AUTHORS NOTE: This first one is an entry I wrote for a contest that the Dear Jazzie podcast had. I think at the time of writing this it is actually still going on. So if you don't listen to that podcast you might not get a whole lot of what happens here, but it's basically a comedic fanfiction for the podcast for lack of a better word. As a reminder you can read all of these one offs as a release them by becoming a patron over on my patreon at patreon.com/bigred0603. Hope you all enjoy.
The ringing tone of an incoming message came across Jazzie's communicator, an urgent message from their handler, Daddy Grey. Jazzie stared at the communicator with determination. They solemnly pressed play and the prerecorded mission parameters played. Daddy Grey's serious visage took up the screen and with no delay he relayed the details of the mission.
"Special agent Jazzie. We are activating you for a dangerous mission," Daddy grey punctuated this by blowing into his pipe which released a stream of bubbles. "Another of the home defense department's, or home depot for you that use smaller words, agents has been kidnapped. Special agent Fawny was taken while on assignment. She managed to send out one voice transmission before going completely dark." Daddy Grey pressed a button on his keyboard and an audio message started to play.
"We've been over this again and again Fawny," an angry unknown voice spoke.
"I told you I can't," Fawny pleaded with the unknown voice.
"You're friends at Home Depot aren't coming to save you. You have no escape. So I say again," the voice punctuated the sentence by slamming on the table. "Draw. The. Diaper. Bigger," Each word was said with menace.
"I can't draw it any bigger it's already ridiculous," Fawny pleaded.
"I said draw the diaper bigger!" with that scream the message cut off. There was a silence as even Daddy Grey shuddered at the predicament Fawny was in.
"We were able to isolate and analyze some background noise in her message," Daddy Grey continued with an effort. "We believe that Fawny is being held somewhere at cap con. This means you, soggy snake, are uniquely qualified to infiltrate undetected and rescue her. Good luck soggy snake and god speed."
Jazzie glared at no one in particular as they shut down the communicator. They knew they had to save Fawny no matter the cost, and stop the plan of whatever dastardly fiends were responsible.
Jazzie's driver pulled up to the hotel [name redacted], and Jazzie stepped out with confidence as they entered the hotel [name redacted]. Once inside Jazzie shed their thin vanilla disguise revealing the appropriately baby outfit underneath. The short light purple dress complimented Jazzie's light blue fur almost as much as the white and purple diaper visible underneath the dress. Decorated with some cute colorful shapes and some fade when wet butterflies that definitely weren't there anymore. They didn't get the code name soggy snake for nothing. With confidence Jazzie walked through the lobby of hotel [name redacted], but very quickly that confidence faded.
They were the only one here with their diaper visible, the only even dressed remotely cute at all. Everyone else was wearing just regular clothes, and staring at Jazzie's adorable outfit with confusion. Jazzie looked back equally confused. They also started to notice that the layout of the familiar hotel was different, and that's when it clicked. This wasn't hotel [name redacted], it was hotel [name redacted]! And this wasn't cap con it was cap con! All of the attendees weren't dressed in cutsey outfits with diapers peeking out, but they all did have hats on. Ten gallon hats, Fedoras, trucker hats, sombreros, and even the elusive yamaca. All manner of hats, which was to be expected from cap con, the hat convention that is decidedly different from cap con the Chicago age player's convention.
Jazzie had been set up. Among the crowd at cap con their current outfit would be completely non-descript, and they would blend right in, but here at cap con they stood out like a sore thumb. Which meant that whoever was behind this could very likely spot them almost immediately, and not just because they were an anthropomorphized light blue puppy among a crowd of regular people.
"I think you've got the wrong convention mudpuppy," a menacing voice said from behind Jazzie. They could only quickly gasp before they found a sack shoved over their face and their hands and feet quickly bound behind them. While normally they would be into this kind of thing, under the circumstances they were more concerned about where this mysterious person was taking them.
*****
Jazzie grunted as they were roughly deposited into a metal chair. Their hands were bound behind the chair and their feet to the legs of the chair.
