(Content warning: m/m, anxiety, tough discussions, diapering, mention of erections.)

It was only six months ago.

Jonas stood in front of his boyfriend, wearing only a t-shirt and a butterfly-patterned diaper. His face was red with a burning blush, his heart pounded two hundred beats a minute, and he was balling his hands into fists to hide that they were shaking. This was, by far, the most tense moment of his life. It felt worse than standing naked in front of a stadium full of people who knew him from high school.

Sitting on the bed, Eric looked, face blank of all emotions. His eyes went up and down, as if it was the first time he ever saw his friend. His body was so still, you could easily believe that he had stopped breathing entirely.

Seconds of silence stretched into an eternity, until Eric took a deep breath and leaned forward, putting hands on his lap like he needed the support to stay upright.

“It’s…” he hesitated, gulping to clear his dry throat. “... it’s a lot to take in.”

Jonas’ heart broke, right there. It skipped a beat, then produced another one so strong it felt like it was trying to rip out from his chest. It took a long time before he could muster the courage to show himself like this, and he screwed up. He ruined it all. All his worst fears were coming true. That was the end, wasn’t it?

Oblivious to his boyfriend’s panic, Eric continued: “I wasn’t expecting… this. That’s not what I had in mind when you said you had a ‘kink’. I thought you were talking about cross-dressing, or rubber stuff, something like that.”

Jonas could only nod. Yeah. If only he could have had a simple kink, something that was more socially acceptable. Even BDSM is kind of OK to talk about these days. But no, he had to love crinkly padding, soft toys and losing control of his bowels. How lucky he was.

He felt deflated. His anxiety had bubbled up for hours, and now that the bubble had popped, he was exhausted. Well, he tried, he failed, end of story.

Probably the end of their story, as well.

Jonas stood in silence, tugging his shirt down and trying to hide the shameful underwear. Not even the “fun” kind of shameful, just embarrassing. He wanted to get it off and never talk about it ever again.

After an awkward moment where none of them knew what to do, Eric stood up and put a comforting hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. Jonas could feel it was the kind of awkward contact where you don’t really want to touch the other person, not the warm and relaxed grip he was used to.

“Look… it will take some time to get used to it, alright?”

Jonas’ eyes perked up. Wait. That wasn’t a complete rejection? He didn’t say he didn’t want to hear about it, he said it would take time! Hope sparked in his mind, and his heart began thumping once again.

“Do you…?” tried to ask Eric, vaguely gesturing at his boyfriend’s mid-section. “Do you want to wear them… all the time?”

The question took Jonas by surprise. “Huh, no, not- not all the time” he stuttered in confusion. “Just once in a while? It makes me feel good but it’s not, like, you know, all day?”

He didn’t want to tell him how much of a dream it would be to be padded 24/7. Not when the hope of keeping their relationship alive was so thin. Maybe another day. Or another year.

“And you… use them, too?”

Eric’s voice betrayed a certain apprehension, but the armor-piercing question hit hard. Jonas could only confirm meekly. “That’s part of the appeal…”

Eric nodded gravely. “Okay.”

That’s all he said on this topic that day. “Okay.” The rest of the evening was quiet and awkward. Jonas dressed back into something more adult, they ate leftovers pasta, and watched the newest episode of their current TV show together. That night, they slept with their backs turned to each other.

There was discomfort in the air, like after a big argument. You still love the other one, but you can’t really talk to them right now, or you would risk loving them a little bit less. Jonas wasn’t sure if he had broken something that couldn’t be mended today. He didn’t sleep much that night.

But as the months passed, things got better.

It was four months ago.

Jonas didn’t want to be too obvious with his choice of underwear around Eric. In apprehension, whenever he wore a diaper, he hid it under baggy pants and never mentioned them out loud. Of course, it was still obvious to him, with all the crinkling and waddling it caused, but if Eric noticed, he never said a thing.

He liked to wear them when it was movie night. Resting lovingly against his boyfriend’s large frame, enjoying each other’s company without talking much. It was a quiet and comfortable moment for both of them. Wearing diapers only increased Jonas’ feelings of comfort.

And no bathroom breaks, too, that was a nice touch. Eric had a bladder of steel and could watch an entire blockbuster movie without ever feeling the need to pee. Jonas wasn’t so lucky, but the diapers certainly took care of that issue.

It was three months ago.

Jonas wore them in bed, sometimes. Not that he wet the bed, of course, no matter how much he wished he could. But he enjoyed peeing in secret, right after waking up, without leaving the warmth of their big blanket.

