Catherine has an idea to help "normalise" the new situation. Amelia is only too happy to follow up.

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Catherine sat on the couch. Her heart was beating faster than normal as she looked towards the door and waited. When the knock finally came it still took her by surprise. She looked at her watch and saw that her patient was right on time.

“Come in.” Catherine called out.

The door opened and Emily walked inside. The immediate impression she gave was of someone who was closed off, creating distance and barriers. It was normal for Emily and the biggest issue with her therapy was getting her to open up and say how she really felt. She didn’t like people prodding that thorny exterior and anyone who did so would end up on the end of her anger. About the only emotional outbursts Catherine had seen from her friend’s wife was rage.

“Hello Emily.” Catherine smiled pleasantly, “Please, take a seat.”

Emily dropped on to the couch opposite the therapist. She immediately folded one leg over the other and crossed her arms across her chest. Every inch of her was telling Catherine that she didn’t want to talk.

“How have you been?” Catherine asked.

“Fine.” Emily answered shortly.

The sessions always seemed to start with the same questions and the same answers. Catherine tried to get her patient to relax and Emily stubbornly put up her walls and fended off any advance. It was always an uphill struggle but now Catherine had a new aim. She wasn’t sure how she would do it but if she could help reinforce the regression that Amelia had started that was her goal.

Catherine continued the session. She slowly managed to get Emily to open up a little which was usually the best she could hope for. She learnt that something very embarrassing had happened during the week but Emily wasn’t willing to provide any specifics. It was frustrating but one of Catherine’s best traits as a therapist, in her opinion, was her patience. She just kept asking questions and slowly Emily unfurled herself, she uncrossed her legs and arms and whilst she wasn’t relaxed, she at least was engaging with the session.

Around halfway through their hour together Catherine noticed Emily was starting to fidget. Normally she remained very stiff whether she was talking much or not but this time her leg was shaking and she was biting her lip. This was very unusual.

“Is everything alright?” Catherine asked.

“Mmhmm.” Emily grunted.

“Are you sure?” Catherine continued, “You know you can tell me anything. There’s no judgement in here.”

“I… I need to pee.” Emily finally said. As if that gave her permission her hands went down to the crotch. Catherine knew there was a diaper under there.

“OK, would you like to go to the bathroom?” Catherine asked. She felt like an elementary school teacher with a fussy student.

“I… can’t.” Emily seemed to be blushing, “I’m not allowed to touch my… you know.”

Catherine frowned. She already knew of a lot of Amelia’s rules, they had discussed them over the phone as they worked together to help Emily. This wasn’t a surprise to her but she didn’t want Emily to know that she knew anything.

Just as Catherine was about to open her mouth to say something she saw Emily’s eyes go wide. The patient stopped moving and sat completely still as a slight blush entered her cheeks. Catherine knew what was happening. She felt like she should look away and yet she didn’t, for one reason or another she just couldn’t tear her eyes off what was happening. Her eyes flicked down to Emily’s crotch where she knew a stream of urine was soaking the diaper she was sitting on. Had it already been wet beforehand? Only Emily would know.

After an embarrassing and awkward silence Catherine saw Emily let out a deep breath as she leaned forwards. With her elbows on her knees, she put her face in her hands. Catherine waited. She wanted to see what Emily would say about what had just happened. It took a minute of silence but Emily, her eyes looking a little red, finally looked up again.

“I hate needing them.” Emily said quietly.

“Why’s that?” Catherine asked.

“Why!?” Emily responded with disbelief and a shake of the head, “Why do you think?”

“I don’t know.” Catherine replied innocently, “I can’t pretend I know what diapers feel like but they help with your problem, don’t they?”

It was a little white lie. Catherine did know what diapers felt like. It had been a long time since she had worn one, not since she was with Amelia, but she remembered it as clear as day. She had never forgotten, but recently the memories felt particularly vivid. Across from her Emily looked like she was starting to work herself up into that familiar anger that punctuated the therapy sessions. Just as she seemed ready to explode, she let out a deep breath and seemed to deflate.

“Just because they help doesn’t mean I have to like them.” Emily said, “No one else needs them. They aren’t meant for people like me. They’re meant for incontinent old people and babies.”

Catherine almost felt like a wire had been cut at the last second to prevent a bomb going off. After a little debate with herself she decided not to argue about the stereotype of who needs diapers. She knew that Emily was extremely sensitive to feeling embarrassed and that she often turned those emotions into anger. She knew that what she was about to do was likely to fail, if she had to put money on it, she would say there was a ninety percent chance that Emily would storm out of the office, and yet she was still going to try. If she believed in the plan then she had to push.

“Emily, why don’t you take your pants off?” Catherine suggested. She tried to make it sound like that was a suggestion she made to all her patients when, of course, it wasn’t.

Emily looked at Catherine as if the words had short-circuited her brain. Her eyebrows were furrowed. It seemed like she was genuinely trying to work out if she had heard her therapist correctly or not. Catherine worked to maintain a neutral face as she maintained eye contact. The fact her patient was still on the couch opposite was a good sign.

