Chapter Thirty

I wrung my hands nervously as I sat outside the director’s office, waiting for her to call me in.

Who told?

I knew it wasn’t Elyse. Or if it was, she was a much better liar than I would have ever given her credit for. Which is to say, I accused her, in very strong words, and she swore it wasn’t her. I don’t know why, she was the prime and only suspect, but I believed her. There had been a sincerity to her denial that I couldn’t ignore.

So, who was it?

Someone must have seen us. Another professor maybe, or another student. They must have seen us out together sometime this summer. We hadn’t been careful enough.

But that means they probably don’t know for certain; we can deny everything.

That was the plan. My relationship with Viv—I mean, Professor Devereux was strictly professional. Not a hint of impropriety.

I had tried to call Vivian after I got off the phone with Dr. Abernathy, but she hadn’t answered. And she hadn’t answered any of my texts since then either.

I was just sending another one, updating Vivian that I was about to talk to Dr. Abernathy and assuring her I would deny everything, when the door opened.

“Ms. Fairchild? Come on in, please.”

I stood up and followed Dr. Abernathy into her office. Dr. Abernathy was a short and round woman and frumpy looking in that quintessential eccentric professor kind of way. But she had a warm smile and kind eyes beneath her horn-rimmed glasses. Her office was cluttered with such a random assortment of knick-knacks that seemed a perfect match for her.

“Please,” she said as she gestured to a seat in front of her desk, “have a seat.” Then she made her way around her desk and plopped down in her own chair.

I took a seat but said nothing.

“Well,” she began after spending a moment getting situated behind her desk, “I’m sorry we’re starting the semester off on such a…well, perhaps awkward is the best word, starting off with an awkward situation. But…” she raised her hands palm upwards, but didn’t finish the sentiment.

Deny everything.

“I’m not sure what situation you mean, Dr. Abernathy,” I said flatly.

She pursed her lips slightly and looked at me, taking my measure. “Lavender,” she said finally, “I’m sure your instinct here is to protect yourself and perhaps even Professor Devereux, but…” she sighed and spread her upturned palms again, “I’m afraid the time for that is past. I’m well aware of the nature of your and Professor Devereux’s relationship.”

I bit my lip.

She seems…pretty sure…

“At this point,” Dr. Abernathy continued when I didn’t respond, “denying the relationship is just going to make things…complicated.”

I nodded, maybe she was right, I guess it depended on how much she actually knew.

Maybe she’s bluffing; she’s trying to get you to admit it.

“What…what happens next?” I asked neutrally, neither confirming nor denying.

Dr. Abernathy chewed the inside of her cheek and looked at me from across her desk for a long, awkward moment. “I suppose, Lavender, that depends on you. I already have Professor Devereux’s account of things—”

“You’ve already spoken with her?” I interrupted.

Dr. Abernathy nodded, “Yes, of course, she’s already told me everything.”

Everything?

“Everything?”

“Unless there’s something you’d like to add to or correct about her account of things.”

“What’s…what’s her account of things?”

“I’m more interested in your account of things, Ms. Fairchild.”

This made things more complicated. What did they have on us that Vivian told them everything? And what, exactly, does everything entail?

“Let’s try it this way,” Dr. Abernathy said, “what is the nature of your relationship with Professor Devereux?”

“Professional,” I said immediately, then added, “…and romantic, I suppose,” I was beginning to understand that denial was not a viable strategy here, but maybe, just maybe, I could mitigate the damage.

“Sexual?” Dr. Abernathy prompted.

“Yes.”

“And when did this relationship begin?”

“Towards the end of the Spring Semester.”

“Mhm,” Dr. Abernathy had taken out a notebook and was taking quick notes, “and…who instigated the relationship and under what terms?”

“I…I’m not sure I understand what you mean by ‘under what terms.’”

Dr. Abernathy set her pen down and looked at me, “Did Professor Devereux…promise you anything in exchange for your…affections?”

“No,” I said adamantly, “not at all.”

Dr. Abernathy sighed. “And who was the first to suggest the relationship become more than professional?”

