“And it might as well be me.”
I couldn’t help but flinch as she said that, taken aback by what I was pretty sure she was saying. “I’m sorry. What was that?”
“I said somebody needs to clean all of this up.” She grinned playfully. “And it might as well be me.”
Part of me was almost offended that she wasn’t putting me straight to work. “You mean you’re not going to make me do it all for you?”
“You just got here, slow down.” Candace led me to the parlor, which was only a bit better for wear. “Sit. Relax. I’ll take care of this on my own.”
This might work out, actually. If Candace wasn’t going to force me to be her slave again, I might actually be able to do this. If it meant being safe, even if it was with her, I could force myself to live here. Just as long as I didn’t have to go back to being her slave.
Huh. This is new. I quietly stepped into the parlor, heading past the couch towards Candace’s favorite seat, her throne.
“Not there. Obviously.” She rolled her eyes, clearly able to see that I was considering it. “You’re allowed to sit on the sofas or the floor. Not there.”
Not wanting to push any further for the night, I nodded and stepped away, finding a place by myself on the sofa. Candace was quickly off to do the cleaning as soon as she was sure I’d gotten myself situated, and sure enough my eyes began to drift closed as I waited for her.
Though, I wasn’t out for very long before I was suddenly swarmed by a tiny empire of familiar and unfamiliar faces.
“Hello, Sophia.” I giggled as she eagerly climbed on top of me, purring happily. Her sister was there too, shyly sitting down on the sofa, at least a bit happy to see me. “And who are your new friends?”
“Hera and Hestia.” Candace answered for them, the two small grey tabby kittens, both girls. “I got lonely and couldn’t help myself.”
“Could you at least put them away?” I pleaded with her. “Before I get hives?”
“They’re hypoallergenic. Don’t worry.” Candace was blushing. “I made sure just in case.”
“In case I came back.” I smiled, petting the new kittens. “I’m not sure how to feel about that.”
Still gathering loose laundry from the parlor, Candace briefly took a seat next to me. “Does that bother you?”
In truth, I was torn on it. Trying to insist that I didn’t have feelings for her would be lying, but at the same time I’d never imagined actually coming back here. As much as I appreciated her help getting me away from Claudia- it felt like a shallow victory.
“This wasn’t what I wanted. I promised myself I’d get away or die trying. This feels like a regression.”
“I know what you mean, Chloe. But if I’m being honest I really don’t care. That kind of thinking will get you killed, and I’m not about to let that happen. I can tell that you have mixed feelings about this- but for right now I need you to trust me.”
“I’m still a prisoner.” I snapped at her. “How am I supposed to live like this?”
Sensing my frustration, Candace slowly rose to her feet and stepped away. Then with her back turned to me- she said. “This doesn’t fix anything. Does it?”
The fruits of her short lived labor spilled onto the floor as she kicked the hamper over, venting anger. Surely, I should have been glad that her back was turned, but I wasn’t.
“This is the part where I’m meant to act tough. I’m supposed to say something so confidently and so powerfully assertive, if not profound, that’ll put you back in your place and convince you to listen to me again.” Candace hid her face in her palms, sitting alone in her throne. “But I can’t.”
Empty halls of Candace’s home echoed with the sounds of her breaking into tears. Candace didn’t cry. Not like this. Not around me. But she couldn’t stop herself anymore.
“There’s no saving face for me after all of this, Chloe. I love you.” She forced between sobs. “All I want is for you to be safe. I know you hate me. But I don’t care if you hate me for the rest of your life if it means that you’re not in danger, okay?”
Candace knew she was lying. She cared a lot about what I thought about her, and I knew how that felt because I used to have the same dependence on her that she now has on me. “I don’t hate you, I promise.” My eyes drifted to my feet. “I mean it.”
I could feel her eyes drilling into me as she looked up, even without seeing it. “Then how do you feel about me?”
“I don’t know how I feel about you. I’ve never known how I feel about you. Right now, I feel exactly like I said I would. Helpless.” I grasped the hem of my scarlet red skirt with both hands as I spoke, trying to keep them from trembling.
“My whole life I’ve felt helpless. Until I met you.” Candace’s voice cut in. “I’ve always lived at my family’s mercy without knowing it. But when I met you, everything changed. You’ve given me the strength to fight back. You’ve given me something to fight for.” I didn’t realize I’d looked up until I saw her smile. “The worst thing you’ve done is make me realize how lonely I am.”
Hands curled again into the fabrics of her dress as I clung to her. Before I knew it I was in her lap, sobbing into her chest as she held me close. Being with Candace broke me. Not because I hated her, but because I didn’t. She was the one thing that my brain and my heart fought about. Consciously I loathed Candace. But deep down I knew how much she really meant to me.
“I thought I knew what I was doing when I decided to leave you with Claudia. You stood up for me even though you knew it was going to hurt you; I thought the right thing to do was to respect that decision.” Candace didn’t force closeness for even a moment- satisfied knowing I was safe in her arms. “But then I stepped back on that stage and I remembered what we used to have. That night when we kissed backstage before the game was precious to me. I needed you just as much as you needed me back then, but I was too afraid to admit that weakness. But you’ve always been my weakness. You were never like other fans. You were always so determined to beat me just so that I would notice you. How could I not fall for you?”
Tighter. I desperately clung to her. “You always looked at me like I was nothing.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking back then. I still don’t know who I am. Not really. I made a lot of mistakes early on because just like Claudia, I was scared. You’ve always meant a lot to me, but I didn’t want to admit it. I think deep down part of me knew I’d be heartbroken if something happened to you, and I tried to destroy that feeling. But the more I looked at you the more I needed you to love me again.” I could hear her heart thumping away inside of me, and feeling her emotion brought me just a little bit of peace. “I’ve hurt you, and I know in the back of my mind that I’m done hurting you. But I’m going to keep you safe. I promise. Please, let me protect you.”
My eyes still wet with tears, I pried myself from her chest to look her in the eyes. “I don’t like feeling helpless. It’s not fair. Why should I be the one who needs protection?”
“Are you kidding me?” She giggled. “Did you see what you did back there? You’re not helpless. It wasn’t just me. You managed to inspire almost everyone in the room to fight for you. Even Lilian.” Candace was blushing now. “She didn’t hand the controller to me. She handed it to you.”
A lump caught my words in my throat. “How did you know she was going to give it to me?”
“It didn’t matter who she was going to hand it to. What mattered was that Claudia gave it up.” Her eyes sparkled ever so slightly. “I had my hands full. Who else was going to take it?”
Nervously, I bit my lip. “What was your plan?”
“I had no plan.” Candace admitted with extreme regret. “But you were holding my hand. I knew it had to turn out okay.”
My cheeks turned pink. “What if she tried to kill me?”
“I had faith that she wouldn’t.”
“You trusted her-”
“I trusted you.” She asserted. “You were the one that gave her a change of heart. Not me.”
I smiled at the thought. “I think you’re wrong.”
Candace swallowed nervously, unable to keep from smiling. “Okay. Maybe I deserve a little bit more credit. But not much.”
“Candace.” I finally cleared my throat. “Thank you for saving me.”
Her extremely pale cheeks were glowing by this point, eyes trying to divert themselves from looking me straight on as she got all flustered. “No. Don’t say it like that.”
“My hero.” I smiled, teasing her ever so slightly. “I’ll be forever indebted to you.”
Candace’s eyes locked with mine as my hands drifted, gently caressing her between the thighs. “You’re such a brat.”
“Let this brat become your trophy, then. It’s the least I can do to repay you. Isn’t that what you want to hear?” I also began to blush ever so faintly, even I had to admit that I was enjoying this a bit too much for my own good. But I could tell how much she wanted this. “I won’t bite.” My fingers gently began to slide up her dress, tapping against her quickly developing excitement as she was teased. “Probably.”
