Chapter 8

The man led him over to a large machine filled with what looked like cotton candy, but turned out to be stuffing. He took a seat alongside a large pipe, protruding from the device, looked up and said “Ok, next we are going to fluff up your new friend there to make sure that they are as cuddly as you want them to be, sound good?”.

“Yeah, sounds great, so do I just give this to you then?” he asked, expecting the man to handle this part of the process on his own.

“Well, yes, but I have something for you in return!” the man replied. He reached into one of the myriad of pockets that adorned his apron and mused “No, not that one…Ah! There you are!”. He held up a closed fist and said “Here, can you hold on to this for me? It’s very important, so I’m going to need you to be really careful with it, ok?”.

He nodded, and felt something press into the palm of his hand. As the man pulled his own had away, he saw that it was a small fabric heart, like the kind you would see adorning every Valentines Day decoration. Confused, he asked the man “What am I supposed to do with this?”.

“You’ll see…” the man replied, his voice taking on a sing-sing tone. “Now, may I see your friend there?” he asked, motioning towards the chosen bear.

“Oh! Um, yeah, sure.” He replied, handing over the bear, a little caught off guard by the man’s reply.

The man positioned the bear onto the pipe and motioned towards a small pedal on the floor “Alrighty then, I’m going to need your help for this part. Do you see that pedal on the ground there? Well, when I say go, I’m going to need you to press on that for me so that we can fluff up your friend.”. He paused briefly to see if his instructions were understood, and when he received an affirmative, albeit hesitant, nod he continued “We will stop every so often so you can tell me if we have reached the perfect cuddle level for you. Once we’ve got it, we will do something with that special gift I handed you earlier.”.

They worked the machine together, stopping occasionally to move the stuffing around, and to make sure that the bear was not too soft, and not too firm. Eventually, their work was done. They had reached the perfect “cuddle level” as the man had put it.

“Ok, are you ready to use that special gift?” the man asked, his excitement radiating from him.

“I guess so…what do I need to do?” he asked.

“Ok, so I’m going to need you to take that heart and rub it between your hands as fast as you can!”

“Why?”. The confusion on his face was more pronounced, and his excitement for this process was beginning to fade. This feels really silly he thought to himself.

“Well, to fill it with warmth, so that they can keep you warm at night.” said the man, interrupting his intrusive thoughts.

The world stopped. This is stupid…I…I shouldn’t have come here. This bear isn’t going to be warm, it’s just a stuffed animal. He’s talking like this is magic, but magic isn’t real! I’m not a child. I can’t believe in magic… His thoughts were roaring in his mind, swirling around him. The other voices were returning, he could hear them.

“Just leave” “Mistake” “Wrong”

The voices were hissing at him, their words pointed and malicious, attempting to drive him out of this place. He felt fear grip his heart like an icy hand, but as quickly as it had come, the hand released. The voices died down, and he heard her speak.

“But, what if you could?”. Her voice was warm, and it reminded him of days when he was younger, sitting in the bay window of his parent’s living room, the sun on his cheek.

If I could what?

“What if you could believe in magic? What would happen then, hm?”

It doesn’t really matter if I believe or not anyway! It’s not real! This is so fucking stupid…I’m humiliating myself… In that moment, he felt the emotions well up inside of him. He desperately wanted to run, to hide…to cry.

If she could have, she would have reached out and touched him, held him, and reassured him that this would all be ok. She would have, but she couldn’t. She was simply a part of him, so she did the only thing she could do. She began to speak, and through her words, a world took shape. A world that had existed once before, but had long since been forgotten. She spoke of a town, a street, and a house with a bay window.

“Do you remember this place?” she asked him cautiously.

Well of course I do…It’s my parent’s living room…just the same as it’s always been…what’s the point here?

“I’m showing you that magic is real, or used to be anyway.” she said, her voice lost in wistful nostalgia. “This place used to be so much more” she said, and the memory shifted.

Suddenly the bay window didn’t look out into the yard, but a vast starfield, filled with unexplored worlds and endless adventures. The memory changed again. this time the entire living room was filled with animals from all over the world. He was there, camera in hand, ready to document them all. The memory shifted one final time to a dark, spooky catacomb where he mixed liquids of all colors and smells into a massive cauldron, working on his next potion.

I don’t understand…you’re showing me these places, but they aren’t that room…there’s no way they could be. I’ve never been to space, on a safari, or mixed potions!

“But you did, right here in this room. Let me show you.” She said, and the memories cycled back through, but this time things were different.

There wasn’t a starfield, but paper covering the windows, with small holes, and the planets were colored balls strung from the ceiling. The spaceship controls were blocks with a toy steering wheel, and at the helm was a young boy wearing a helmet with wonder in his eyes. The memories progressed and the safari was just an empty room with toy animals scattered about, in scenes with one another. That same boy came into the room, fully decked out in safari clothes, complete with toy binoculars and camera around his neck, his face radiant with excitement. Finally the memories returned to the catacombs, and the living room was darkened, lit only by some electric candles. There in the middle of the room, hovering over a bucket, was the boy dressed in robes completely engrossed in his task. He was muttering to himself, adding food colorings, sodas, and other harmless liquids into his “cauldron” and stirring it with a wooden kitchen spoon.

“You see? You used to believe…and it was real…real to you, real…to me.” her voice sounded pained as it trailed off. “You just forgot…”. She was silent for a few moments before returning with a question. “Can you try to believe, just one more time…for me?”.

He didn’t respond to her right away. He was lost in those moments, those memories. Why had he forgotten those times? Wave after wave of nostalgia crashed into him as those moments replayed in his mind. His heart was filled with joy, excitement, sadness, and then longing. He let those feelings sink in. He tried to feel how he did back then, when the whole world was filled with endless wonder. Finally, when he was ready, he took a deep breath and said “Ok, I’ll try.”.