One night, Eric was snuggling with him and his hand touched his butt. It crinkled in response. The hand recoiled for a brief moment, before resting slightly higher on his back. Jonas was awake, and a shiver of excitement coursed through his body.

But his boyfriend didn’t mention anything the next day. Maybe he was half-asleep when it happened.

It was two months ago.

Jonas had gotten bolder. On a particularly warm day, he wore a diaper-and-shorts combo. If baggy pants could reasonably hide his padding, the shorts certainly couldn’t. There was a bit of provocation in this selection of outfit, and Jonas knew it. He wanted to see how far he could push his luck. He wouldn’t be disappointed.

As he was rummaging through the cupboard, he felt a hand grab the belt of his shorts in the back and tug it up.

“I can see your Pampers from here, babe!” bellowed Eric’s voice from behind him. Jonas yelped in surprise, his hands jumping to his shorts to avoid receiving a full wedgie. Eric laughed loudly at his embarrassment.

‘I can see your Pampers’. Those specific words, said in the deep voice of his boyfriend, made him blush for the rest of the day. It was so much better than what he had imagined in his most kinky dreams. It felt weird. It felt nice. And it was exciting.

Eric didn’t brush him aside for wearing in a more visible manner around him. He even made a joke about it. Maybe this could work, after all?

It was three weeks ago.

The package had arrived this morning, a little gift Jonas had made for himself. He had never bought “little” clothes before, but seeing how things were going with Eric, he bit the bullet and ordered something. Standing in front of his mirror, he turned around and twirled, trying to check every angle of his new outfit.

Footed pajamas, dotted with dinosaur silhouettes in every primary color. The fabric was stretchy and incredibly soft, clinging close to his body. Maybe he should have taken a bigger size? But it felt so warm and comforting, he didn’t mind if it was a bit on the snug side.

He wiggled his toes. The socks were comfortable, with anti-slip soles on the bottom, just like what he had seen on his little cousin’s booties. It was probably the babiest-looking thing in the outfit. No, it had to be the long row of buttons along the legs… The snaps were a lot more noticeable on the crotch, by design he assumed. If someone was willing to offer him a diaper change, they wouldn’t need to undress him completely to do so, thanks to these.

He wasn’t wearing a diaper right now, just his regular underwear. It was only supposed to be a quick try to see if the pajamas fit. But seeing how the fabric was espousing the form of his butt, a diaper would be very noticeable under it. The thought alone was awakening the butterflies in his stomach.

“Oh my God.”

Jonas almost snapped his neck by turning so quickly. Standing on the threshold of their bedroom, Eric was slack-jawed at the sight of his dressed-up boyfriend. Immediately, the heat rushed to Jonas’ head. He didn’t intend to show himself like that to his boyfriend just now. He wanted to ease him into the idea first. What if it was too early?

But Eric jogged towards him, beaming, his eyes glittering with excitement.

“Oh my God, Jonas… How are you so effin' CUTE ?!”

He wrapped his arms around the pajama-clad boy and squeezed him tight for a short moment, squealing in excitement under his breath.

That took Jonas by surprise. Not the squeal in itself… but how genuine the hug was. Heartfelt. Sincere. A true hug, one that his boyfriend couldn’t fake if he didn't mean it. The fact that he was giving such a hug while Jonas was wearing babyish clothing was…

… He didn’t know what it was, exactly. But it could only be good, right?

Eric gave him a kiss on the forehead. “Sorry babe, I gotta go, I got an appointment at work in twenty minutes. But I swear, it looks lovely on you. Take care!”

And just like that, he was gone. Leaving behind a very confused and hopeful Jonas, red as a beet, softly rubbing the soft fabric of his dino-themed footed pajamas.

It is today.

Jonas had to wake up super-early to cover a 5 AM shift at his job. It was a pain, but at least he’d have the entire day off once he was done. By the time he came back home, grumpy and exhausted, Eric had barely woken up.

“I’m gonna hit the shower because I stink like a barn right now,” cheered Jonas to his still barely-awake boyfriend. “Then we can do something together, alright?”

Eric mumbled something non-committal in return. Like an old computer, he wasn’t the fastest to wake up in the morning. Maybe by the time the shower is over, he will have finished his morning cup of coffee.

