[16- a woman that wants you]

There is terror in relying on another, no matter how intimate your history. A fear of being dropped.

Dizzying, spinning, from familiar heights; too high, too far to fall again.

Scarlet’s heart pounded in her chest, blood loud in her ears. Her boss removed her panties, then grabbed her ankles in one hand and lifted, and the girl pursed the lips on her blushing face, trying to contain the whimpering sounds she was making.

Every crinkle, every plastic sound was a firecracker to Scarlet’s senses. She could only make it easier on herself if she didn’t resist, lying back and blushing a bright, furious red. Emilia had once again backed her into a perilous trap that would expose her to strangers. It took all Scarlet’s willpower, in combination with flexed toes and calves, to keep her genitalia from giving away how much it thrilled her. Her efforts worked; between her cheeks and her legs, there wasn’t any blood to divert to arousal.

Given the company in the office waiting room, she needed to remain silent to keep attention off of her. Not Emilia’s attention, that is—Scarlet couldn’t escape the amber-gold eyes that doted on her now, flicking between the nonchalance of doing dishes and a devilish grin whenever she had to remind Scarlet in a whispered voice, “Don’t hide that pretty face from mommy. Hold your skirt up if you need something to do with your hands, bunny.” Scarlet’s shaky hands complied.

She needed to avoid the attention of the couple in the waiting room, whispering to each other, unaware Scarlet could still see them while being changed, the CCTV feed visible from her spot lying back on Emilia’s desk. Lila never really settled completely in the office chair, but Chris sat back with one foot on his knee, looking like he owned the place.

Scarlet couldn’t calm down, every instinct telling her to run, to not give up control to Emilia, to not allow herself—

Scarlet shivered, and her torturer cooed down at her, “Aww, don’t worry. We’ll get you covered up again just as soon as we can.” Emilia’s eyes gleamed and her teeth flickered in the light as she smirked. Scarlet saw Emilia’s own cheeks grow a small flush, noticed her breathing speed up. Emilia was getting off to her squirming and blushing, trapped by the scheme of her own invention to humiliate Scarlet.

The younger woman quivered again, the whimper escaping this time. She recalled the story of a woman butchered in her apartment, her neighbors unable to hear the torment even through the thin walls. Part of her wanted to tempt fate, to play up her enjoyment and make Emilia breathe even faster.

Scarlet finally took a shaky breath as Emilia brought the thick diaper up between her legs. She hadn’t even noticed her ankles being released from her girlfriend’s grip, nor that she’d been powdered, yet the delicate but inescapable scent of talc wafted in the air. She tried taking square breaths, trying not to think about if the smell would be obvious to their clients, while Emilia began taping the thick white plastic around her crotch and replacing Scarlet’s tights. Satisfied with a job well done, Emilia gave Scarlet’s sensitive crotch a gentle pat through the diaper. Scarlet winced at the touch, sudden and reactive nerve endings jolted awake despite her best efforts and the puffy underwear between Emilia’s skin and hers.

She glowered up at the taller woman, making Emilia chuckle in satisfaction before offering a hand up..

“You are adorable when you get fussy. We should do this more often,” Emilia teased, all the while fixing Scarlet’s skirt and brushing away stray baby powder with a tender hand. “If you’re ready, you can bring back Christopher and Lila. Can you be a big girl for me?” Emilia was laying it on extra thick, goading Scarlet.

Trying to get me to embarrass myself in front of clients?

Emilia must have read the dawning on Scarlet’s face, and merely smirked with a raised eyebrow, daring her.

Scarlet wrinkled her brow at the continued teasing, silent frustration rolling off her like a wave of heat. Emilia’s eyes grew soft, both patronizing and tender, like she was watching a puppy’s first growl. Scarlet’s mind scrambled for a retort. She found one, then hesitated, and thought better of letting her words get her in trouble. Again. She departed the office with a gesture befitting her treatment; sticking her tongue out and flipping the bird.

She closed the door just in time to muffle Emilia’s laughter, loud and high, like birdsong. The relief melted the tension in her shoulders as she walked, only to be unsettled by the crinkling beneath her tights and loose skirt. She had to remind herself how no one could hear her disposable underwear when Emilia took her grocery shopping, but it still might as well have been a jet engine in the long hallway.

