Sixteen.

When I solved the mystery of Madison Bell’s smile, it was an easy riddle made hard by the riddler. Any time I came close to figuring it out, she would pull away. She would get angry or apathetic. She would stop texting me. She would hide the clues so I could never solve it. But I did anyway.

This was different. The mystery of Madison’s eyes was a hard riddle made easier. I thought after I mentioned her childishness that evening on her sofa that she would retreat from it, but it was the opposite. She fed into my toy store trips. She recommended kids’ movies all the time, in case there was one I hadn’t seen. When I’d tease her, she would smile a smile so warm it would color her cheeks. She was giving me literally every clue I could ask for, and still, I didn’t understand.

“So she just likes to act like a kid?” Polly asked.

“It feels like more than that,” I said. “It feels intimate.”

“Sexy intimate?”

“No,” I sighed. “It’s like when you’re playing hide-and-seek, and you pick the same hiding spot as somebody else, but the seeker finished counting and you both have to cram into the back of a closet together. It’s quiet, you can see each other perfectly, and neither of you says anything. Your fates are intertwined, and one wrong word or one wrong movement means you both get caught. It’s a secret. A silent, quiet, absent secret, so desperate and so important that neither of you can bring yourselves to even mention that it exists. But that light in her eyes… you know she won’t let you down…”

Polly grabbed my wrist and it drew me out of my uncharacteristic stint of introspection. I looked up at the playground - there was one by Polly’s house and it was the first nice day of February. It seemed a waste not to sit on the swings.

“Jamie. What is going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve never heard you talk like that. Ever.”

I shrugged and kicked the wood chips under my feet.

“Why is Sunshine so important to you?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted. “But she is. I just feel like… I need to figure this out. Like I need to understand her.”

“Why?”

“Because I don't think anyone else does.”

Polly spun around in her swing, tightening the chains around one another. Then she uncoiled and snapped back into place.

“Well,” she finally said, “how can I help?”

“This kid stuff.”

“Ask her about it.”

“I don’t want to scare her away,” I said under my breath. “I feel like she’s warming up to me or something.”

“Then just test the waters. Treat her like a kid.”

“I already do,” I sighed.

“Push the envelope. Transcend the typical ‘childish teen’ trope and push into the ‘childish child’ one.”

“I don’t know what that means.”

“Look here,” Polly said, getting off the swing, “she likes this kid stuff. And you don’t think it’s weird, right?”

“I don’t think it’s that weird.”

“Then see how deep the rabbit hole goes. And when you have enough proof, so much that she can’t run away from it, talk to her.”

Well, I hadn’t come up with any better ideas myself, had I?

“Thanks.”

“Yeah,” Polly dismissed. “That’s what friends are for.”

The next Monday at school, the temperature was in the fifties. If I turned the heat on when I got home from school, the house would still be warm well into the night. Mom worked a late shift too, until eight. If there was any other time perfect for a night alone with Madison Bell, I wouldn’t know it.

“Tonight. You. Me. We’re watching that movie with the cats you keep talking about.”

“I don’t know if I can,” she said with a tiny smile.

No Days had become slightly more pliable after that first break from the norm. Some days were still confident ‘No’s, and others, less certain. Today was a less certain one. It wasn’t that she “couldn’t” come over, but rather that she “didn’t know”. So I decided to sway the decision in my favor.

“We could wear pajamas. I watched my neighbor’s dog over the weekend, so I’ve got snack money. What do you think? Junk food, chocolate, pajamas, and Disney movies?”

You could see the brightness burning in the backs of her eyes. I’d won this battle.

“I can’t stay the night,” she said.

“I’ll take you home at ten. The pajamas are just for comfort.”

“I have to call my mom and ask.”

“Keep me posted.”

Her mom always said yes. From what I understood of it, Madison cared more about asking to come over than her mom did. And sure enough, after lunch, I got a text message:

>> Mom says its fine!! See you after school~

I waited by the side-doors to the parking lot, looking up at the warm blue sky. The sun was bright today. All the snow had melted. I thought about what Polly had said on Friday - about how deep the rabbit hole went - and as strange as it seemed, I was really excited to find the answer.