Karena was diapered on her wedding day.

Despite wives tales about gowns that took two hours to get into and out of, it wasn’t for a matter of convenience. Her dress was, honestly, rather pedestrian, but that was apparently some sort of custom of the traders she was marrying into. She also wasn’t diapered for medical reasons, or just a personal choice. It was that damned curse.

Her fiance’s wealth hadn’t been able to solve it, despite her hopes. The best clerics in the capitol, and they couldn’t undo a simple, plebian curse that the damned Adventurer’s Guild had gotten her afflicted with.

It was intensely unfair, which she made clear to the guild in a very sternly worded letter.

At least the wedding hadn’t been delayed. Darius had sat her down to go over the dynamics of their marriage, and once it was confirmed that she’d be given equal treatment, status, and wealth as her soon-to-be-husband, she didn’t need to hear anything else.

So, she crinkled as she walked down the aisle, the poof of her diaper just barely visible around her hips beneath the slim-cut dress.

“Karena, my starlight, my darling,” Darius began, reciting his vows. “I hope that our love grows, as two hearts joined might find one another true. I’ve written you this poem, an expression of my heritage, and my hope that we will blah blah blah…”

Jeez, how long is this going to go on? Karena thought, showing massive self-restraint by not rolling her eyes. An artist was doing his best rendition of their wedding vows, and she didn’t want him to capture that moment - it’d make her look vain.

An eternity later, he wrapped it up by saying, “A permanent testament to my devotion to you.” Raising the ring, Karena’s eyes sparkled.

It was the kind of ring that every girl wished for. Literally. You could cast a Wish with the diamond set on top of it. Darius had mentioned something about a ‘family heirloom’, but Karena mostly cared that it was huge and sparkly.

She noticed that the cleric was raising an eyebrow at her. Quietly, she made a noise. “Hmm?”

“Your vows, ma’am,” he whispered.

“Oh, yes.” She cleared her throat, reciting what she’d prepared, following along the traditions that were established. “Darius, I am looking forward to being married to you. Here is my poem: Violets are purple, rubies are red, I’m so excited that we’re to be wed.”

It was a poem. It counted.

“Darius Anders Drumet, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

Darius smiled, warmly. “I do.”

“And Karena Iris Din’Vatra, do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I-” Karena opened her mouth, then felt a stirring of magic. You’re kidding me, not now, not-

‘Plop.’

The pacifier made a little suction sound as it appeared between her lips, bottling up Karen’s words mid-vow. She puffed up her cheeks, the ‘Do’ turning into a muffled, wordless mumble. Karena’s brow furrowed and she turned red with annoyance as a handful of scattered snickers started and then ended prematurely within the crowd.

Darius didn’t laugh, or even smirk. He just hooked a finger in the pacifier, pulled it free, and leaned in to kiss her.

It was romantic, though not particularly steamy. The kiss of a suitor, not a lover, and when he pulled away he said, “I believe that’s enough, my dear.”

…

“What in damnation is THIS?” Karena demanded, spinning to gesture at the room. It was some thirty feet across, with a down king bed and silk sheets, with hardwood floors and a wide window overlooking the city.

“Your quarters, Mrs. Drumet,” her attendant said. “What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?” She spun on her attendant, baffled. “What’s wrong? Is this some sort of temporary lodging? It’s tiny, and it’s… It’s pedestrian. My expedition pavilion is nicer than this, and it’s a piece of junk!”

“This is the largest room in the manor, Mrs. Drumet,” the attendant explained. “Though we spend much of our time travelling, so-”

“Are you joking? Go get my husband. I won’t stand for this.”

The attendant nodded, but Karena caught the tiniest hint of a smirk and a wrinkled nose. Dammit. Sniffing, she caught a whiff of herself, then rolled her eyes. “Okay, first thing. Change me first, then go get my husband.”

“Of course, Mrs. Drumet. I’m afraid we haven’t finished unpacking completely yet, where are your changing supplies?” She tilted her head, completely innocent.

“My changing- just use magic!” Karena snapped. “Like those adventurers, or that cleric, or-”

“I don’t have powers, Mrs. Drumet,” the attendant explained. “Would you like me to buy some diapers in the market?”

“I- Yes!” Karena snapped. “Do I have to tell you to do everything?”

“Right away, Mrs. Drumet.”

