The Stutterer
“Amid-st the mis...the mis...mis...” Paige struggled out, trying not to spit.
“The mists.” said Aunt Bethany, with her perfect, cut-glass enunciation.
“Amidz...A-midsss...”
“Amidst.”
Paige wanted to scream. Why did Aunt Bethany imagine that saying the word correctly was going to help her? Hearing her aunt repeat the words in her West London accent wouldn't stop her from stuttering, any more than watching a Jet Lee movie would turn her into a martial artist. She had told her aunt this hundreds of times, of course. She had been a stutterer all her life, and struggling her way through tongue twisters had never been helpful before.
“Amid-st the missst...”
“Amidst.” repeated Aunt Bethany, an edge of irritation evident in her voice.
“Dammit! This is...iss... isn't helping!” spat Paige.
“You can pronounce words properly if you'd only apply yourself.” responded her aunt coldly, as she had many times in the past.
“I need aggja...ag...”
“You need to keep at it and try harder.”
“...agjual speech therapy!” finished Paige, desperate not to be interrupted. It had always been easy for people to talk over her and ignore her because of her speech impediment. That was the main reason she was currently unemployed, and that, in turn, was why she was forced to tolerate her aunt's “help”.
“I'm not going to waste money on a so-called 'therapist' when I can provide the same service free of charge.” explained Aunt Bethany. “especially considering that you refuse to put the effort in to actually improve.”
“I've been at this two hours a day for mon...muntz...for mun..!” Paige had to fight the urge to stomp her feet in frustration. Her stuttering always got worse when she was angry, just when she needed to make herself understood the most. It was so unfair.
“Months?” asked Aunt Bethany. “and yet you can't manage the first line reliably. Why is that, do you imagine?”
Paige inhaled sharply “Maybe we could try som-th...somth...a different technique!”
“That's what you've been doing all your life, dear. Just like you did with that sentence. You try something, find it's trickier than you imagined, and then abandon it and try something else. You won't make any progress like that. You need to keep trying and trying until you get it right.”
Paige bit her cheek. There was no point in arguing. Even if she could get a sentence out without mangling half of it, her aunt would never listen to her. The worst part was, Aunt Bethany genuinely was being generous. The older woman had taken her under her wing when she lost her job. Of course, her aunt was a scion of an old money family, from which Paige's own mother had been disinherited. She could easily afford to be generous. She just seemed blissfully unaware that life had dealt her an extremely easy hand, and refused to accept that her comfortable position was anything but the inevitable result of intellect and virtue. Paige was long since sick of her overbearing attitude. Sadly, until she could find another job, she had little choice but to bear it.
“Now. Try again.”
“Amid-st the misss...
“Again.”
Paige felt like ripping out her own tongue and throwing it in the garbage. She spat and sputtered her way through the lines on the paper in front of her again and again. It wasn't wholly clear to her why her aunt needed to be here at all while she practiced. All it did was make her nervous, which was most of her problem to begin with. Back in high school, when she had had a good circle of friends who were patient and understanding, her stuttering had all but disappeared. Ever since she had moved out to Vermont to find work, however, it had been back with a vengeance.
Her stuttering was the reason she had lost her job, although of course that wasn't the stated reason. She had been trying to come to the defense of one of her co-workers, and had ended up being the subject of a particularly verbose customer complaint. She had tried to explain her side of the incident, but her stuttering essentially meant that anyone who didn't feel like listening to her didn't have to.
So, here she was. Sitting like a prisoner at her aunt's kitchen table, staring at a sheet of printer paper with a few lines of bad poetry written by some twisted sadist. Her aunt had found this little nugget of misery on an internet site, and had promptly decided that this was enough to qualify her as a speech therapist.
She heard a slight scraping news from upstairs, as though someone was opening and closing a set of drawers.
“Amid-st...amid...did you hear that?”
“Don't try to distract me. Just say the word properly. Listen to me: Amiiidst.”
“No really. Is...is...dammit, is somebody upstairs?”
“Don't curse, dear. It's vulgar. Now, try again. Amiiidst.”
“Seriously. I heard something. Are you sure no one is upstairs?”
“Better, but still not the lines I gave you.” said Aunt Bethany, tapping the sheet on the table.
“Helooo? Anyone home?” came a voice from upstairs.
Paige and Bethany both turned their heads suddenly.
“Who is there? Show yourself!” demanded Aunt Bethany.
