“Hey there, Nicky, it’s time to wake up.”

Nicole rubbed at her eyes. She hadn’t set an alarm the night before–why bother? She didn’t have anything to get up for. Yawning, she looked around the room. Everything looked the same, no obvious changes to the decor or anything–though by the smell, she had an obvious need for a change.

“Wha’ time ith it?” she asked, sitting up. She barely registered the squish of her diapers anymore.

V had left the crib gate open and was already getting changing supplies out. “Around nine. I’d have let you sleep longer, but I didn’t want you getting a rash.”

Sliding off the side of the bed, Nicole said, “Aren’t you–woah!”

Stumbling, she fell onto all fours, her balance wavering badly. Vanessa appeared by her side, supporting her with a hand. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she mumbled, “Jus’...still wakin’ up.”

“Okay,” Vanessa said, helping her to stand. “What were you saying?”

“Are you gonna be late for work?” Nicole asked, holding Vanessa’s hand for stability so she could waddle to the changing table. She felt off, but tried to dismiss her weak balance and shaky legs as just nerves.

“I told my boss I’d be working from home for a while,” Vanessa said. “Other than meetings and stuff I can’t do out of the office.”

“Oh.” Getting a leg up, Nicole sat down, then looked at her friend with a wavering smile. “Thanks, V…”

“Now, let’s deal with this bottom and get some breakfast in your belly, okay?” Vanessa asked.

Nic smiled and nodded. A fresh diaper would set a good tone for the rest of the day.

Once she was clean and taped into a fresh diaper, V got her dressed–all her remotely grown up clothes were long gone, so it was onesies or nothing. Nicole couldn’t bring herself to even feel embarrassed about that change.

Then, it was breakfast time. Nothing fancy, just Froot Rings and a coffee in her favorite mug, one with a cartoon depiction of three peas in a pod and the text, “Don’t Worry, Pea Happy!” printed on it.

Something had gone wrong with her food, though–it felt heavy. Whenever she got a spoonful of cereal and milk, it made her hand shake, fingers trembling so badly that she lost half the loops and most of the milk before the spoon made it to her lips.

Her coffee was a little better–if she gripped her mug with both hands, she could sip out of it well enough.

She made it work, leaving over her bowl so the dribbles only got onto her chest a little. The back of the cereal box had a maze, with a smiling, colorful Hornbill inviting her to solve it–she had to set aside food and trace the lines with her finger, but she found the right path with only two tries.

“You okay, Nic?” Vanessa asked, glancing up from washing dishes in the sink.

“Mhmm, why?” Nicole asked.

“You’ve got more cereal on your onesie than on your bowl,” V said. “Pay a little more attention, sweetie?”

Nicole nodded. “Sure, okay.”

Finding stuff to do ended up being a new challenge. With so much time off, Nicole wanted to engage in her hobbies, but reading was too hard to be any fun, and all her favorite video games had a bunch of text in them. Her renovated room had some solutions, though–a coloring and puzzle book on her shelf ended up providing a lot of fun, engaging challenges.

Vanessa left Nicole with a clean onesie, her coffee, and a box of crayons before getting back to work, and Nicole went to town. Color matching, trace-the-line puzzles, and even a word search–though she gave up on that one after a few tries.

It even felt like learning. She was getting her grown up skills back, one by one. Solving this booklet, she’d be a grown up again in no time.

(No, wait,) she corrected. (I am a grown up, I just need my grown up skills back.)

A bit rattled by her own thoughts, she reached for her mug, hoping that a sip of coffee would get her the buzz needed to get back to work. Instead, she picked up plastic.

“Huh?”

Looking over, she found her mug missing, replaced with a green baby bottle. On the side, the cartoon depiction of a pea pod remained, but all the peas were in diapers and suckling pacifiers, and the text now read, ‘Don’t worry, pee happy.’ She read it twice, ensuring she hadn’t misread.

“Bu–” she sat up. “No, no–”

Going into a panic spiral, she began to stand, but her legs betrayed her. Toppling backwards, she fell, landing with a thunderous poof on her puffy bottom. Getting up again, she trembled, held her balance for only a second, and fell forward this time, landing on all fours.

(You’ve got this,) she told herself. (It’s just standing up.)

One more try. Pushing off the floor, she spread her legs. Knees wobbling, arms out, she got upright.

“Yes!” she declared, too excited by the accomplishment to care how minor it was. Pumping a fist in the air–

Her legs gave out once again, suddenly losing all their strength. She lost her balance, falling right back onto the ground.

Overwhelmed, reality broken once again, she began to sob.

…

“Nicole?” Vanessa asked, pushing open the door. She’d heard the sobs clearly enough, and just had to hope it was something minor–something she could soothe away.

She found her friend on the ground, wiping away tears with both arms. “I–” she stammered. “I can’ walk no more…”

Drawing her lips into a line, V tried to seem surprised. She’d pointedly been silent about that day’s doodle, hoping not to worry Nicole, but it’d been pretty unambiguous: A doodle of Nic on all fours.

“Hey.” V crossed to her friend and gave her a gentle pat on the back. “It’s okay. Just one more thing to learn again, right?”

Nic shook her head, lifting up a green baby bottle. “My mug’s a ba-ba now, too…an’ is juice. My coffee wen’ away.”

Vanessa swallowed. “Well…I can make you a new mug, okay?”

Nicole nodded, sniffling. “Otay.”

“And we’ll get you some lunch, too, how does that sound? It’s about that time anyways.”

Again, Nic nodded. “Fanks, V.”

Unsure which would be better, helping her friend walk or letting her crawl, Vanessa went to the kitchen, microwaving some chicken fingers–something easy. With another pot of coffee brewing, and food ready in moments, she helped Nicole into a seat. Nic seemed able to wobble on her legs for a few seconds, at least, just enough that Vanessa didn’t have to physically lift her up.

“Wait here, ok?” V asked.

“Ok,” Nicole said, looking down from her seat at the ground like it was a mile away. “I dunno if I could get down…”

“I’m sure you could,” Vanessa lied, briefly returning to the nursery to retrieve something she’d spotted that morning.

Coming back, she tied the bib around Nicole’s neck without drama or comment. Nicole didn’t argue–they both knew she needed it, after what a mess she’d made at breakfast.

Setting out the chicken fingers, Vanessa let Nic get started on the food while she transferred the coffee into a bottle. Hopefully, whatever magic had turned the last coffee to juice would allow the beverage to stay the same, as long as it was in the right container.

“Vee-vee,” Nicole said. “I can’... I can’t pick up the food.”

Vanessa turned back. Another sad, frustrating not-surprise. “Do you need help?”

“Mm…” Nicole frowned, unwilling to admit the truth. “Maybe coffee first.”

Seeing no reason to push, Vanessa gave her the bottle. Excitedly, Nicole raised the nipple to her lips, took a single long suckle, and…

“Eugh,” she groaned, dropping the bottle and putting a hand over her tummy. “Um…ucky…tummy hurts…”

Only a few seconds passed between the drink and the soft, quiet sounds that came from Nicole’s bottom as her belly released the sudden pressure and discomfort. Nicole sighed in relief, glad to have the discomfort over with, before realizing the truth.

“Oh…” she said, sniffling. “But…that means…”

No more coffee.

No. More. Coffee.

Vanessa knew what it meant. Nicole couldn’t feed herself, which was a frustration. She couldn’t walk, an unparalleled indignity. Her diaper dependence was pure humiliation.

But for Nicole? All of that paled in comparison.

Without coffee, she had nothing of her big girl self left.