Kent’s Point of View

Jei… I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.

Nothing has ever hurt more in my life than seeing the kid I see as my adoptive little brother backing up in fear and running away from me. All I want to do is be there for him… All I want is to hold him and let him cry it out in my arms…

I slide down the amp stack to the floor, my hand finding my forehead. I’m sweating, but I feel dead cold… On the other side of this wooden panel is Jei’s biggest secret in the world, and my dumbass just exposed him. What would have happened if it wasn’t just me on the stage? What if there were label suits, or his bandmates, or fans? I could have potentially ended his career.

I’m not sure if I can approach him right now, not after scaring him like I did… I know I want to, but it’s a matter of willpower. I want to be able to tell him that it’s okay and that I want to listen and understand. I mean… sure it’s weird and I don’t get it, but this is probably just his kink, right? Let’s be honest, if this is his fetish, there’s way worse stuff out there. This I can handle just fine.

I stand myself back up and begin loading up the bass rig, allowing myself time to come up with what I could possibly say to Jei. Maybe it’s too soon, but damn if I’m not worried about him… I love him enough to know how fragile he is, and I’m afraid this experience could have broken him. He needs SOMEONE, and I want to be that person for him. If I already didn’t feel like a dad before, with this discovery, I certainly and starting to get there…

With the last of Jei’s stack stored away for travel, I return to the stage one last time to collect his iPod sitting on the ground. He probably dropped it when he ran… Through the headphones, I can still hear music playing. I click the center button to see what the last thing he was listening to before he ran off was, as it’s usually a good indicator of his mood. To my horror, I see “Okay I Believe You, But My Tommy Gun Don’t”.

I start walking briskly back to the bus, stripping my sweaty shirt in the process, allowing the cool night’s breeze to wick away the moisture. Rapping twice on the door I’m greeted by a solemn Rai. I ascend the stairs and look around for Jei with no luck.

“He’s in the bunks… He came in seriously messed up over something. Do you think you could talk to him for me, Kent?”

“Yeah… let me take care of this. Thank you, Rai.” I respond, ruffling his hair as I make my way back.

I slowly open the door, not wanting to startle Jei as I can already hear him sniffling quietly in his bunk. I softly close the door before I address him, trying to avoid over-stimulation.

“Hey kiddo, you, uh… dropped your iPod back there. Brought it back for you!”

The sniffling ceases, and I can hear rustling. Then an open hand pops out from under the curtain. I drop it into his little hand and all I can do is pray that he won’t drown me out with music.

“Do you… wanna chat? Because I wanted to just… I don’t know… let you know that I’m not phased at all by what happened.”

More silence. I hear Jei unlatch the lock and slowly open the curtain. The kid’s a mess.

“Oh, kiddo…” I stammer as he pulls the sleeves of his sweatshirt down. It looks like he had it off but threw it back on in a hurry.

I take a seat in front of him in the aisle, bringing myself down to his level.

“If you’re worried about scaring me off, I don’t think you could ever do that, Jei. Honestly, I’m more curious than anything because I know what you’re doing isn’t bad.”

“I… You mean it?”

“I do, Jei. I’m safe to open up to.”

“And you’re not going to tell… anyone?”

“Not a soul. Not even Mama DiMarcio!”

He pauses for a second, considering his options. Eventually, he starts.

“Well… I guess I was really worried you’d quit being my tech… or even my friend?”

I give him a look before allowing him to continue.

“I know, I know; it’s silly… I guess, uh… I don’t know. What do you want to know?”

“I only want to know what you want to tell me” I answer, reassuringly. I figure this is a good growth opportunity, so I want to challenge him to offer up information freely instead of being prompted.

I shrug before a pause, and he begins again.

“Um… So there’s this community called ‘Littles?’ I found it online and it just really resonated with me. The idea is to allow yourself to feel younger than you are, and it’s great for stress, trauma, anything really.”

“Okay… I can understand that! So that’s what all the stuff is for? To help you feel younger?”

Jei started blushing harder than I had ever seen in my time knowing him.

“Well uh…”

“Take your time.” I say as Jei allows me to gently hold his head in my right hand. He closes his eyes and nestles into my palm. I’ve never appreciated just how small and frail this boy is…

Looking back to me with massive, unintentional puppy-eyes, he continues.

“Well, I guess the elephant in the room would be… my diapers. I sometimes have trouble at night, even in my twenties. Beyond that though, I wear them because they’re really soft and cute and make me feel tiny and innocent, really…”

“That makes total sense, and I had no idea. Thank you for trusting me with that.” I respond, softly rubbing his forehead with my thumb. He seems much more at ease now.

“Then there’s my… pacis.”

“That’s what you call ‘em, huh?” I ask slyly, tapping him gently twice with my index finger, resulting in a fresh blush.

“Kennnnnt”, he whines. “And yeah… they’re really comforting and they help me stay clean from, uh… cutting.”

“I see…”

“Yeah… I’ve always had a bit of an oral fixation, and I since I’ve really always felt this way, being little I mean… I just figured they were better than cigs. You know?”

“Huh, I can get down with that! What do you mean by ‘always felt this way’ though?”

“I don’t know… I guess I never stopped feeling like I needed my childhood comforts.”

He pulls up an old, well-loved looking fleece blanket and a snow leopard stuffed animal.

“Like, these are a good example. This is my blankie and my stuffie!” he exclaims, sounding legitimately at ease now. Thank goodness.

“Yeah? They’re super cute, kiddo! Do they have names?”

Holding up the plush toy, Jei explained “This is Walter, the snow leopard, and my blankie is just named Blankie.”

“Well, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Walter!” I reply, using my free hand to shake the toy’s tiny paw, causing Jei to let out a small ’squee!’ of excitement and nuzzle his precious, little face into my hand.

“Thank you for showing me all of this, Jei. Your trust in me means… more than I could ever say.”

Jei looks at me again and gives me the sweetest, most innocent smile I’ve ever seen a human muster.

“And thank you for not thinking I’m sick” He said, a happy tear or two falling down his face.

“I want you to tell me what you need from me. You can ask anything, I just want to support you, Jei. I want it more than anything, but I think it is important that you ask for it.”

Looking away, Jei went silent for a moment before responding.

“…Anything?”

“Anything.”

“I mean… I’ve been able to get the supplies and toys I wanted, but I’ve never had the privacy to enjoy them properly or someone to share them with. Not like another Little, but… the other side of the equation.”

“What do you mean, sweetie?”

Jei sighed deeply, as if preparing.

“The opposite of a Little is called a Big. They take roles like Mommy, Daddy, Caregiver, big sibling, or anything to help take care of their Little. It’s like if I had a boyfriend who checked my bed in the morning, tucked me in at night, could carry or hold me when I needed comfort, that sort of stuff.”

“And you’ve never had that experience? No one to take care of you when you feel Little?”

“Never…”

I sat up straight, retracting my hand from under Jade’s head.

“Mind if I slide in there with you?”

“I… uh… sure?”

“Great, thanks.” I reply as I slip through the curtain and zip it shut behind me.

“W-what are you doing, Kent?”

“What you should have had access to a long time ago, kiddo.”

I laid on my side and drew Jei into the tightest hug I could muster, holding him to my chest and letting him listen to my heartbeat.

“K…..Kent…”

“I’m not allowing you to feel alone anymore.”

“What… do you mean?”

“Jei… I’ve been crushing on you for a long while now. Longer than I’d like to admit. I’ve always seen you like a little brother; someone to mentor and guide along his path. But now I see you as more than that.”

“…Yeah…?”

“Forgive me if I’m not using the terminology correctly, but Jei, I want to be your boyfriend and your Daddy.”