"Jazzie! Jazzie!" an exasperated voice next to Jazzie called out. Jazzie felt like they knew the voice, and as the sack over their head was removed it was confirmed that they were sitting across from Fawny. Fawny was bound to her chair similarly to Jazzie and just like Jazzie under different circumstance might have found this fun, but the pained expression on her face gave away that she was not having fun at all. Her dark brown hair was sweaty and the distinct deer ears on her head drooped in a sad fashion. Her normally fashionable outfit was dingy and stained.
"Ah Jazzie, you've finally arrived," a voice called out from the dark of the room they were in. With a dramatic flair a set of lights powered on at the back of the room illuminating a series of chairs, sitting in this set of five chairs were four furries clad in their fur suits sat, and in the center chair was...
"Eizzaj," Jazzie cursed the name. It was the evil version of themselves. A white puppy with a blue tummy who was very potty trained, and also evil.
"Yes it is I, and now I've got you right where I want you my dear gooder half."
"That's not a real word," Fawny cried in frustration and her expression shown that she had been dealing with things like this for several days.
"What's your game Eizzaj?" Jazzie asked accusingly.
"Why you dear Jazzie, and Fawny." Eizzaj couldn't resist the joke. Fawny loudly groaned in response. "I needed to get rid of you so that me and my associates could complete our plans."
"It's my associates and I!" Fawny corrected angrily.
"Wait," Jazzie gasped in realization. "I know them, are they?"
"Yes they are," Eizzaj giggled menacingly. "It's the suspiciously wealthy furries, and together with me we've formed the League Of Wealthy Evil Sexy furs."
"Lowes?" Jazzie commented.
"Yes, and with home Depot's greatest agents captured and soon to be defeated, Lowes is free to carry out our plan to remove all of the baby furs from the furry fandom," Eizzaj cackled as they revealed their plan, but amidst their cackling two of the suspiciously wealthy furries glanced at each other.
"Wait that's our plan?" one said nervously.
"Yeah that's the plan," Eizzaj said annoyed.
"Oh ..." the furry paused awkwardly and again stared at the other furry next to them.
"We're gonna go ...." The other furry said clearly trying to come up with an excuse.
"To the bathroom," the first answered quickly. "Yeah we're gonna go to the bathroom."
"Which is a place we go all of the time."
"To use the bathroom."
"Like adults," the two finished the exchange with emphatic nods.
"Fine fine, but don't complain to me if you miss the execution," Eizzaj excused the two and they quickly ran off and Eizzaj turned their attention back to their captors. "Of course my dear Jazzie, and Fawny ..."
"You already did that joke," Fawny cut in to criticize.
"I can't let you live. And with Home Depot's finest agents removed Lowes is free to enact their evil plans unchallenged." Eizzaj continued to cackle as one of the suspiciously wealthy furries approached both Jazzie and Fawny.
*****
With a thud Jazzie and Fawny's bodies landed at the bottom of a dark garbage pit, the furries that just finished beating them cackling as they left. Jazzie groaned in pain as the darkness began to set in. Fawny wasn't even moving, already gone. Of all the ways Jazzie thought they would die, being beaten to death by a furry wasn't one of, they thought they might have built up some stamina but alas it seemed not. With a sigh they closed their eyes for a last sleep.
"Jazzie, Jazzie. Wake up Jazzie," an ephemeral voice spoke, rousing Jazzie from their death sleep. They knew who the voice was instinctively, even though they didn't believe it was possible.
"Speckles?" Jazzie questioned. They opened their eyes to see the familiar orange pool toy occupying the small space with them, hovering over them with a magical glow surrounding him. "How?"
"I have been brought to life with the power of your orgasms," Spekcles said matter of factly. "I mean like, it was a lot of orgasms. Constant. Uncountable even."
"Yeah yeah I get it," Jazzie cut Speckles off.
"And as you have given me life," Speckles began to float until their face touched Jazzie's. "I give life back to you." A magical glow surrounded Jazzie's body, and they suddenly felt their wounds being healed and their energy coming back.
"Thank you speckles," Jazzie said with relief. They stared over at Fawny still unmoving. "What are we gonna do Speckles?" Jazzie asked with concern. "How are we gonna stop Lowe's without Fawny?"
