Chapter Twenty-Nine

Of course, that’s not the end of the story.

The rest of our vacation was a whirlwind of all the conversations we should have been having all along but were too afraid to have. Not to mention a lot of kinky sex; but I’ll save those stories for another time. Suffice to say, I didn’t wear panties for the rest of the vacation, we even had to order more diapers—Vivian even paid a premium for overnight shipping to make sure we wouldn’t run out.

When the week was over, Vivian took me back to my apartment, where I showed her everything—all my pacifiers, my sippy cups, my onesies, everything. And she cooed over how cute I would look in everything I showed her. When we left the apartment, we brought the chest of secrets with us. We soon arrived at Vivian’s house, where there were multiple packages waiting at the front door.

“I had to do a lot of shopping to get ready to have my little girl spend the summer with me,” Vivian explained as we carried the boxes inside.

And so I settled into to stay with Vivian for the summer. We knew we couldn’t continue to live together once the semester started, it was too risky, but for that summer, we could do whatever we wanted. So, we did, and I spent the summer as Vivian’s little girl. Sure, I also got some work done on my dissertation, but I did it with a thick diaper wrapped around my waist and a pacifier in my mouth. Sure, it felt a little weird writing my dissertation in such a state, but…the duality of man and all that.

All in all, I was perhaps the happiest I had ever been over those few months. Everything was blissful and perfect…and then the new semester was almost upon us. Moving all of my stuff back to my apartment—minus a stash of little stuff to keep at Vivian’s house for our Friday nights together—was bittersweet, but we knew it had to be done. And when it was, we both sat down in my living room with boxes of Chinese take out for our last meal together at my apartment.

Elyse wasn’t supposed to be home for another two days, so imagine my surprise when the front door opened halfway through dinner.

My chopsticks clattered to the floor as Vivian and I looked up at Elyse.

“So,” she spoke into the uncomfortable silence, “this explains where you’ve been.”

“W-what do you mean?” I stammered out. “We were just…Vivian and I were discussing my dissertation and—”

“Oh, stop it,” Elyse interrupted me, “I’ve been home for a week, Lavender, where have you been? You think I wouldn’t notice half your stuff was missing from the apartment?”

“You…what? No, you weren’t supposed to come home for another couple of days!” I said, as if that would change anything.

“You got the dates wrong,” Elyse replied simply. “So, what, you two have been living together over the summer?” She asked accusatorily.

“Elyse,” Vivian spoke up, “I assure you, it’s nothing quite so inappropriate as that,” she lied.

“I think you should probably leave, Professor Devereux,” Elyse said flatly.

Silence stretched out in our little apartment. Vivian looked over at me, but I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want her to go, but maybe it was for the best right that second. She set her chopsticks down and gathered up her stuff without a word. “I’ll talk to you later, Lavender,” she said as she approached the front door, walking past Elyse to do it. I nodded and gave her a look that I hoped conveyed how sorry I was.

“Elyse, I—”

“Don’t,” she interrupted me again, “I don’t want to hear whatever lies or excuses you’re going to give to me. You’ve been living with your advisor, Lavender, do you know how bad that is? Do you know what’s going to happen if anyone else finds out?”

“Are you…going to turn us in?”

“Maybe I should,” Elyse said, and it sent a dagger of ice through my heart. “But…” the word lingered in the air as Elyse walked into the living room and flopped down on the opposite side of the couch from me, “but maybe not.”

“Please don’t,” I said quietly.

“You’ve worked so hard to get where you are right now, Lavender, in this program, with your fellowship. Is Vivian really worth risking all of that? Because if anyone finds out that you’ve been sleeping with your professor, you might.”

I fidgeted with my hands without looking up at Elyse.

Elyse sighed deeply, “maybe they won’t,” she admitted, “I don’t really know what they’ll do, but one of you will have to take the fall for it. At least one of you.”

“I…love her,” I said weakly.

“Enough to risk everything?”

“I think so…I don’t know…”

Elyse shook her head and sighed again, “then maybe you should turn yourself in.” She stood up and started walking towards her bedroom, “Maybe if you do, they’ll be lenient.” And then she left me to sit alone with my thoughts, and I was deep in them.

I barely slept that night; my anxiety and churning thoughts kept me awake. I also didn’t hear from Vivian that night, which only worsened my anxiety. Instead of sleeping, I lay awake in bed staring at the ceiling and imagining all the horrible ways this conundrum could end. I didn’t want to break things off with Vivian—I could never bring myself to do that—but I was so proud of my educational career and knew I also could never blow my chance at getting my doctorate, especially not when I was so close. Was Elyse right? Should I turn us in? They’d probably make me stop dating Vivian, but that wasn’t an option. But if they somehow found out, it would probably be even worse. I racked my brain all night trying to figure a way out of this mess.

But as morning came, I was no closer to knowing where to go from here.

And then my phone went off.

“Hello?” I didn’t recognize the number.

“Ms. Fairchild?”

“Speaking.”

“Good morning, Ms. Fairchild,” the voice on the other end spoke formally, “this is Dr. Delores Abernathy calling.”

Dr. Abernathy—the director of my program.

“Yes,” I replied, my heart beating in my throat, “how can I help you, Dr. Abernathy?”

“I know it’s short notice, but I was hoping you’d be able to come by my office this afternoon, we have a…delicate but important matter to discuss.”

“Sure, I can do that,” I replied, then took a deep breath. “May I…may I ask what this is about?”

“It’s about your relationship with Professor Devereux.”

My stomach fell through the floor.