arms over the silly white dress.

"Nuh uh! I... I want pizza!" Was there even a pizza place nearby? I didn't live on this end of town.

"There's a good girl." I let her chin go as the elevator pinged and I thought about whether or not we'd be taking an Uber to get there. The pizza place I liked was... two blocks south. It was warm out still, despite the time, and honestly I wanted to see her waddle. I wanted her to need to hold my hand. So...

"What do you want on your pizza?" I distracted her as we left the hotel lobby.

"Oh. Um... I usually just get pepperoni? Is that okay?"

The woman by the front desk looked up when we passed. The one who had seen me in my diaper on our first night here. Her eyes glued to me and I did my best not to waddle, but it was impossible with a diaper this thick. When we finally made it out the automatic doors and started our way down the street, I let out a sigh of relief.

Oh she was so cute, she was so precious! She could have told me no at any time, and she didn’t. She could have let my hand go at any time, and she didn't. Was I reading too deep into this? Was I seeing things that weren't there?

"This way, doll." I led her by the hand down the street, walking too fast for her at first to get her flustered by her waddles, and then slowing down like I didn't realize.

"You look so pretty in that dress, Leona, you know that? Like a princess." I mused to her as we walked, as if dropping that in her headspace wasn't just a seed of blushes waiting to happen. Gosh I felt… like I wanted this. This dynamic. Her and I.

...a princess? I looked up at her with a bit of surprise, but she wasn't even looking my way. I waddled as quickly as I could behind Jackie as she led me down the street, past two street corners, and into a pizza parlor. By the time we arrived, I was sore and tired and my thighs hurt from the way I had to swing my puffy bottom. I was so out of breath, I could hardly talk the entire trip.

"Lets get a large, thin crus-" I was talking to the parlor girl, but Leona tugged on my top and pouted, and I smiled and ruffled her hair like she was an actual child.

"Sorry, a large stuffed crust, one half with pepperoni, and one half with mushrooms, peppers, and feta." I didn't even like stuffed crust. "Oh, and two cokes." Uh…

"And we'll eat here," I added at the end, while paying, because Leona looked exhausted. Like a toddler who insisted on walking because she was 'too old for a stroller' and was now regretting it, right? Fuck Jackie, where do you come up with this weird shit?

I sat on the bench and kicked my feet - which didn't even touch the floor - as I shoved the piece of pizza into my mouth.

"Real food is sooooo good..." Not that breastfeeding wasn't an interesting experience, but I hadn't had anything real to eat since last night! Pizza really hit the spot.

I thought I was sticking it to Betsy. What I was doing was making sure that Leona had food in her belly - solid food - that would be used to humiliate her tomorrow. I didn't think that far ahead, though, I was a simple photographer.

"Both hands," I reminded her as she almost spilled her glass bottle of coke, and she blushed in that way that was more of a confession than a humiliation.

"Those boys over there are so into you," I nodded to the table across the ways and leaned in close. "They think you're beautiful. Which you are. That's why it's a shame that you're all mine, huh?" I smirked and took a bite of my half of the pizza. Mine as in 'my responsibility'. Not 'my girlfriend'. Obviously.

Hers? I bit my lip and looked down at my slice of pizza. Here we were, the two of us, unlikely friends, out at ten at night getting dinner together. And I was wearing a diaper...

"Jackie... why aren't you taking pictures?"

"Uhh... it doesn't seem appropriate right now."

"Well, then why am I still dressed like this if it's not for the movie?" She knew what I meant. Dressed like this: not the dress, but what was under it.

"Because I think it's really darling, and I like it," I answered, simply, and took a bite of my pizza even though answering had made me feel sick. "And it makes me happy, and I'm barely even allowed to talk at work, so I'm being selfish."

I could have lied to her. I could have said 'well, just in case' or 'to help you stay in character'. But all lies came out in the end, and maybe I thought saying it out loud would make it easier for me to figure out.

"Everybody else objectifies you. I like taking care of you."

"Oh..."

I sat quietly for a minute and looked down at the pizza with reserved detachment. Things had been different today. When I let go, when I stopped fighting, I felt... I felt almost like this baby stuff came naturally to me. I had been doing it for years, though. Shouldn't it come naturally?

But today, Jackie and I went out to dinner and I wore a diaper. I didn't even have to, but I did, without any real protest. I wondered why. But if Jackie liked it, wasn't that reason enough? She thought I was cute, didn't she? And she said it herself - she likes to take care of me. I should let her. After all, it's so easy.

"Well. Okay. I guess that's a good reason."

"There's my good girl." I got up from my chair enough to lean over the table, put one hand on the back of her head, and kissed her right on the forehead, then I sat back down before any thoughts of how foolish I was being could ruin the moment. And now the sleazy guys over back knew she was mine... er... she was with me... I mean, they knew… they knew she wasn't alone, okay!

"How's your pizza?" Normality. This was normal. We were normal.

She kissed me again. Not on the side of the head, but on the top. Her lips on the skin of my forehead. When was the last time that had happened? When my mother had done it, when I was very young? Betsy had, I was pretty sure, but that was for the cameras. This was for... for her. Wow, I was blushing.

"I... y-yeah, it's really good. Um... I think I'm full though." I ate two full pieces after all. "We can bring the rest back to the hotel?"

"That's a great idea, I'll get us a box." And that way, she could have breakfast in the morning before being subjected to the whims of Nurse Betsy.

I slid out from the table and fetched a box, but I couldn't keep my eyes off her. She sat with her legs askew, unable to close them at any time because of the diaper. She wore my bloomers, she wore my dress, she wore a look of happiness on her face that I'd never seen on Leona the entire short time I'd known her.

I got back to the table and boxed up our leftovers, then held out my hand for her to take. I wanted to be sure. I wanted to know that she wanted this as much as I did, I needed to be clear that it wasn't all in my head. She looked at my hand, and then up at my face, and then back at my hand... and took it. And I helped her to her feet like a parent should. Like a partner would. And I walked behind her on the way out of the parlor and back onto the street, hand in hand, making sure only I got to appreciate her funny little gait.

Jackie, are you falling for Leona Whittaker? No, I don't think so - falling implies something that hasn't happened yet. When she looked up at me on the street, eyes sparkling, not a care in the world... I knew right then that I'd fallen, past tense, completed, finished. I'd fallen for her. And fallen hard. Well fuck.