“You’re ruining a really tender moment you know.” Candace mumbled through her teeth, biting her lip.
“I’m not the one who’s getting off to this.” I smirked, thumbing her crotch. “I can feel your erection just from sitting in your lap.”
“Can you blame me?” She hissed indignantly. “You do this on purpose.”
“I meant it this time. I’m not too proud to say it. Thank you for helping me.”
Candace blushed, rolling her eyes at me. “I’d love to keep the tenderness going, but I think you should probably get out of my lap now.”
For just a few moments, I stared her dead in the eyes, emotionless. “I don’t care what you think, Candace. You can’t control me anymore.”
She wasn’t very thrilled to hear that. But like she had insisted, she hadn’t the strength to assert herself. “I know you don’t want this like I do. But please don’t tease me by showing me something you’ll never let me have.”
I scoffed, heart shaking with sullen emotion. “I don’t want to be your helpless trophy, Candace.”
“I don’t want that either.” She frowned, closing her legs as I stood up from her lap. “I want you because of your ferocity. I love you because of who you are, not in spite of it. You’re passionate, determined, and headstrong. I’ve never met a girl like you.”
“And yet you want to destroy all of that by making me your toy again.”
“I don’t want you to change.” Candace gave me an embarrassed smile. “I want you to belong to me.”
The heat in my cheeks burned as I gazed into her eyes, anxiously finding a seat at the couch again. “I do belong to you. There. I said it. I’m yours now.” I did my best to try and hide how scared I really was from her. “If I didn’t want your protection I wouldn’t have come back with you. I could have taken my controller and ran away. But I’m scared of what’ll happen to me if I try to survive on my own.”
Candace reluctantly smiled, feeling maybe just a bit guilty. “So you’ll stay?”
“I don’t want to die. I want to be safe. I don’t see many other options.” My eyes bubbled with angry tears as I admitted it. “Please. It’s easier for me if you don’t give me a choice, okay?”
“Okay.” She confirmed, nodding her head. “You belong here with me. You’re mine to protect. We’ll figure out the other details later. For now I want you to recharge. Come get me if you need anything, alright?”
“Alright.” I nodded back. “Thank you.”
Candace’s smile spoke for itself. She didn’t need to say another word, I could see how happy she was as she resumed her self imposed task of cleaning her own house.
Unsurprisingly, the effects of not sleeping the night before were catching up to me. I must have fallen asleep watching television in Candace’s parlor. The remote control was like the holy grail in my hands as I switched the television on and began flicking through the channels. To say that it was surreal to watch TV after so long was an understatement, it was an almost alien experience.
“Really?” Candace’s nagging was eventually what woke me up as she returned. “You turn on the television after six months, and the first thing you watch is MTV?”
I rolled my eyes at her, groaning as I shook myself from my sleep. “Is there a problem with that?’
“No.” She squinted. “Just an observation.”
“I’m finished anyways.” I stretched, clicking the television off. “Did you need help cleaning up?”
Candace shook her head. “Mom actually raised me to be a housekeeper. She must have thought that dad would take the prospects of me growing up to be a woman if I learned the womanly arts young. I think it worked in the end, even if I’ve long since stopped cleaning my own home. Father repeatedly insists that I’m too good for that. Before you it was Malcolm, and before Malcolm it was…” She seemed to suddenly choke up. “…Leah.”
My heart dropped in my chest at the way she said her name. “Leah?”
“I must be the world’s worst friend.” She paused, thinking it over. “Or the world’s worst daughter.”
“Umm. Candace?”
“Leah’s in the hospital.” She said with a heart as heavy as stone. “She took a bullet for me then left the party bleeding out. I should have gone with her. I haven’t seen her. And now might never get to.”
“I’m sure she’ll be okay, right? She always pulls through?”
“She’s never been shot before.” Candace collapsed into her seat, distraught. “She could already be dead and I might never get to see her again. I might never get to thank her. She might die for me.” For the second time tonight, Candace began to sob. “And I’m too scared to go see her.”
“Candace-” I stood up, trying to calm her. “You can check on her tomorrow, right?”
“Right.” She choked, forcing her emotions back down. “It’ll have to wait for now.”
An hour or so later, Candace stepped back into the parlor after a rather extensive phone call. Emotionally exhausted. She didn’t seem any less distraught than she’d been when she left.
“We’re going to be having guests soon.” She forced a smile onto her face. “Friends are coming over.”
“Oh. Already?” I jumped to my feet, knowing I wasn’t ready to be seen. “Should I hide?”
She just smiled. “Don’t worry. They’re friends we can trust. If anything, Leah’s the one I’d be worried about, but she’s not-” Once more, she was choking on her words. “She’s gone into shock. But they’re working on getting her stable.”
She paced back and forth, nervously holding her phone to her lips. Candace was clearly going through a lot of turmoil, and I couldn’t help but want to make her feel better. But a smile and a hug was really all I could offer her right now.
“If there’s anything I can do to help.” I sighed, helping her straighten out her fancy blue dress. “Please don’t hesitate.”
Candace grabbed me by both shoulders and forced me away. “No. I want you to take it easy. I mean it. You’re welcome to just hang out if you want. But if you just want to hide, the cell is unlocked.”
A flash of anxiety quickly took over me. “You’re locking me away?”
“No. If you just leave the door open it’ll be okay, I promise.” She smiled. “It’s the best I’ve got right now. I’m sorry.”
“Okay.” I frowned, slowly stepping away from her. “If you say so.”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”
“It’s fine. I’ll be okay, I promise.”
“Alright.” She nodded, waving me off. “I’ll be out here.”
“I’ll be in there.” I gave her a quick smile before heading out. “Have fun with your afterparty.”
Candace’s room was just as bad as the rest of her house. No. Worse. Much worse.
Sighing, I stepped inside of her room and picked a pair of her boyshorts off the floor and held them to my nose for a brief sniff. Force of habit more than anything. It was her crotch musk that usually got me. Like hell I was going to voluntarily step foot into that cell again if I didn’t have to, even if it was the only place without loose panties lying around.
The girl loves herself some satin.
“I’m not a freak.” I mumbled to the zero people that could hear me, flinging it across the room as I stepped towards Candace’s closet. It wasn’t my fault she smelled so nice. “You’re a freak.”
That one was directed at her. Candace wasn’t just a weirdo, she was a monster. Criminal. Thief. Kidnapper. Abuser. Rapist. Lover. Sweetheart. Savior. Master. She was right. My heart fluttered for her.
Why was I in love with my rapist? It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t right. I in no way condoned the act of molesting women against their will and yet somehow I’d grown into a disgusting freak who could get off to the idea of being molested by that woman.
My thoughts and feelings were too scrambled to make sense of right now, yet for some reason I was convinced that this was the right choice to make. The things these people do were in no way morally just. But there was always a chance that if I stuck around I could help bring change to things. Maybe if I stood by Candace I could change her for the better. She’d already come this far because of me. If nothing else, maybe I can make her into a real person.
And that by itself was a noble enough cause for me.
“I’m trusting you.” I mumbled to my own brain as I stared at my reflection in her mirror, still hung on the door to her closet. “This had better not just be an excuse to date my abductor without feeling bad. If it is, I’m going to be pissed.”
I stood there like I expected my brain to say something back, despite knowing that I was just living through some sort of internal monologue being acted out in real time before my eyes.
“It’s not your brain you should be consulting with.” My reflection practically scoffed at me, rolling her eyes. “Your heart’s just weak.”
Irked, I groaned at her. “You’re the one who fell for her, Sophia.”
“Oh. So it’s my fault now.” The girl in the mirror snapped back. “It was one sided. Parasocial. We were manipulated. We know that now. It’s not my fault. It’s not our fault that we fell in love with her, Chloe.”
