Chapter Three
I didn’t remember going to bed that night—the evening got pretty fuzzy after Vivian opened the fourth bottle of wine—but I’d never forget waking up the next morning.
The first thing I noticed when I woke up was how dry my mouth was, then the pounding in my too heavy head. Gods, how did I go from promising myself I’d only have one glass to helping Vivian polish off four bottles of wine so easily?
Stupid, stupid girl.
I opened my eyes and blearily look around the room. The bed I was laying in was massive, piled with pillows and plush blankets, and surrounded by four polished wooden posts that held up a translucent pink canopy. It was gorgeous and probably the most comfortable bed I had ever slept it. It wasn’t until I sat up in bed to get a better look at the rest of the room that I noticed something else about the bed: it was wet and cold. I froze, panic rising in my chest, and threw back the covers to confirm what I already knew—I had wet the bed.
What the fuck did you do?!
Oh gods, what had I done? And more importantly, what the fuck was I supposed to do about it? There was no way I could keep Vivian from finding out; she was going to lose all respect for me, and she certainly wouldn’t be interested in me now…
Really? That’s what you’re worried about right now? She was never interested in you in the first place, you idiot!
Tears welled up behind my eyes, threatening to cascade down my cheeks, but I fought them until my eyes burned. I wouldn’t cry; I refused to let myself.
Just sneak out before Vivian wakes up. You’ll have to drop out of the program, of course, there’s no way you can ever face her again after this.
How had this even happened? I hadn’t wet the bed since I was a kid! Sure, I had a lot of wine…
A lot of wine…
…but it wasn’t like this was the first time I’d gotten that drunk, and this had never happened before!
Who knows how long I might have sat there in a puddle of my own pee paralyzed by panic and dread if not for the light knock on the door that broke me out of stasis. As the doorknob turned, I did the only thing I could think of, the only thing I could do, and threw the blankets back over myself, covering my accident.
“Morning, Lavender,” Vivian said she poked her head through the crack in the door, “did you sleep okay?”
My cheeks burned so hot I thought for sure my face would spontaneously combust, but, unfortunately, it did no such thing. I opened my mouth to say something, I’m not even sure what, but no sound came out. So much for my paralysis being broken.
“Lavender?” A note of concern crept into Vivian’s voice, “is everything okay?”
I shook my head: no, no everything was not okay.
“What’s wrong?” She asked, her voice gentle, as she stepped into the room fully. “Did you get sick? You poor thing, I guess I got carried away with pouring wine, didn’t I?”
I shook my head again, though the churning in my stomach made me uncertain whether I’d be able to say that for much longer.
“No? Then what’s wrong?” She took a few steps into the room and towards the bed and paused; Vivian sniffed gently at the air and a sudden look of understanding dawned on her face. “Did…Lavender, did you have…an accident?”
The condescending sympathy in her voice was too much; the dam broke and tears spilled down my cheeks in racking sobs.
You’re so pathetic; you pissed the bed and now you’re sobbing like a child in front of your professor, in front of this gorgeous woman you’ve completely ruined your chances with, not that you ever had a chance in the first place, she could never be interested in a freak like you.
“Hey, now,” Vivian said softly as she sat on the edge of the bed and put a comforting hand on my back, rubbing small circles as she spoke, “it’s okay, I promise, everything is okay, I’m not mad, I promise! These things happen, it’s really no big deal, we’ll take care of it and get you all cleaned up, okay?” She continued to say soothing things and reassure me as she rubbed my back. With her free hand, she grabbed some tissues off the nightstand and gently wiped my cheeks and nose. Before long, and with the help of Vivian’s comforting, my sobs subsided into whimpers and gentle crying, and as they did Vivian wrapped one arm around me, pulled me close to her chest, and held me while making soothing sounds and gently rocking me back and forth.
“There we go,” Vivian said as she let go of me once my crying had dried up, “much calmer now, yeah? Sometimes feelings are just too big and we have to cry,” she grabbed another handful of tissues and set to work wiping my face. “Blow,” she said as she held a tissue to my nose.
I should have been too embarrassed, I should have hesitated at least a little bit, but I blew without a second thought. Humiliation seared into my soul, and I felt distant from my body. But despite everything, electricity still crackled through my body from the excitement of Vivian’s embrace, and her gentle words made warmth bloom in my chest. I just wanted her to keep holding me and tell me everything was okay.
“Feeling better, Lavender?” She smiled oh so warmly and oh so prettily and I nodded my head—and I was feeling better too, even if part of me still wanted to run out of the room, drop out of my program, and disappear off the face of the earth. “Well, let’s see what the damage is and we can get everything taken care of, okay?” Vivian grabbed the blankets and began to pull them off me but paused and made eye contact with me, as if checking to make sure I was okay with her pulling them off. The thought of Vivian, Professor Devereux, my advisor, my mentor, my role model seeing me sitting in my own pee made me stomach do flips; I gave her a quick nod and looked away.
The cold hit me like a train as Vivian pulled away the blankets. I was still wearing the black skater skirt I had worn to dinner, but it was bunched up around my waist, leaving my purple lace-trimmed panties and the tell-tale wet stain on full display. The white, floral print sheets were stained a mild yellow in a puddle that expanded out around me. And then there was the smell of pee that had given me away, suddenly so much stronger with the blanket removed.
“You poor thing,” Vivian said sympathetically, “now I understand why you were so hesitant to spend the night!”
Wait, what does she mean by that?
“I promise, this will be our little secret, okay?” Vivian stood up and took me by the wrist, “now, come on, let me show you to the bathroom, I’m sure you’ll want to take a bath.”
The mention of a bath made all my other thoughts fly from my head; a bath was exactly what I needed, not just to clean my body but to clear my head and gain some separation from the knot of emotions this whole incident had left sitting in my stomach. I let her help me out of bed and smoothed my skirt down as if there was any chance of regaining my dignity after sitting in my own piss with my wet panties on full display.
Neither of us said a word as Vivian led me out of the room and down the hallway. My cheeks burned once again as the wet fabric of my skirt rubbed against the back of my legs and the wet fabric of my panties rubbed against…other things. I followed Vivian into a spacious bathroom with a huge claw-footed tub and stood awkwardly in the center of the room as Vivian turned on the faucet and checked the temperature of the water, making a few adjustments until she was satisfied.
“There,” she said when she had finally found the perfect temperature and plugged the bathtub. She lingered for a moment, long enough for me to wonder if she was expecting me to undress in front of her, but finally she cleared her throat and made her way to the door. “Just leave your wet clothes on the floor outside the bathroom and I’ll collect them after I strip the bed and throw them in the laundry for you. There are towels just in there,” she gestured towards a closet just inside the bathroom, “as well as a robe you can use when you’re done.”
“Thank you,” I muttered weakly, fully aware that it seemed to be too weak of a sentiment for the occasion.
“You’re quite welcome,” she said as she stepped out into the hallway and gently closed the door behind her.
I took a deep breath and exhaled long and hard. I walked over to the sink and leaned over it, taking in my image in the mirror. My face was puffy and red from crying, my flawless make up smeared and ruined, and my blue hair a mess of tangles.
You really fucked up.
I know, I know.
Like, really fucked up.
I was right, but what was I supposed to do about it? The worst part was…no, I didn’t want to think about that, I was humiliated enough without acknowledging the whole…that.
Fuck me.
I shook myself out of my pity party and stripped out of my wet clothes, cracking open the bathroom door just enough to set them in a neat pile right outside the door. By then the tub was full; I turned off the water and stepped in. The water was a little warmer than I would have liked it, but my muscles immediately began to release their tension as I lowered myself into the water.
Well…fuck.