She fumed, pacing in her room for a good twenty minutes while she waited for the servant to return with her fresh diaper. She didn’t stop fuming as she got changed, arms crossed over her chest, a pout on her face the whole time. Only when the attendant finally went and retrieved her husband did she finally put on a slightly-pleasant face.

“You sent for me, my dear?” Darius asked, stepping in. He held the door for the attendant.

What sort of backwards place is this?

“This… this everything is completely unsuitable,” she said, waving around. “Do you honestly live like this?”

“These are the largest chambers in our home,” Darius confirmed. “Can you tell me what the issue is?”

“It’s… it’s…” Karena spluttered, having trouble putting it into words. “And what sort of attendant can’t even cast a simple cantrip?”

“Well, if you’d like to hire a personal aid with magical capabilities, you’re welcome to,” Darius told her, his tone patient and level. “Though I imagine it’d use up most of your personal funds to do so.”

“My what now?” Karena demanded. “You said I’d be getting the same treatment you do.”

“And you are,” Darius confirmed. “As a member of our trading caravan in equal standing with me, we both get a percentage of all income from our trading deals, averaged out to a weekly stipend. It’s quite a generous share, considering your youth and new entry into our caravan, but it’s only befitting your place at my side.”

“I get a- an allowance?” Karena spluttered. “A freakin’ ALLOWANCE?”

He glanced past her, at the attendant who was currently stowing changing supplies beneath Karena’s bed. “I suppose you could put it that way.”

Karena stepped forward. “How much?”

“This was all in the agreement we went over together,” Darius said, raising an eyebrow.

“What’s my share?” Karena snapped.

“A quarter of a percent,” Darius explained. “Our caravan employs more than a thousand people, so it’s quite generous.”

Karena wasn’t stupid, she could do the math. A quarter of a percent, based on the size and amount of trading done, put her at roughly… “Two hundred gold a week? Is that a joke?”

He shook his head. “I know it’s a little high, but it’s because of this new trade deal with the-”

“HIGH?”

Karena’s mind reeled. Why in damnation did I agree to this?

“Well, if the company continues to grow, you’ll see a greater return,” Darius said. “If that wealth isn’t sufficient for you, you can always invest time in the caravan and seek to increase our trading opportunities.”

And there it was. He expected her… to work.

She shivered.

…

Karena spent the next two days balancing her budget. The work was almost as repulsive as getting her diaper changed, having to figure out what she could afford, but it had to be done.

The attendants were practically committing highway robbery. They wanted to charge two gold a day just to work for her. This was totally unreasonable, but nobody else would take a lesser rate - they’d all talked to each other, and agreed that since they were doing the work of maid, servant and babysitter all in one, it was only fair. One of them had the gall to say that to her face, and yet somehow he still had a job.

Diapers were frightfully expensive. To get magically produced ones that would diminish the smell and be discreet while she was wearing them, it was five silver pieces each. Given several accidents a day, she was looking at a good fifteen or twenty percent of her weekly allowance being spent just on diapers and the people to change them. That didn’t even take into account new clothes so that she wouldn’t have to stay with the same boring wardrobe all the time, food, bathing, and other amenities.

She was going to have to live within her means, and it was utterly repulsive.

Still, there was hope. Her husband was meeting with a new client, and if the negotiations went well, they could see a surge in income. Maybe enough of one that she could afford to skip disposable diapers entirely and hire someone who could just use prestidigitation, like the adventurers who’d gotten her into this mess had.

It was apparently custom that she join in the negotiations, so she put on her most fashionable gown, did her nails, had her hair braided into a complicated, flowing style, and generally dressed to impress. At the last moment before walking in to the meeting, she had her attendant remove her pacifier, checked her lipstick, and smiled.

She looked fantastic. This is what she was best at, making a scene when she walked into the room. All eyes on her, reveling in all the beauty that money could buy.

Throwing open the door, she started to strut, walking up to the chair that was reserved to her.

Her husband glanced up, nodded, and returned to reading the paperwork he had in front of him. The other merchant didn’t even do that. Her husband was dressed in a simple cotton shirt, sleeves rolled up, and the gnomish merchant had on… eugh. Workman’s clothes.

She’d at least gotten used to servants not being around at all times, and didn’t comment on how neither of them had anyone to serve coffee or otherwise pamper them. She’d made plans for that, and her own attendant walked behind with a carafe and a tray for cream and sugar.

Glowering, Karena pulled up a seat. “What are we going over?”

“Just questions that he had from the contract,” Darius said, quietly.

