Chapter 3: What Dreams May Come

When Kate underwent surgery, it felt mostly like lost time. There were vague shapes, feelings, and conversations that zipped by her dreaming consciousness, but they were fleeting. After what felt like a few minutes later, she came to -- woozy, but happy. She thought something similar might happen again with Tulna, or at least hoped so; the sooner the better.

But, being out for several months was bound to bring some kind of extended adventure.

She was warm, fuzzy, but cold. A bird, flitting from branch to branch in the fall. It felt wonderful to leap and flutter in the cool air! Her wings carried her far and wide, powerful and springy as a twig, but light and delicate as a leaf. She could tease the Earth, let it think it had her, only to swoop and tuck at the last possible moment and flutter away. Strong, swift, and confident, she felt like a good bird.

But she was always looking for something -- food, warmth, company. It was a buzzing constant of anxiety in the back of her bird-brain. Part of her wanted to stay in one town or another, whether for its cozy brick buildings, tall bendy trees, or just the way homely warmth glowed in windows just after the sunset. But no, she had to keep going before it was too late. Before it was winter. Before all would die. Before she might end.

No time for friends. No time for play. Just enough time for food. Had to keep moving.

Loneliness began to follow her, dragging her down and snagging her like a net. She'd strain and struggle against it for a while until she found freedom, only to become ensnared shortly after again. The buzzing in her head continued to propel her for a time, but soon she began to wonder why she beat her wings to exhaustion. She began to wonder if maybe one of the homes might welcome her, care for her, make the buzzing stop. More and more she thought about this, until finally one day she built up the courage to fight her fear-driven instincts and return to one of the towns.

But fear and panic struck her as she realized the homes had all died!

They were now cold, empty, unfurnished, and abandoned. All of them. Not a single person, nor leaf on a tree, nor color in brick remained. It was all dull, and lifeless, and gray, and horribly empty, and her head felt dizzy with a sense of impending doom.

Had she done this? Was it because she had left in such a hurry? Had her insecurity scared them way, made them leave? Why couldn't she have pecked on a window and kindly asked to be let in? To have taken shelter, found warmth, and food, and love? She cried and shivered as she fled away faster than ever before, hungry and alone in the cold empty wilderness.

But there were no more towns. No more people. Just ruins, overgrown by lifeless unending wilderness. Silent. Where were the other birds and their songs? Wasn't she a bird? How could there be no others like her?

It was snowy now. Everything looked the same below, harsh and white. And everything looked the same above, cold and pale. There was no home for her, the branches were barren and covered in snow. There was no food. No friends to help her find home.

She'd die now--alone, on a crusty frigid branch, in the middle of a forever-land of ice and gray and emptiness.

It felt so unfair and cruel. She felt so unwanted, alone, and unloved. And as she started to fade away from that world, the weight of death crushing the last breaths out of her small frail body, bells jingled in the distance.

And in that last bittersweet moment, there was a spark, a flame. A hope.

==============

Kate tried to move her legs and couldn't; they didn't respond to her. In her half-asleep daze, she wondered how she'd managed to undergo the same bottom surgery twice. She was inclined, and the medicines had paralyzed her legs again, just like the first time. She groaned at the thought of doing that all over again, the giant effort to wiggle her toes, dullness of laying in bed alone, the sharp fear of moving or sitting down, the struggle to walk. She needed a friend, she needed Bear.

Bear?

She started to open her eyes, and through the fuzzy slit to the outside world she recognized a pair of figures standing over her bed.

She slammed them shut before they'd notice.

No. She didn't want to talk to the doctors yet. She didn't want to ask why or how she'd been cut open, why she'd gone through it all over again. And it's not like Bear would be there to comfort her; she needed to stay in postop for several hours first, and only then would she be rolled to her room. Only then, could she hug Bear.