“Mr Arnold, Ms Smith? Thank you for waiting, Miss Kane will see you now.”

* * *

Everyone sat in their same seats, like their previous week’s meeting had merely been a rehearsal that the four of them now continued. Emilia opened and thumbed through an identical folder, even wearing the same platinum studded earrings as last time, just as Christopher wore the same jacket. Lila had a different coat at least, but one that was still just a touch too big but just as expensive. Scarlet had to look down to make sure she hadn’t worn the same outfit as well. Something about the uncanny repetition made Scarlet’s head throb again. She almost felt her body slip away from her, but imagined her ancient laptop as an anchor that chained her to her body, keeping her attached to what was real. Déjà vu was one thing, but she couldn’t afford an actual out-of-body experience while working.

“So here is the amended copy of your previous contract, everything should be exactly as we discussed, but I needed to edit the language to be specific and consistent. There’s highlights and tabs on all of those changes,” Emilia’s voice had the same courteous, professional tone with the hint of her posh, melodic cadence that Scarlet had been hearing all day, every day since she’d moved to Caulfield Valley. She sounded like she was reading fun facts from a trivia card, not like the woman who just got them both flustered enough that Scarlet had to actively prevent herself from getting turned on. She could convince herself it had just been a dream, or that what was happening right in front of her wasn’t real and she’d float away on the next cold breeze, if only she couldn’t feel the extra padding beneath her skirt.

Scarlet blinked back to the waking world when Emilia stood to pass the folder to the blonde couple across from her desk. “There’s obviously still room for final changes if you two have reconsidered any of the topics we left open last time.

“However, since you were fairly settled on the actual design of the contract, I started a model to let you see it in person.” The thicker cardstock gave a deeper warble than the folders as it was passed, but Scarlet got a chance to see its contents as Chris placed it on a small table between himself and Lila, a giddy grin spreading on the small woman’s face. It was the first time Scarlet had seen the young woman do something other than nervously blush, and her dimples framed a beautiful, bright grin.

Thick, deep gold ink with strong, steady lines made up a headline, perhaps like the university name on a diploma, or the heading of a birth certificate, and bolded black writing in neat lines lay beneath it. It was too far for Scarlet to read, but she made the connection, remembering Emilia’s gold pen and the craft project after Scarlet’s little meltdown.

She really does that shit by hand?

Chris took the document, passing the cover to Lila and gawking at the second page. Lila took the paper in her hands, holding it like antiqued stained glass–something crafted so impossibly beautiful, so delicate that it was hard to believe it was made by a person. This second page mirrored the first’s small black ink, numbered in a list, making Scarlet recall her own rules with Emilia. Cresting the top of both pages was a small drawing that she could only distinguish as a small bow and arrow, a heart shaped arrowhead placed across the arch with a dainty grace. It wasn’t a weapon drawn for violence, but ornamentation.

Scarlet was awash with respect at the craft itself, Emilia’s capabilities, as well as a strange sort of connection with Lila and Chris. Though they didn’t know it, Scarlet was more like them now than she ever could’ve imagined during their first meeting. Their contract, once something so incredible and foreign to the young woman, was now something she too was working on with the very woman that brokered their terms.

“—one more time to make sure Miss Finch can record it?” Emilia’s voice pulled Scarlet out of her awe.

She could hear the subtle point in Emilia’s tone: Come back to reality while we work. The younger woman couldn’t help but blush as she straightened her back, correcting the slouch she didn’t know she’d started. They’d already moved on from examining the model contract.

Lila stammered for a moment, and Chris chimed in when she couldn’t, though not without the vaguest hint of a blush himself. “We’ve backed off from diapers 24/7. I’m not really into that, and they aren’t very practical when you consider wearing them full time means using them full time. We don’t want to deal with messing like that.”

Lila and Scarlet matched blushes, though Scarlet had the wherewithal to hide hers as she heard Emilia clear her throat, shifting the room’s focus.