Jonas proceeded in the bathroom, dropping his dirty clothes on a nearby chair. He jumped in the shower and enjoyed a long, long hot shower. He must have used all the remaining soap and most of the hot water by the time he was done. God, he really needed that! He was both refreshed and relaxed from his cleansing.

In the steam-filled room, he wrapped his designated towel (the blue one) around his waist and moved to their common bathroom, shouting so Eric could hear him anywhere in the house:

“Hey pumpkin, I’m done with the shower, but I don’t think there’s a lot of hot w…”

His sentence trailed off as he noticed what was happening right before his eyes.

Eric was next to their common bed, unfolding a large diaper from Jonas’ stash and laying it flat on the sheets. Once the wings were carefully unfolded, he turned towards his boyfriend with a cunning smile.

“Oh, there you are. You took your sweet time. Right, hop in!”

Jonas’ mind raced to a thousand different thoughts at the same time, and he stood in place as a result, eyes wide, a shocked expression on his face.

This couldn’t be real. His boyfriend was offering… to diaper him. No matter how many times he had daydreamed about this scenario, he could not believe it was happening. How? Why? Was it a joke? No! Yes? Maybe? What’s going on?!

If his mind was currently experiencing a blue screen of death, the rest of his body had decided to act by itself. Cheeks were red, legs were wobbly, and his little soldier stood at attention to this unlikely, but very sexy scenario.

Jonas must have been staring in disbelief at his boyfriend for a while, because Eric invited him again by tapping the bed a couple of times. “Come on, it’s not going anywhere without you, you know?”

Walking in slow motion, like in a dream, a still shaken Jonas joined his boyfriend next to the bed. He let Eric hold his hand, remove the towel around his waist, and very carefully guide him on the bed. Eric even tugged the flattened diaper to make sure Jonas’ butt would sit right in the middle of the padding. Gently, he spread his boyfriend’s legs so they were wide open enough for him to proceed with the diapering.

“Alright,” mumbled the big guy, his face getting a bit rosier than before, “I’ve never done this, so give me some time to make sure I’m not screwing it up, okay?”

Jonas could only nod, still unsure this wasn’t an elaborate hallucination.

And while it was Eric’s first time, he must have been watching video tutorials in secret, because he was doing a great job. Measuring where the front side would land so he could adjust the back side up and down, fluffing up the leg guards, balancing the wings. He was taking too many precautions, probably scared at the prospect that he would screw this up.

Eric picked off a bottle of baby powder off the ground - lavender, Jonas’ favorite - and dusted his midsection like he was sifting flour through a fine sieve. He then spread the powder all around his boyfriend’s nethers. Jonas squirmed and wiggled: it wasn’t the first time his boyfriend’s fingers were doing some magic down there, but it was the first time he got rubbed like this.

Eric took the time to clean his hands from the remaining powder - otherwise the tapes would lose their sticky powers if he handled them with dusty fingers, you see? Jonas waited, unwilling to move from the position his boyfriend put him in, fiddling his fingers as he did not know what to do with his hands.

Then, the diapering proper took place. Center folded over the crotch, wing, one tape, other wing, another tape. Adjusting the diaper upwards to make sure it was fitting right. The other two tapes came down. More shimmying around from Eric, un-taping one of the tabs to put it in a better position.

And it was done. Jonas had been diapered by someone else - by his boyfriend - for the first time in his life. Six months ago, it would have been unbelievable, and yet it just happened.

Eric looked down on his now diapered boyfriend. “You’re good, babe?”

Jonas nodded sheepishly. He was only now regaining some control over himself. All of this happened so suddenly… “Thank you” he whispered as he tried to stand up from his prone position.

“Ah-ha!” interrupted Eric, gently pushing him back down on the mattress. “Don’t go up yet, we still have one more thing to do!”

The diapered young man could only stay silent as his boyfriend produced pajamas from his clothes drawer. One with dinosaurs, buttons along the legs, and anti-slip soles. The very same pajamas he was caught in a couple of weeks ago.

“You’re gonna get cold if you stay in just a diaper, right?” asked Eric with a wide smile and a wink.

Oh my God. Jonas didn’t know what happened to his boyfriend while he was under the shower, but that kind of fatherly doting on him? It was like drugs to a junkie. He craved that kind of attention. It was the kind of daddy-baby dynamic he had been fantasizing for years without ever daring to ask. And now, it was served to him on a silver plate…

If it was a dream, he didn’t want to wake up.

