Chapter Nine

She thinks you wet the bed.

She thinks I wet the bed.

It doesn’t help that you couldn’t even manage to dissuade her of that fact.

I tried!

How hard is it to say, “I don’t wet the bed,” huh?

I tried! It’s harder than it seems, I guess.

What do you think she meant when she said she’ll take care of everything?

I assume she meant cleaning up my puddle of piss.

Puddle of Piss would be a good band name.

Not helpful.

More helpful than you were at explaining to Vivian that you don’t wet the bed.

I can’t believe this. How did I even get into this situation in the first place? I shouldn’t have held it as long as I did; I knew how badly I needed to pee and I ignored it, all because I was tipsy and horny. Fuck. I really fucked up.

Did you though?

Of course I did?

Think about it though, Vivian thought you were a bedwetter before you wet yourself tonight.

I flashed back to her reaction when she found me in a wet bed two weeks ago, when she had said that must be why I was so timid to spend the night. Then back to the conversation we were having just before she kissed me, when I thought she knew about my kinks. I was right, she suspected it before the kiss.

But okay, so what?

Sooo…she kissed you, made out with you even, thinking you were a bedwetter. She even brought it up right before kissing you, so you know it was fresh in her mind. It’s not a deal breaker for her; maybe it’s even—

Don’t even go there; only disappointment lays that way. But…maybe…maybe she really doesn’t mind that I’m a bedwetter. Or, I guess, wouldn’t mind it if I was…

So…why can’t you just be one?

I can’t just be a bedwetter. Remember how many times I used to wish I was when I was younger?

Back then you lived with family; back then you couldn’t just buy your own pull-ups; back then you couldn’t just be a bedwetter; but this isn’t back then, is it? If Vivian already thinks you’re a bedwetter and still wants you, what’s the harm in letting her continue to think that?

What was the harm? But could I really let her continue to think that of me?

In a sense, I had been given a gift; here was this woman, this amazing, gorgeous, absolutely brilliant woman that I adored and respected, who was into me, though I would never understand why, and not just into me, but into me despite the fact that she thinks I’m a bedwetter. I’d spent my whole life struggling with and feeling guilt and shame over my kinks, terrified I’d never find love with a partner who could accept that part of me, and here was a chance. It wouldn’t be entirely honest; it would require committing to the lie for as long as we were together. Could I really mislead Vivian like that?

Remember, she doesn’t just think you’re a bedwetter.

She had seen me have an accident while wide awake too. But surely, she knew that was the alcohol, right?

But what if you did it again? You could make sure she thinks you have daytime accidents too, then you could practice your kinks with impunity.

I’d be taking advantage of her understanding and good nature, wouldn’t I? And if she ever found out about my kinks, she’d immediately know I had tricked her.

Then don’t let her find out. Are you saying you wouldn’t be content to play the bedwetter who has occasional daytime accidents for the rest of your life? Are you saying it wouldn’t thrill you to know Vivian thinks you can’t help but wet yourself? It doesn’t make you hot to know that Vivian knows you’re just too little to keep your clothes dry?

I bit my lip and sunk deeper into the bath water. My brain was suddenly filled with thoughts of a life with Vivian in which she kept me in diapers at night and pull-ups during the day. A life in which Vivian knew she couldn’t trust me in big girl panties yet. The mortification of earlier fueled my thoughts, and under the water my hand—

A soft knock at the door brought me rudely back to reality.

“Everything okay, Lavender? Do you need anything?” Vivian’s voice came from the other side of the door.

“Everything is fine!” I replied quickly, trying not to sound as breathless as I felt, “I was just about to get out!”

But those thoughts would just have to wait.