So Kate kept her eyes closed, listening to her breathing and the gentle background noises. Faint knocking, rustling, doors opening and closing. Clinks of instruments being set down and picked up. Soft footsteps and creaking. Some unrecognizable but soft music somewhere; it was a nice touch for a postop ward. Made the loneliness and paralysis more bearable.

Suddenly she realized something was holding her foot. Reflexively, she jerked her foot and leg back to protect it. Whatever it was let go, offered so little resistance that she wondered if it was a blanket or clipboard or something else.

But wait.

She'd felt something. Moved her leg. Her toes, foot, hips.

This wasn't right, she wasn't numb! She wasn't paralyzed! And the pressure in her nether regions was firm, but it was also soft and gentle. Warm, but neither numb nor painful.

Suddenly the sounds seemed familiar to her. The clinking sounded like glass cups. The door...a fridge door. The footsteps...bare, on hardwood floor. The music...birdsong. Her mind kicked over with a jolt, and her eyes flashed open.

A kitchen. She was in a ... kitchen? Or living room? Or...

The figures. They weren't wearing masks or scrubs. They were a man and a woman, maybe in their early thirties or late twenties. They felt vaguely familiar, but something was off.

Again, Kate looked down to her feet, only to find them missing! She kicked both of them this time, but quickly realized they were safely hiding underneath blankets. Soft, fuzzy blankets that loosely swaddled her, their weight making it a little more difficult to move, but not impossible. Something else held her in place.

"Wait...no...plastic walls?" She was restrained in some kind of race car seat? She could now feel the three-point straps wrapping across her shoulders and rounding underneath her bottom.

As her memories and self-awareness bubbled back to the surface, she came to realize what was off about the people in front of her: they were not to scale.

"Tulna." a single word echoed through her skull.

Suddenly the enormity of those smiling figures stood out to her. They were huge. Absolutely massive, three if not four times her size. And now she was small. So so so incredibly small. She wanted to rub the crust out of her eyes to be sure, to really believe it.

But, when she tried to jerk her arms up she nearly yelped in pain. Her chest hurt, it felt tight and stiff. But light. She shut her eyes again.

"Kate...? Are you in pain...?" A gentle masculine voice wafted down to her.

"Ugh...My chest..." her throat hurt, and something else was different about it...

"The doctors said it would feel sore for a few more days, honey, " the woman's voice was cool, but not unpleasantly cold--the kind that promises warm coffee as you step out of the bedroom in the morning, "The doctors had to remove the implants the old-fashioned way. Is it too much? Do you need medicine?"

Kate opened her eyes again and looked down at her chest. Her breasts! They were gone! Just like she'd asked. She began to remember the line items on the preferences form, but found her mind snagging on one in particular -- the one about fixing whatever they found. Suddenly she was stricken with fear, afraid to move and break something else in her body. But she felt she had to toughen through it; it was important she knew where the pain was.

She shook her head 'no' at the offer of dulling her pains. Maybe she'd change her mind later, once she had a full stock of what had been done to her. She'd play it tough, strong.

"Do you want to be held?" It was the woman's voice again. Kate couldn't quite remember her name, it was on the tip of her tongue along with everything else.

But this time she nodded 'yes'. Yes, absolutely yes. She wanted to be released from this chair, feel her body, feel...

Large manicured hands invaded her personal space as the blankets were lifted away and straps removed with a 'click'. Kate realized the nails weren't pointy and sharp, but soft and subdued, sharing the same colors as her purple and pink footed pajamas. Gently and delicately, she found herself being lifted out of the carrier--one hand under her bottom and another on her back.

Kate drew a sharp breath as she was lifted higher and higher. It felt like she was hanging a single story above the ground on nothing but a chair. And the chair had no arms. Frozen again in fear, praying she didn't fall to her death, she yelped when suddenly the chair tilted backwards and she found herself facing the ceiling on her back. She was falling!

"Shhhhhhhh...shhh, shhh, shhh, shhhhh..." The woman tried to console the shivering and terrified Little, as she now cradled her in her arms. "What's wrong sweetie?"

