Chapter Two

“What I do find really interesting,” I paused to take another gulp of my wine—gods, why was my mouth so dry? “is that the books sometimes seem to be critical of gender essentialism and strict gender roles, like when Nynaeve complains that men always think violence is the answer and then immediately wishes she could beat some sense into them, like it seems very self-aware in these moments, but ultimately the text is…well, you know,” another gulp, “the lore and the world-building and are all so embroiled in the dichotomy of the gender binary that it was the act of trying to find a form of magic that transcended the gender binary that caused the breaking of the world, suggesting that the dichotomy and male and female is not just an innate part of nature but a necessary part, that it holds the world together, you know?” I raised my wine glass to my lips to take another drink and was shocked to find it empty. The shock interrupted my train of thought, and I stared down at my empty glass for a long moment.

“More wine?” Vivian was still sitting across the dining room table from me, smiling with her whole face. It suddenly occurred to me that these were the first words she had said for…gods, how long had I been rambling on?

Great, you drank too much and now you’re blathering on like an idiot and embarrassing yourself.

I blushed and set my wine glass down, “no, thank you, I think I’ve had enough. I get a little…verbose when I drink, I’m sorry.”

Vivian laughed gently, “it’s quite alright, I invited you over for dinner to hear all about your dissertation and that’s what we are doing! Besides, I’m riveted, you’re quite a brilliant little scholar.”

My cheeks absolutely burned. “Thank you,” I managed to murmur.

“I mean it,” she said, picking up the bottle of wine (was it still the second bottle? Or had she opened a third? I wasn’t sure) and began filling my glass, “so please, have some more wine and continue.”

I licked my lips; I wanted the wine, but my head was swimming already. “Thank you but I’ve really had too much already, I still have to drive…” my voice got quieter as I approached the end of my sentence and eventually trailed off. Even as I said it, I knew I had already gone past the point of being able to drive home, I’d have to take a Lyft and come back for my car tomorrow.

“Nonsense,” Vivian said matter-of-factly, “you don’t have to do any such thing. In fact, I’d be beyond irresponsible to even think about letting you get behind the wheel tonight, you’ll stay in the guest room.”

“I…” was tempted, Lyft’s weren’t cheap and my stipend didn’t exactly leave me with a lot of expendable income, but even so “…couldn’t impose like that.”

“I insist,” she said firmly, “and it’s the least I can do after pouring your wine all night.”

I sighed and picked up my newly refilled wine glass, “I suppose…if you insist…then it would be rude for me not to accept the offer, thank you.”

“You can thank me,” Vivian said as she topped off her own wine glass before setting the bottle back on the table, “by continuing what you were saying.”

Something about the way she was looking at me sent tingles down my spine and made unconsciously chew my lower lip. I was just imagining it though, right? I was just tipsy and projecting what I secretly wanted onto her professional interest. Right?

Told you that you have a crush, like a lovestruck middle school girl.

Shut up.

I took a sip of my wine and gave Vivian an embarrassed smile. “I’m sorry, I seem to have forgotten what I was saying.”

“Well, tell me, Lavender,” the way she said my name made my stomach flutter, “what do you think of the non-normative sexuality inherent in the relationships between sul’dam and damane?”

I felt my cheeks go red just thinking about the question, but I took another gulp of wine to push past my embarrassment and managed to give an answer that didn’t include my how often their non-normative sexuality influenced my own sexual fantasies.