And show themselves they did. Two feminine figures came down the stairs and drifted gracefully into the kitchen like two snowflakes caught in a light breeze. Paige and Bethany's eyes widened as they came. There was no question that the two visitors were otherworldly, supernatural beings. Their ears were pointed. Their eyes shone an impossibly vivid blue. Their bare feet never showed any inclination to come near the floor. One had her black hair tied into a set of pigtails. She had rich, dark skin and wore what appeared to be a race-car driver's bright red jacket. The other was taller, and had wispy brown hair at neck length. She wore what appeared to be a child's Halloween costume, blown up to adult size. She wore a hot pink cowgirl's hat on her head, her pink jacket and white gloves were festooned with white tassels, and she had a silver sheriff's badge pinned above her left breast.
“What are you doing in my house?” shouted Aunt Bethany angrily. “And are those...nappies?”
“Looking for black licorice...and, obviously, yes.” said the one in the racing jacket.
Now that she had a closer look, Paige saw that the logos that dotted the jacket were all brands of diapers, toys, and other childish products. The two women were indeed wearing nothing below the waist but thick disposables. One had race-cars across her front panel to match her jacket, and the other had pink ponies chasing one another across hers. Paige felt herself blush intensely at the sight of them. She could imagine how utterly mortified she would be to be seen wearing such a thing. The very thought made her heart race and her ears burn. And yet these two were hovering in front of her totally unashamed. If anything, they seemed quite pleased with themselves. Their eyes had a far-away quality, as though everything they saw was just a pleasant dream.
“Liquorice? What nonsense! Get out, both of you!” shouted Aunt Bethany.
“Oh my gawd! I love your accent!” gushed the one with the cowgirl hat. “You sound like Maggie Smith!”
Aunt Bethany's face reddened. This was not the first time this had happened. By British standards, her accent was only moderately on the posh side, but here in America, she may as well have been the Dowager Countess of Grantham. This prompted most people to take her more seriously than they might have otherwise, but some people chose to treat her like a character from a television show instead of an actual human being. She took an extremely dim view of such people.
“Typical.” she spat under her breath.
Paige turned to her. “T-typical of...ffflying women in diapers?”
The two hovering figures looked at each other. “Huh.” said the one in the racing jacket. “I guess that is what we are.”
“Well in any event, I haven't got any liquorice, and you two would have no right to demand any from me even if I did. Go away.” said Aunt Bethany.
“No can do, I'm afraid.” said the one in the racing jacket.
“Are you suuuure you don't have any?” said the one with the cowgirl hat. “Because you really, really want some right now, if you catch my drift.”
Aunt Bethany was not amused. “I do not, as you say, 'catch your drift'. What on earth are you babbling about?”
“No licorice, and we have to punish you.” clarified the one in the racing jacket.
The one with the cowgirl hat spun around in mid-air and wagged her glossy padded ass in the air. “So unless you want to find yourself in one o' these suckers, I suggest you check around for some licorice.”
Aunt Bethany blanched visibly. Her eyes darted from side to side.
The one in the racing jacket blew a raspberry. “Lemme guess...are you gonna run out the door? Or maybe call the cops?”
“Ooh, ooh remember that guy who stabbed you with a butcher knife?” said the one with the cowgirl hat.
They shared a chuckle at the memory. “Oh, man! He's not gonna try anything like that again, believe you me!”
Aunt Bethany backed away, a look of terror settling over her. As silly as they looked, it was becoming clear that these were powerful, dangerous beings. Paige glanced between her aunt and the two floating apparitions. Would they really make them wear diapers, just because they didn't have any black licorice? Paige's heart raced, and her cheeks were blushing so intensely that it was almost painful. She felt...funny. Bethany turned and began opening and closing cupboards. As her Aunt began rifling through the pantry with increasing desperation, Paige found herself contemplating what being put back in diapers would feel like.
The one with cowgirl hat plucked the paper off the kitchen table and read it aloud. “"Amidst the mists and fiercest frosts, With barest wrists, and stoutest ...what is this? A poem?”
“It...it...it is a prac...a prac...goddammit, a prac-tice line. To help with my st...st...my problem.” said Paige.
“Oh, I get it.” said the one with the cowgirl hat. “All those S-T sounds. And this helps with that?”
Paige gave a sigh of exasperation. “Apparently. Sometimes.”
“Oof. There's a long story there, I'd wager.”
“More frus...frus...annoying than long.” said Paige wearily.
“Annoying and frustrating for me, perhaps.” said Aunt Bethany. She had returned from the pantry with a look of vicious triumph in her eyes. She presented a small rectangular tin to the two hovering visitors. “Now stop bothering my niece about her speech difficulties. Does this satisfy you?”
The one in the racing jacket took the tin from her and examined it quizzically. “Licorice-flavored breath mints...” she announced dubiously.
“Ooooh!” said the one with the cowgirl hat, sounding strangely excited. “A marginal case!”
“Hmmm. A judgment call, then. We might decide to accept these...or maybe not.” said the one in the racing jacket. She shook the tin. “Full...”