"F--F--Fall--" Kate managed to stammer out, her eyes shut tight. And something strange about her voice still tugged at her attention, like a buzzing gnat, but her increasingly overwhelmed and scattered mind couldn't focus on it.

"Oh dear...Are you afraid of heights?" Clinging tight to handfuls of stretchy linen despite the soreness across her chest, Kate shivered as the giant gently lowered herself. "Shhh, shhh, shhhhh...Is that better, now?"

Kate wanted to say 'no'. She shouldn't have been afraid of heights! She wasn't! She knew how to fall safely. She wasn't a stranger to bouldering. She was used to being upside-down! All the 'extreme' sports she's enjoyed before all of this...

...And yet, her heart was racing, chest heaving, and eyes watering. Her body was panicking, and her confusion and denial were only making it worse.

She tried to open her eyes, but the world was blurry, and all she could do was shut them again as she finally broke down into a sobbing, snotty mess. Giant arms held her tight, her body shivering despite the warmth. Somewhere in the back of her mind Kate remembered this experience for what it was, and knew that all she could do was to try and calm her breathing, and give it time.

As her breathing slowed to match the thunderous rhythmic heartbeats in her right ear, embarrassment and worry replaced the undirected terror and confusion. She hid her face in mountains of polyester--she hid her shame. Kate hadn't even said 'hello' yet, and yet here she was behaving like a colicky infant. They'd want to take her back! They...Jon, and Marie?...would find her too much trouble!

Jon and Marie. At least Kate could remember their names now, before they sent her back from where she came.

"J-Jon...? Marie...? I'm so--"

Jon reached over and gently brushed her hair aside, so that he could look directly into her misty eyes, "Kate...It's okay..."

Maybe it was the lowness of his voice, or the tender way he caressed her forehead, but suddenly Kate started to feel less afraid, less ashamed. And with her defenses finally coming down, she caught that buzzing gnat--she realized that her voice was higher, more squeaky, more feminine. It had matched her arrival age and her gender, just like she'd asked, like she had wanted for so long.

Even though she knew these things were trivial to them, as commonplace as the wheel--she couldn't help thinking that what she'd asked for was a pipe dream, a wish at best. She almost left the 'dealbreaker' checkbox empty, in fact, and it took every ounce of her courage to defy the belittling voices in her head--the ones telling her that she would just be a bother, that she couldn't possibly deserve such things, that it was just bait to give her false hope.

And yet...she'd done it anyway. Offered a line of faith and trust to these gods. Pen to paper.

As she rolled her head and gazed with newfound wonder at these gentle giants--her adoptive parents, the ones that had picked her out of everyone else, who had rearranged their lives for her of all people--she started to feel...safe. Protected. She could be their Little girl, their baby girl now, and for a moment she felt a spark of joy.

But with that came a horrifying thought; what if this was all just a wildly lucid dream? An imaginary, illusive carrot dangled in front of her face, only to be cruelly yanked away at sunrise? Suddenly the thought of being separated from them--that these could be her last, final moments before the curtain dropped--became desperately unbearable. And the world became blurry again.

"Please don't lea--...d-don't...d-don't go--" she managed to squeak, as she, Jon, and Marie embraced warmly. She felt herself quaking again, hot tears running down her cheeks as Marie hushed her once more in a whisper:

"Shhhh...Kate...It's okay...You're with us now...and nothing will take that away!"

"We're here for you, Kate...We're family...and we love you, very very much."

Something fuzzy found its way to her arms, jingling in her shaking hands. Kate carefully opened her eyes, to find herself finally reunited with Blue Bear--bells tied gently around his neck. She smiled weakly and, like a lifeline, hugged him with all her might. Here was the one real thing she'd known, brought with her from the waking world, there to tell her that there was never a carrot, never a dream--and it was in her arms.

Whimpering, exhausted, her heart warm and fluttering, Kate found herself finally drifting peacefully off into sleep. And as she gently rocked in her new parents' arms, somewhere, deep inside of her, a small ember began to glow.