“Noted. Did you get it that time, Miss Finch?” The jab to Scarlet felt too obvious. In her mind, Scarlet was sure the other couple could read the intent of her boss in an instant, divining Scarlet’s secret interest that she’d developed since last seeing them both. It taunted Scarlet for both previously spacing out and at the implication, making Scarlet’s face burn with embarrassment just as the concept of a messy diaper had the weekend prior.

She tried to keep her voice even as she answered, “Yes ma’am.” That was all that was needed, despite the shake in her hands and her confidence both. She told herself panicking would accomplish nothing except draw more attention to herself. She knew better than to trust her immediate emotional response to embarrassment, given how handy Emilia was at twisting Scarlet’s desperation back around on her.

“And as such, we’re also reducing the ‘Plug Clause’ to once a week or at our agreement. Still having some of the routine and order, while also allowing us to be spontaneous.” Chris never quite returned back to his relaxed posture Scarlet had seen from the CCTV. He no longer had the air of assumed control. He was playing at being collected, yet the topic, or perhaps the fact he had to go back on his confidence from last week, made it clear he was no longer entirely in control.

He conceded that point to Lila, didn’t he? Scarlet thought before shaking her head and focusing on her note taking. The negotiations weren’t supposed to be a contest according to Emilia. Chris is treating it like one anyway.

“That’s all of our marked points,” Emilia said, leaning back in her chair and marking off one last spot inside her folder, bright red sharpie in hand. “Are there any other modifications we’re considering?” Her eyebrow rose, expectation building as she watched between the two.

“Yes!” Lila squeaked from her chair, the loudest Scarlet had ever heard her speak but still softer than everyone else in the small office. She wrapped her arm around Chris’, hanging on to it as she leaned forward with a sparkle in her eye. “We found someone to do a day collar for me, and we’re going to include that.”

The fuck is that? Scarlet wanted to ponder, before realizing she’d actually typed ‘the fuck is that’ on a document her boss would eventually see. She worked quickly to edit her work and try to listen to the discussion.

“Oh?” Emilia’s voice betrayed her attempt at disinterest.

Chris leaned forward and locked eyes with Emilia. “And I’m quite impressed with the quality. There are good designers, and then there’s this guy. I’d be happy to introduce you, you have to see his work,” he explained, the two of them beaming. They stopped just shy of gushing like they had a crush on this mystery man.

“I’d be open to that, Christopher,” Emilia answered, fingers interlocked under her chin in thought. It was impossible to tell if she was politely entertaining their excitement, or if she was sincere. Emilia’s thoughtful eyes didn’t leave the giddy couple. She tried to redirect them to business, “So that would be item…fourteen, correct?”

Lila nodded, and Chris concurred. “It’s probably simplest, doesn’t disrupt the layout of the other pages you showed us.”

“I would start again from Square One if you two wanted,” Emilia waved her hand as she spoke, dismissing his concern and shooing it away. “The two of you want something special, and I provide a service to help make sure that you get exactly what you want. If I were printing something mundane, something innocuous, sure. I’d want to save the ink too.

“But that’s not what this is. This isn’t the negotiation of a corporate merger. This is your pledge together, to each other. I will make something that is as concrete, serious, and worthy of the veneration you two hold for your dynamic. It is more than worth my time to get it exactly perfect.”

The happy couple nodded, and Scarlet typed away as quiet as she could. This had the gravity of a marriage certificate to Lila and Chris, and she’d made hers with Emilia over a weekend. The stereotype about sapphics is that they fall hard and move fast. Was Scarlet throwing herself at the first person to want her? Was she not taking this seriously enough? Was Emilia?

Within the hour they were done. The happy couple smiled, Lila bouncing in her seat in celebration as decisions were finalized. Emilia’s calligraphed model contract was passed around a final time with notes in bright red pen, and Scarlet’s notes were bursting with new words she would need to find online; shibari, harness, inspections, and something about “submissive posture”. Lila sat with a straight enough back that Scarlet knew it meant something else.

Scarlet could only speculate, but the care with which Lila and Chris talked about this contract, it may as well be their marriage certificate. She made a mental note to ask about this hobby later, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she’d either gone in over her head, or somehow dug the ground out from under something that deserved better care than she gave it.

