Chapter Thirty-Six

Kinsley didn't let her drift back to sleep in the afterglow.

Instead, she cradled her and walked around the upstairs den, rocking her softly and telling her how much she was loved. How she was safe. How there, in the Dollhouse, she could heal that sad little girl inside.

All she had to do was give in.

Give everything up. Throw it all away and devote herself to the Dolls.

She'd be able to leave someday, Kinsley promised, like Jo. But she might not want to, like Faith.

Without saying it, she said it. Lila would never be allowed to leave. She was Kinsley's heart, and the fae-seeming woman believed she would curl up and die without her little princess. Lila was trapped. Kinsley had kept her for nearly a decade now, as Bree put the pieces of earlier stories together, and the girl would never be allowed to grow up, she'd never be allowed to leave.

It made her sad. Kinsley had messed with the girl's brain to the point that she couldn't even remember what sex was, she couldn't imagine a world outside of the Dollhouse, she wanted nothing more than to be Mama's good girl.

She had no choice.

But Bree was once again silenced, left in the quiet with her thoughts even as Kinsley swayed with the helpless girl in her arms. The Dolls had given her a taste of a love she hadn't realized was possible. Faith had stood up for her in a way that no friend ever had, and Bree wasn't even sure Faith liked her at times. When she had cried, when she had finally opened up and let herself be loved, the Dolls had given that love unquestioningly, unconditionally.

Here, in this unbelievable place, she was safe. She was loved. She was protected, even from herself.

And she was learning more and more that she needed to be protected from herself. There was a safety in being the helpless baby that she needed now. Everything was so much clearer now - the good and the bad. Kinsley was sick, that was clear. But she also loved with her whole heart, and every one of the Dolls did.

Was dignity really worth throwing it all away? So what if she ended up stuck in diapers forever?

They felt amazing.

They made her feel amazing.

And those were the questions that danced and circled, chased and ran, hounded, howled, and hovered in her mind for the rest of the night. Lila woke up, the lot of them gathered back in the upstairs den, Faith went and fetched Taco Bell for everyone and the promised Lilarito was delivered to the princess on her throne.

Kinsley fed Bree by hand, cutting up small bites and feeding them to her, cradled in her arm, the look in her eye warning enough not to talk.

They listened to the movie's soundtrack. They watched more cartoons. And as bedtime approached, Lila made the same demand she had the night before.

"I want the baby to sleep in my room!"

Kinsley was much less convinced this time. "She had a big day, sugar. I think the baby should sleep in my room tonight. I can keep her safe."

"No!" Faith shifted uncomfortably on the couch, some unspoken, unreadable feeling on her face. "I'm the princess! Today's a princess day! You have to do what the princess wants, right? That's the rule, right?"

Sighing, Kinsley nodded. "That's true. That's the rule, Your Highness."

"That's right! And I'm still the princess and I say she sleeps in my room by royal decree!"

Kinsley nodded, and a strange hope rose in Bree. A curious thing, the inklings of a plan. "Okay sugar." When Lila glared, she corrected herself. "Yes, Your Highness."

"Good. Then at bedtime, the baby sleeps with me, it's decided." Lila nodded with a finality. "Now the princess wants ice cream and We Bare Bears! And everyone has to sing the song!"

"Except the baby," Kinsley countered, "she's too little to say anything harder than Mama."

Clearly offended and put upon, Lila rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fiiiiine. Everyone except the baby. Now ice cream!"

Even Bree got a little of the ice cream as the night continued, laughter and in-jokes, teasing about wet diapers and girls being changed right there on the floor in front of everyone. The Dollhouse was a strange, strange place, but the Dolls loved it.

Whether they wanted to or not.

As the night wound down, Bree watched everyone closely. "Angela's coming over tomorrow," Faith announced to them all. "She's excited to see you again, Jo."

The brown-haired girl's cares had all been chased away with the evening and she lounged happily in her "I'm Baby" shirt again, diaper on full display. "Good! It's been too long since I saw her, she's a good one."

Faith beamed at that. "She sure is. She's the best Mommy ever."

Stories were shared, laughs were had around memories of Angela and Jo together - apparently they all went to conventions together, they went drinking... the Dolls had a good time together, and that love shone true in every word, once again bringing doubt to life in Bree's heart.

▲ ▲ ▲

As she lay there in Lila's bed, Bree couldn't help but wonder if she even wanted to escape. If being baby was really that bad, even knowing that Kinsley was forcing it on everyone. She had already known, somehow, that Bree would like it even when she hadn't known herself.

So was it worth fighting?

It was Lila that made her decide. "G'night sugar," Faith smiled from the doorway, the bed rails back in place. "Kinsley's busy tucking Jo in, she'll be in after a while."

This was the moment. Lila snuggled into her as the door closed. They were each in a fresh, clean diaper - three for Bree, which Lila had chanted playfully for a while - and Kinsley hadn't yet started the music.

The music that would send them off to dreamland and who knew what else.

"Lila?" Bree asked quietly, almost surprised by the sound of her own voice.

"Shh." Lila hushed her, snuggling again. "You're a baby, you don't know how to talk yet."

"When Kinsley comes in," Bree began, ignoring the girl, "you have to turn the music off, okay? So we can talk tonight."

"Nuh uh." Lila sat up, looking down at Bree with discomfort. "I'm not s'posda stop the music, I need it to sleep."

"I know that's what they told you, but listen. The music isn't good for you, it's making you do things, making you believe things. Kinsley is hypnotizing you." It sounded stupid when she said it out loud, but she knew it was true. She knew this was it, this was do or die. "We need to escape tonight."

"Hypnotizing me?" Lila put a finger to her chin, confused. "Hypnotizing me for what?"

"To make you wear diapers, to keep you-"

"But I like diapers," she responded skeptically. "They feel good when they're dry and even better when they're squishy. I only wore big girl panties when you got here because new people aren't s'posda learn about the diapers, I hadda get changed when you first showed up, messed up my game."

"I'm sorry about that, sweetie, really, but you're a smart girl, you deserve better than this. You deserve a chance at life. A real life."

"But..."

Bree cut her off, shaking her head. "When Kinsley leaves, turn off the music and help me out of the straitjacket. We'll escape together. We'll go somewhere and figure this out."

"But I don't..."

"This is important," Bree insisted. "Trust me, believe me, Kinsley is manipulating you."

"You're being silly, Bree-bree." Lila scolded gently. "And you're s'posda be baby. No talking."

"This might be our only chance. I'm not sure what the music is doing to me, but it's making it harder and harder to resist. Please. It has to be tonight. I need your help and you need mine."

Lila giggled at that, patting Bree on the head condescendingly. "You really are stupid, aren't you?"