“Right,” Karena nodded. “What contract?”

He blinked, and the gnome trader finally glanced up at her, though only for a moment. Still speaking softly, Darius said, “The one you were sent this morning.”

Karena blinked. “I was supposed to read that?”

The question was enough to get a blank stare of surprise, but she let the moment flow by and snapped at her attendant. “Coffee?”

Three mugs got poured, and she had hers loaded up with sugar and cream while Darius and the tradesman, whose name she didn’t know, ignored theirs.

Finally, he got done reading and looked up, speaking in a thick accent. “The amendment is fair, but I have concerns.”

“Of course, please lay them out,” Darius replied. “I understand the cost of labor is significant, but that’s only to ensure our workers are cared for properly. Expenses run high, in days like these.”

Finally, the trader looked at Karena in a way that seemed to acknowledge her state of dress, but he didn’t seem impressed. “I can see that. Your new bride looks like quite the expense.”

What the fuck did he just say? Karena’s glare snapped on the trader, but before she could speak, Darius cut in.

Shaking his head, he promised, “I assure you, my wife’s tastes have no impact on the cost of this deal. Every copper piece is going to our laborers.”

“So it’s the cost of materials where you’re gouging me, eh?” The trader asked. Looking down, he asked, “You think you can buy me with cheap drinks and promises?”

Darius sighed. “We can provide a full breakdown of our expenses, if you prefer. Our personal profit off of this is the growth of our caravan, not in the gold. When our people prosper, we prosper.”

“Hold it,” Karena shook her head. “I thought I’d be getting paid more if we did this?” That was the whole point, wasn’t it? To make more money?

“Aha!” The trader said, triumphant. “So she admits it, you’re trying to con us!”

“Yeah, right,” Karena rolled her eyes. “You think you can just insult us like that? Treat me like I’m a back-alley floozy and get away with it?”

The trader shoved to his feet, standing at a full height of maybe thirty eight inches. “Child, the adults are talking!”

“Hah, you’re not even tall enough to get up to the table without a booster seat!” Karena smeared. “Who’s the child here?”

Damning the ironic timing, Karena felt the magical solidity beginning to form between her lips and blushed, putting a hand over her mouth and running out of the room before the trader could see. She wasn’t fast enough, and he let out a bark of laughter as she fled the room, shoving past her attendant to get away.

She heard shouts through the door, the trader yelling something, and a minute later her husband followed.

“He’s angry,” Darius said, freeing the pacifier from her lips.

“Yeah, well, so am I,” Karena glowered. “You heard how he talked to me!”

Darius sighed. “Did you read the papers you were shown this morning?”

Looking away, Karena admitted, “... No.”

“His homeland takes modesty and plainness seriously,” Darius explained. “Wearing… what you’re wearing, is like an advertisement that you don’t care about his values. He always negotiates with insults, but we have to allow it because we’re trying to get him to work with us. Not the other way around. If he’s not happy, there’s no deal.”

It… made sense, but Karena didn’t want to concede as much. “He still insulted me.”

“Well, then, the choice is yours.”

She tilted her head. “What choice?”

“He’s mad. He demanded to see you disciplined for your insults, and if he doesn’t, he’s taking away the contract.” Darius pursed his lips.

Karena frowned. “Disciplined?”

Darius’s shoulders slumped, just a little. “He’s requested that you be given a spanking.”

“Screw him. I’m not doing that.”

“Then, the other option is he walks away, and we shoulder the brunt of the loss together. We don’t punish our employees for our mistakes, so we’ll be taking on the loss of this trade together, personally.”

Karena felt a bit of sinking dread in her stomach. “How much is that?”

“After expenses, cost of parts, and salaries, the caravan is losing some twenty thousand gold over the course of a year, if this deal walks. Since we soiled the negotiations, it’s our duty to shoulder what we can, so we’d personally be dealing with most of that.”

Doing the math in her head, Karena paled. “I’d barely have enough money for my attendants!” She didn’t say the second part, ‘Or my diapers!’.

He sighed. “I’d rather not do this, but it’s you who’d be receiving the discipline. I’ll stand by you.”

Karena thought of the smug look on that gnome’s face, and shook her head. “No way. I’m not giving him the satisfaction. I’ll find some other way to make the money.”

She’d just need to figure out how she could keep on paying for diaper changes in the meantime.

Oh gods, she realized, a shiver running down her spine as she realized how far she’d fallen. I’m going to have to act like an entrepreneur.