I thought hard about that before answering honestly, “I’m…not sure…”

“So, at no time did Professor Devereux tell you that she would fail you if you didn’t sleep with her? At no point did she suggest that you would have to sleep with her to receive your doctorate from this program?”

“No!” Anger was boiling in me, who the fuck had told Dr. Abernathy any of this? “None of that happened!”

“Okay,” Dr. Abernathy said, “no need to get upset, Ms. Fairchild, I’m on your side here.”

Your side? What does that mean?

“Dr. Abernathy,” I said, feeling frustrated and exasperated, “I don’t know who told you about Professor Devereux’s and mine relationship, but that isn’t how it happened at all. I know what we did was wrong, but…it wasn’t anything like that, okay? Vivian—I mean, Professor Devereux has done nothing but push me to produce better work, to be the best student and scholar I can be, and she definitely didn’t do anything unethical!”

My miniature outburst lingered in the quiet of the room as Dr. Abernathy stared at me from across her desk. Finally, she sighed and closed the notebook she had been taking notes in. “Lavender, I like you, I think you’re a very bright young woman who has a promising future in and beyond this program. So, with that in mind, I’m going to level with you perhaps more than I should. You’ve both admitted there was impropriety in the relationship between you and Professor Devereux, and I am now left in the position of needing to determine how improper and who is at fault. Now, Professor Devereux has told me this is how it happened—”

Vivian told her? Vivian told her she exchanged my grades for sexual favors? Is that what she’s saying?

“Dr. Abernathy,” I interrupted her again, having completely lost track of what she had been saying, “who…who told you about our relationship in the first place?”

Dr. Abernathy sucked her teeth and looked contemplative, then nodded, “Professor Devereux did; she said she wanted to come clean before things got out on their own so she could make sure the narrative didn’t get twisted.”

Vivian told her? Why though?

My chest felt tight, and I couldn’t take a full breath.

“Vivian…told you?”

Dr. Abernathy nodded sympathetically. “Lavender,” she said softly, clearly picking up on the panic that was building inside of me, “this interview can wait, I can see how emotional you are, I understand this is a delicate matter. Get your head on straight, and we can talk about this again tomorrow maybe, okay?”

I shook my head, “no, I want to talk about it now.”

“Okay, so tell me what happened.”

I shook my head again, “what happens now? You said…you said Vivian told you everything, so what happens now?”

Dr. Abernathy sighed, “well, ordinarily, there would be an investigation to determine the exact nature and extent of the impropriety. Professor Devereux has tenure…had tenure…so that makes—”

“Wait,” I interrupted for the third time, “had tenure? What happened? Are you…firing Vivian?”

“Professor Devereux…resigned.”

That hit me in the gut like a freight train.

“She resigned?”

Dr. Abernathy nodded, “She took full blame for everything and resigned. She seemed…invested in making sure there was no investigation, if I’m being honest. Wanted everything done and over with and out in the open and accepted that resigning was the only way that could happen.”

“I…have to go, Dr. Abernathy,” I had to talk to Vivian. “Can we do this tomorrow?”

Dr. Abernathy studied my face for a moment before nodding, “Lavender, off the record? I don’t know exactly what happened between you two, but it seems like you’re both trying to protect the other one, and it’s only going to hurt both of you. Maybe…and if anyone asks, I actually recommended you do the opposite…but, maybe you should talk to Vivian and get your stories straight.”

I nodded and stood up without another word, but stopped at the door and looked back, “what will happen to me?”

“To you?” Dr. Abernathy repeated. “I guess it depends. If Professor Devereux did, in fact, promise you better grades in exchange for…whatever, then you’re the victim here. You’ll have to begin working with a new advisor who will go over the work Professor Devereux graded to make sure it’s up to the standards of the program; in the event that it doesn’t, we’ll give you a chance to bring it up to our standards. And if it does meet our standards, then that will be it, and you can just continue in the program as if nothing happened.”

“And…my fellowship?”

“Unaffected,” she said.

I nodded, “thank you, Dr. Abernathy,” and left.