She turned it over and began reading the ingredients. Bethany crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently. “It says 'Black Liquorice' right there.” she muttered.
Paige looked preoccupied as the offering was examined. She jumped when she realized that the one with the cowgirl hat had drifted beside her without her noticing.
“What are you looking at?” she asked softly.
Paige blushed and immediately straightened up. “Huh? Oh, um, nothing.”
“Cuz it really looked like you were staring at my friend's butt.” whispered the hovering woman.
Paige's eyes went wide.
“Noticed you didn't exactly run off looking for licorice when I told you what might happen. One might almost suspect...” She let her voice trail off. Paige felt like her cheeks would burst.
Luckily, Bethany was too involved in tense negotiations to be aware of these proceedings.
“'Black Licorice-Flavored' it says. That's basically code for 'does not contain licorice'.” said the one in the racing jacket.
“What the hell could possibly taste like liquorice other than liquorice!” demanded Aunt Bethany
“We definitely don't accept any old anise-seed bullshit.” said the one in the racing jacket.
The one with the cowgirl hat floated behind her companion and rested her elbows across her shoulder. “Hmm, it does say 'natural flavors'.” she said in a suggestive tone.
“All flavors are natural.” muttered the one in the racing jacket. “Even monosodium glutamate.”
The the with the cowgirl hat cleared her throat noisily. The one in the racing jacket glanced over at Paige. Paige immediately glanced away. Aunt Bethany narrowed her eyes.
“What was that? What are you conspiring about?” she asked.
The one in the racing jacket straightened up. “I think we can let this...dubious offering slide through...this time.” she said carefully.
Aunt Bethany rolled her eyes. “My, how gracious of you.”
“We may have to adjust the rewards a bit to account for the...abnormality.” said the one with the cowgirl hat. Paige looked back and forth between the two visitors. They seemed to have completely traded sides in the argument. She wondered if they were communicating telepathically, or if they simply had the kind of unspoken understanding that long-time colleagues sometimes develop.
“Rewards? No one mentioned a reward.” said Aunt Bethany.
“Well, as we mentioned, it's sort of a marginal offering, so we couldn't do anything big. Still, here goes!”
The colorful diapers that the two women wore flared to life. As she watched, Paige realized that the shine they produced was not mere glossy plastic, but an active glow. Eerie bluish light poured over Paige and her aunt, as they stood transfixed. The two diapered women drifted dreamily around the kitchen. They divided the box of tiny white lozenges between them, chewing them up and swallowing them with an audible crunch and visible delight. They performed the motions with fluid grace and practiced ease, as though it were a choreographed dance or a ritual. Then they settled their diapered rears on each of Paige's cheeks. Bethany's face twisted in disgust, but she seemed unable to look away. Paige felt her heart race and her vagina moisten as the smooth plastic backing rubbed against her skin. She could feel the strange power of the two women settle over her, even as she felt their warm butts through the thick padding of their diapers.
“Your tongue is now free as the wind.” said the one in the racing jacket.
“Graceful as a dove” continued the one with the cowgirl hat.
“Sweet as honey.” said the one in the racing jacket, sighing with pleasure.
“Effortless, Smooth, and Fluent.” finished the one with the cowgirl hat.
Gradually, the strange light faded, and the two strangers withdrew their glistening butts.
“That was utterly revolting. What a shameful display. Are you alright, Paige?” asked Aunt Bethany, scowling at what she at just just witnessed.
“That was...interesting.” said Paige. Her eyes shot wide with shock at what she had just heard. Her voice was almost completely different. “Stupendous. Stratospheric.Statistical. Holy shit!”
Her tongue glided over every syllable perfectly. It was as though she had had a nail through her tongue her entire life, and it had just fallen out. "Amidst the mists and fiercest frosts, with barest wrists, and stoutest boasts, he thrusts his fists against the posts, and still insists he sees the ghosts." She recited, not even needing to look at the paper after struggling through the words for so long. Her tongue leapt from S to T and back again without the slightest tremor or tickle. It was utterly fluid and effortless.
Paige ran to the two hovering women and embraced them, pinning them against herself. Tears were in her eyes. “Thank you, thank you, thankyouthankyou!” she repeated.
“...don't mention it.” said the one in the racing jacket, chuckling and patting Paige's back.
“Is that it? Is that all we get?” asked Aunt Bethany.
The one with the cowgirl hat winced. The one in the racing jacket arched an eyebrow. “Oh? Is her highness not satisfied?”
“Of course not! I didn't get anything!” she spat.
“You just said how annoying and frustrating it was trying to deal with her speech impediment.” pointed out the one with the cowgirl hat. “Now you don't have to. A 'thank you' wouldn't kill you.”
