Gwen
Her fixation on “human propaganda” was strange, but it was almost certainly another deflection. It wasn’t fair. Tori’s childhood wasn’t fair, parents that didn’t show her the affection she needed, she hadn’t had the toys or other physical representation of caring. Play was important for children. Lily’s mother was crazy about her at least - I had expected that Tori had experienced discrimination and loneliness outside of the home, but the more I learned about her upbringing, the more upsetting it was.
My palm stung, striking flat against the countertop in my frustration. I couldn’t even talk to her about it - if I started asking questions about her parents, she’d get angry and ignore me. The list of people she should have been able to count on, people who had failed her, had to be as long as my arm. My own childhood hadn’t been sunshine and roses, but my parents had loved me while they were alive. My granddad loved me with all his heart.
Tori deserved that. Every child deserved that. Had she gotten to see any kids’ movies? Were her toys only there for leverage? To threaten to take them away?
It just wasn’t fair.
She had to pretend to not care, that she didn’t want anything from human culture. But she was Trueborn human, our culture was also her culture. The wolves made a distinction between a Trueborn wolf and a Trueborn human because there was a difference. The culture they grew up in affected the people they were.
Tori had to pretend that she was turning her back on her culture of origin willingly to make it hurt less, and it wasn’t fair.
I wanted to make her something. If I made food, cookies or something - which I wasn’t particularly good at - she’d assume it was drugged or poisoned. Which wasn’t entirely unfair, though I had managed to keep the truth of it from her so far. If I made her jewelry of some kind, she’d likely suspect that it was to hurt her or control her.
Sighing, I pulled on my heavy leather apron and my coat, heading back out to the main workshop. The thing had been a barn once upon a time, in great-great-granddad’s time, he’d been a sheep farmer. Granddad had renovated it, made it comfortable. And I was glad on days like today that the furnace and forge weren’t the only heat sources. I’d added my own touches to it over the years, a few modern comforts that Granddad probably would have scoffed at - but his granddad would have scoffed at him turning the old barn into a silversmithing business.
The mold would be ready to make the next round of silverware. I had rings to make.
I wasn’t just going to work because I needed a distraction from my heart weeping for the damaged girl I wanted to hold and protect.
I wasn’t a bad jeweler, it just certainly wasn’t my forte. I had sold a few tea sets that I had been extremely proud of, my pendants were pretty darn good. I was best at weaponry, though, not that there was a huge demand for silver knives and spears.
At least not by people I’d actually sell to.
I had a couple of people I’d call friends that did hunt werewolves on occasion, but only if they were killing people. They wouldn’t even step in to save livestock. A pair of brothers, good guys. They had some friends that were problematic, but those two were all right.
Tonight, I had spent more time than I had intended, cutting, grinding, and polishing an amethyst. I just couldn’t get it out of my head. I didn’t usually try for gemstone designs like this, but the inspiration flowed. I spent hours on it, carefully soldering the setting. I didn’t have a lot of silver-free pewter, but this was worth it.
The sun had long set when I held up the pendant, a mosaic in amethyst of a proud wolf’s head. On a steel chain with the tiniest trace of silver in it.
So it wouldn’t fall off when she shifted.
I shook my head, swearing. “You stupid fuck, Gwen. She’s not going to stay with you. She’s not going to fall in love with you, this isn’t some fairy story where you heal her damage and live happily ever after.”
Laying my head down on the workbench I sighed. I tended to talk to myself the most when I was upset about something. It helped keep the feelings from being bottled up, just to express them out loud, even if it was only to myself.
“You’re doing the same thing that every woman does, you damned idiot.” I got up and walked to the workshop’s bathroom so I could see myself in the mirror. “You. Can’t. Fix. Her.”
It hurt, but I was right.
I could help her, I could teach her, but she’d have to find her own way out of the trauma pit her human childhood had dug for her. No one could fix anyone else.
“You can only support her while she fixes herself, and only if she wants to.”