“Then what do you suppose I do about it, huh?” I grinded my teeth together. “My heart isn’t weak for wanting to be with her.”
“Yes it is.” She growled. “You can’t love her.”
“But you just said it wasn’t our fault.”
“I said it’s not our fault that we fell in love with her to begin with. But we know better now. We can’t let her get away with it anymore.”
No. My reflection wasn’t actually talking to me, nor was I hallucinating it. Sometimes it just helps to be able to imagine that other girl and talk things out with her- even if I’m just talking to myself in a mirror.
“She’s changed.” I mumbled with a frown, hands curled into fists. “She was willing to give this all up to be with me.”
“She was willing to punish herself for what she did to you. That’s not noble. That’s a temper tantrum.”
“And you’re the reigning authority on temper tantrums, aren’t you?”
“Listen to yourself, Chloe.” Her fists uncurled, now holding her hands on her hips. “You’re the same as you’ve always been, just like her. People can’t change.”
I took a deep breath in and out, looking her in the eyes. “Yes they can. People are always changing. Especially me and especially her.”
She looked taken aback by that. “That’s not what you used to believe-”
“Because I’ve changed.” I snarled. “I know better now than I did then. If I can go from being you to being me, she can change too. I don’t believe in your same self-centered ideals anymore, it’s not just about me. Sabotaging myself hurts others- not just me- and I’m not going to let everything spiral out of control again. I won’t punish myself anymore.”
The version of me in the mirror turned red, crossing her arms at her chest in indignation. “And you’re going to trust her with your life?”
“I don’t have a choice.” I blushed, pouting. “She’s my only option.”
I took one last look at myself, seeming to come to a decision on my own. Finally some peace and quiet inside of my own head. Sometimes I just couldn’t stand these gears. Her bed smelled just as nice as ever- albeit with far less of a clean scent than a Candace scent. I must have just sat there for a while, cowering under her covers, pondering it all over.
“Candace.” I read the name stitched into the ear of her new stuffed toy, knowing exactly where the small grey tabby must have come from thanks to her signature. It should have upset me, but for some reason it actually made me smile. Squeezing it to my chest reminded me of Poppy. Reminded me of Colleen. “Mark my words, I’m gonna see you again, Mom. I promise.”
From within my cell I never would have been able to hear them, but through Candace’s walls the sounds of her and her guests were quite clear. Knowing that they were up to something out there, I was never going to be able to fall asleep like this. I couldn’t be caught dead wearing the same thing I’d worn to the party, but fortunately for me there were plenty of my clothes just lying around.
Pastel yellow crop top. Ripped jean shorts. Long sleeve flannel. And a pair of rainbow high tops. Just what the doctor ordered. The doctor here being no doctor ever, and the patient being my extremely poor twenty-three year old fashion sense. Which- lets be fair- I’d grown out of in my newfound wisdom.
Pfft, nah. I’d just spent the last six months wearing maid uniforms and other slave princess attire. This was what I’d been wearing the last time I saw my mother- right before I’d been shipped to my new owner.
If it was good enough for Cinco de Mayo, it was good enough for this.
Here goes nothing.
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Quiet as can be, I stepped out of the master bedroom and towards the parlor, careful not to disturb anyone with my presence. But as expected, the whole room went dead silent the moment anyone laid eyes on me.
It wasn’t too dissimilar a sight from the first afterparty I’d seen from now, but it felt different knowing the context of the party before it.
Cyrus. Liz. Lilith. Aria. Malcolm. Anthony. It was nice to see Malcolm’s boyfriend this time around, but Leah’s absence was certainly felt, especially by Candace. Candace…
She smiled, trying not to let me see the eager look on her face. No one else knew what to say or do to break the ice at this point. They just continue to sit there with their drinks in hand, letting me be the one to break the ice, which I did.
Aria’s fingers twitched as I stepped towards her, paying no mind to the eyes staring at me as I snatched the half-empty beer bottle from her hand, shotgunning it as quickly as I could. Like hell I wanted to do this sober. They were all drunk anyway. At least I had the decency to set the bottle back down on the table when I was done, rather than smashing it over someone’s skull. Cough cough.
Candace’s eyes locked with mine as I stood there, letting out a loud- and quite unladylike- belch from the pits of my stomach. I wasn’t a slave anymore. I was a guest. I could do whatever I want.
“Well don’t just sit there.” I groaned, rolling my eyes at them. “If I wanted people to stare at me I wouldn’t have dressed like a street urchin.”
It didn’t matter that Candace was the only one to giggle at that, because at least I’d gotten that out of her. “You look nice.”
“I look like a homeless person.”
“Maybe.” She smirked. “But I think you look pretty anyways.”
Yeah. That made me blush. “I think you look pretty too.”
There was another long pause as Candace’s face just glowed with pride. Not at the compliment, but at all of the hard work she’d put in for me to be here with her tonight. But for everyone else, the reality of that was still just sinking in.
“Chloe?!” Out of everyone, Malcolm wouldn’t have been my first pick to jump to his feet and practically tackle me to the ground with a bear hug, but he was. “How the fuck are you here?!”
“Long story.” I chuckled, hugging him back. “You had to be there.”
“It was something.” I heard Lilith behind me, also just a bit proud of Candace. “That’s for sure.”
“You mean you knew?!” Elizabeth squeaked, her eyes wide.
“So that’s what happened back there.” Her husband folded his arms, unsure of whether he approved of this. “I was wondering how you got out of that alive.”
“Who, me?” Candace bemused. “Or Chloe?”
“Neither.” Cyrus shook his head, staring now at his own mother.
Lilith just chuckled. “I always have tricks up my sleeves.”
“Oh yeah? And do those tricks involve murdering your own daughter?”
“Heavens no. Your sister is just fine.”
As everyone laughed it off around her, Aria just knelt there in shock, bewildered. A look of guilt seemingly began to overtake her face, lowering her head in shame.
“But…” She choked. “What about Claudia?”
I couldn’t say I didn’t place any of the blame on her, but I wasn’t mad at Aria for what she did. At least I understood and accepted why she did it, and came out on the other end a better person for it. She’d just been too out of her depth trying to force Candace to better herself, but Aria had done a number on that for me. No one could make Candace a better person.
No one but me.
“Candace?” I turned to her, frowning. “What about Claudia?”
She paused, looking me over as she thought. For a moment it looked like she had something to say, and then nothing came out. “I don’t know what happens now. I guess that’s up to her.”
Biting my lower lip, I nodded. “I guess so.”
“Cheers then.” Anthony smiled, holding up two shots of something much stronger for himself and for me, letting me tap mine to his. “Don’t know what any of that means, but congrats.”
“Thanks.” I tipped my head back, knocking the whole thing down before handing it back. It didn’t taste good, but I was glad to have it. I paused. There was something I needed to think over. “If you’ll excuse me.”
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The vision of the ocean was as wild and blue through the dining room window as it always had. Tempestuous. Across that water and across the country was my mother. I didn’t realize it until now, but I missed her.
“What’s up?” Candace whispered to me from behind, holding both hands to my hips. “Are you okay?”
Obviously not. I shook my head. “No.”
“Talk to me.”
“I’m not doing this because I want to.” I quickly snapped, never taking my eyes off of the ocean for a moment. “And I’m not doing this out of love either, because I don’t.”
“I’m not letting you go.”
“I’m not asking you to.”
“Then what?” She asked, calmly and coolly. “Why are you doing this?”
My face red with near shame, I turned around in her arms, placing my arms over her shoulders and around her neck. “Because I don’t want you to hurt anyone else like you’ve hurt me. That’s why. If letting myself be yours for the rest of my life means that you don’t do any more bad things to any more good people, then that’s what I’m going to do.”
“That’s it then?” Candace frowned. “You don’t think I can be a good person?”
