Part 5

“But I...I don't...uh....why, why do I have to wear diapers? I don't...I don't even have accidents...do I?”

“Sweetheart! No, no, no no no. Here. Sit down.” she patted her lap. Kara looked at her for a moment, then slowly crawled over and settled into her lap. It felt amazing. She was so big and soft and warm. Kara immediately wanted to fall right to sleep on Nanny's lap.

“Of course you don't have 'accidents', honey. That's silly! Only big people who have learned to use the potty have accidents. Your silly little dolly with the overalls has 'accidents'. You don't have that problem, baby. You'll never have that problem.” She leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially. “You...are...in...diapers. For good. No big girl panties for you, ever. Your cute little tush will be permanently swaddled from now on! And you're definitely going to be using them, too! You'll be playing with your toys, and all of the sudden, boom! Full, stinky diaper! You won't be going in your diapers because you lost control or forgot to go to the bathroom. No no no. You'll go in your diapers because that's what they're there for! You belong in your diapers, and they belong on you. You won't have “control issues”. It's not going to be a 'continence problem', or any kind of problem. You'll wear diapers because that's how things are supposed to be. Your diapers need to be nice and bulky too, so that we won't have to worry about any nasty leaks or rashes. And it'll be awfully hard to keep pretending that you're a big, mature, responsible adult when you have to crawl around on your hands and knees with your big, bulging diapers waving in the air behind you, won't it? Every time you try to bring your legs together, and you feel that cushy padding squeezing between them, it'll remind you that you're in a diaper. And what makes these diapers so very special, is that you'll never have to grow out of them. These are your Forever Diapers, honey.”

“F...forever?” the word bounced around in Kara's mind. She knew there was something about this that should upset her, but she felt so sleepy and relaxed that it was hard to remember what.

“You got it, Kara. You'll never have to grow up, honeybunch. You'll never get a job, you'll never have to worry about money, you'll never have to clean up after yourself, and you'll never ever use the potty. You're going to stay in your diapers. You're going to make your diapers all soggy and stinky, over and over, and Nanny is going to keep running you over to the changing table to clean you up and put you in nice, clean pampers, again and again and again. I'm going to keep wiping you, and powdering you, and hugging you, and loving you! Forever. Okay? So, let's hear no more talk about accidents, or potties, or working, or any of that stupid big girl stuff. Just accept yourself for who you are and be happy, sweetheart. Can you do that for me, babygirl?”

Kara swallowed hard. A tear rolled down her cheek as she felt her head nod up and down.

“That's my good little girl! I love you so, so much sweetheart! Now, tell me, are you ever going to get a job?”

Kara thought for a moment. She thought of interviews, and making phonecalls, and filling out forms. She thought of long years of stress and worry, of pretending to be busy and working for people she didn't even like. Had she ever really wanted any of that? She wasn't greedy or selfish enough to find the idea of climbing a corporate ladder compelling. All she really wanted out of work was to meet her basic needs, to have a roof over head and food in the fridge. No, more than that. All she really wanted was to be seen as someone useful. To have people look at her with respect. To be accepted. She looked around at the cavernous living room, the cheery fire, the collection of toys pretending to be inanimate. She looked up at Nanny's face, shining with unreserved love and happiness. Didn't she have everything she needed right here? As she slowly shook her head, she felt the change wash over her once more, not in her clothing but in her heart. She felt herself soften inside as her ambitions melted away into comfort and relaxation.

“That's right baby. My little diaper girl is going to be sitting around the house all day, just playing with her toys, filling up her baby pants, crawling around on the rug, and being nice and lazy! From now on, your only job will be being sweet and adorable. Now tell me, does a sweet little diaper princess need to go to school? Does she need to fill her head with any of that silly information?”

Again, the little voice at the back of her mind was nagging at her. This was a bridge too far. She liked to learn new things. She liked thinking and wondering and figuring things out. She liked to read books and pick up new skills. But again, those ideas seemed so abstract and complicated compared the warmth and comfort that surrounded her now. As she shook her head again, she felt her thoughts melt away like snow. Years of study and practice, building knowledge and understanding of the world she lived in, trickled away from her, leaving her with nothing but the sensations of the moment.

“No, she doesn't. Your little head is going to filled with your toys, and silly cartoons, and cushy diapers, and pretty rainbows. All you need to understand now is that Nanny loves you, Kara. Now, are you going to leave Nanny's house, baby?”

Images flashed through Kara's head. Long stretches of rolling hills covered in trees and boulders. Massive, thundering waterfalls tumbling down jagged mountainsides as the winter snowpack slowly melts in the spring sunshine. The crispness in the air on a winter evening as she walked along the sidewalk, seeing the dim stars beyond the light of the streetlamps and the glowing windows of skyscrapers. There was a world out there, one full of marvelous sights and wonderful experiences that she had hardly begun to explore. Could she really just live here, as beautiful as it was, and never experience any of that? But yet again, she felt her head wag from side to side as the world beyond the warm, beautiful house faded away.

“Very, very good. You understand where you belong now, don't you sweetie?” she leaned in and gave Kara a light kiss on the top of the head. “Now, are you ready to make a big, smelly, mushy, On Purpose for me, baby? Don't you wanna make a big, big mess, and know that you won't ever have to clean it up? Don't you want me to clean up after you forever and ever, Kara?”