I had learned that the hard way. It didn’t matter how well you could see the path to healing for someone else, if they didn’t want to walk it, you couldn’t make them. Trying just caused a lot of pain to both people.
Still, I let the daydream take hold. A world where Tori stayed, where she lived with me as my companion and lover, where I helped her learn that she was worthy of love, that there was so much to love about her. I would give her every comfort, treat her to all the things she should have gotten in her childhood and more.
I’d spoil her rotten and she’d be mine.
There was a part of me that really liked the sound of it.
Flipping the lights out, I let out a long, weary sigh. I had worked longer than I intended, and likely for nothing. It wasn’t like I could even give her the pendant.
…but maybe someday.
Making love to her had been incredible… even if it hadn’t been the right thing to do. She had asked while in heat and I had let myself get swept up in her lust. Maybe it had just been too long since I had been with anyone, but looking back, it had almost been like I had been drunk on her need.
Pheromones?
Werewolves mated with humans, they had to - a werewolf couple couldn’t produce children. River said it had to do with how the Wolfmother created them, but no one had been able to really look into werewolf genetics, and they were undoubtedly supernatural creatures. Their change was undoubtedly magical in nature.
Maybe I had been drunk on her need in a very real way. The idea of taking her up to my bed now, now that I was away from her, filled me with a horrible guilt. I had taken advantage of her and I had to live with that.
Hopefully River would have an answer for me.
Either way, Tori had me all twisted up inside. I ached for her, I longed for her, as evidenced by the pendant in my hand. Quieting the workshop, returning it to its ready slumber, I made my way back to the house, hanging my coat and apron by the back door once more.
I wasn’t ready to face her again, even though the movie had been over for hours - it wasn’t a terribly long movie, the target audience wasn’t known for its attention span. I grabbed a beer and sat in my recliner, turning the pendant over in my hands as I turned Tori over in my mind.
She was the test of everything I had said I was devoting myself to.
Protecting the innocent but not as a hunter. I loved the wolves, River’s pack was family - my only family now, really. I swore to stop wolves that would hurt people, and stop people that would hurt the wolves. I swore to help where it was needed.
If I couldn’t help Tori, what had I been doing with my life for the past almost ten years?
She needed my help, and I needed to help her. For me as much as her.
If only I could tame you with a kiss.
I laughed at the thought, downing the last of the beer and looking at Granddad.
“I think I’m falling for her, Granddad. And unlike Pete, I can’t just kick her out to run away from it. Anything worth doing is worth doing right, huh?” I gave the portrait a sardonic smile and tipped the neck of my beer bottle to him. He would have scolded me for chasing off my one chance at a ‘normal’ life, for running from my feelings. “Don’t start a job you don’t intend to finish.”
I knocked the rest of the bottle back, tossing it in the recycling and heading upstairs for another quick shower. The last thing I wanted was to get silver dust on Tori, or worse - for her to inhale it. I stripped and hung the pendant on the knob of the old medicine cabinet on the wall.
Kept the shower quick.
“No more stalling, Gwennie.” In the kitchen, I dabbed more of the diluted mixture on me, wrists, neck, and spritz. It didn’t seem to have an effect last time, but it seemed better to keep it on and see if it continued to do nothing, or maybe find out if I just needed to be closer. I tapped in the code on the security pad for the fourth time that day, in my third change of clothes. I was heading back into the wolf’s den.
I gave a soft chuckle at the thought, calling to Tori as I descended.
"Last call for the night. Want another movie in?" The music for the Balto menu was going. I winced when I realized I had accidentally forced her to listen to it on repeat for hours. “Oh jeez, sorry Tori.”
I trotted down those last few steps, stepping quickly over to the TV to turn off the movie. It looked like Tori had fallen asleep again. Couldn’t blame her, it would be better than listening to the same supposedly inspiring music clip over and over and over.
I turned to walk away, to just turn off the lights and let her sleep when I heard a muffled, pained groan from her. She curled tighter into a ball inside the cage.