“That’s not true. I know you can be a good person. I’m sure of it.” I gave her a smile to try and reassure her. “Maybe then we can be happy together. But not a moment sooner.”
Candace’s face lightened up just a bit. “You’re going to martyr yourself?”
“That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? To suffer for the sake of others?”
“Chloe…”
Her heart sank at the sound of that, holding me there in her arms. My eyes closed with hers, feeling her press her lips to mine. She held me there- and I held her there- for as long as possible, only opening our eyes when we had to.
“I love you.” She breathed desperately.
Eyes still locked together, I nodded, smiling. “I know. I love me too… I just don’t know if I love you yet.”
Candace giggled, almost pouting, as she pressed her forehead to mine. “I think I can accept that for tonight.”
“And tomorrow?”
I peeked at her with one eye. She was blushing. “We’ll see.”
Sighing the last of my worries out for right now, I let myself fall into her arms, feeling her rock me back and forth as we stood under the starlight outside.
We heard someone call Candace’s name, followed by the pitter patter of approaching steps, and we both knew who that was. Aria almost seemed guilty to be interrupting us. But it was important. “We’re going to be having a toast here soon. Do you two still need a minute?”
Needing a minute was a bit of an understatement. More so for Candace than for me. I sensed she probably would have liked an hour just to herself. Her bitter eyes drifted towards the floor at my feet, filled with something just a bit short of anger.
“I’m sorry.” The smaller woman stammered, sensing she had struck a chord. “I didn’t mean-”
“You were supposed to be my best friend.” My master hissed, focusing on the space between them.
“I know you’re upset. I fucked up. I’m sorry.” Aria frowned, knowing there wasn’t anything she could really do to defend herself.
Candace looked up, contemplating as she stared into my eyes. “What you did was selfish, thoughtless, and egotistical. And I know I’m not much better, but I’m still upset about it.” She paused, sighing to herself. “I’m going to try and do what I think is the right thing here. My father is out for Chloe’s head and I’m going to do everything I can to protect her.”
Aria smiled politely, hanging her head. “But you’re not going to protect me.”
“Like I said, you’re still my best friend, but no. I’m not going to reward you for what you did- even if it turned out okay. I’m still here for you no matter where you end up, wherever that ends up being. Until that happens though, I’m going to trust my family to figure out what’s best for you. Because clearly I can’t trust you with that decision. You’re Lilith’s possession now, she gets to choose where to put you, I have faith in her.”
“And if she does end up choosing you?” Aria was nervously tapping her foot, very nearly about to lose it. “What would you do with me then?”
“I don’t know, and I’m not going to spend time thinking about it, not unless it actually happens.” Candace gave her friend a begrudging smile, carefully monitoring my face for my thoughts and feelings on the matter. I of course said nothing, but gave her a knowing- almost jealous- look. “I imagine though, if it does turn out that way, I’d probably find someone I trust to give you to. Because as much as I care for you- I don’t think I can keep you.”
The poor girl nodded. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to belong to anyone else.”
“I’m afraid I can’t help you there.” Candace rebuked, still staring at me and not her. She was doing her best- I could see it in her eyes- but she was still struggling to hold her tongue. “You’re stronger than you think, I promise. Besides… I don’t think that’s going to happen.”
“Because she’s going to pick your sister.” Aria ground out, her voice littered with abject despair. “She’s going to give me to Claudia.”
My heart jumped at the thought of that. Surely she wouldn’t, right? Then again, Aria’s fears were clearly quite justified. Not only had Candace’s elder sister just lost a slave- in the form of yours truly- but she was also reeling from everything Candace and I had just finished doing to her. Candace wasn’t Lilith’s daughter- Claudia was. If anything it should seemingly be down to picking between her and her brother, Candace would be lucky to see anything passed down to her from father’s ex-wife slash mother’s former owner. The only foreseeable alternative I could think of was in reparation for the death of Candace’s mom, but that was a loss felt just as badly by her sister, if not more. No, I didn’t want Candace to keep Aria for herself, but I did want her to end up somewhere safe.
“You don’t know that, Aria.” Candace broke away from me, staring down at her friend in disappointment. She knew how I felt, she could see it in my eyes, she was just avoiding it now. She didn’t want to face it. “But even if it does. I already told you- I won’t protect you.”
“Mistress?” I lightly tapped her chest, trying to get her attention. If she was going to say something like that she was going to look me in the eyes and do it. “You can’t just sit here and abandon her.”
“And why not?” Candace quickly did just that, glaring daggers into my eyes as she snarled, snatching me by the wrist.
My fingers unfolded, trying not to fight her grasp. This was the Candace that I was afraid I was going to get tonight. “Because she loves you.”
But something changed right at the last minute there, Candace’s eyes softened, looking almost dejected. She didn’t say anything- but I could tell what that face was meant to say.
I watched Aria’s face turn red out of the corner of my eye, shuffling nervously. “No. She’s right. I deserve this.”
“Candace…” My eyes pleaded with hers. “Don’t punish her like you punished me…”
Her fingers gently interlocked with mine, holding my hands softly but firmly. “I’m not trying to punish her. I need you both to believe me, please. I’m going to do what’s best. I promise. I’m your master, Chloe, you need to trust me.”
“But if I just blindly trust you, where does that get me?”
“There’s a difference between trust and faith- just like there’s a difference between blind obedience and submission. I’m not asking for your blind trust, I’m telling you to have faith in me.”
Quiet thoughts filled my head as I thought, slowly hanging my head- not in defeat, but in deference. It was a submission heavily soaked in reluctance, but it was a submission nonetheless. Admittedly, these moments were some of the hardest for me, but if Candace was going to be a better master… I needed to be a better slave.
That started here- with the big rather than the small. It started with something I despised above almost all else.
Losing. This new game was really strange and unintuitive to me. I needed to learn how to lose, or rather let myself lose, in order to win. I needed to- heavens forbid- learn how to give up. Or as a wise woman once said. Forfeit.
“Okay.” Was all I said, hanging my head and closing my eyes. But doing it like this was almost a way of admitting- I don’t want to say it, but I’m wrong. At the very least, it was a way of admitting that I wasn’t the right person to make this decision- or if I was- signalling that I trusted her to do the same. After all, I had made a lot of decisions on my own and I’d put a lot of people in danger in doing so, and that wasn’t what I wanted to do anymore. My priorities had changed. But as good as it was, there was still a better way of admitting it without having to say all of that. “Yes, Master.”
“You too, Aria.” She spent less than a moment on me, accepting what I had to say. A fraction of how much I’d put into it- and rightfully so. “If you can’t trust her, then please- trust me. I know Lilith has made mistakes in the past, and lots of them, but so have I. She’s been there for you so far. Just like she’s been there for me, and for Cyrus, and admittedly- for Claudia. I trust her, and if you have faith in me, you do too. I think she’s going to make the right choice, and if she does end up giving you to Claudia. There’s a reason.”
She smiled, holding me by both hands as she tried her best to reassure Aria. And I hated to admit it, but yeah, I trusted her judgement. At least enough to bury myself in her arms as the old woman slowly approached.
“Happy birthday, Miss Mariam.” Candace gave her a smile, just a little bit embarrassed. “I’m sorry for ruining your party.”
Lilith let out a content sigh, making her way to Aria and placing a hand on the girl’s shoulder as she struggled to stay standing. “I stopped having birthday parties about a quarter century ago. Tonight wasn’t about me, tonight was about everyone else. I got to see everyone I hated- as well as everyone I loved- and as long as everyone else had a nice time, it was worth it.”
“Still-” Candace mumbled, nudging me from her chest. “I think someone owes you an apology regardless.”
“Me?” I gasped, shell shocked. “What did I do?”
“Well you caused a few million dollars worth of property damage just in the chandelier alone, not to mention started an electrical fire that caused at least that much and more, while also nearly killing the hosts and putting that many more of their guests in danger. Even for you, that’s pretty violent.”