"My dear Jazzie," Speckle's voice chuckled. "As always, orgasms are the answer. With your orgasms I grow in power. So hop upon my back and get to grinding." With determination Jazzie clambered up onto the pool toy. They quickly shed their clothes and diaper and started trying to find just the right spike on Speckle's back.
"Hold on I just gotta, adjust it." Jazzie spoke as they struggled.
"Move over to the left a little bit," Speckles offered.
"Your left or my left?"
"We're facing the same direction."
"All right don't get snippy with me. I just need to. Oh god there we go. There. We. Goooooooo!" Jazzie screamed out and at the same time a bright magic emerged from speckles and they quickly shot out of the pit Jazzie had been thrown into, blowing a hole in the side of hotel [name redacted] as they did. With Jazzie still screaming in ecstasy on his back Speckles flew around the hotel sensing where his prey was. Once they were found Speckles flew into one of the walls of the hotel with determination and suddenly burst into the room with Eizzaj and their two remaining suspiciously wealthy furry allies.
"No it can't be!" Eizzaj cursed upon seeing the magically powered pool toy.
"Yes!" Jazzie screamed out still grinding the inflated spike on Speckle's back. "Oh god yes it can be!"
"Lowe's ends here Eizzaj!" Speckles called out with determination.
"S-stop them," Eizzaj ordered. The two furries with them hesitated for a moment, but that was all Speckles needed. A magical aura surrounded them and as Jazzie screamed out in orgasm two lasers shot from Speckles' eyes, hitting the furries who fell in defeat.
"No no! How could this happen?" Eizzaj cried in frustration. "My plans. My perfect plans."
"Are finished," Speckles said with finality, picking Eizzaj up with telepathic ability. They flew around until they were over the garbage pit Jazzie was thrown into earlier, and released their hold sending Eizzaj plummeting into the pit, yelling as they fell.
*****
Speckles finally touched down in front of Jazzie's home, Jazzie hopped off of the back solemly.
"Speckles," Jazzie sad looking the ground solemnly. "Fawny, she didn't make it."
"There was nothing else you could do Jazzie," Speckles said comfortingly. Jazzie did not seem all the comforted as they thought about the memories they had with Fawny. It was in the midst of their brooding that Jazzie was interrupted.
"Helllllllooooooooo!" a distinctly British voice sounded out. Jazzie looked over to the source in excitement.
"Fawny!" Jazzie shouted happily. They turned to face the source of the voice which was a hastily sewn hand puppet doll with an obviously fake voice. It seemed to float dragging a flailing Juice Box, whose hand was stuck inside of the puppet, with it as it floated.
"Jazzie!" Juice said in a panic. "Jazzie you gotta help me. I don't know what happened. The Fawny puppet we made. It's alive. It's taking over my body, screaming horrors into my mind. Please Jazzie help me! Get this thing off of me!"
"Oh Fawny I'm so glad you made it out," Jazzie said embracing the puppet in a hug.
"Well I couldn't let you host the show without me now could I?" the puppet said laughing happily.
"Oh my god," Juice exclaimed full of dread. "Not you too Jazzie."
"How did you get out of that pit?" Jazzie asked curiously.
"With the magic of our puppet overlords Jazzie," The puppet wiggled around Juice's arm as it spoke. "Releasing my mind to them has given me new knowledge and power. You should all surrender to the puppets too."
"Oh Fawny," Jazzie giggled happily. "You're such a jokester." Jazzie started laughing happily as the Fawny puppet and Speckles joined in While Juice, now a useless body for a sentient puppet cried in misery on the ground.
*****
Sweat collected on Eizzaj's brow back in their hidden lair. They wiped it off with a satisfied grin.
"They think they've won, but they've played right into my hands," Eizzaj talked to themselves with an evil grin. "Now they've given me my ultimate weapon." Eizzaj dramatically turned on the light in the room revealing the body of Fawny slumped over in a chair, but with several robotic appendages haphazardly attached to her body and poking through her stylish attire. With an electrical whine the body jerked to life and stood up from the chair.
"Metal Gear Fawny online," The body spoke with a robotic voice. "New mission: destroy Jasmine Starshine." Eizzaj laughed evilly as their plan finally started to take fruition, and their revenge against their do gooder doppelganger was soon to take place.