Chapter Sixteen

Maybe if you don’t move, she can’t see you.

I doubted it, but I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to. I was the proverbial deer, Vivian the car bearing down on me, and the diaper the headlights. Not just headlights: this was some inconsiderate jerk in the oncoming traffic lane with his brights still on.

Worse, Vivian was just standing there, just inside the doorway, holding the stack of clothes with the diaper on top. It was a solid black diaper, a medical brand rather than the abdl boutique diapers I had debated on buying. I’d settled on the all black diapers because I figured they would be less incriminating should anyone ever discover them. At the time, I had thought I was taking an over abundance of caution, but apparently not.

We stayed frozen like that, me in the tub and Vivian standing in front of the door, for roughly a lifetime before Vivian finally broke the deafening silence.

“I, um, thought I’d get some clothes together for you,” she said in a rather subdued voice. This was one of the rare times I had seen Vivian’s cool confidence falter; she seemed to be a little embarrassed about the absorbent garment herself. A flickering candle next to the all-consuming bonfire of mortification raging in my body. “I was looking for your pull-ups…I mean…I assumed you had some for bed…I thought it would be for the best, since you’ve been drinking, so we don’t have any more…incidents?”

Say something. Do something. Stop just staring at her!

But what could I do? What could I say?

She’s waiting for you to say something!

What do you want me to say? Oh, yeah, those are my diapers? I don’t wear them though because I can’t put them on myself!

Maybe she’ll—

Don’t finish that thought.

“Well,” Vivian continued awkwardly when the silence had stretched on for too long for her to bear, “I couldn’t find your pull-ups, but I found your…um…these.” She tapped the diaper, crinkling it slightly, just in case I thought she was talking about something else.

“Um,” I said finally. I meant to say more, but I wasn’t quite sure what, and nothing was coming to mind or to my lips.

“I can see I’ve embarrassed you,” Vivian said, understating her effect by a large margin. “I’m sorry, Lavender, I didn’t mean to snoop.”

“It’s okay,” I choked out because that was what I was supposed to say and not because I felt that anything at all was okay in that moment.

She’s going to find out all about your fetish. She probably saw the chest; she had to have, it was right next to the diapers. Did you remember to lock it? Oh gods, if she saw inside, we’re done.

No, no, there’s no way she saw inside; if she had, she would have found the pull-ups after all.

It was a particularly sound bit of logic in my otherwise panicked state.

“It’s not,” Vivian replied, “I’m sorry if I invaded your privacy, Lavender, I was truly just trying to help, but I should have just asked.”

Okay, okay, think, how are you going to get out of this mess?

I’m not sure there is a way out.

Then you have to go through.

What the fuck does that mean in this situation?

“I’m sorry,” Vivian repeated when I didn’t reply, “should…do you want me to leave?”

“No!” I blurted out before I could even think about the question. “No,” I repeated more calmly, “of course not; I…I want you to stay.”

“Are you sure?” Vivian set the pile of clothes and the diaper on the bathroom counter before walking over to the tub and kneeling down. “I can see how upset you are.”

I took a deep breath. I had to go through. The panic was starting to abate and the gears in my head were groaning back to life as rational thought began to resume.

“I’m just…mortified,” I replied in complete honesty. “I didn’t want you to see those.”

“Lavender, I already told you, I don’t think any less of you because of your…problem,” she placed a comforting hand on my cheek as she spoke, “and that includes not judging you for how you choose to handle it.”

It’s fine, it’s okay, she doesn’t suspect a thing, she just thinks you have them for your bedwetting. Lean into it.

“I just…” I began even while the gears were still turning.

Sometimes the pull-ups leak; you wanted to try something else.

“Well,” I started over, “it’s just that…sometimes…not often, but sometimes the pull-ups, um…leak?”

“Mmm,” Vivian made an understanding noise in her throat, “so you thought you’d try something with more…protection?” She finished for me.

“Yeah, exactly,” I nodded in agreement.

If you play your cards right now, Vivian might put that diaper on for you. This is your chance.

But dare I take it? Was that what I wanted?

Of course, it’s what you want, you dolt! You literally fantasize about it!

That was true…but…

“Do they…help?” Vivian practically prompted me.

“Actually, I…don’t know,” I surprised myself with a burst of genuine laughter, “I couldn’t get them on right.”

Vivian smiled, “I bet it is hard.”

“I do have pull-ups though,” I added quickly, suddenly nervous about the direction I had taken the conversation.

“I must have missed them; do you want me to get you one? I know it’s not bedtime yet, but, well, you said this has been happening lately when you drink, and…” Vivian trailed off.

“No,” I said perhaps a little too emphatically, “no,” I repeated more softly, “but thank you.” The last thing I needed was Vivian retrieving pull-ups from my chest of secrets.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to embarrass you or make you feel bad, I just thought…”

I forced a reassuring smile, “Vivian, it’s okay, I really appreciate you and how kind and understanding and just…just wonderful you are about all of this. You’re right, I should wear one for the rest of the evening, I just don’t want to put you out.”

“Darling, it’s no trouble at all! Why don’t you get out of the tub and all dried off, and I’ll get your clothes all ready for you, okay?”

I leaned over the edge of the tub and planted a kiss right on Vivian’s lips. “How about,” I suggested, “you go make us more drinks, and I’ll be out there in just a minute, okay?”

Vivian grinned, “that sounds lovely.” She kissed me again and left the bathroom. I let out a long, deep sigh; I felt like I’d been holding my breath since Vivian had first entered and could finally breathe freely.

That was…not quite a disaster.

But pretty close.

Not wanting to keep Vivian waiting, I quickly got out of the tub, dried off, grabbed the clothing Vivian had picked out for me, and headed to my closet. After making sure my closet door was locked, I placed the diaper back in its bag the best I could and put the combination in to open my chest.

You could have had Vivian put you in a diaper.

The thought thrilled me and terrified me. I could have, and that was both scary and exhilarating.

But you chickened out.

And I wasn’t sure I regretted it, but I already knew I’d be playing the alternative ending to that scenario on repeat in my head for weeks.

I slipped a pull-up on and then got dressed in the clothes Vivian had picked out, feeling a rush of toddler-like giddiness over having my clothes picked out for me, then made my way out to the living room to finish my evening with Vivian, the pull-up rustling the whole way.