She was just going to have to stand there and watch me pout for a minute. I didn’t care about anything Candace just said, and she knew that. It wasn’t about what I was apologizing for or even whether or not I needed to apologize at all; it was about respect. Submission and respect, plain and simple. Respect your elders. Submit to your masters. Do as you’re told and apologize. That’s what it was about.
Closing my eyes and bowing- I apologized. “I’m sorry, Miss Mariam. Happy birthday.”
“Thank you, dear. And what about you?” That seemed to satisfy her at least, she was more concerned about what Aria had to say for herself than with me. “Would you like to apologize for doubting my judgement? Or would you like to take a chance on upsetting me and seeing where that gets you?”
Aria promptly bit back her tongue and her pride as she nodded, almost crying. “I would like to apologize, Ma’am. I’m sorry. My fear got the better of me.”
“Apology accepted.” She winked at us in a way that Aria wouldn’t be able to see, giving us both a knowing smirk. “I was going to inquire as to how that friend of yours was doing, knowing that my Aria here accompanied her to the facility. But it would appear that it can wait. There’s someone at the door for you two.”
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We knew exactly who it was going to be before we’d even stepped foot out of the dining room.
But that didn’t make it any easier.
Candace’s eyes drifted to the ground at her feet as she opened the door, and I held her hand as tight as I could. She couldn’t even look up. “Hey.”
And neither could her sister. “Hey…”
Candace and Claudia both just stood there, nervously. Neither of them could bear seeing the other in the eye.
“What are you doing here?”
“Nothing malicious, I promise.” Claudia stood hand in hand with Josephine like Candace stood hand in hand with me. “Hey Josie, maybe you should do the talking?”
“No.” Her little sister snapped, refusing. “You can speak for yourself. Why are you here?”
Claudia’s face turned red in shame. “You forgot Chloe’s things when you left. I did kind of rush you out though, so that’s my fault. But I know if I held onto them until the morning it was just going to hurt us all more than it already has.”
Candace’s eyes glowed with anger, now staring into Claudia’s “You’re not here to take her away again?”
“No.” Claudia shook her head, opening up a familiar looking bag known to contain most of the belongings sent with me to the facility, pulling one thing out in particular and holding it towards me. “I wanted to give you this.”
Poppy. Safe and secure. I released Candace’s hand and took her into my arms, holding her to my chest. Having met the stuffed cat my mother must have made for Candace, I never thought I’d see her again. It put me on the verge of tears. “Thank you…”
“She’s yours. Lilian wouldn’t accept it any other way.” She nervously bit her lip, blue eyes glazing over with tears. “And what she wants is all that matters right now.”
Reluctantly, Candace accepted the bag from her sister’s claws, slinging it over her shoulder. “I appreciate it.”
“Why don’t you step inside?” I smiled, nervously giving them both a chuckle. “I can take your coat-”
“Now hold on a sec.” Claudia almost began to smile before her sister spoke up, shutting my offer down on the spot. Candace was looking at me like I was crazy all of a sudden. “I did not give you permission to invite people into my home.”
Claudia paused outside the door, looking to Josie at her side and sighing, nodding her head. I think they both must have understood why Candace wouldn’t want that. But I couldn’t help but feel like that was just a little unfair- not to them- but to me.
I stood there with my hands on my hips, giving Candace the most vexed expression I could manage. “This is my home too, isn’t it?”
Candace frowned at my displeasure. “You’re mine to protect, remember?”
“Then protect me.” I crossed my arms in discontent. “Don’t overprotect me.”
She gave a quick glance to her sister before turning back to me. “Are you sure about this?”
With a bright red glow on my cheeks, I nodded. “Trust me.”
People weren’t exactly expecting to see me tonight, but they were even more shocked to see Claudia and her spouse joining them in our parlor together.
“It’s official.” Claudia loudly proclaimed as she took a seat opposite her brother, sitting on the floor between her wife and her mom. “We need a new house.”
Yikes. I winced at that. I knew I did a number on the place, but I didn’t expect it to be too terrible. “My bad…”
“That’s not all.” Josephine added, letting Claudia pour her a drink in exchange for a backrub, trying to be playful. “In total there’s been several dozen injuries we’re going to be liable for, Darcey’s got some nasty burns, Autumn suffered a concussion, Lilian refuses to leave Zenna’s side, there’s been at least one missing person reported, and one confirmed death- a second pending.”
“Wait-” I shot up in Candace’s lap. “Did someone die?”
Claudia nodded. “Only one so far, but admittedly it was his own fault and nothing you did.”
I bit my lip. “And the other?”
A hush fell over the room, briefly pervaded by the feeling that no one here wanted to be the one to say it. Candace of course had no idea what they were referring to, and I sensed that was exactly why nobody wanted to break the news to her. But eventually, all eyes fell onto poor Aria.
“Aria.” Candace held me as tight as she could. “Out with it. What happened?”
She sat there for a few moments in silence, thinking how best to phrase it before eventually just going for it. “We didn’t notice it until we were already well on our way to the facility, but Leah’s condition was a lot worse than we initially thought. We were focusing so heavily on the bullet itself that we failed to notice what was on the bullet… Leah wasn’t just shot. She was poisoned.”
“Poisoned?” I heard Candace’s heart drop in her chest. “With what?”
“I don’t know, I’m sorry.” Aria hung her head. “Better people than me are trying to figure that out.”
Candace clearly wanted to shove me out of her lap and march down to the facility, but she couldn’t. I clung to her, refusing to let go. She wasn’t going anywhere tonight.
She hissed. “I need to go see her.”
“You can’t see her.” Her brother snapped at her. “No one’s allowed in.”
“But it’s our facility-”
“It’s my facility. And I said no. Not until we figure out what was used to poison her, who all has access to it, and where they’re getting it from- no one is going anywhere they don’t belong. That could have been one of us…” Cyrus’ eyebrows furled, glaring directly at his little sister. “And it almost was.”
Her eyes seemed to go wide with shock, sinking back in her favorite seat, her favorite girl still tucked safely in her lap. “I killed her.”
Candace’s sister quickly frowned. “You didn’t kill her-”
“Yes I did.” Candace hid her face behind her hands. “That bullet was for me. I killed Leah. She was always there for me… and I got her killed.”
Why I cared so much about how Candace felt, I would never understand. But I was surrounded by half a dozen people who expected me to wait on her hand and foot, and they were all looking at me like I should be doing something.
“You can see her in the morning.” I cooed, trying my best to reassure her. “She’s going to be okay. She always pulls through, remember?”
Candace bit back whatever it was she was feeling, looking me in the face with those pleading eyes of hers, almost offended that she was being talked down to. She had tears in her eyes that she was fighting, once again stealing my hand to hold.
“That woman surprised me tonight.” Lilith promptly said of Leah. “I’d be disappointed if she actually ended up dead after all of that. She seems too resilient for that.”
I watched Candace quickly raise an eyebrow. “I thought you hated her.”
Lilith paused, looking towards her own daughter. “I thought so too. But I guess there’s more to her than I had imagined.”
“I’m sorry, back up a minute.” Malcolm’s eyes nervously darted back and forth between Candace… and Claudia. “Is nobody going to address the elephant in the room?”
Candace’s sister simply rolled her eyes, grinding her teeth at the boy. “Let’s just say that there are more important things than petty fights over girls. Especially if it’s going to end up almost destroying my life inside and out. You win again, Sophia Cavalier, just like always. Good game.”
She blushed, averting her eyes. They didn’t need to know what happened tonight. It was better if they remained in the dark about the things that could- and would- hurt them.
Everyone held up a drink, tapping their glasses together at their host’s behest. “A toast. To family.”