The conversation slowed as the sun started to turn golden orange, the magic hour signaling the end of their meeting alongside Emilia’s alarm.

“Did we forget anything?” Chris questioned before standing, placing his jacket over one arm and helping Lila up with the other.

“I believe that’s everything on the business end. I suspect you’ve got other questions however.”

“You know me too well.”

“It’s only been a decade at this point, Christopher, give me some credit. Are you going to ask about next month’s potluck?” Emilia leaned back, eyes betraying only the smallest hint of exhaustion setting in. The whole room had been a honed and focused machine, despite the bizarre subject matter.

A long day at the office. Clients wouldn’t agree on how often remote controlled vibrators are going to be involved, Scarlet mused.

“You do know me. Yes, I was wondering if you were coming at all, let alone had a date. It’s been a while since—”

“I am,” Emilia cut in, the only change in her demeanor that Scarlet could detect were the daggers in her eyes and the tense line her lips formed. “I will be there. A date can be procured but I fear I won’t be bringing any pastries at all. I’m more interested in seeing my old friends than I am in baking.”

Scarlet hesitated, seeing confused faces all around. Lila, like Scarlet, could tell the discussion was something Chris and Emilia didn’t want at least one of them to hear. Judging by the look on Christopher’s face, however, he wasn’t quite following along either.

“Well, feel free to bring the dishes then,” Chris was stuck in thoughtful looks. Scarlet could tell he was piecing together his coded responses on the fly. “Are baking and the potluck somewhat…mutually exclusive?” he asked, his hand gesturing as he translated on the spot. “At least for the time being?”

“I may have found a new recipe I’d like to try,” Emilia confessed, nodding in thought as she spoke without meeting Chris’ gaze until she continued. She didn’t need the buffer time he apparently did. “I would rather like to practice making it before I show off to everyone.”

Scarlet was torn between active resentment at being talked over and anxiety about the subject matter. What could be so secretive that they couldn’t discuss this after describing how often Chris and Lila used long term butt plugs? The magnitude of importance unnerved her.

“A new Red Velvet Cake?”

“Angel Food cake, actually. I obtained the recipe, then some advice from Damian and Annalise.”

“I’ve always thought of you as the one giving advice.”

“I’m still working my way up to miracles. Once I do, I’ll let you know.”

Chris sighed, then let out a breathy half-chuckle as he stood. “I think that’s all of our time then, Lila. We’ll pick up the contract on…?”

“I’ll drop it off the instant it’s done, expect it at your door.” Emilia had drifted in her chair, completely turned away from her clients as she spoke over her shoulder. “I don’t trust couriers with something this important.”

“And that new recipe? Scarlet, have you tried it?” Chris looked expectantly to her even as he helped Lila into her coat, the smaller woman almost swallowed by it.

“I’m…no?” She cringed at herself. To call her befuddled response an answer was generous.

“So you don’t have any interest in a picnic? Maybe a buffet–”

“Yes, Christopher, I was going to have her try it. Are you happy now?” The groan was evident in her voice, but as if for emphasis, Emilia leaned back in her chair, her annoyed reflection barely visible in the window she now faced.

“I’m lost. This was…a cake? You can’t expect—” Scarlet wasn’t given time to voice her frustrations. She’d been shoved into the spotlight after being talked around like she wasn’t there, combined with the pair’s attempts at talking in code as if to mock her. Her anger threatened to flare again.

Emilia pinched the skin between her eyebrows. “The potluck is a long way off, Scarlet. I wanted you to meet my friends, assuming you felt up to it and the venue wasn’t too…bougie for you. I wanted to wait to discuss it, that’s all.”

Lila met Scarlet’s gaze, a similar trepidation on her face. She pleaded with her eyes, more afraid of the context than Scarlet’s anger. The girl opened her mouth as if to speak her mind, stopped, then finally forced the words out with a crack in her voice, “If you want, Mistr—um, Miss Kane, I’d be happy to um…bake with her?”

Christopher and Emilia both turned to look at Lila, Emilia spinning in her chair like a supervillain to face her. Lila’s eyes met Emilia and Chris’ each, then nodded to them. Scarlet could tell the other young woman wasn’t quite as lost as herself. Lila didn’t like being talked around either, and perhaps she was looking out for Scarlet.

