Chapter 13
I dreamt of a series of vignettes in which I spent time with Madison and Sabrina.
I dreamt that we played board games, watched movies, made arts and crafts, played video games, played outside and in the lake, and even had Madison read to Sabrina and me. Madison was always taking care of us, make sure we ate, getting us dressed, tucking us in at night, supervised us while we swam, and, of course, changed our diapers when we needed it and reminded Sabrina to use the potty when she could. Sometimes we played at Madison and Sabrina’s house, sometimes we played at the house I was renting, a phrase that continued to make less and less sense to me. Sometimes I slept in the crib in the nursery with Sabrina in the bed nearby, sometimes I went to sleep in the big girl bed in the other house. Occasionally, Madison and Sabrina left me alone in that house, which was always scary. In my dreams, days passed like this and I started to stop thinking of it as Madison and Sabrina’s house and started thinking of it as our house: the house I shared with my big sister and mommy.
I dreamt of Mommy asking me if I wanted to come live with her and Sabrina forever and be her little girl. I laughed, thinking the question was funny because I already was her little girl. Mommy laughed with me and tussled me hair. I dreamt that we began packing up all the things I had in that house and moving them to our house. Even in my dream, I was confused by how many big girl things had gotten mixed in with my stuff.
I dreamt that Mommy told me I had to spend one more night at that other house, and then put all the suitcases with my stuff in the back of the car that had been sitting in the driveway for days. I wasn’t sure whose car it was, but I knew it wasn’t Mommy’s. I watched her go and then went back upstairs and crawled into that big girl bed, nervous about staying there all by myself but comforted by knowing Mommy had promised it was the last time.