Aunt Bethany crossed her arms. “All that means is that I have wasted a lot of time trying to teach her proper pronunciation for nothing. Where is my thanks for all that? And once again, your problem is solved without any meaningful effort on your part. You must be so proud.”
“Auntie! Stoppit! They were being nice!” said Paige insistently.
“Seriously.” said the one in the racing jacket. “You ought to be thanking her, as well. If it was just you here to meet us, we would have had you in pampers before you could say 'Yorkshire Pudding'. It would have taken a lot more than some breath mints to save you.”
“Then you are disgusting, reprehensible creatures!” said Bethany. “Paige, get away from those freaks!”
Paige looked uncertain for a moment, but she didn't budge an inch.
“Paige...just out of curiosity...” said the one with the cowgirl hat. “How would you feel about...joining us?”
Paige would have stuttered if she still could. “Join you? You mean...I could fly around, and wear...”
“Nappies. As your auntie would say.” confirmed the one in the racing jacket. “It's a pretty sweet deal. You don't get paid, but the hours are good, room and board is covered, you get magical powers and immortality, and free coffee. What do you think?”
Aunt Bethany was flabbergasted. “Absolutely not! Paige, how could you even consider such a thing? Look at these two reprobates!”
Paige did look. The two visitors were literally unearthly in their beauty. She wondered what it would feel like to fly through the air in a big, fluffy diaper. And what if this was her shot at living forever?
“...yeah, that sounds...good. Where do I sign?” she asked. She was surprised to hear herself say it, but the answer seemed obvious.
She felt a painful grip close around her wrist.
“That is it!” said Aunt Bethany. “We are leaving! We can stay at a hotel until you come to your senses!” She dragged her struggling niece toward the front door.
“Let go! You're hurting me!” complained Paige.
The one in the racing jacket sighed behind them. “I think we may have been a little too generous here, don't you think?”
“Definitely.” agreed the one with the cowgirl hat.
Paige and Aunt Bethany's feet stopped dead. Once again, the blue glow of two shimmering diapers blew out their thoughts like a candle. They came and rubbed their padded asses across Aunt Bethany's face. Paige simply watched, entranced and unable to intervene as they rubbed and chanted.
“Your tongue is will now be free as a goldfish.” said the one in the racing jacket.
“Graceful as a drunken ox.” continued the one with the cowgirl hat.
“Sweet as vinegar.” said the one in the racing jacket, chuckling as she spoke.
“Awkward, Clumsy, and Halting.” finished the one with the cowgirl hat.
The two beings withdrew and settled in the air near Paige. The eerie light faded, and Paige found that her mind could function again. Aunt Bethany turned around, rage and horror in her eyes.
“Th...th...th-at was t...was t....dammit!” Aunt Bethany waggled her tongue, as though trying the shake the kinks out.
“Don't curse, dear.” said the one with the cowgirl hat, in a horribly exaggerated British accent.
“It's vulgar.” mocked the one in the racing jacket in an even worse one.
“I can...can-t...sp...sss-p...” Aunt Bethany's face grew redder as she struggled to make her mouth obey her.
“Can't stop us?” asked the one in the racing jacket.
“We noticed.” said the one with the cowgirl hat.
“Aunty!” shouted Paige, her eyes wide with concern. “Are you okay?”
“You b...b-it...b-it...” Aunt Bethany tried to speak, but her new stutter would not allow it.
“Chill.” said the one with the cowgirl hat. Her diaper again produced its weird glow, and Aunt Bethany's face went slack.“You just have to sit down and go over your lines, that's all. If you work hard at it, you'll be good as new in a few weeks. Months, at worst. For someone with your work ethic and positive attitude, it should be a breeze! And don't worry about Paige. She'll be by to visit you before too long. Off you go now.”
Paige watched in awe as her entranced aunt nodded and walked past them, back into the kitchen. She silently sat down in the chair where Paige had so recently sat.
“A-mit...mid...Amid...t....” she began.
The two two visitors gently drew Paige out the front door. She glanced behind her with concern. “Will she really be okay?” she asked.
“Oh yeah.” said the one in the racing jacket, waving dismissively. “We hardly ever do anything permanent for our punishments, and that's only for the really bad cases. I think a little temporary case of the stutters will make her a lot less judgmental in the future, don't you?”
“So, are you ready to get going?” asked the one with cowgirl hat.
“Where?” asked Paige.
“To get signed up. You said you wanted to.” said the one in the racing jacket.
“I mean...yes.” she said quietly, glancing around to see if anyone was watching. She was a little self-conscious to be seen in public with two diapered women, even if they were magical beings.
“Hmm...” said the one in the racing jacket, stroking her chin. “I'm not sure she really wants it.”
“Sounded a little unsure.” agreed the one with the cowgirl hat.
