Nine.

The same dream again. Sweat dripped down my temples into my hair. My legs felt like they were on fire, and my chest was faring no better. I wiped my eyes fast enough that I didn’t cry. Technically, I didn’t cry.

I sat upright and checked my phone. My most recent text was from Polly. Below her, Madison. I clicked her name.

<< You aren’t convincing

<< Are you mad at me?

<< I’m sorry for not believing you. If you say you’re fine then you’re fine.

Why did I care? Why did it matter? I dropped my phone off the side of my bed and bundled the covers tighter around my shoulders. Winter was getting colder…

Thursday afternoon, at the end of Biology, Madison put a stack of papers down on my desk. I looked up at her, but she had already become interested in something across the room. She took the time to address me:

“Edit it if you want.”

It was the first time she’d spoken to me since Monday. She turned to leave, but I couldn’t let her.

“Madison, wait.”

She paused, but didn’t look away from the clock on the wall. Most of the students had already made their way out of the room, but Amanda waited dutifully by the door for her friend.

“Why are you acting like this?” I asked her. “What did I do?”

“Nothing,” she said with disinterest. “You didn’t do anything.”

“Then why are you treating me this way? Why can you act like yourself around everyone else, but you won’t even look at me?”

But something I said made her look, her eyes into my eyes, and I saw the frustration well up in her chest. Her hands turned into balls at her side and it all happened so quickly I thought she might pop. Zero to sixty in four seconds flat.

“I am treating you just fine!” she hissed. “I’m treating you how everyone else does!”

“Well I don’t want you to act like everyone else! I want you to go back to annoying me all the time!”

“No!”

“Why the fuck not?!”

And just as quickly as Madison caught fire, she burned up. Her lips froze in the middle of a breath and I watched her shudder. But I’d been paying so much attention to her lips that I’d forgotten to check her eyes. When I did, finally, I saw them welling up with tears.

“I’m sorry,” I tried saying, but Madison was already out the door. Amanda glared at me and hurried after her friend. I didn’t understand what just happened. One moment we were yelling at each other, and the next…

What puzzle piece was I missing? What was eluding me?

“So you’re really broken up about this Sunshine thing, aren’t you?” Polly asked me. I was spending the week at her house because mine was just too cold to fall asleep. If the weather got any worse, my mom would have to turn on the heat to keep the pipes from freezing. I just had to wait it out.

“She’s so frustrating. She doesn’t make any sense.”

“Cookie dough?” she asked, handing me a wad off the baking sheet. I took it.

“Something is obviously bothering her. And if she doesn’t want to talk to me about it, fine, I don’t care.”

“Sure you do.”

“Fine, I do. But it’s not my business. But she’s making it my business, because it’s getting in the way of our essay!”

“You still think this is about school?” Polly asked. I gave her a sour look and she put her hands up in defeat. “Yeah, yeah, keep it to myself.”

“Of course I’m worried about her,” I went on. “Do you think she has someone to talk to about this stuff? Stuff that upsets her?”

Polly shrugged. “I met her twice.”

“She’s friends with everyone.”

“Everyone likes her. That’s not the same as having friends.”

I hadn’t thought about it like that before. I looked up at Polly as she put the cookie sheet in the oven and told her the truth:

“I want to be her friend.”

“She annoys you.”

“Yeah. So? Everything annoys me.”

Polly couldn’t argue with that.

“Then what are you going to do?” she asked.

“I’ll think of something…”