“Lila is very good at making angel food cake and more. Quite the little baker!” Chris nodded as he spoke, agreeing to something that still eluded Scarlet.

Emilia’s thoughtful look returned, eyes locking on Scarlet. The younger woman felt her spine go rigid as she sat up, feeling like she was about to be punished despite the present company.

Emilia’s silence lingered, looming over the room until she freed Scarlet from the quiet tension. “Saturday, ten o’clock?”

“It’ll be a fun little playdate.”

* * *

The door clicked closed behind Lila and Chris, and Scarlet spun on her heel to storm back to the office.

“Care to let me in on this one? I don’t like being—”

“Told what to do?” Emilia let the corners of her mouth curl, her dimples appearing with her smile, eyes half closed like she needed to sleep for twelve hours straight. “You could’ve fooled me, princess.”

“Emilia, this isn’t fair!” Scarlet rolled her eyes at Emilia perking up, ready to pounce. “And no, I don’t need a title because it sure sounded to me like rule fucking one got broken in there!”

Emilia closed her mouth, blinking at Scarlet. Almost like she was impressed. For some reason that still made Scarlet happy. She’d actually avoided a rule infraction given the context, and made her girlfriend proud.

“I didn’t put you in danger, dear,” Emilia explained, leaning back slowly in her chair. The powerful expert domme wasn’t operating at full power, worn down by a long day and having the air taken out of her sail by Chris.

“Really?” Scarlet crossed her arms, squeezing herself until almost white knuckle. Maybe the pain would help her focus and decide between seething or explosive fury. “Was I supposed to gather that when you were talking about cakes? ‘Cause for all I know, you just gave me to them for some, like,” she stammered, floundering to explain her fear. She didn’t want to believe Emilia had somehow given the couple permission to dominate her, or traded her away like property. She blinked, shaking her head and realizing those weren’t likely.

“Speak your mind.”

When you’re honest, I feel safe. You’re not being honest.

“I don’t like being talked around like I’m stupid, that’s what’s on my mind,” she spat the words out before her feelings betrayed her further.

“You aren’t stupid. The ‘code’ isn’t so that you can never understand. We did have a bit of fun at the expense of Lila and you, however.” Emilia’s small smile hadn’t left her mouth, and it stiffened here, looking unnatural for an instant. It could’ve been a mask or the real her, and Scarlet couldn’t tell which was scarier.

“That’s not a great way to treat an employee, let alone your girlfriend.”

“It is an excellent way to tease my submissive, however.” Emilia giggled at Scarlet’s pout, even as the joke made them both soften. “I do apologize, though. Chris wasn’t supposed to bring anything of the sort up before I was ready to explain in detail. I wasn’t trying to hide anything, just avoid overwhelming you. And he wasn’t exactly gentlemanly with you.”

“Explain what in detail?” Scarlet pleaded. She found some validation in Emilia’s apology and explanation, but not enough to stop her from feeling lost.

“The potluck is an event with friends like Chris and Lila. Couples with dynamics like ours, either friends of mine or other couples I've counseled for in the past.”

Scarlet looked to Emilia with more confusion before a few revelations struck. “Wait…so you would’ve invited me to that, and Chris…Chris knows we’re dating?”

“He could’ve put that together. Specifically he knows you’re my submissive.”

The two weren’t interchangeable. The implication wasn’t lost on her.

“Why? What else does he know? Did you tell him?”

Emilia sighed. “I’m sorry. I confirmed it to stop him from getting any cruder. I trust the man with my life but he wasn’t exactly full of social graces when we met and hasn’t gotten any more tactful.” She stood up from her office chair, walking to the front of her desk. Scarlet resisted the urge to reach out, even as the taller woman was within arm’s length.

“So he was being gross about me? What did he say?” The frustration of not knowing weighed on her.

“He was trying to make a stupid joke at your expense. He’s a chauvinist but he’s my age, not a frat boy. To be completely transparent, he knows you’re my submissive, a Little, and Lila invited you over. I’m not ordering you to do anything, and I wouldn’t have agreed if I thought he would do anything to make you uncomfortable.”