Paige knew she was being teased, but was powerless to fight the effects. “Yes I do!” she insisted.
“I think we need to hear something more along the lines of 'I wanna wear diapees.' Just to be certain.” said the one with the cowgirl hat, grinning evilly.
Paige let out an exasperated sigh. “I...wanna wear...diapees.” she reluctantly muttered.
“Did you hear something?” asked the one in the racing jacket mildly.
“Probly just the wind.” said the one with the cowgirl hat.
“You guys are assholes.” stated Paige irritably.
“Allright! Good enough. Launch!” said the one in the racing jacket.
With that, the two diapered women took Paige by each arm. Gravity forget they existed, and they shot up into the moonlit sky like bubbles shooting up a glass of soda. Paige was so surprised, she didn't even scream.
It took mere seconds for the entire town to shrink to a gray smudge underneath them. She knew that they must be flying at incredible speed, but she felt no wind, so it didn't really feel that way. She thought she should feel afraid, but she just didn't. The two gentle hands on her arms made her feel safe. She felt utterly weightless. The ground beneath her seemed so far away that it had nothing to do with her.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“The moon.” answered the one in the racing jacket, as though that should have been obvious. “It's not the most convenient way to get there, but it is your first time, so we'll take the scenic route.”
Paige stared in awe as they traveled. The moon grew larger and larger as the earth shrank behind them. She had never really thought about how big either of them were, but it was impossible not to notice as they passed between the two. One minute the Earth filled the whole sky behind them, and the moon looked to be about the size of a ping-pong ball. But soon the Earth was shrinking into the distance, and the Moon was swelling larger and larger ahead.
“Why isn't it cold out here?” she asked a few minutes later.
“No air.” said the one in the racing jacket.
“Then...how are we breathing? Or even hearing each other?” she asked.
“Magic.” said the one in the racing jacket.
Paige wondered if that had been a dumb question.
“I mean, I guess we could use magic to make you feel cold too, but what would be the point?” asked the one with the cowgirl hat.
The moon steadily grew until it filled the horizon in every direction. They alighted on its powdery surface. Grayish whiteness peppered with impact craters stretched away around them.
“Here we are. Home sweet home.” said the one in the racing jacket. She reached down, and grabbed an unseen object. She twisted it, and the surface of the moon flipped open, revealing a hidden doorway. Light and the sounds of distant conversation streamed upward from the hatch. The interior side of the door was bright green and marked 'Sea of Tranquility'.
“Welcome to your new home!” said the one with the cowgirl hat.
Paige peered cautiously down the doorway. It was like standing on the edge of a cliff. Below, a well-lit square shaft dropped hundreds of feet downward, then curved and disappeared around the bend. The walls were light blue, and were dotted with doors of various colors on every side. Then she realized that the shaft was in motion. It wagged slowly back and forth like a pendulum, then rippled like the body of a slithering snake.
The bizarre shaft was not empty. As she stared downward, doors opened and closed, and more of the strange diapered beings whose ranks she had just agreed to join floated up and down the shaft. They seemed completely unconcerned about the fact that their feet were not pointing the same direction. In fact, apart from their attire and their total indifference to gravity, they might have been ordinary people going about their daily business. She watched as a woman wearing a colorful headscarf and a matching diaper waved happily to another woman who was passing by dressed in inflatable water-wings, a snorkeling mask, and a swim diaper. The fact that they were standing at right angles to each other while the shaft changed shape randomly around them seemed to be no problem for anyone but Paige.
Paige had to look away. She was beginning to feel nauseous. “You guys live inside the Moon?”
Her two companions seemed taken aback by her question. “I mean, maybe?” said the one in the racing jacket, not sounding at all certain.
“We don't really know where it is in a physical sense.” said the one with the cowgirl hat, also uncertain. “It might even be nowhere at all. This is just one of the more impressive ways in.”
“What do you call this place then?” asked Paige.
“Home! Like I said.” said the one in the cowgirl hat.
“I...I don't know if I can go down there. How do you guys handle it?” she asked.
They both shrugged. “I didn't really notice that was anything to handle.” said the one in the racing jacket.
“You're just too used to working with gravity. It won't be too bad once you're inside. You'll see.” said the one with the cowgirl hat. The two of them seemed content to wait for Paige to make up her mind.
Paige looked back over the edge. It was still frightening, but it was also full of beautiful people who all seemed pleased to be there. Smiles, cheerful greetings, and the sound of distant music floated up from the doorway. She took a deep breath of the air that may or may not actually exist and reluctantly breathed: “...Okay.”
Her companions took her arms, hovered her over the glowing abyss, and turned the universe ninety degrees. Paige's stomach made the same adjustment after a significant delay.
