Chapter 10
He walked in the door and set Rufus’s cardboard house on the floor. The air left his lungs as he exhaled, feeling all of his anxiety go with it. He had done it. He had taken that leap of faith, and nothing bad had happened! She had been right all along. He felt like he was on top of the world, like there was not a single challenge he couldn’t overcome in this moment. Nothing could bring him down…or so he thought.
“Are we done now?” Maturity asked, exasperated. “He’s got the bear. He’s done as you asked, now will you Please leave us in peace?”
“Now, why would I leave?” Inner Child asked, her voice tinkling like windchimes. “He likes me more than you, and I’ve got so much more to offer.”
“I’m actually inclined to agree with her here, Maturity. Why should she leave? Granted, today was nerve wracking, but I made it through and none of the bad things that you said would happen did. She was right!”
“Because she’s dangerous!” shouted Maturity, sounding desperate to be believed.
“You haven’t given me any reasons to believe that she is though. Why do you keep insisting she’s dangerous? She’s done nothing but good for me.” he said, becoming agitated.
“Fine! I was trying to protect you, but you want me to explain to you why? Well here’s why. She starts this way, innocently enough, but she has plans. It won’t stop here. Next thing you know she’s going to convince you to start usi”
“Hey now, hey now, you don’t know what you’re talking about here.” Inner Child interrupted. “I’m not planning anything, I’m just trying to help, promise.”
He wanted to believe her, but she sounded…nervous?
“Why don’t we just take Rufus to bed and we can all get some sleep? Doesn’t that sound nice?”
He definitely heard it that time. She was nervous, but why? Maturity had the answers, and she didn’t want him to reveal them. He needed to know.
“Maturity?” he called. “Finish what you were saying, I need to know…Oh, and Inner Child? Don’t interrupt him.”
“Well, as I was saying” Maturity continued huffily “She’s going to convince you to start playing with toys again, and from there she’ll just keep going. From toys to teethers, to sippy cups, to pacifiers, to bottles, and finally to diapers. Just you watch, that’s her end goal. If you don’t believe me, ask her yourself.”
“No…I…I…that’s not the whole truth! Please, just listen to me…I…I can explai”
Inner Child was still talking, but he couldn’t hear her anymore. He was in shock. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t think clearly. Why? Why is she doing this to me? Why did I listen to her? Why didn’t I listen to you? But, you’re both me…why is this happening to me?
Anxiety gripped his heart in its cold fist. He felt pressure on his chest driving the air from his lungs and preventing him from getting any more. His breathing became shallow, panicked. His vision blurred and he collapsed to the ground, panting. He tried to rub his eves to get his vision back, but his hands came back, wet? Was he crying? The panting had become sobs and he curled up there on his floor, descending into a full blown panic attack. “Why me?” he managed to choke out, but there was no reply. The voices were silent. He was alone.