Her guests relished in that, smiling and laughing amongst themselves after a long night. Malcolm and his fiance quietly snuck out as Lilith said her goodbyes. Along with her husband and his wife, as well as Aria at her side to look after her for the time being, she delivered a round of hugs and well wishes. She was clearly quite proud of all of her kids.
I hadn’t expected it all to end like this, but I was glad. For a moment it seemed like it had all worked out just fine- but there was one thing still left to finish.
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“I’ve always wanted you to come out to one of these, Claudia. It was nice finally getting to have that.”
Candace held my hand in hers, facing her sister at the door as they were saying goodbyes. I was glad Claudia hadn’t tried anything while she was here, but her sister was still weary. Inviting her inside had been the right thing for me to do, at least for Lilith’s sake, but it didn’t make facing her any less terrifying.
“Of course. Thanks for inviting us in.” Her sister bowed slightly, foregoing a kiss goodbye entirely.
Candace gave her a polite smile and accepted her formality at face value with a nod. “That being said, I don’t think I can let you back anytime soon.”
Claudia lowered her gaze, doing her best to stay calm. She wasn’t about to fight that. “I understand.”
“I meant what I said though.” Candace butted back in, finding it easier to look her sister-in-law in the eyes. “You’re my sister. I love you, and I want what’s best for you. I could never blame you for what happened to my mother, because I know she wouldn’t, but I can’t say the same about everything else. I invited you in for Miss Mariam’s sake, but I don’t want you stepping foot in my house anymore, please. I think it’s for the best that we go our separate ways for the time being. It’s going to take me a long while to want to see you again, if ever.”
“I think for both of our sake I actually agree with you for once.” Claudia nudged her wife in the side. “But you’re both welcome back in our lives whenever you wish. Right honey?”
“Of course.” Josephine, sensing her wife’s hesitation, answered. Pulling out a small folder and holding it out to us both. “Which brings us to this. We hope you don’t mind. I’m sure you’ll want to keep Chloe a secret as much as you can, but we had one of our attorney friends write up some paperwork. Legal stuff. She’s trustworthy. We promise.”
Taking the documents into her arms, Candace raised an eyebrow. She clearly found it much easier to look her sister-in-law in the eyes. “What is this?”
Josephine smiled. “A contract. Officially transferring ownership of Chloe back to you.”
Her eyes went wide at the sound of that, staring at the contract in disbelief. It couldn’t be that simple. Not when it came to Claudia. “What’s the catch?”
“A godfather clause.” Claudia answered, trying to be fair and honest. “As written, we agree to return full custody of Chloe to you in exchange for what is basically the right of first refusal.”
Having quite thoroughly heard that go right over my head, I mumbled. “What does that mean?”
“It means that for as long as you both shall live, you belong to her. But-” And she paused on that objection for a moment. “In the event that something should happen. If Candace is no longer suitable to possess or maintain you. Custody over you shall return to us.”
Candace’s eyes narrowed in on her sister. “To you?”
“To me.” Claudia nodded. “But anything that would trigger that is out of my control.”
“You’ll have nothing to worry about as long as everything goes well. It’s just to give your slave some peace of mind. Claudia and I are always there just in case.”
She pondered over what Claudia was offering her for a moment. “I sign this, and you agree to drop this whole conflict, as long as I agree to give you custody of her when I die?”
Claudia rolled her eyes, smiling politely. “That and another thing, it was actually Josie’s idea, not mine.”
“And what’s that?”
“You two got yourselves into all of this, remember?” Josie rightfully pointed out. “I just figured Chloe would appreciate some safety and freedom is all.”
I blushed, grinning from behind my plush dog. “What do you mean?”
“You chose to leave Candace last time.” My doppelganger reminded us. “I wanted to include a way- in case it ever got so bad you thought you’d need to leave again- to safely give you a back up owner to return to.”
Candace was more than mildly annoyed by the implication that it might ever happen again. “You’re saying that at any point, Chloe can- on a dime- choose to leave me… for you?”
“Exactly.” Josephine smirked, tossing me a wink. “Makes you think twice about how you’re treating her.”
“Or if you decide you don’t want her anymore. We do.” Claudia cut in one final time. “Does that sound fair?”
I almost wanted to cry hearing all of this, and Candace could sense that. Within moments I felt her hand on my waist, pulling me close and refusing to let go of me.
“Trust me. That’s not going to happen.”
Claudia smiled, accepting her sister’s words as she pressed herself against her own wife. “I know how that feels.”
That settled, the two of them made their leave, having said their goodbyes and made their offer. I stood outside the door beside Candace as the both of us watched to make sure they were actually gone. But sure enough, that seemed to be the end of it all.
I hated to admit it, but what they were offering almost sounded too good to be true after all this time. There was just one small problem, however. The folder looked legitimate, scarily so, but it also felt like a scam. One that I wasn’t falling for.
“With all due respect, Ma’am. Do you honestly expect me to believe all of this?”
Once we were alone together I needed to expose this for what it was. A trick. My hand snapped forward, clenching the folder shut in Candace’s hands. Tucked inside the legal leather still competing for Candace’s attention was that written agreement Claudia and whatever legal professionals she’d hired had scrambled together in the span of a night. It was a nice gesture on their part, but there was still that tiny gigantic hole in logic I couldn’t quite circumvent.
“A contract? Seriously? You think you can really settle this with a contract?” I slid the folder from Candace’s fingers, looking her straight in the eyes. “You do realize that owning people is illegal, right? Nothing in here could ever hold up in a court of law, lest you get arrested for it. What’s the point of all this formality if it doesn’t mean anything?”
My old master turned new master looked just a bit disappointed in me. Candace simply held her hand out for the briefing, expecting me to slide it back into her hand, which I did without any more fuss. But my point still stood. It was faulty logic at its best.
“That’s the point, slave.” She quickly snapped as she smacked me upside the head with it. “It doesn’t matter if the law can’t punish us, because the law can’t protect us either. There’s nothing stopping us from fighting each other to the death. We have to be our own enforcers or else everyone loses. That’s how this works.”
“But what about me?” I hopelessly exclaimed. “I have no power in this.”
“You don’t need to have power in this. I have enough power for us both.”
“I need the law on my side to help me, Candace. I can’t protect myself like you can. A peace treaty doesn’t help me. I’m one of the little guys.”
“And you’re going to stay one of the little guys.” Candace snorted in disbelief. “You don’t need the law to protect you. I’m going to protect you.”
My jaw nearly hit the floor. Candace was talking like a lunatic. “But who’s going to protect me from you?”
She was taken aback, tightening her grip on the false legal folder in her hands. I wasn’t the only one struggling with this. According to them both, there was a clause in that contract which would allow me to choose to go back to Claudia if I so chose. But such a thing was useless without the power to enact it.
“Nobody can enforce a contract like that. Not for me, at least. If I’m wrong about you and things don’t get better- I’m trapped here with no way out. I have no way of knowing that you’ll keep your word.”
Candace paused for a few moments to watch the ways the stars glowed on the surface of the ocean, her heart heavy in her chest. “You’ll just have to trust me.”
An anxious jolt struck my heart. “That’s it?”
“All I can do is ask you to have faith in me, Chloe. Neither of us knew what was going to happen today, but we pulled out of there together, and here we are. My sister’s problems aside- what happened back there was our fault. I may not like it, but if it means Claudia handing your reins back over, signing this is in both of our best interest.”
She quickly swallowed her pride as she held the contract up in its folder for us both to see. This was her admission that no, she wasn’t a good person, but she was getting there. She just needed me to trust that version of her to come to be someday.
“I’m still figuring this out, Chloe. You have a lot more power in this than you think you do, I promise. The idea that nothing can stop me from mistreating you makes sense on the surface, but it’s wrong. You have more to give than you know. You are your own protector.”