The shaft became a hallway. The one in the racing jacket closed the door behind them. Paige realized that here, concepts like 'up' and 'down' simply didn't apply in any consistent way. There were doors on the floor and the ceiling, if those words still applied. The corridor writhed around them, and they floated forward through the heaving blue chaos. The scent of baby powder was ubiquitous, giving the place the atmosphere of a nursery, but occasionally other pleasant smells would waft through, like the scent of lavender or the smell of freshly-baked cookies.
They passed dozens of other floating women, most of whom waved and smiled as they passed. Some pointed and shouted “Hey! Newbie!” or “New Recruit! Good job!” Her two escorts gracefully accepted the compliments, and occasionally stopped to chat when a knot of their colleagues formed. It was strange to watch upside-down and sideways people chatting happily as if this was totally normal. Paige listened as they recounted tales of their latest escapades. The conversation was almost exclusively friendly and collegial. Usually they were trying to top one another with stories of large caches of black licorice discovered, or particularly creative punishments or rewards that they had doled out. Paige kept quiet through these discussions, but began to understand that she was joining an organization, and however bizarre and inexplicable they may be, the women here spoke among themselves much like co-workers in any shop or office in the world might.
It was clear that a new recruit was considered cause for celebration in these parts. Paige began to get the impression that she was being paraded around, and it made her a bit self-conscious. Many of the women commented on how cute she was, as though she were a child or a new puppy. She felt very out of place. She wasn't sure if she was underdressed or overdressed, but jeans and a tee shirt definitely made her stand out among all the diapers and strange costumes. She never would have believed it was possible to be self-conscious about not wearing a diaper, but everything is relative.
More hallways branched off in every direction as they went. Her two companions made several more turns, but never seemed uncertain of the way. Paige struggled to take in the scenery. There were so many woman in seemingly random outfits, and so many doors with labels that only occasionally seemed to make sense. There were a lot of pastel pink doors, none of which seemed to be labeled at all. Usually a picture of a stuffed animal or a rainbow was the only marking. The green ones all seemed to be marked with the names of various cities. She noticed ones marked “Dhaka”, “Reykjavik”, “Osaka”, “Vancouver”, and “Bordeax”, but there were many more with unfamiliar names. She could only assume that these were exits from this strange place, like the one she had come in by. Red doors were also common. They had more straight-forward labels like “Maintenance”, “Monitoring”, and “Training”, but also odder ones like “Snakes”, “Valves”, “Intelligence”, and “Cheese”. The yellow doors were even harder to pin down. She noticed ones marked “Similarity”, “Impartiality”, “Clarity”, and “Vagueness”. She pointed this last one out to her companions.
“What's in there?” she asked.
“Oh, ya know. This and that.” said the one in the cowgirl hat carelessly. She was then distracted by a passing friend, who was wearing a chef's hat and carrying a large cake. Paige wasn't sure if her companion was joking or not, but decided not to press the issue.
They passed a red door marked “Coffee”. The one in the racing jacket let go of Paige's arm. “Oh, I think this is my stop.” said the one in the racing jacket. “I'll catch up with you guys later.”
“You're leaving? We just got here!” said Paige.
The one in the racing jack smiled and patted Paige's shoulder affectionately. “Aww, you're such cutie! Don't worry, we'll see each other when you're done with Training.”
Paige blushed.
“I'm the one who made the offer, so I'm the one who gets to induct you.” explained the one with the cowgirl hat. “It's traditional.”
“Well, who inducted you?” asked Paige.
The one with the cowgirl hat squinted uncertainly. Paige was beginning to wonder what living in a place like this did to your mind. “I think it was...no, that was definitely...crap. I don't remember.”
“How can you not remember?” asked Paige.
“It all kinda blends together after a while.” said the one in the racing jacket. “Can always head over to Clarity if it's ever really an issue. Oh well. Later!”
The one in the racing jacket opened the red door marked 'Coffee' and floated inside. The strong smell of fresh coffee filled the corridor, and some kind of energetic jazz was playing. Paige caught a glimpse of a crowd of diapered women holding steaming mugs around a long, wooden bar. Several women called out excitedly as the one in the racing jacket shut the door gently behind her.
“She seemed nice.” said Paige as they continued floating down the corridor. “Are you guys, like, partners or something?”
“For a while now! We change partners a lot, but she's one of my favorites. Once your training is done, we can all work together sometime, or maybe you'll meet someone else you like! Come on. Let's go pick out your outfit.”
After floating down several more corridors full of floating diapered women, they passed through a red door marked 'Wardrobe'. Inside was the largest room that Paige had ever seen. It was full of shelves that stretched upward, downward, and backward further than the eye could follow. The endless shelves were crammed with millions of outfits and accessories, all arranged seemingly without organization of any kind. It looked like the combined contents of every costume shop and theater storeroom on earth, all blended together randomly..Of course, there wasn't a pair of pants or underwear to be seen anywhere.