===========================

"You realize that's not turned on, right?"

"Wha--?" Dazed, Bryce grimaced at the dead LED display on a piece of bench equipment. Grumbling, he reached behind and flicked it on with a click.

"You look like shit Bryce, you okay?" his friend and work-colleague, Ted, gently set a cup of steaming coffee down in front of him with a dull thunk.

Bryce was silent, staring miserably into nothing. It had been several months since he'd left the agency now, heaving and grasping at straws. Whenever people had asked, he'd played it off as her being on some kind of extended work assignment; some vague client off in some far-away country, how it had made him feel lonely, how it was nothing more than that.

It was a white lie, but part of him felt so much shame for having lost her this way--and so much bitter anger that in-the-end the Amazons had won.

Bryce sighed--he was growing tired of this burbling pit in his chest. Ted was his friend, and he had to talk to somebody, anybody. Especially anybody besides that complimentary therapist at the agency he refused to see. Screw her. Screw all of them!

"Ted..." he took a sip of the coffee--milk and no sugar, just the way he liked it-- "You know about that business trip my wife took a few months ago?"

"Yes? Oh no...don't tell me something happened to her? Did she get hurt? Or..." he whispered "...did she hurt you?"

Bryce grumbled, "Something like that"--and wiped his palm across his face--"But worse."

Ted pulled up a stool and sat down, "How do you mean? Don't tell me..."

"She's gone, Ted. She's with them."

"Snatched? Or...?"

"No. The agency."

There was a pause as Ted slowly took a deep breath, and Bryce a sip of his coffee.

"I'm so sorry, Bryce, that's horrible." He looked back and forth nervously, before speaking to him in a whisper. "But that had to have taken months? Why didn't you say something? You know I could have--?"

"What's the point?" Bryce croaked, "It was her choice, on her own--"

"Not before they came it wasn't!"

Bryce snorted and brought down his coffee with a loud thunk. Ted was right; up until the portals had opened, they'd been perfectly content and happy. But everything after that point had been her, as far as he could tell. And in every knight-in-shining-armor scenario he pictured, it always ended in disaster in his head. It always ended with Kate in tears, begging him to let her go.

Feeling defeated, he held his head in his hands and mumbled into the floor, "What's the point? She's gone now!"

What could his friend possibly have done? What could he know that he hadn't already played out in his head?

Ted narrowed his eyes "You are the point, Bryce".

More grumbling into the floor.

"Before this all happened, you were happy. They -took- that from you. They took the love of your life from you. You told me, yourself, how much you looked forward to growing old in retirement with her."

He leaned down into his ear. "And what do you have left, now? What are you gonna do? Mope and forever resent those...those monsters? Are you gonna just sit down and...?"

Ted mirrored Bryce as he sat up and took a stiff breath through his nose "They're giants, Ted. And again, I'm sure she's happy--"

"Stop saying that! How can you know that's true? She's not dead, mate!"

They sat in silence for a moment, Bryce operating his mouth like a fish gasping for water. He reached for his coffee, knocking it over and spilling it all over the bench.

"I--SHIT!"

Cursing, they frantically dumped paper towels onto the floor and benchtop, trying to contain the mess. On their knees under the bench, Ted spoke in a whisper again.

"I know the info from those groups aren't official but...they haven't been disproven. And I'm telling you, those agencies? There's something off about 'em. Whatever bullshit they fed you and your wife? It's a lie!"

The thought gave Bryce pause. Nothing notable came to mind, but he couldn't help but wonder if he'd missed something? What if she really was in danger? Being hypnotized, regressed, and worse?

He'd been through so much with Kate. Part of him was tired of her and wanted to finally move on. But at the same time, part of him couldn't bear to watch her get hurt. Best case, he'd find nothing to worry about, and maybe he could move on. Worst case...

Bryce let out an exasperated sigh and looked his friend in the eyes.

"I'll think about it."