She was lost as to how to feel. Indignant? Frustrated, surely. It was comforting that Emilia was looking out for her, but it had been Emilia who introduced the man to begin with. “So what am I supposed to do? What would I even do over there? Is this…is this a sex thing?”

“No, no,” Emilia held back a laugh, and Scarlet blinked back a pang of hurt. Emilia noticed the change immediately, softening. She could tell Scarlet was feeling the acute, anxious pressure of the unknown but found the idea preposterous.

“No, dear,” she repeated, gentle and understanding. “Nothing like that. We aren’t the type.”

Scarlet tried to fight how Emilia’s simple change in tone made her feel so much safer. She still felt small, but unlike before, she wasn’t being dangled over the lions. She was experiencing the barest hint of being cared for. She sniffled before she spoke,“The Eyes Wide Shut type? I bet you’ve got a mask somewhere.”

Emilia smiled at the joke before leaning back to sit on the edge of her desk, thinking.

“I’m not ordering you to do anything. I’m not even going to force you to go over. But Lila wanted to host you, and I’d like you to go, if only to make a friend in town. You don’t have to do anything there that makes you uncomfortable, okay? This isn’t the same as calling red to one of my instructions.”

When Scarlet didn’t respond, Emilia changed her approach. “You didn’t make a contract with Christopher did you?”

Scarlet shook her head, blushing at the change in tone again.

Emilia went on, layering the mommy voice on further, “And you didn’t make rules with Lila, correct?”

“No, ma’am.” Scarlet’s voice cracked, so soft it didn’t even carry.

“Then who did you make a contract with?” Emilia smiled, her voice even softer, still patronizing, but tender, like practicing flash cards with a small child.

“You, mommy.” Her blush grew tenfold as she said the words out loud. There was something so humiliating and exciting about it; being talked down to, pushed to talk like that, and wearing a diaper under her work clothes. She felt lightheaded for a moment, then saw Emilia’s amber-gold eyes, a sunset through crystals, locked on her.

Scarlet looked away, still feeling small and stupid at needing the explanation and the comforting. Her boss opened her arms and the shorter woman pressed her face against Emilia’s shoulder, hands softly resting on her boss’ collarbones. “It’s not some orgy thing? She just wants to have lunch or something?”

“Exactly, princess. And anything beyond that you two have to agree on.” Emilia shifted to hold Scarlet, still leaning against her desk but now with Scarlet standing between her legs.

“Like what?” Scarlet still couldn’t look up at her girlfriend, trying to soothe herself and save from trembling in Emilia’s arms.

“Coloring and playing with dolls, whatever Littles do together,” Emilia giggled at Scarlet’s expense again. The girl gave a halfhearted stomp of frustration, her body too electrified and nervous to accept any more laughing against her. “I tease. Scarlet, you’ve heard her contract, she’s got Little-type interests. I suspect that if you ask her, she’d talk to you about all of that, since you already know how often Christopher puts her butt plug in.”

“Ew,” she deadpanned. Both women were aware of the unspoken hypocrisy of the supposed disgust when it was coming from the girl who had grown a recent interest in pissing herself.

“I just mean that she’s much more experienced in this than you, and she is probably going to be able to answer any questions about the submissive side of the experience. You don’t have to decide yes or no right this second. But I do think it would be fun for you to have a little playdate.”

“Yes mommy,” Scarlet rolled her eyes as she answered, still hidden by virtue of her face being pressed into Emilia’s skin.

“I felt that, bunny.”

Scarlet giggled at being caught, and was rewarded with a light slap on her padded butt.

“I promised I’d take care of you. I won’t let this happen again,” Emilia whispered once Scarlet had come to rest against her once more.

“You super promise?” Scarlet didn’t know where the juvenile phrase had come from, but it felt right to ask. In the moment, it had the gravity of how serious they were when making their rules, how solemn a vow Lila and Christopher had made.

“I’ll do you one better: It’s a super mommy promise. Unbreakable, on pain of death,” Emilia tried to look resolute and noble, but both women giggled and broke the facade. “And you promise to be good on your playdate, princess?”

Scarlet took her cue and ran with it.

“Super princess promise.”

“Good girl.”