“Where are the...uh...”
“Diapers? That's the last step. Right now, we need to decide on your unique appearance, that will set you apart from everyone else here. We each have a unique outfit that expresses who we are.”
“What do you think I should wear?” asked Page, glancing nervously down the long aisles.
“You don't choose, silly. I do!” said the one with the cowgirl hat. “It's traditional! What, you think I walked in here and decided 'Oh, I guess I'll just be the Sheriff of Baby Town for the rest of time.?”
There was a long pause. Paige regarded the one with the cowgirl hat quizzically.
“Well?”
“Yes.” she decided finally.
There was another long pause.
“Ya got me. Pick whatever you want.”
They left 'Wardrobe' some time later. Paige was now wearing a bright yellow top hat with a pink ribbon wrapped around the hatband. She also wore a matching coat with tails that dangled behind her and a pink bow tie.
“I feel a little silly.” said Paige.
“You're the one who chose it, and it's no sillier than mine. I think it's just silly enough!” said the one with the cowgirl hat.
“Do I really have to wear this forever, though?” asked Paige, looking more and more nervous.
“Don't worry! Once the induction is finished, you won't care. Trust me.”
Not for the first time, Paige hoped she wasn't making a massive mistake. As nice as everyone here was, they also seemed more than a little loopy.
The one with the cowgirl hat floated Paige down several more corridors. This part of whatever structure they were in seemed less populated than where they had come in; the diapered women became fewer and further between as they traveled. Finally, the pair arrived at a set of white double doors marked 'Changing Room'.
“This is the place.” said the one with the cowgirl hat, pushing open the door. “This where you become one of us.”
The Changing Room was so vast, Paige had trouble even thinking of it as a room. A short causeway connected the door to a wide platform that seemed to be formed from glistening white marble. Around the platform stretched a void of utter emptiness, like a starless night, but seen from above. Above the platform hovered the strangest sight yet: A huge hovering sphere of swirling, shifting images. As Paige stared in awe, she saw the images reveal thousands upon thousands of scenes to her. Landscapes of alien worlds, where ammonia freezes and falls to the ground in gentle drifts. Cities conceived of and built by beings that could not possibly be human. Forests of things that were not trees. A shopping mall where crowds massive preying mantises shopped and chatted together. Huge icebergs drifting lazily through vast seas of lava. The longer she stared, the more she saw, and the more she realized that the interior of the sphere was even more obscenely huge than the exterior. She was staring around the curve of an endless series of alien realms, in which every possibility was realized. The wonderful and the tragic, the awesome and the mundane, the simple and the intricate, the reasonable and the insane. It was all there, among the endless possibilities that existence could offer.
“What is this doing here?” asked Paige, as she was carried across the marble plain. “What am I looking at?”
“This is our window.” said the one with the cowgirl hat in a hushed voice. “It shows us the scope of existence. Not the whole thing obviously. If you try to look at everything all at the same time, you just get a sort of vague haze most of the time. It's a curated collection of images from around the multiverse. Places where snails were the dominant species on earth, or where the world was conquered by the Heinz Corporation, or the one where Hitler won World War Two but then got assassinated by a super-intelligent shade of chartreuse. The universe where any collection of objects in space will naturally form into the shape of a salmon. Places with different initial conditions, different laws of physics, even different rules of logic. We can see it all from here. Its a great way to while away an afternoon, but stare long enough, and you'll lose your mind.”
Paige only listened with half an ear. She was trying to take it all in, even though it was starting to become painful. There was simply too much.
The one with the cowgirl hat let her voice return to normal. “Of course, that will also happen if you stare at a blank wall long enough, too. Bottom line, all our new recruits get to see this, by way of an explanation. More precisely, its by way of a lack of explanation. 'This explanation intentionally left blank' sort of thing. You wonder how we can exist? The real question is: How can anything exist? Everything you see here is bizarre and inexplicable, because existence is itself bizarre and inexplicable.”
Paige was still staring at the vast corridors of reality, stretching backward as far as the eye could follow and far beyond. She felt a pair of fingers pinch her rear lightly. She turned to see a mischievous smile on her companion's face.
“So, do you still think you can join us?” asked the one with the cowgirl hat. “I'll totally get it if you decide to back out. I'll take you home to your aunt, no problem.”
Paige looked at the elfin woman's eyes. They were shockingly blue, but they were also full of hope and enthusiasm. She looked down at her diaper. She wondered how it must feel to fly through the air in one. There was still so much she wanted to know, so much she was uncertain of, about this place and the people in it. But the thought of turning her back on all this wonder and magic and returning to her old existence seemed ludicrous.