While Jonas was still laying down, Eric opened the pajamas’ buttons and laid the outfit on the bed, right next to his pampered boyfriend. What followed was a complex sequence of actions where Eric insisted that Jonas stayed on the bed while he dressed him up in the babyish outfit.

It took a little while to figure it out, but Jonas ended up with legs up in the air, bent at the knee, while his boyfriend was slipping the legs on until the feet fit snugly inside their respective socks. After that, it was only a matter of wrapping the upper half of the pajamas over his body and slipping the arms into the tight sleeves.

Eric then started to fasten the buttons, starting by the ones closer to Jonas’ neck. That’s when he broke the relative silence to tell him:

“You know, it’s funny, it’s these pajamas that really did it for me.”

Jonas was curious. “What do you mean?”

“Well, when I saw you dressed like that in the room…” Eric was getting lost in his own contemplation. “Like, I noticed you’ve been wearing diapers around the place these days. And it just didn’t do anything for me. It was fun for you, yeah, made you all kinds of squirmy, so I let it slide. But it didn’t work for me the way it does for you. Just… no interest in them.”

Jonas felt guilty. So he did notice, and he didn’t like it, but said nothing because he was too polite. That stung. It was all Jonas' fault for deluding himself that he would simply “convert” his boyfriend over time by exposing himself. It was shameful just to think about it.

But Eric kept talking as he continued to press the buttons down.

“But when I saw you with these pajamas on… I don’t know, something clicked. I had never seen you like that before. And I thought, well, it can’t hurt to try, right?”

It was a lovely thing to hear, but something was wrong in this scenario, and Jonas couldn’t let it slip. As the buttons near his belly button were pressed close, he intervened.

“Pumpkin… I love that you’re doing all of this, I really do. But I don’t want to force you to do something you don’t like just for me. If it’s not to your taste, that’s fine, I’ll just… do it on my own time. I’m sorry I tried to push this on you, I shouldn’t have. Don’t force yourself if you don’t want to.”

Eric’s eyes clouded, and he looked away from his lover’s face. He moved towards the bottom of the pajamas and started to press down the buttons again, starting from the foot and moving upwards.

Maybe Jonas was a bit too direct here and hurt his feelings. Tenderly, he reached for his arm, which he stroked gently a couple of times, trying to communicate that things were still OK. That propped Eric to talk again, in a lower, mumbling voice.

“Look, I’ve been thinking,” he began as he pressed the buttons one by one, quickly getting up the leg. “If someone like you can love this dumb old me, with my big fat belly and my crooked teeth…”

“What? It’s barely noticeable…” tried to interrupt Jonas.

“... and the way I snore louder than a jet engine when I’m sleeping,” continued Eric without responding to the intrusion, “and how I always wear the same four t-shirts in rotation whenever they’re clean…”

“Eric, don’t be silly!” interjected Jonas once more. “I don’t mind any of this at all!”

“What I’m trying to say!” said Eric as he raised his voice, trying to cover his boyfriend’s protests. “Sorry, what I’m trying to say is… If you can love me for who I am, with all my weird hang-ups, if you can love me despite all of that…

… Then I should be able to love you the same way.”

A knot manifested itself in Jonas’ throat. He didn’t know what to say. It was among the sweetest things his boyfriend had ever said to him, and he hesitated between kissing him or starting to cry from joy.

The other leg was buttoned up quickly and in silence, leaving only an open space around his crotch from which the lovingly-taped diaper was peeking. Eric looked his boyfriend straight in the eyes, dead serious.

“Jonas, we’ve known each other for years. I’ve seen so many facets of you. I’ve seen you when you’re happy, I’ve seen you being a dork and I’ve seen you serious as a tomb. I know the ‘loving’ you, I know the ‘cute’ you, I know the ‘funny’ you…”

Click, click, went the buttons on the crotch of the pajamas.

“But until the other day, I had never seen the ‘adorable’ you.”

The outfit was now completely sealed. Eric grabbed his boyfriend’s hand into his and squeezed tight.

“And I think it’s a side of you I’d like to know more about.“

Jonas couldn’t hold it anymore, and the waterworks began to flow freely. He jumped into Eric’s arms and they hugged each other like it was the first time. Jonas was sobbing into his boyfriend’s shoulder, holding onto his large frame like he would squeeze a giant teddy bear.

“I love you so much…” he let out between two sobs.

Eric held his boyfriend up close, who looked so small compared to him, and began rubbing his back up and down, softly, tenderly.

“I love you too, babe”, he replied softly.