She knew it was all wrong. She knew that she couldn't really live like this. She would miss so much. All the varied, strange, intense experiences that she would miss if she stayed in here and acted like a silly little baby forever and ever. All the challenges, achievements, friendships, and real relationships that awaited her outside. Sure, there would be hardships, and times when she was lonely or felt like a failure, but it would be life. What was here was sweet and soft and warm and lovely, like a giant cinnamon bun. But you can't live in a cinnamon bun.

Nevertheless, she felt herself bend forward. She winced and strained. A tiny puff of gas escaped her. It felt so gross, so ridiculous, so shameful. But just like tearing open the wrapping paper, the sense of transgression just made it better. She moaned with pleasure.

“Good girl! Here, let Nanny help you with that honey.” Nanny gently pressed her white-gloved hand into Kara belly and began to rub in a little circle. Tiny golden sparks spread from her fingers as she rubbed and rubbed. Kara felt her stomach gurgle like never before. She sighed with pleasure as the hot mush began to fill her diaper. The glossy white bulk began to expand, pressing against Nanny's massive apron. It just kept coming, far more than seemed physically possible. Nanny cooed encouragement as sweat began to bead on Kara's forehead. The powerful, twisted pleasure of pooping her pants on Nanny's lap overwhelmed all of Kara's senses.

Time became elastic, pressing together and stretching until it lost all meaning. There was no way to tell how many days or weeks or years were slipping by, and no reason to care. Kara's mind was like warm butter. She remembered only snatches of events as she drifted along. The door opening, revealing her giant nursery, full of soft pink cushions and gleaming white furniture. Sitting on the padded surface of the changing table as Nanny wiped and powdered her and sealed her in diaper after diaper. Huggy's chubby belly pressed against hers, on the carpet, in the crib, all the time and as often as she wanted. Scolding Polly for wetting her pull-ups yet again and playfully taking down her overalls to put her in a Big Baby Diaper, even while giggling at the smelly mess drooping between her own legs. Riding her unicorn up and down the long hallways, squealing with joy as she bounced up and down. Drawing on the wainscoted walls in crayon, then waiting for Nanny to clap and cheer and praise her artistic talents. Watching Nanny slowly unbutton her dress to release her enormous breasts. Long hours of eager suckling, as her limbs grew heavy, her belly full, and her diaper wet. Giggling and rolling around on the soft carpet, feeling the bulk of her diapers from every angle. Naps, bottles, high chairs, bibs, pacifiers, hugs, kisses, games, laughter, wetting and messing and giggling and sucking her thumb. Over and over until it all seemed to run together. There was no day or night, nothing to indicate the passing of time. Nothing to interrupt the stream of naps and feedings and changes. No pause for thought or reflection. Nothing to break the flow of peaceful, infantile bliss.

Nanny lifted the tiara from Kara's head. She felt the haze in her mind began to clear. She was in the hallway, in front of the tiny white door. Nanny was still smiling, but her eyes were shining with tears.

“Well Kara, it's been a privilege taking care of you. Thank you so much for coming into my house. Now, it's time for you to go back home.”

“Wha...?”

“It's Christmas morning, Kara. You need to go and be with your family now. Nanny will miss you, but it would be selfish of me to hog you all to myself.”

Kara rubbed her eyes. She was again wearing a torn and faded pair of jeans. “Wh-wha...but...didn't you say...this was forever?”

“Oh honey, that's just something people say. Nothing lasts forever, and nothing should. “Forever” just isn't a word that really works. It's a fun, playtime word. Now, “Sometimes” is a word that works very well. All kinds of wonderful things can be “Sometimes”. Sometimes things you get to enjoy, but they leave you room to enjoy other Sometimes things. Christmas is made of all sorts of wonderful Sometimes things. I certainly hope you'll decide to come back to my house to play with your toys and let me take care of you Sometimes. But there's too much going on out there in your world that you would miss, and too many people who would miss you if you stayed here Forever. Do you understand, baby?”

Kara felt her throat constrict. Tears welled up in her eyes. She wasn't even sure if she were happy or sad, just that her feelings were too big for her to contain. She nodded.

“Good girl! Now, Nanny promised you a whole new set of presents for Christmas morning, and now, I keep my word.”

Her eyes sparkled, and Kara's gaze sank into them once again. This time, however, instead of a soft, warm haze, Kara was filled with sharp, crisp clarity.

“When you return to your own world, you'll find that your potty training has returned to you, even stronger than before, so that you'll only wet yourself or mess when you really choose to. You'll find that it is much easier to handle your responsibilities. You won't get so depressed when you have setbacks, you''ll be able to go to job interviews and make phonecalls without so much anxiety, and remembering little chores and errands will feel like it comes naturally. You'll have a beautiful, winning smile, so that friends and opportunities alike will find their way to you. Not everything that happens to you will be good, you'll still make mistakes and deal with problems, but you'll always know in your heart that you are lucky, that you're one of life's winners. And no matter what happens, you'll know that Nanny is waiting here to dry your tears and wipe your adorable tushie for you whenever you wish. Go on now, let's not make this a long goodbye.”

Kara stared in wonder as Nanny's gifts settled themselves into her consciousness. Kara felt mature. She felt competent, confident, capable, assertive. She felt ready to handle anything that life could throw at her. Slowly, she stood up on her own feet, and they felt strong and steady beneath her.

She ran to give Nanny one final hug. The huge woman pressed her into her breasts and kissed her lightly on the head. Then, with tears still streaming down her cheeks, Kara stooped down to crawl back through the tiny doorway.