“Thank you, but I wanna do it. I want to be like you.”
The one with the cowgirl hat smiled and nodded. “Let's look over the contract then.”
Paige looked where she was pointing. On the platform was a small white desk, slanted forward slightly like a lectern. It wasn't hidden in any way, but compared to the dazzling sphere of endless wonders hovering above it, it was practically invisible. On the desk sat several sheets of aged vellum, covered in beautiful calligraphy. In a nearby silver inkwell sat a an old-fashioned pen with an enormous white plume. It made Paige immediately think of the waiver that Charlie had to sign before entering the Chocolate Factory.
“Do I have to sign in blood?” she asked, hoping that this was only a joke.
“Of course not! Still, don't be in too big of a hurry. Once you put your name down here, you never get it back.”
“What do you mean?” asked Paige, cocking an eyebrow.
“Just be sure to read through all the stipulations before signing.” said the one with the cowgirl hat. “See here? 'I hereby agree to forsake the use of my given name entirely and forever'.”
Paige looked. “Huh. I was starting to wonder why nobody introduces themselves around here.”
She turned over several of the pages, until she reached one that was filled with row upon row of signatures. “One of these is mine, but I have no idea which one.” said the one with the cowgirl hat. “Once you sign, it leaves your mind, along with the minds of everyone who has ever met you. Oh, you can still go home and see your family and friends, and they'll know who you are and all, but your name will simply be gone.”
Paige struggled to make sense of this. “Why?”
“Hell if I know.” said the one with the cowgirl hat solemnly. “Ours is not to wonder why. Ours is to wear diapers, look for black licorice, and screw with jerks. You in?”
Paige was no fool. She carefully read through every line of the contract. To be sure, much of it surprised her. There were rules and exceptions and subclauses that she couldn't begin to guess the reasons for. It also never became clear to her just what entity had laid down these rules, and given these women their fabulous powers and bizarre restrictions. Turning to the page that still had blank spaces, she put her name down on the paper in her neatest handwriting. The fresh ink was vibrant blue, just like the eyes of her new sisters.
The one with the cowgirl hat immediately clapped her hand down on her signature. “Hi there.” she said with a playful smirk. “What's your name?”
She thought. She considered. She pondered. She grabbed the one with the cowgirl hat by the wrist and tried to force her of the contract. Finally, her friend relented and showed her the paper. She looker at the list of names, perplexed. Try as she might. None of the names looked even vaguely familiar.
“This...is gonna take some getting used to.” she said with a deep breath.
“Don't worry about it. We'll all know who you are.” said the one with the cowgirl hat.
“How?” she asked.
“You're the one in the yellow top hat, silly! Now, let's get you out of those stupid big-girl pants!”
A chill shot up her spine at the words. She wasn't sure why the idea of being in diapers, not just wearing one, but being in them, excited her. It frightened her as well, but in a good way, like a roller-coaster ride. It made her face burn and her heart flutter.
The one with the cowgirl hat's hand caressed her butt, and her jeans and panties dissolved into nothingness. Her blushing intensified, and she crossed her arms in front of her crotch. Her companion's serene smile turned up toward the sphere of swirling images above them. Distracted from her feeble attempt at modesty, she looked up.
Something was coming. She was certain of that before it came into sight. From the endless parade of alien realms, something was fluttering toward them. She had no idea where it came from, but she knew what it was, and that it was for her.
As it approached, the pleasure began. Subtle at first, then growing more intense as it approached. Her knees grew weak as it fluttered out of the swirling vortex. By the time it dove through the air and landed in her companion's hand, the pleasure was overwhelming. The one with the yellow top hat collapsed onto the smooth marble floor, toes curling. By the time her bottom had settled into the fluffy embrace of her new diaper, a trail a drool had made its way down her chin. She was lost in a world of white-hot delight, too intense to process.
“Snap! Snap! There we go!” said the one with the cowgirl hat, sealing her snugly into her new diaper. She writhed in ecstasy on the floor as one orgasm after another shot through her. Her ears began to take on little points. Her eyes turned from hazel to the deepest, most vibrant blue. She giggled and stared into the distance, grinning uncontrollably.
The one with the cowgirl hat picked her off the floor and cradled her in her arms. She cooed lovingly at the one with the yellow top hat. “Awwww, you're so precious! Yes you are! Yes you are! Don't worry, sweetie! Not that you can, anyway. In a few weeks, you'll be used to the diaper enough to start your training. Then we'll have a big party to celebrate, and I'll get to show you what we do down in 'Vagueness'! Now come on. Let's get you to the Nursery!”
The one with the yellow top hat giggled and hugged her new friend as they floated toward the door.