“Excuse me?” Emily finally said.

“I know this may seem… unusual.” Catherine continued, “But it seems a lot of your negativity towards yourself recently has been about your diapers. This is a safe place where we could normalise them. By seeing them and being seen in them they will start to feel less weird and help you accept them.”

Emily didn’t move. She looked like she was in shock. Catherine couldn’t blame her but she waited for her patient’s move. It still seemed very far-fetched that Emily would do as Catherine suggested, everything she knew about the woman suggested she would storm out.

“Are you insane?” Emily finally asked. The question seemed completely earnest.

“When someone experiences a life altering change in circumstances it is always a shock.” Catherine reasoned, “A person who has experienced a hard break-up, for instance. At first it is painful all the time. Everything is a reminder that this other person isn’t there anymore. But the more they experience the world without said partner the more they learn to accept what happened and move on.”

Emily stared blankly.

“What I’m saying is that you need to accept what has changed and to do that I think you need to stop hiding away from the diapers.” Catherine said.

This was the moment of truth. It was time to see if Emily would buy into what Catherine was saying or not. Catherine could see the cogs turning in her patient’s mind. She felt more than a little bad that there was an ulterior motive for getting Emily to do this, that it was supposed to help reinforce what Amelia was doing, but she was confident that it was for Emily’s own good.

Was Catherine confident about that? The doubts hadn’t been completely dismissed. She knew how unethical this all was and that she was operating at the edges of what was known and accepted. However, if there was one person regression therapy might actually work on it was Emily.

“Remember…” Catherine said softly, “This is a judgement free zone. Nothing you say or do in here will end up outside these four walls.”

Another little white lie. Normally it was true, doctor-patient confidentiality meant not telling anyone, but Emily was a special case. If word ever got out Catherine would face losing her license and yet the call of the potential research and benefits made her push those boundaries even further. She was addicted to knowledge and this was stuff that no one really knew, it hit like a drug.

“What if I don’t want to normalise the diapers?” Emily asked quietly, “What if I want to be rid of them?”

“Few people who go through such big changes in their life wish for them.” Catherine said sympathetically, “But that doesn’t stop them happening.”

Emily seemed to think about those words. Catherine saw her eyes darting left and right as if debating with herself about what to do. She looked behind her at the door.

“Is that locked?” Emily asked.

“No, but I can lock it if it would make you feel better.” Catherine said.

Emily let out a deep long breath. Her eyes closed for a few seconds and then opened again with her looking at the floor in front of Catherine’s feet. She nodded her head which Catherine intimated to mean go and lock the door. She was just returning to her seat when Emily looked up.

“Fuck it.” Emily said as she stood up.

Catherine had to work to hide her surprise. She watched as Emily lifted her blouse, already revealing the waistband of the diaper underneath, and hooked her thumbs under her pants. There was a moment of hesitation when it seemed everything would fall apart at the last and then Emily pushed her pants down.

Catherine swallowed hard as the pants came off of Emily. The diaper was the same type that Amelia usually wore in college. Mostly white with purple markings and the brand name written on them. A long thin yellow line ran from the front to the back, only the one on the diaper in front of her had been blurred and turned blue in places. The whole thing was so round and the crinkles were like an old smell that immediately brought back nostalgic memories. Hopefully not too late Catherine realised she was staring for an uncomfortably long time.

“Happy?” Emily asked. Her voice was surly as her face went red, “I don’t feel any better.”

“It… It takes time.” Catherine replied, “You need to do normal things like this for a while until they don’t feel so strange.”

Emily sat back down. Catherine did her best to tear her eyes away from Emily’s crotch. Staring at the diaper constantly wouldn’t do anything to help normalise them. She noted Emily looked very uncomfortable and embarrassed.

“How are you feeling?” Catherine asked.

“Like I’ve made a huge mistake.” Emily said. She crossed her legs to hide as much of the disposable as possible, “There’s no way this will work.”

“Like I said, you have to give it time.” Catherine smiled, “So let’s carry on with our session as normal. You’ll start to see that diapers aren’t the end of the world.”

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“You’re very quiet.” Amelia said, “I mean, more so than usual.”

Emily followed her wife through the front door to their house. The drive home had been in silence, Emily had ignored her wife’s questions and was still deep in thought over what had happened in the Catherine’s office. The therapist’s words kept repeating in her head as if they had been placed there by a magician.

“Just a lot to think about.” Emily said as she took her shoes off and Amelia closed the front door.

“About therapy?” Amelia asked, “Anything you want to talk about?”

Emily hesitated. Normally she didn’t share anything that had happened in therapy with Amelia because she didn’t think it mattered anyway, none of it helped. But what had happened in the office on that day was something that wouldn’t leave her mind. Maybe Catherine had overstepped the mark and telling Amelia what had happened would help. Emily would learn whether or not it was normal, at least.