My whole hand curled around the head of my collar, feeling the cold steel against my rope burned palms. The sound of the ocean rang quietly in my ears as the waves rippled on, calling to me. “How can you do this to me? How can you ask me to willingly become your slave?”
Before she could even speak, I’d gotten my answer. Her face said it all. Those mismatched eyes blinked nervously, her lips pressed together, and a bead of sweat sparkled like the ocean as it ran down her cheek.
I actually thought she had changed. Part of me deep down believed her when she said she was better. I had so desperately hoped that this didn’t mean what I feared it did. That even in my confinement here, there was a chance that things would be different. I had thought- perhaps selfishly- that as long as I was with her I wouldn’t have to be a slave anymore.
But I was wrong.
“Nothing I can say is going to make sense right now. But if you give me a chance I promise you’ll see. You just have to trust me, please.” Candace kept a smile on her face, stepping towards me ever so slowly. “Do you trust me?”
I felt my hand quickly slip away from hers before she had the chance to hold it. How was I supposed to respond to that? What was I supposed to do now? Escape? Run away?
The bright blue was right there just begging for my embrace beyond those tall iron gates. But between those gates and the sea lied a whole world of monsters there to rip me to shreds. No one could cross that abyss alone, not even Sophia Cavalier. I had nowhere to go from here but in, the only place left to hide was within my prison alone. I believed Candace when she promised to drag me back by force, I didn’t doubt her devotion to that. The weak link here wasn’t Candace- it was Chloe.
Hurrying away as quickly as I could, I heard her call my name just a moment too late. This place- this house- was my home. I had missed it so much more than I wanted to admit. I didn’t have the strength to escape it now. My shoes squeaked as they skidded across the floor, running to my hell rather than away from it. Even in my haste I found the time to kick them off before I’d soiled the floors. After a night like tonight I could hardly call this running at all. Running would mean I had somewhere to go, this was a slow and painful retreat back to solitude.
A few months younger and I would have kicked one of her cats in my anger, but I couldn’t lay a finger or toe on those loveable little fluff balls. It wasn’t their fault that their owner was a monster, and it wasn’t my fault either.
“I told you so, Chloe. I told you that you couldn’t trust her.” I barely managed to scold myself as I stood there, staring at myself in the mirror. “Why did you ever think she could change?”
My words came out as a snarl, cursing myself for becoming so soft. She gave me no answer because there was no answer. It didn’t make sense that it was her- not me- that people loved. It wasn’t fair to me that someone so weak, stupid, and naive could make it so far when the real me had to hide away. Candace loved Chloe- not Sophia Cavalier.
But in some last ditch effort to cut that part of myself away forever, that part of me- the one I’d worn like a costume for so long- decided to shed the facade. I’d gotten lost in myself. Thanks to these people, I no longer had any clue who I was anymore. Chloe or Sophia. But seeing myself in those clothes again wasn’t helping. Stripped free of every ring, stud, rod, or rag- save for one- I stepped into the closet. Candace already took everything else I had, if I left my clothes at the door there was nothing left to give. Despite all odds, the only thing I had now was the collar around my neck.
The cell door slammed shut in front of me, trapping me inside.
It was the only place I could think to go. Sure, I was stuck here. But if I played my cards right it also meant that Candace was stuck out there. Away from me. Her ability to get in was limited by her ability to force this door open, and if I didn’t want to let her inside, I didn’t have to. But my resolve to hold that door shut with all of my might instantly disintegrated once I was inside, finding myself curling up into a ball on top of the bench, trying not to sob.
The writing had been on the wall. I know it had. But I tried to ignore it. With all her talk of wanting me to belong to her, I had tried to reason it away as romantics. I tried to interpret as Candace simply wanting to be with me again, because I knew that when I realized otherwise, it was all going to come crashing in on me.
She was still the same person on the inside that she always had been.
“When I ask you a question like that, I usually expect an answer.”
I heard Candace’s voice coming from her bedroom, talking to me through the hatch along the floor rather than the cell door. At least she had the decency not to force her way inside so soon.
“You first.” I spat back at her, my tongue coated with anguish. “I thought you didn’t want me to be your helpless trophy?”
Her sigh almost came out like a voice crack. “That’s not what you are to me.”
“Then how can you ask me to become your slave?”
“Because I’m selfish.” Candace shouted, admitting it out loud. “And you’re right. I take pleasure in it. But I also want to take pride in it. I want to look at you and think… That one belongs to me. She’s mine. No one else can have her. Yes it’s extreme- and yes, if it makes me a monster- then I’m a monster. But at the end of the day… I’m not giving you a choice.”
We sat there in silence for a few more moments. My heart fluttered excitedly, disgustingly, inside of my chest.
“You know what’s the worst part?” I mumbled to her. “Hearing you say that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.”
“But that shouldn’t be a problem, Chloe. That’s what we both want.”
“That’s not my name-”
“Yes it is.” Candace said with a hint of annoyance in her voice. “You can’t be Chloe one minute and Sophia the next. They’re both you.”
My entire body shuddered at her insistence. “How do I know that?”
“Because I promise I’m not lying to you. I love you.” I heard her shuffling from the other side of the wall, pressing her hand to the hatch. “Do you love me?”
For a moment I actually pressed my hand to the hatch, but the cold and painful steel bit at my skin, forcing it away. It was too cold in here to feel her touch. All I had was what little she gave me- a blanket, a pillow, and a small mat to sleep on. The walls she built to contain me kept her warmth from reaching me.
“I don’t know.” I sighed, gently leaning back against the wall. “I don’t know who you are.”
Candace sat up beside the hatch, turned towards me. This was where she was supposed to say something, but she didn’t need to.
“I thought I was in love with you. But it was just that, a thought. I’ve always been in love with the idea of you.” This was hard for me, even after so long, and I could tell it was hard for her too. “But I’m not sure if I love the real you. Because if I’m being honest with myself… I don’t know the real you. I don’t know who you are.”
Candace was always sharp with her comebacks, but she had nothing to say this time. I meant it, I didn’t know who Candace really was, and the reason this was so hard for her was because honestly… Candace didn’t either.
“I don’t know who the real you is. I don’t think I ever have, and I don’t think you do either.” I paused, I knew that feeling, I knew how she felt. “I don’t know who you are, but I don’t know who I am either… so if we really want to fix this, I think we should start there… by figuring out who we are-”
“Stop.” Candace pleaded, gently placing her hand on the metal hatch between you. “I hear you, I promise. But please, listen to me.”
I frowned, turning my naked body to face her. I was nervous, being here with Candace again worried me, but I wanted to hear what she had to say. If the real her was going to speak, I was going to listen to her.
“I know you’re scared of this fictional other girl, but this idea that there’s some real me- someone that you don’t know- that’s what’s not real. It’s a defense mechanism.” Candace’s voice had a real sweetness to it, the way she sat facing me rather than away from me, I appreciated that. “It’s good for you to have these shields of yours, but you have to recognize them for what they are, they’re just shields.”
“So what if they’re just shields?” I wrapped my blanket around myself. “I like shields. They make me feel safe, why should I have to get rid of them?”
“Because you have to drop the shield eventually.” She smiled, pressing a few buttons on her phone from the other side of the hatch, blushing lightly. “Shields are important, they help protect you from the people who want to hurt you. But shields are heavy… sooner or later they stop being a defense mechanism, they become dead weight.”
My face turned red, tightening my grip on the blanket I’d covered myself in. It was hard for me to let go, she had to understand that, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t know how cold it really was, she wasn’t in here with me. I was in the cold alone, I was the one left with no way out- wasn’t I?
“When someone swings a sword at you, the shield is there to protect you… but what happens when it’s not a sword? What happens when someone just wants to hold your hand?” Candace paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before beginning to fiddle with the hatch. “It hurts. That’s what happens, it hurts them. A hand is soft, warm, and nice… but with a shield there’s nothing to grab onto, there’s nothing to hold. All you can do is touch it, and even when you do- it’s just hard… and cold.”