“Catherine suggested something… weird.” Emily said. She looked sideways away from her wife and rubbed one of her forearms.

“Well now I’m intrigued.” Amelia chuckled.

“She… She said I needed to “normalise” my… underwear.” Emily said haltingly. She couldn’t bring herself to say diapers. Maybe that’s what Catherine meant about needing to normalise them if she couldn’t even call them by their name out loud.

“Interesting. And how did she suggest you do that?” Amelia asked. She wasn’t chuckling now. In fact, her face looked very serious and intense.

“It… It was stupid really…” Emily stuttered, “Never mind. It doesn’t matter.”

Emily finished taking her shoes off but as she stood up straight again, she saw that Amelia was still looking at her. She felt like a child whose parent was waiting for them to spill the beans about who broke the vase in the living room. It had been a mistake to say anything because she knew Amelia wasn’t going to just let it go.

“She told me I should wear my diaper openly in her office.” Emily said with a sigh. She hoped her wife would agree with her that it was a strange and stupid idea. Of course, the opposite happened.

“Did you do it?” Amelia asked straight away.

“Well, yeah, but…” Emily started.

“I’m so proud of you!” Amelia leaned forwards and wrapped Emily in an enthusiastic hug. She only pulled back in order to kiss her on the lips.

Emily was surprised to say the least. She wasn’t sure why it was such a big deal to Amelia. As her wife pulled back and broke the kiss she was beaming. Emily couldn’t remember the last time she had seen her wife looking so happy.

“We should do it here as well.” Amelia said.

“What!? Why!?” Emily asked in shock.

“Catherine said it was to normalise the diapers for you, right?” Catherine asked. Emily nodded her head, “In that case you need to do it more than just an hour or so a week. The more you do it the better you’ll feel.”

“I don’t know…” Emily muttered.

“Come on, baby.” Amelia put her hands on Emily’s arms just below her shoulders and ran them down until they were clasping fingers, “For me? I’m sure I can think of ways to reward you for being so brave…”

Amelia’s hands moved down to the crotch of Emily’s diaper. She squeezed the padding a couple of time making Emily blush and look away. Thanks to how wet she was she didn’t feel anything from her wife’s squeezes. Amelia truly knew all of her weaknesses.

“I… I guess…” Emily said slowly.

“Atta girl.” Amelia smiled toothily and stood back, waiting and watching.

Emily didn’t know what was going on with her life. Everything seemed out of control. She wasn’t even sure she WANTED the diaper to be normalised and yet they definitely seemed there to stay. Her control was, if anything, getting worse after all. She reached down and, just like in the therapist’s office, hooked her thumbs underneath the waistband of her clothes and pushed them down. She stepped out of them leaving herself with a blouse on her top half and just her diaper on the bottom.

Standing up straight again Emily felt exceptionally awkward. It didn’t help that Amelia was standing in front of looking down at the wet disposable with a big grin on her face. Emily supposed she should’ve been grateful that her wife was so supportive of her little problem but it was hard to feel that way in the moment.

“See?” Amelia said as she stepped forwards and hugged Emily again, “The sky hasn’t fallen.”

Emily sighed as she leaned into the cuddle. She felt one of Amelia’s hands, which had started on the small of her back, slowly lower down until she was cupping Emily’s bottom through the soggy padding.

“And it will make it much easier to check you.” Amelia said quietly. It was hard to know if she was talking to Emily or herself.

Emily pulled away from the hug and noticed just how much louder the crinkles were when there were no clothes to muffle them. She did her best not to look down. Even if the intent was to “normalise” the diapers she had no desire to look at them and be reminded of what she needed. She was getting annoyed at the way Amelia continued to stand in front of her, staring.

“Are you going to change me or not?” Emily demanded rather testily.

“Oh, not yet.” Amelia said, “That one’s still got some life left in it.”

“But…” Emily started.

“Go and sit down.” Amelia said as she nodded towards the living room, “I’ll get you a drink.”

It seemed unfair to Emily that normalising the diapers seemed to also mean normalising her sitting in ones she had wet. She understood that she couldn’t be changed every time she wet herself, they would go through an astronomical number of disposables that way, but she’d been in this one a while already. It wasn’t under threat of leaking yet but it was heavy and definitely very wet.

Alas, Amelia had already turned to go to the kitchen leaving Emily with nothing to do but to waddle into the living room. The crinkles were so loud. To her it seemed like someone had placed a megaphone right next to packet of chips. She dropped into her usual spot in front of the television and switched it on. Amelia walked in shortly with a tall glass of juice.

“There you go.” Amelia said as she placed the glass on the very edge of the table, “I need to do some work. Come and get me if you need anything.”

Emily nodded her head silently. At least she would be left alone for a while. Amelia bent down and squeezed the front of the diaper again. With a nod and a kiss to Emily’s forehead she stood back up and finally left the room.

Emily slumped backwards into her seat and sighed.

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