I could slowly feel the cell warming up around me, and not just with a heat of passion, it was real. I slowly slid the blankets off from my shoulders, letting the warm air touch my skin as the bitterness faded away.
“When you get cold, you wrap yourself in a blanket to protect yourself because you have no control over it, you have no other options… except you do.” Candace tapped the screen of her phone, she controlled the temperature, she was doing this. “When you get cold, instead of wrapping yourself in blankets… you can just ask me to turn up the heat, and I will.”
“But how do I know that?” I kept the blanket folded up in my lap, refusing to drop it completely. “How do I know you’re not just trying to take my shields away from me?”
“Because you know me. You just keep convincing yourself that you don’t because you’re scared of getting hurt, and that’s okay. I’m scared of getting hurt too… but I’m willing to drop my shields for you.”
One by one, Candace slid open the segments of the hatch… until there was no hatch between us at all.
“Please, talk to me… drop your shields and hold my hand…” Candace sat on the other side of what was now little more than a dog door, smiling in at me. “I’ve seen the real you, sweetie. I’ve seen you put down your shields… only for you to come back wearing a suit of armor.”
I loosened my grip on the blanket, pulling it out of my lap so that I could see that little stuffed dog of mine sitting between my legs- finally able to see her clearly for what she was.
“This thing that you did, this latest escape attempt of yours… that wasn’t running away. That was just the armor you built for yourself.” Candace was blushing, she looked my naked body up and down for a moment before averting her eyes, letting me watch her slowly undress in front of me from inside of my cell. “As much as it hurts me to say it, I’m glad it was my sister, because if it was anyone else… you’d be wearing that armor for the rest of your life, and I’d never get to hold you.”
Piece by piece she stripped herself clean, bearing her soul to me with every word, and I could tell that she meant every syllable that left her lips.
“The girl I love isn’t just a version of you, it’s every version of you. I don’t believe that the girl I’m seeing now is someone I created, I think she’s someone who’s always been there, you just haven’t explored that part of yourself yet. You’re not a character on a screen or some words on a page. You’re a real person, you’re so much more complicated than that. You can’t be the hero of some story because you deserve to be so much more than that. But this is the real world now, there’s no such thing as plot armor. I know you don’t trust me yet, but I need you to take off the armor and give me a chance.”
Candace set her gown aside, just a little bit more vulnerable than she had been as she reached inside to hold my hand.
“The stronger your armor the heavier it gets… but holding a shield can only weigh you down. It can never lift you up.” Candace paused for a moment, holding her empty hand towards me to make sure I knew she wasn’t going to grab me by force. “You can put your shield down and take my hand now. Because you do know the real me, Sophia… and the fact that you’re even considering it means that you already know…”
I put my shield down for just a moment, setting it aside as I considered being with her. “I already know what?”
“You already know that this is something worth fixing.”
And like the lost puppy I was, I took her hand in mine, and I let her hold me.
Candace had never quite been as happy as she helped me through the small hatch and into her bedroom with her, straight into her lap so that she could wrap her arms around me and finally hold me close.
“I’m keeping you this time, Sophia.” She smiled, letting me lay my head against her shoulder. “Would you like to be Sophia again?”
“That’s the thing, Candace…” I smiled back, enjoying the feeling of her soft touch. “I’ve always been Sophia, haven’t I?’
“Of course you have.” Candace tightened her grip, gently kissing the top of my head. “Like I said, you’re always going to be you, no matter what I call you~”
“Then please- call me Chloe.” I closed my eyes, for once in my life just letting myself enjoy where I was without a shield up to protect me, trusting her to keep me safe, if only for tonight. “I like the sound of it… Candace and Chloe.”
“I do too.” Candace looked me in the eyes as I opened them, blushing just slightly. “So what do you think… how would you feel about being Candace and Chloe?”
“I think I need time… I need time to figure out how I feel about you… about Candace.” I frowned, averting my eyes away from her as I spoke. “I need time to be Chloe with Candace again before I can be a part of… Candace and Chloe.”
“Don’t look away from me when you talk like that, hon.” Candace gently lifted my chin with one finger, making me look up at her to let me see that she wasn’t upset by what she was saying. “This is going to take a lot of time to fix, but we have all of the time in the world~”
“Yeah…” I smiled, wanting to kiss those stupid lips of hers. “I guess we do.”
“But in the meantime…” She took the thoughts right out of my head and the breath right out of my lungs, bringing my lips to hers for a kiss. “What do you say we get up from the floor, snuggle up under the covers, have some sex, and go to bed?”
“I want to…” I blushed, trying my best not to look away. “Except-”
“You don’t want to have sex.” Candace smiled, still looking as content as ever- taking the words right out of my mouth. “Is that it?”
“I mean, it’s not that I don’t-”
“Slave.”
That word shook me, being reminded of what I was to her made me just want to throw my shield right back up, to keep myself from enjoying the idea of being put in my place. “Master?”
“I’m in charge, remember?” She kept my eyes locked with hers, not letting me go. “I decide what we do.”
“Yes, Master…” I swallowed nervously, my head lowering ever so slightly as I kept looking up at her. “We can have sex…”
“That’s not what I meant, honey.” She shook her head, letting me gently sit up in her lap. “I decide what we do, I decide what happens to you. If you want me to turn up the heat, you need to let me know when it gets cold… and if you don’t want me to do something to you, please- tell me…”
“I don’t want to sleep in your bed…” I blushed, anxiously staring up into her glowing teary eyes with mine. “Not tonight…”
“And as your master- I think that’s a perfectly appropriate request.” She smiled, giggling to herself. “But I also don’t have anywhere else to put you tonight.”
I turned towards my old prison, almost looking straight through the wall as I wondered what I was meant to do. “There’s always the cell.”
Candace frowned, thinking it over before nodding. “Are you sure?”
“Tomorrow, right?” I shot her a smirk. “You’re already planning on giving me my own room?”
Her cheeks lit up at that. “Yes.”
“As long as this is the last time I ever have to sleep in my cell, then yes.” I took a deep breath, readying myself. “I’m sure.”
Candace was clearly hurt by the idea of me choosing to go back into my cell rather than staying out here with her, but she was going to let me through with it anyways. “Then get inside before I change my mind.”
Without another word, I quickly tore the bandage off, quickly deciding the same and crawling back inside through that little hatch. It was cramped, small, and ugly- but it was mine.
And more importantly, it was warm.
“God damn it.” I couldn’t help but smile as I curled up inside, noticing that Candace was smiling from the other side. “I’ve missed this.”
Candace giggled as she heard that. “That has to be one of the most pathetic things I’ve ever heard.”
I wanted to mumble at her to shut up, but I was already too tired. “Well, aren’t you going to lock me in?”
She bit her lip. “Do you want me to?”
Crossing my arms at my chest, I pouted at her. Candace couldn’t resist my puppy dog eyes.
“If you insist, then sure. I’ll lock you up inside of your cell, all nice and tight.” She relented, rolling her eyes at me. “But you’d better still be here when I open this back up.”
“Just don’t leave me a key and you’ll be fine.”
Candace’s face turned red, oddly proud for some reason. “Sleep tight, Chloe. Please don’t be afraid, okay?”
My nervous heart urged me to trust her, at least for the night. “Okay.”
I heard her let out a loud prolonged breath, like she was letting go of something she’d held onto for ages. Without any more delay the hatch between us snapped closed, locking me inside for what was hopefully my last night in this little prison of mine. And I had to admit, the thought of that was pretty bittersweet. But at least I got to spend at least one last night inside before I had to say goodbye to it- for nostalgia’s sake.
After all, I really had missed this place.
“Don’t let me down, St. Clair. I’m trusting you.”